low confidence and aware of it

[Mort Belfry]

Discuss.

Discuss? You discuss it, I've got my own problems to think about. I don't have the time or will to flit about the internet helping sad sacks like you out of their slumps.

 

[wildcat]

I feel like a regular average Joe, with average looks, poor finances and low to average popularity. Spending some of my moderately miserable time in teh intarwebs, I stumble upon two tests, which I answer just like I feel at the moment.

Other tells me I'm the life of the party with mad skills to earn a fortune if I wanted.

Other reveals me I've got a low confidence.

I'd have a high confidence if I believed the situation were as reported in the first test; yet the other reports I have a low view of myself.

Suppose I'd believe in these tests having been accurate. I can pronounced myself healed! I was a great person all along, just not recognizing, thanks to my erroneous bias.

What is the validity of this thought pattern and the conclusion?

Discuss.

Confidence is independent of recognition.

 

[LostInNerSpace]

Discuss? You discuss it, I've got my own problems to think about. I don't have the time or will to flit about the internet helping sad sacks like you out of their slumps.

And there you reveal your problems. Low self-esteem. People with high self-esteem are always looking to help others, especially as the level of effort required to do so risies.

Confidence is independent of recognition.

Confidence is about setting and achieving goals. The problem here is self-esteem. Confidence and self-esteem are related but not the same. The higher your confidence, the higher your self-esteem in that particular area. But self-esteem depends on other factors too.

To increase confidence, set goals and work towards achieving them. Self-esteem is more tricky. I certainly know a lot about raising self-esteem. I've spend a good number of years studying the topic to raise my own self-esteem. The question is how to express it here and whether or not I have the time or inclination to do so, which raises interesting questions about my own self-esteem.

 

[Ilah]

In my opinion, someone with a healthy self esteme, would have a realistic view of their abilities, but would focus more on the things they are good at than things they are not good at.

I don't think that self confidence is one uniform thing. There are some things I am pretty good at, and I have high confidence in my abilities. There are things I am very bad at, and I don't have very high confidence in. There are lots of inbetween things too.

It also matters how you define self confidence. Concider the difference between these two statements:
I believe I am a talented artist.
I believe I could learn to be a talented artist.

The first statement expresses confidence in your current abilities. Being confident in your abilities can be good, you are more likely to share your work with others, more likely to try to sell it professionally and perhaps even more likely to cconvince others that it is good. It can also be bad, especially if your opinion is overrated. You may feel you don't need to improve any because you are already fantastic. In contrast, people who say "I don't think I am a talented artist" may give up altogether, but they may also be motivated to study and practice more so they can be better.

The second statement states that you believe you have the potential. In this case it can inspire you to put more time and effort into learning, not give up as easily, and have a higher chance of success. In contrast people who say "I could never learn to do that" will never succeed because they don't even try.

Ilah

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

In my opinion, someone with a healthy self esteme, would have a realistic view of their abilities, but would focus more on the things they are good at than things they are not good at.

I don't think that self confidence is one uniform thing. There are some things I am pretty good at, and I have high confidence in my abilities. There are things I am very bad at, and I don't have very high confidence in. There are lots of inbetween things too.

It also matters how you define self confidence. Concider the difference between these two statements:
I believe I am a talented artist.
I believe I could learn to be a talented artist.

The first statement expresses confidence in your current abilities. Being confident in your abilities can be good, you are more likely to share your work with others, more likely to try to sell it professionally and perhaps even more likely to cconvince others that it is good. It can also be bad, especially if your opinion is overrated. You may feel you don't need to improve any because you are already fantastic. In contrast, people who say "I don't think I am a talented artist" may give up altogether, but they may also be motivated to study and practice more so they can be better.

The second statement states that you believe you have the potential. In this case it can inspire you to put more time and effort into learning, not give up as easily, and have a higher chance of success. In contrast people who say "I could never learn to do that" will never succeed because they don't even try.

Ilah

Very insightful post on a forgotten thread. The things I wrote about in the OP are still current.

I'm happy to notice I don't have a failure attitude on any one thing I or the people in general consider important.

I do understand I'm great, adequate and ok in thing A,B and X, tho I'm not proud of any of that.

I've recently recovered from burnout and tho I have many great abilities and good qualities, I have very little achieved success to show it. Mainly, my income has dropped again (it was good for a while).

I've started to judge myself as some healthy person (which I am), but I haven't been healthy for very long time. Few months, to be exact. During my illness (burnout, depression) I judged myself for my prospects, what I could do when recovered. I was happy about it. Now as someone recovered, I can't congratulate myself by my abilities or chances to do something, as the only viable measure I have in my head is established success. Not future success or anything like that.

So I guess I'm realizing my low success and having a realistic view of myself. Perhaps this is a specialty situation that the standard theory of self-esteem and self-confidence doesn't explain well.

I think my attitude is indifference to my good qualities. I look that I have a talent D, E and F, but what I'm looking for? Success in pursuit P. So if I haven't succeeded in P yet, I just go pff, what good those D,E and F are going to do if they aren't getting me the P? I'll congratulate myself when I get P, not earlier.

I think I might be too hard on myself, but perhaps I'm treating myself just right, wanting to go forward when I see what little I have accomplished. Still, I've accomplished something, still. Recovered, stayed alive, found will to live.. and prepared for future success.

 

[LostInNerSpace]

In my opinion, someone with a healthy self esteme, would have a realistic view of their abilities, but would focus more on the things they are good at than things they are not good at.

I don't think that self confidence is one uniform thing. There are some things I am pretty good at, and I have high confidence in my abilities. There are things I am very bad at, and I don't have very high confidence in. There are lots of inbetween things too.

It also matters how you define self confidence. Concider the difference between these two statements:
I believe I am a talented artist.
I believe I could learn to be a talented artist.


Ilah

What are you doing if you set and achieve goals? You are proving to yourself that you can do the things you desire. That is called gaining confidence. Belief play a big role. As you achieve the goals you set yourself, your belief in your current abilities and in your ability to achieve future goals increases.

 

[Mondo]

I can relate to many of these problems.
Low confidence is something I'm trying to fight through good old-fashioned maturation.

I'd say it's important to set goals for yourself.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

Still not entirely sure what confidence is.

 

[entropie]

Guess the most important fact you have to learn as an entp is the ongoing process of transformations in people in life, is something you will never be able to grasp. So you have to keep up with it to a certain point. You want to know it, you want to grasp it. And then someone ask YOU ! "How do you think about it?" And there are a million things crossing your mind, but zero things that come out of your mouth.

There is one special distinction I learned in my life:

Separate between:

Self-Confidence

and

Self-Awareness

Otherwise, no wisdom is granted.