Fear of Eye contact

[Coriolis]

I have always considered it a "confidence" thing. My father taught me to always look people in the eye when speaking. When I do, I do feel a twing of excitement/danger etc. I ended up doing it naturally, and considered it a battle of wills to be the one to maintain contact the longest.

I have no problem making eye contact when I am interacting directly with someone, though I often find myself looking away for brief periods while formulating my thoughts. I see no need for eye contact with random people who pass my way, as I find it calls unnecessary attention to myself. I will make eye contact when I want that attention, because I want to approach them about something.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

I have a very hard time maintaining eye contact.

 

[Forever]

Eye contact is super easy for me

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

I guess I'm socially retarded. Too bad, for a decent looking, intelligent person, I'd otherwise have gotten very far in life. No one trusts socially awkward dweebs who stare at the floor, not exactly the most attractive person either.

 

[Forever]

I guess I'm socially retarded. Too bad, for a decent looking, intelligent person, I'd otherwise have gotten very far in life. No one trusts socially awkward dweebs who stare at the floor, not exactly the most attractive person either.

Eh not all of life is chalked up from just social interaction

 

[Population: 1]

With men? No problem. With a woman I’m attracted to? I couldn’t tell you what color my girlfriend’s eyes were after the first two times we met.

Blue. Sky blue.

 

[Coriolis]

With men? No problem. With a woman I’m attracted to? I couldn’t tell you what color my girlfriend’s eyes were after the first two times we met.

Blue. Sky blue.

How about a woman you are not attracted to - which is probably a majority of women?

 

[LightSun]

I have no problem making eye contact when I am interacting directly with someone, though I often find myself looking away for brief periods while formulating my thoughts. I see no need for eye contact with random people who pass my way, as I find it calls unnecessary attention to myself. I will make eye contact when I want that attention, because I want to approach them about something.

I've noticed my own interpersonal style. While speaking initially with a person one on one I am not looking directly at them. Rather I am formulating my thoughts in a free association manner. It is only when I am making an important point or closing my argument that I then make direct eye to eye contact. I find that if I am looking always directly at a person that it dis-inhibits my subconscious answers to the point I am trying to make. It is much the same when I am making speeches. I glance at a particular individual and then disengage as I articulate the message I wish to convey.

 

[Population: 1]

How about a woman you are not attracted to - which is probably a majority of women?

Majority? They are a lot of good looking women out there. From cute to drop dead gorgeous.

Seriously no it isn’t a problem. For some reason I revert to a ten year old when a woman I’m seriously attracted to (meaning on some level beyond just physical) talks to me. I can blush furiously sometimes. It’s bad.

 

[Luminous]

I can blush furiously sometimes. It’s bad.

Aww, from someone else who can blush furiously,

 

[Coriolis]

Majority? They are a lot of good looking women out there. From cute to drop dead gorgeous.

Seriously no it isn’t a problem. For some reason I revert to a ten year old when a woman I’m seriously attracted to (meaning on some level beyond just physical) talks to me. I can blush furiously sometimes. It’s bad.

That is actually a bit disturbing. I don't like the idea that that is how some/most men would react to me. I have the man I want. All the rest are "just" fellow humans to me, and I expect them to treat me the same.

 

[Population: 1]

That is actually a bit disturbing. I don't like the idea that that is how some/most men would react to me. I have the man I want. All the rest are "just" fellow humans to me, and I expect them to treat me the same.

Exactly what do you consider disturbing about it? Even if I have a girlfriend I don’t suddenly magically consider other women homely. That’s unrealistic.

 

[Luminous]

Majority? They are a lot of good looking women out there. From cute to drop dead gorgeous.

Seriously no it isn’t a problem. For some reason I revert to a ten year old when a woman I’m seriously attracted to (meaning on some level beyond just physical) talks to me. I can blush furiously sometimes. It’s bad.

That is actually a bit disturbing. I don't like the idea that that is how some/most men would react to me. I have the man I want. All the rest are "just" fellow humans to me, and I expect them to treat me the same.

I think you don't understand what Population: 1 means. I hope I am not putting words in his mouth, but at least for me, a fellow INFP, there aren't that many people who warrant "serious attraction" that goes beyond physical, so it's not likely you have great gobs of men looking at you this way. Regardless of that fact, what he's describing is not an objectification at all; it's a compliment in the highest form from an INFP. Additionally, blushing is not something that can be controlled-it is not a conscious way of interacting with other people. And being bashful? How is that disturbing? If the feelings are there, what do you honestly expect to happen differently?

 

[Coriolis]

Exactly what do you consider disturbing about it? Even if I have a girlfriend I don’t suddenly magically consider other women homely. That’s unrealistic.

If it's a simple appreciation of whatever aesthetic value I have (I can assure you, isn't much), which you keep to yourself, that's your business. I do not consider my appearance the most noteworthy, interesting, or worthwhile part of me, so when someone gives it undue attention, I wonder about their priorities. It feels like the rest of me is being ignored.

I think you don't understand what Population: 1 means. I hope I am not putting words in his mouth, but at least for me, a fellow INFP, there aren't that many people who warrant "serious attraction" that goes beyond physical, so it's not likely you have great gobs of men looking at you this way. Regardless of that fact, what he's describing is not an objectification at all; it's a compliment in the highest form from an INFP. Additionally, blushing is not something that can be controlled-it is not a conscious way of interacting with other people. And being bashful? How is that disturbing? If the feelings are there, what do you honestly expect to happen differently?

The highlighted is what I had always assumed. I do not feel complimented by a focus on my appearance. Blushing may be uncontrollable, but I have no trouble ignoring it and focusing on whatever it is we are supposed to be doing. If being bashful interferes with that, then it is something that one should try to overcome.

 

[Population: 1]

I think you don't understand what Population: 1 means. I hope I am not putting words in his mouth, but at least for me, a fellow INFP, there aren't that many people who warrant "serious attraction" that goes beyond physical, so it's not likely you have great gobs of men looking at you this way. Regardless of that fact, what he's describing is not an objectification at all; it's a compliment in the highest form from an INFP. Additionally, blushing is not something that can be controlled-it is not a conscious way of interacting with other people. And being bashful? How is that disturbing? If the feelings are there, what do you honestly expect to happen differently?

This is correct. I did a piss poor job of conveying it but yes I meant someone I know to be more than just a pretty face and have developed some feelings for. Thank you for translating Lum.

 

[Population: 1]

If it's a simple appreciation of whatever aesthetic value I have (I can assure you, isn't much), which you keep to yourself, that's your business. I do not consider my appearance the most noteworthy, interesting, or worthwhile part of me, so when someone gives it undue attention, I wonder about their priorities. It feels like the rest of me is being ignored.

Why would you assume because you don’t go out of your way to look like a super model a man wouldn’t find you beautiful? My girlfriend wears very little makeup and is hardly a fancy dresser. She’s very practical in her approach to almost everything. I think she’s lovely as she is. Physical attraction is only part of the equation for me. Of course I’m going to want to be physically attracted to a partner. However if she lacks intelligence and morals and a general outlook similar to my own it’s a pass for me.

It’s late/early I’m definitely not conveying this as well as I wish to.

 

[Coriolis]

Why would you assume because you don’t go out of your way to look like a super model a man wouldn’t find you beautiful? My girlfriend wears very little makeup and is hardly a fancy dresser. She’s very practical in her approach to almost everything. I think she’s lovely as she is. Physical attraction is only part of the equation for me. Of course I’m going to want to be physically attracted to a partner. However if she lacks intelligence and morals and a general outlook similar to my own it’s a pass for me.

It’s late/early I’m definitely not conveying this as well as I wish to.

I don't mind that sort of appreciation from my partner. I understand his perception is colored by our relationship. From other men I consider it irrelevant. Also I have a realistic view of my own aesthetic appeal.

 

[Maou]

I tend to scare people with my eye contact. I got "crazy eyes, or "sanpakugan". People say I always look angry or upset. I am usually just placid from my perspective. Soon as I talk though, people tend to be relieved.

 

[Coriolis]

A humorous aside: how do you tell the difference between an introverted engineer and an extraverted engineer?

When he is talking to you, an introverted engineer looks down at his feet.
An extraverted engineer looks down at your feet.

 

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