This rather sucks. Im normally not one to complain, but maybe I can get some decent advice here.
Around 4/5 years ago, I got pissed off with the school system, and decided to homeschool myself. Since then, my social life has crumbled, as have my ability to communicate effectively and instinctively. I get lonely, though it's nothing compared to how lonely I am when Im around people. People tell me to get involved with group activities, but it ends with dissatisfaction and anxiety at best, and resentful experiences at worst. In short, Im cut off, and I can't get reconnected. What the f*** do I do?
To avoid generic redundant stock answers;
I go to school and work
I exercise regularly and eat right
Im not involved with drugs/alcohol
I think the first thing to realize is that it may not be your distance from school that is causing your loneliness. Lots of people IN SCHOOL are still lonely and still socially awkward as ever. I was, for about 4 years. Then for 3 years in grad school, too. Heh.
Second, if you want to get better at socializing, you need to do 4 things:
1. Create opportunities for you to socialize that you can realistically participate it. A super-shy introvert probably shouldn't hang out at a big bar full of vacant, shallow college students. A better location would be a cafe, a tea shop (with a book, so you look semi-approachable and in-place), or, like you said, a group or club. Maybe you can find a neat nook that you can start frequenting regularly. You'll eventually feel a sense of ownership and in-grouping, and socializing will stop feeling like a burden or a TASK that you HAVE to accomplish.
2. Low expectations. Don't make your goal to make a friend or to better yourself or get over something you dislike about yourself. Just give yourself room to be kind. Smile occasionally and aim for short conversations at first. Be pleasant. If you have something funny or interesting to say, say it. If people don't respond "right," then no big deal. It happens to everyone because some people, like you, are shy and get caught off guard sometimes. No worries.
3. Tolerance for some discomfort. You're putting yourself out there and risking rejection, especially at the beginning. As you make progress and see that you can rely on yourself to socialize (decently, and not necessarily with expertise) the risk will become smaller and easier to accept. Until then, though, you ARE taking a risk and discomfort is a natural thing to feel. It's a good sign, because it means that you're actually challenging yourself in the right areas. Work with it little by little. Push yourself a little bit each time. If you find a good environment (1) and keep your plan and expectations in line with your skillz (2), the discomfort you feel will be minimal.
4. Clear mind. If your mind is filled with "negative" thoughts about how much you suck at socializing, and how you need to overcome something, you're going to make it harder on yourself. Do your best to accept where you already are and make improvements. Be patient with your progress. It's doable, and the better you can be patient with results and kind to yourself, the more room you'll have to socialize naturally and maybe even (gasp) enjoy it. Again, you don't have to totally clear your mind of anxiety -- some discomfort is good. If it's totally overwhelming, then I'd suggest looking at the whole ordeal as something humorous, maybe by seeing how insanely hard you're mind is fighting itself. Maybe add some really over-the-top medieval imagery. Whatever works. Maybe your sense of humor isn't as good as mine. *ahem* LOL Do your best to be easy-going.
