Do IEI's like to be chased?

[Azure Flame]

Lol. You do realize that the very reason you are into us in the first place is coz we *do not* do directness, right? Any directness is considered either an attack or an attempt to usurp you of your power

Hmm, I think that's only 50% true. When a girl says, "I want to go hiking" and looks at me expectantly the only thing that goes through my mind is "ok princess". Her denial to be direct in saying what she wants more or less implies the same thing and over time I'm going to lose interest. the ISFP I dated would say, "Lets go biking through the city." She took charge and would tell me what was what and then we'd go do it. And because she suggested it, she usually had the entire plan figured out beforehand. It made me feel like I wasn't taking care of someone, which was nice. I haven't dated enough IEI's to know if this is the case or not, though. I recently door slammed an IEI because she held a paper plate up to me and said, "can you go throw this out for me?"

Yeah no.

 

[Amargith]

Hmm, I think that's only 50% true. When a girl says, "I want to go hiking" and looks at expectantly the only thing that goes through my mind is "ok princess". Her denial to be direct in saying what she wants more or less implies the same thing and over time I'm going to lose interest. the ISFP I dated would say, "Lets go biking through the city." She took charge and would tell me what was what and then we'd go do it. And because she suggested it, she usually had the entire plan figured out beforehand. It made me feel like I wasn't taking care of someone, which was nice. I haven't dated enough IEI's to know if this is the case or not, though. I recently door slammed an IEI because she held a paper plate up to me and said, "can you go throw this out for me?"

Yeah no.

Well...good luck finding the right combo of assertiveness and passiveness that you like then

 

[digesthisickness]

Was the problem in how she didn't say "throw this out for me" instead of asking?

 

[Azure Flame]

hmm.

Actually you're right. When I have girls directly reveal their interest it makes me suspicious.

 

[Azure Flame]

Was the problem in how she didn't say "throw this out for me" instead of asking?

Oh no she very blatantly said, "can you throw this out for me?" and held it up to my face with a dry look on her face as if I was her servant who'd do anything for her.

forget it. now that I think about it I don't think my examples were relevant to the topic.

 

[Amargith]

It takes...a lot of effort in the beginning to walk that tight rope of an SLE's paranoia. One small step and that door towards his trust closes forever. It also takes quite a mindreader (or the right combo of what you need to do naturally what it is that doesnt set you off) to navigate it properly. That or someone who knows how to redeem herself extremely well by being so enticing you cannot resist giving her a second chance.

Those are some high demands, m'dear.

...and ironically...those demands often add up to someone who is extremely skilled at reading others and who has the capacity of manipulating you or making you her puppet, if she would choose to do so. In essence, your tests and hurdles are so difficult that only a pro - the thing you seem to be wanting to keep out - can make it. Let's just hope that the one who makes it is in fact very much in love with you

 

[Azure Flame]

Now that I think about it I don't think my examples were relevant to the topic. I was just thinking out loud.

 

[Azure Flame]

It takes...a lot of effort in the beginning to walk that tight rope of an SLE's paranoia. One small step and that door towards his trust closes forever. It also takes quite a mindreader (or the right combo of what you need to do naturally what it is that doesnt set you off) to navigate it properly. That or someone who knows how to redeem herself extremely well by being so enticing you cannot resist giving her a second chance.

Those are some high demands, m'dear.

...and ironically...those demands often add up to someone who is extremely skilled at reading others and who has the capacity of manipulating you or making you her puppet, if she would choose to do so. In essence, your tests and hurdles are so difficult that only a pro - the thing you seem to be wanting to keep out - can make it. Let's just hope that the one who makes it is in fact very much in love with you

not at all.

I want someone who stands firm for what they believe in, has a sense of direction, and is independant enough that I don't have to take care of them until they need help. It has nothing to do with "dating skills." Any low self esteem person can pretend to have those.

-self esteem
-self respect
-respect for others
-willingness to love the other for who they are.
-Degree of assertiveness and directness of speech so I don't have to sherlock holmes my way to find an answer

Those are my requirements.

 

[Azure Flame]

Oddly enough those traits are difficult to come by.

 

[Amargith]

Those are doable traits, actually, imho. However, the assertiveness and directness for me only gets established after Ive gotten a feel for who they are and I feel that we have a degree of intimacy and trust going so I know I wont step on anyones toes and you will actually appreciate that directness

It is something I only do when I feel our bond is strong enough for you to take what I throw at you, as such. Before that, I'll observe and flex, to gain the info I need to get to that point. But that point is most definitely my goal in every bond I create with someone else.

 

[chickpea]

My Fi PoLR would act up and my head goes "What the hell does he want from me?".

but i know what they want from me

 

[Kierva]

but i know what they want from me

you little shit

 

[Kierva]

10% of people I speak to actually give a shit about me

or I have something they want

^ QFT.

On a side note, this is what I feel about SEEs. Their Se sees something they want in the other person, so they use their Fi to get all up close and personal with you to swindle the thing they want out of you.

 

[Thalassa]

^ QFT.

On a side note, this is what I feel about SEEs. Their Se sees something they want in the other person, so they use their Fi to get all up close and personal with you to swindle the thing they want out of you.

I want your genitals. Give them to me, or I'll bombard you with kitten pictures.

 

[Kierva]

I want your genitals. Give them to me, or I'll bombard you with kitten pictures.

You sure about that? I don't think I can compete with other Caucasian men.

 

[LittleV]

I’d want to clearly see that the person is falling for my heart. Chasing means that I could see they’re after me, and are (not desperately) consistent because they want something to work out and are stable. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAdWBBOIYm0

 

[skylights]

you little shit

Forum has me rolling tonight.

Hmm, I think that's only 50% true. When a girl says, "I want to go hiking" and looks at me expectantly the only thing that goes through my mind is "ok princess". Her denial to be direct in saying what she wants more or less implies the same thing and over time I'm going to lose interest.

Not an IEI myself, but I tend to be an informative communicator, and if that's the case here, it's not meant as a "please serve me a hike on a silver platter". It's more like, I'm going to give you the information that's pertinent to myself ("I want to go hiking"), and then you can share your pertinent information ("I want to go hiking too, but I'm not free until next weekend"), and then we can act on that information together. It could equally be met by "oh, I don't like to hike", and as such we'd avoid the unfortunate scenario of me setting up a hike and them being miserable.

I really shy away from making plans for other people because I feel like I don't know enough about their lives to know how choose the right things to make them happy - I don't know their work schedule, if they have any consistent commitments, or what their other priorities are. I really hate the idea of planning something and someone I like feeling obligated to go through with it, but spending the whole time wishing they were doing something else. I'd rather negotiate something together and contribute by paying for it, for example. That carries over into being direct in relationships, where I might be very clear about what I want, but I rarely act in a way that completely impacts the flow of the other person's life without their consent. Instead of pressing into their schedule, I make my own schedule completely available for them to be top priority. It's sort of a reverse way of planning - I simply plan to be ready to spend my time prioritizing that person.

 

[Kierva]

Forum has me rolling tonight.

:3

I’d want to clearly see that the person is falling for my heart. Chasing means that I could see they’re after me, and are (not desperately) consistent because they want something to work out and are stable.

How long should the chase be, though?

 

[LittleV]

It depends on the IEI… but for me, give or take 9 months.

 

[Kierva]

It depends on the IEI… but for me, give or take 9 months.

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