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Can empathy be learned?

Mole

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The Deracination of Empathy and Sympathy

Christianity is a revolutionary religion starting at year zero. Literally starting at year zero, for we count our year 2013 Anno Domini (AD - After the Lord) from year zero of the Christian Era.

However all revolutionary impulses try to start from year zero. Of course the revolutionary Pol Pot of Cambodia took his country back to year zero in 1975.

And the French revolutionaries of 1787 started Year 1 of the French Revolutionary Calendar.

The Yankee revolutionaries were even more ambitious and tried to turn English itself back to year zero.

English, you remember, is an historical language, in that spelling and meaning are dependent on the history of every English word, so Noah Webster, of Webster's American Dictionary, tried to erase history from English by changing the spelling of English words.

Noah was only partially successful as the Yankees failed to impose their spelling on the rest of the English world, but he was successful in deracinating Americans by creating American English.

And it is American English that has succeeded in erasing the history and meaning of the words, 'empathy' and 'sympathy'.

Yes, the Americans have not only deracinated themselves, they have deracinated the meaning of the words 'empathy' and 'sympathy'.
 

Z Buck McFate

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I think people can learn and "internalize" empathy to some extend. I think narsistic and psychopaths/sociopaths can learn about empathic behavior but they don't "internalize" it.


I think narcissists can learn to internalize it, but not psychopaths- if my understanding of their distinction is correct. Narcissists repress it (and feelings of shame) as a coping mechanism, and the goal in treatment is to get them back in touch with their own feelings of shame (and in so doing, with empathy); whereas psychopaths just aren't capable of feeling shame in the first place? I have no idea what the recovery of a narcissist actually looks like though, or if it's really possible (or remotely typical) for them to get to a healthy equilibrium.
 
S

Society

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it depends - empathy is too complicated to put it all down to one process:
  • the ability to see reality from someone else's point of view.
  • the willingness to put aside your point of view when those conflict.
  • the ability to pick up on their emotional state.
  • the willingness to trust the expressions of another.
  • the ability to simulate their experience of reality.
  • the willingness to accept it as an element of reality.
  • the ability to match your experience to theirs.
  • the willingness to give equal value to another's experience.
a lot can go wrong in that process, and whether it can be fixed depends on where the road block is...
the abilities can be learned, but will has to be chosen.
 

Mole

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Not only can empathy be learnt, there is no alternative, it must be learnt.

And it is learnt quite easily with the practice of simple exercises.

And the emphasis is on practise, until we get it or it becomes second nature.

The fact is empathy can't be learnt by thinking about it. Empathy can only be learnt by physical practice, practice, practice.
 

Mole

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I think whether or not you really want to is a very important part of this. Empathy is really more an issue of capacity.

Empathy has nothing to do with will or capacity, rather it is something we learn to do through formal practice, like learning to read and write.
 

Julius_Van_Der_Beak

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Empathy has nothing to do with will or capacity, rather it is something we learn to do through formal practice, like learning to read and write.

I'm guessing I take empathy lessons in the same place I take oral sex lessons.
 

Julius_Van_Der_Beak

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Instead of making cheap jibes, why not make a contribution yourself?

Well, I already stated that I agree with the OP. I'm not naturally empathetic, and many times, I'm still not, but I find that I can understand people and where they are coming from if I put in the effort. Does this necessarily mean I absorb their feelings like a sponge? Not necessarily, but so what?

Personally speaking, I consider someone "feeling for me" to be almost worthless if it isn't backed up by actions. I'd rather they think about what I will need and have them do that, rather than ignore what I need, but feel really bad about me not feeling good. If empathy only involves only "feeling for" others, and it doesn't require actually understanding them or satisfying their needs, the utility in any variety of human relationship is minimal.

Useful empathy can be learnt. Having relevant experience certainly helps. I would not say that it requires "formal exercises" though. Perhaps someone could devise "empathy exercises", but it's not the only way to go about it.

I am not saying that I am empathetic all the time. I certainly am not. I am merely saying that I am more so now than I have been in the past.
 

INTP

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Mirror neurons make sympathy natural, whereas empathy is unnatural and must be learnt like reading and writing.

Narcissists are unable to face the fact that they may need to learn and practise before they master empathy.

mirror neurons react to what the other person seems to be experiencing as if it was yourself who were having that experience. this is empathy, not sympathy..
 

INTP

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Hmmm. I guess I'm still not grasping the difference between empathy and sympathy...:thinking:

empathy is when your brains react to what other is experiencing as if it were you who is having that experience. sympathy is when you feel bad because someone feels bad without the same mirroring thing which is involved in empathy.
 

Mole

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Our problem is simple: when we say 'empathy', we mean 'sympathy'.

The word 'empathy' has become fashionable and we now even have 'empaths', a confected word implying a psychic power.

So the word 'empathy' has moved a long way from its original meaning.

This is a shame for although sympathy is natural, empathy is a high level skill that is uniquely helpful.

And thank heavens, we still have helping professions trained in empathy to help those in need.
 

Evo

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Christianity is a revolutionary religion starting at year zero. Literally starting at year zero, for we count our year 2013 Anno Domini (AD - After the Lord) from year zero of the Christian Era.

However all revolutionary impulses try to start from year zero. Of course the revolutionary Pol Pot of Cambodia took his country back to year zero in 1975.

And the French revolutionaries of 1787 started Year 1 of the French Revolutionary Calendar.

The Yankee revolutionaries were even more ambitious and tried to turn English itself back to year zero.

English, you remember, is an historical language, in that spelling and meaning are dependent on the history of every English word, so Noah Webster, of Webster's American Dictionary, tried to erase history from English by changing the spelling of English words.

Noah was only partially successful as the Yankees failed to impose their spelling on the rest of the English world, but he was successful in deracinating Americans by creating American English.

And it is American English that has succeeded in erasing the history and meaning of the words, 'empathy' and 'sympathy'.

Yes, the Americans have not only deracinated themselves, they have deracinated the meaning of the words 'empathy' and 'sympathy'.

I undertstand why I don't understand the difference now lol

Thanks, this makes much more sense...

I will try to keep the "original" definition in mind more now :)
 

Coriolis

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Personally speaking, I consider someone "feeling for me" to be almost worthless if it isn't backed up by actions. I'd rather they think about what I will need and have them do that, rather than ignore what I need, but feel really bad about me not feeling good. If empathy only involves only "feeling for" others, and it doesn't require actually understanding them or satisfying their needs, the utility in any variety of human relationship is minimal.
Very well stated, and accurate. I never understood the benefit derived simply by kowing someone else felt bad about your misfortune. That just makes two people feeling bad; hardly an improvement.
 

Qlip

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Very well stated, and accurate. I never understood the benefit derived simply by kowing someone else felt bad about your misfortune. That just makes two people feeling bad; hardly an improvement.

I can be empathic. Theoretically, it would allow for someone to understand you on a deeper level, so that knowing how to help (or how not to help) would be second nature to the empath. But, the reality is that empathy is a double edged sword. It's not a magical power, it's a projection, and if wrong it can be as equally damaging.
 

Galena

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There is a difference between wanting to learn something and wanting to do what it takes to learn the thing. If you want to learn to play the guitar but don't want to practice daily, the former is a fantasy. It's the same when you want to change yourself.
 

ygolo

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Certainly, some aspects of empathy can be learned. I am currently struggling with understanding just how much can or cannot be.
 
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