• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

Which Family Type(s) Did You Have Growing Up?

Such Irony

Honor Thy Inferior
Joined
Jul 23, 2010
Messages
5,059
MBTI Type
INtp
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Somewhere between flexibly connected and structurally connected I think.

Why aren't more people responding to this thread?
 

highlander

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2009
Messages
26,562
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Chaotically connected
 

Mal12345

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 19, 2011
Messages
14,532
MBTI Type
IxTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Somewhere between flexibly connected and structurally connected I think.

Why aren't more people responding to this thread?

I don't know. Because there's no test or survey? Sometimes new threads just slip through the cracks and need to be bumped to the top again.

I've known about The Circumplex Model for at least 20 years. My family type was more mixed than I let on because I went from a father to a step-father. The family dynamics changed at that point.

I have a family and a family dynamic of my own now. Of course my wife and I differ a little bit on how structured the family should be. When I first came across them, chaos was the rule. I've made it a point of aiming us toward something more structured, but not rigid, as I make it a point to be moderate in lifestyle. I can tell that my wife would like it to be more flexible than the arrangement I want because she's a laid-back 9. But she is a resistant type. If she married someone who wanted to be rigid about things, she would aim for more chaos. The compromise position I've taken is not too bad.
 

Mal12345

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 19, 2011
Messages
14,532
MBTI Type
IxTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
OK now what? What are you supposed to do with this information? What do you use it for?

It's just more information to use in self-understanding, and to improve one's present family structure, as in the communication aspect.
 
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,858
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
54
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
Rigidly separated, then disengaged

It's clear why they structured their household the way they did, not to say I agree with how it happened. The limitations of our DNA will lead us to repeat this and similar mistakes until big brother eventually decides everything.

It's raining pills LET'S EAT THEM
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Chaotic enmeshed to flexible connected

- Lack of leadership - with an e9 ISFP step-dad and phobic e6 ISFJ mom, no one was wearing the pants in the family. Sometimes my mom's anxiety induced feistiness will make it look like she does, but it's more naggy/complaining than directing anyone.

Sometimes we went the flexible route & did the diplomatic/shared thing with leadership. My sister and I probably wear the pants actually. We have more intense personalities (she's e7 & I'm e4) than the parents. I probably wear the pants in the big areas (my sister is demanding when it comes to her hedonism only). When an INFP wears the pants, then you know it's chaos! :p

- Change - We had some change/instability due to unstable finances, but it's not like we were one of those families that uproots & moves every few years to a new city.

- Erratic /Democratic Discipline - Discipline was erratic or really just not enforced (we were assigned a chore schedule once at a half-hearted attempt to bring some order- we didn't do them at all - nothing happened), but teaching was not. That's why we were good kids. My parents were more "do as I do" types than "do as I say". There weren't any rules, but good examples of principles in action.

- Enmeshed & Connected Cohesion - The loyalty is very high. Dependency is high too. My family could be insular growing up. My parents would have maybe 1-2 other families they'd be friends with & hardly socialize otherwise. Even though my family was not interacting with others, we weren't necessarily interacting with each other. 3 introverts meant lots of being at home together & not interacting. My ESFP sister brought in the most outsiders & I was the most insistent on establishing some independence.

Both being passive, my parents don't like to ask for help from other people, so there was a lot of interdependency. My mom has a "we have to band together - we are all we have!" mentality. When I moved out in my mid 20s my parents had hurt feelings over it. Any stab at independence I make, they take as some kind of rejection of them.

My mom thinks I am too sensitive over establishing an independent identity from them, but it's probably in reaction to feeling a bit smothered at times. I admit a part of me did want to "escape" growing up.

There's also a lot of emotional reactivity in the family too. I'd say we have healthy amounts of outside relationships & activities though, especially now. My parents are more sociable & active in things outside the home & so am I.
 

/DG/

silentigata ano (profile)
Joined
Mar 19, 2009
Messages
4,602
Why aren't more people responding to this thread?

I don't entirely "get" this.

For example, my family is generally fairly independent from one another (we often aren't all home together and stuff)...but we seem to have high loyalty and are "close" to one another.

I don't really understand how the adaptability scale works either. I mean...my parents have always had their own roles, but they are far from authoritarian and there is little to not discipline here.

Dunno what to make of this.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I don't find this a very useful tool to describe my nuclear family interaction because it confounds too many factors. My family sounds a lot like DG's, actually. Independent in day to day living but loyal and close; little to no discipline but protective. I think my biggest struggle with my family has been that we all were always welcome to do our own thing, but us kids weren't really empowered because of the lack of delegated responsibility. Like my brother and I both were given nice cars, but no instruction on car ownership because our parents maintained control of that. It was great in a way but also bit both of us in the butt later. Obviously, though, I've always been very appreciative of my parents' generosity, and seek to emulate that.

Thinking about a family of my own in the future, I'd like it to be more cohesive and with steady but thoughtful discipline. I do want to encourage independence and I'd want any children of my own to take more active leadership roles in their own lives - I think that ideal would fall under "structurally connected".
 
G

garbage

Guest
Rigidly Disengaged.


"Wait, that wasn't a good and healthy model for a family? Oh." --22-year-old me
 

highlander

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2009
Messages
26,562
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
It's just more information to use in self-understanding, and to improve one's present family structure, as in the communication aspect.

This still doesn't really tell me very much. I already knew my family was chaotic and that people communicated with each other. It's a little like saying water is wet. I'm thinking there has to be some value from this information as to how it may have impacted you growing up, how you'd then raise your kids, things to learn, etc.
 

Halla74

Artisan Conquerer
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Messages
6,898
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Rigidly Enmeshed
 
Top