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  1. #11
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Jul 2010
    6w7 so/sx
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    In a very tangible sense... I could compare it to my perspective on my work schedule. I prefer to work days, early hours, and be off on Saturday, and have let my employer know all of this. Usually that works out fine. But I used to dread checking the new schedule postings for fear that my schedule would deviate from my expectation. At some point I realized how much stress that was causing me and tried to work on coming to it in a different state of mind. Now I try to come to it with a sense of equinamity. I still hope that I get my preferences, but I don't automatically assume I will be miserable if I don't get them. For example, I'll be working tonight instead of this morning, because a coworker needed to switch, but it's ended up working out really nicely because I'll get to spend the day hanging out with my boyfriend, and it turns out he has a family engagement tonight anyway. It actually is even better than working the day shift. I still struggle with not feeling deflated when I see a less-than-preferable schedule, but I feel more in control and at peace now. It's more like I can create my own happiness instead of relying on events to create it for me.

    I'm hoping to carry that sense with me when I go into a new career. Whenever you start something new you're bottom of the barrel, so I know I'll have less-than-preferable duties and hours. But I often end up feeling that my sense of disappointment is far worse before an unpreferable event than during the event itself - usually during I'm engaged in whatever tasks I'm doing, and cognitive distress just isn't useful. So I'm going to try hard to carry that sense of "everything will work out just fine" with me. That trust opens the floor up for me to take control of my personal happiness instead of assigning it to some external variable.

  2. #12
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    What is the relationship between hope and expectation? I have the ability to let go of expectation, but it doesn't feel like a great Buddhist-type enlightenment, but more of a resigned cynicism that also lets go of hope. When I have hope there is always some element of expectation which makes it feel especially fragile. I totally get how letting go of expectation can bring peace, but how to do such a thing without giving up hope?
    Hmm, I'm not sure how they are linked, I can drop expectations sometimes because I am hopeful, I am hopeful that perhaps there's some reason why whoever it is is unable or unwilling to meet the expectation at that time and if its removed, for a time, they will have the head space or whatever to be better able to meet it when they have to again, its a sort of developmental view of it.

    If I held more tenaciously to expectations it would be because I had no hope for people and held the expectations to be of greater value than the people invovled. If you know what I mean.
    All for ourselves, and nothing for other people, seems, in every age of the world, to have been the vile maxim of the masters of mankind.
    Chapter IV, p. 448. - Adam Smith, Book 3, The Wealth of Nations

    whether or not you credit psychoanalysis itself, the fact remains that we all must, to the greatest extent possible, understand one another's minds as our own; the very survival of humanity has always depended on it. - Open Culture

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