PumpkinMayCare
ð“›Î¹ÐºÑ”тнєð““єνi lмαу
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2017
- Messages
- 1,078
- MBTI Type
- ENFP
- Enneagram
- 714
- Instinctual Variant
- so/sp
When I get compliments from someone, sometimes I think things like:
- that's because you don't know me well enough.
- is it because you're trying to be nice?
- Really? I don't think I did that good a job.
1. The thing is, we know ourselves on a deeper level than other people do. To them a trait you deem rather average may come off as really outstanding. But you, knowing yourself on a deeper level, know whatever they are complimenting on is not really the case or just very average to your personal standards. Be aware of the fact that we as humans like to sometimes be very hard on ourselves and are having really high standards. A good thing is to questioning how well you did whatever was complimented: Was it only unnecessary details you did not get right while doing the job, but you covered the basics easily? Then you did a good job most likely!
In this case however it seems more likely that something they complemented on is not really true, and you know yourself a bit better, so you go "Eh, you just saw one particular thing/time when I did that really well but most of the time I completely suck at it." Of course they don't know that, but you do.
2. In this case it seems as if something about how the other person complimented you, a facial expression, or the tone they used when complimenting you, or maybe you just think that person has some kind of personality that would lie, made you question their compliment. You need to listen to your own thoughts. And then try to find out what could have led to that reaction. If the person that complimented you did seem genuine, than maybe the reason why you thought "are you just trying to be nice?" is because you are for some reason uncomfortable with taking compliments.
3. People have different standards. You might view the job you did as bad or just average, but someone else will see it differently, for a lot of reasons. For eg I am happy when someone who doesn't write and doesn't read much and says he is as creative as a stone compliments my stuff, but chances are, they do not know a lot about writing so it's appropriate to take that compliment with a little scepticism.
If you get complimented by someone who writes a lot themselves, then the chances are better the compliment has value. But it also could be that this person writes a lot of really shitty stuff with a thousand grammatical errors, sooo basically, always question the motives of the people, and who it was that complimented you, if they're even competent enough to give valueable feedback on that particular matter.
As you can see, being sceptical about compliments does not have to mean you have problems with your self-esteem.
- that's because you don't know me well enough.
- is it because you're trying to be nice?
- Really? I don't think I did that good a job.
1. The thing is, we know ourselves on a deeper level than other people do. To them a trait you deem rather average may come off as really outstanding. But you, knowing yourself on a deeper level, know whatever they are complimenting on is not really the case or just very average to your personal standards. Be aware of the fact that we as humans like to sometimes be very hard on ourselves and are having really high standards. A good thing is to questioning how well you did whatever was complimented: Was it only unnecessary details you did not get right while doing the job, but you covered the basics easily? Then you did a good job most likely!
In this case however it seems more likely that something they complemented on is not really true, and you know yourself a bit better, so you go "Eh, you just saw one particular thing/time when I did that really well but most of the time I completely suck at it." Of course they don't know that, but you do.
2. In this case it seems as if something about how the other person complimented you, a facial expression, or the tone they used when complimenting you, or maybe you just think that person has some kind of personality that would lie, made you question their compliment. You need to listen to your own thoughts. And then try to find out what could have led to that reaction. If the person that complimented you did seem genuine, than maybe the reason why you thought "are you just trying to be nice?" is because you are for some reason uncomfortable with taking compliments.
3. People have different standards. You might view the job you did as bad or just average, but someone else will see it differently, for a lot of reasons. For eg I am happy when someone who doesn't write and doesn't read much and says he is as creative as a stone compliments my stuff, but chances are, they do not know a lot about writing so it's appropriate to take that compliment with a little scepticism.
If you get complimented by someone who writes a lot themselves, then the chances are better the compliment has value. But it also could be that this person writes a lot of really shitty stuff with a thousand grammatical errors, sooo basically, always question the motives of the people, and who it was that complimented you, if they're even competent enough to give valueable feedback on that particular matter.
As you can see, being sceptical about compliments does not have to mean you have problems with your self-esteem.
" 
