• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

?

Rasofy

royal member
Joined
Mar 7, 2011
Messages
5,881
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
So any of you feel like you're wasting your life? If so, describe it - how are you wasting your life?
Yes. By reading this thread.
Why are you wasting it?
I was hoping to see a plan to change the situation, not loads of moaning.
Are you doing anything to change the situation?
Yep. :bye:
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
My definition of wasting my life: not enjoying my life as in living comfortable and doing what I enjoy.

My reason is that I live in an undeveloped country and my family is poor. Which causes me to be unable to live comfortably. Also unable to make money, as making money requires an investment which I don't have. That, of course, excludes horrible ways of making money, such as horrible jobs. An anyway, those jobs only pay enough to pay for living expenses.

In short, I feel like I've wasted over 20 years of my life and I'm continuously am wasting it, AND I'm likely to continue wasting it in the near future. Which, to me, feels horrible. I've plans how I can stop wasting it, but they all include factors that will happen but I can't influence them. They can happen today or in a year, but when it does happen, I'm ready for them and I know exactly what I'm gonna do then, step-by-step, both in the worst-case and best-case scenario.

P.S. To those who're gonna look at this as in "you can do something and yet you don't," that's true. Reasons for this are stated in the second paragraph and it contains little detail, which means that you shouldn't make a strong judgement based on that. The possibilities that I'm aware of usually result in a conclusion that says "it's a waste of time, nothing good will come out of it in the long run, nor short-term."

So any of you feel like you're wasting your life? If so, describe it - how are you wasting your life? Why are you wasting it? Are you doing anything to change the situation?

I'm not wasting my life, sometimes you have to take survival jobs too, its more important to be productive and socially interact with others than avoid work and spend your time in inertia.
 

Rasofy

royal member
Joined
Mar 7, 2011
Messages
5,881
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Rasofy Is that because you don't agree with my definition of "wasting one's life?" :D
No. Because you seem to be resigned relative to the fact that you are wasting your life - that's what's lamentable.

My definition of wasting a life is pretty different:
not improving myself physically, intellectually and emotionally
not working towards my goals
giving reasons for people to feel pitty for me
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
Here's the way I look at it:

Survival job here means enough money to pay the bills and buy very basic food (assuming it's not the winter, then it's not even enough to pay the heating bills). Therefore - zero monthly savings. Survival job generally means a job you do not like or even hate. Often it also means a job that won't improve you, instead it may even dumb you down. People working those jobs usually are useless (talking to a friend for a good position somewhere, etc.), and if you don't enjoy the "manly" and small-talk - they are useless as friends as well (maybe not everywhere, but over here they are, I've had a chance to interact with a lot of people working those jobs through an ex-friend).

From that I conclude that it is not productive, instead it's counter-productive and can even be harmful both physically and especially mentally.

What you're describing I cant agree to, all the great works of literature have recognised that lack of human contact and isolation bring more costs than benefits or cause more harm than good, from Frankenstein right through.

I think earning money is important, no one should refuse any work which is available and they can all be enriching, depending on how you choose to use the time. It can be counterproductive but it need not necessarily be so.
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
I get plenty of social contact online. Of course it isn't the same as real-life, but isn't a priority for me.

You can't choose how to use your time at work. Especially when there's few choices of where you can work, and especially when in most cases you are required to work overtime.

The rest of your time - yes, it can be enriching. However, you have 10 extra hours (if not more, depending if it's far away from home) at your disposal to use for enrichment if you don't work.

I dont know many people who prosper by not being at work, I also hail from a time in which the idea that you get "social contact" "online" would seem, rightly so I believe, ridiculous and to someone who is extroverted as I am it wouldnt ever be sufficient.

Most of the people I've known who agonise about their free time but work a hard and full day actually spend the time remaining to them much better than those who are unemployed and idle and as a result treat one hour the same as the next because, well, it is.

How could you possibly know the value of a day off when you've never experienced the lack of the same? This is a generational thing too, no ability to defer gratification or even think too hard about that, growing up I experienced seasonal gift giving for instance, if I wanted something I waited until my birthday or christmas, sometimes christmas the following year, when the things I'd wanted last year were reduced in cost to something more affordable, I dont know a lot of kids who have an experience like this anymore.
 
W

WALMART

Guest
I enjoy the fuck out of every day I take. I reckon I'm not wasting it.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I felt for maybe a year and a half, maybe a little more, that I was wasting my life. But ya know, I don't think I'm wasting my life anymore, or that I ever was. Maybe I'm not where I'd ideally like to be, but then again, I'll always be aiming for something better. I pretty much hate my job, but that's more because of the workplace than because of the job itself. And mostly because I can feel my own internal lack of direction. I guess you'd say it's a "dumbing down" job, but I think I've just had to learn different skills than academic ones. I've learned timing, management, negotiation, decisiveness, leadership, crisis management, and mediation. I'm a different person now than when I began. I'm no longer afraid of being in charge and I'm no longer afraid of the people in charge. I also met my SO at work, though he's since moved into his preferred field. All in all it's empowered me... it might not be happiness in terms of enjoyment and comfort, but it's not been a waste, either. This "dead-end" job is paving the way to my future stability. And it's giving me a dose of humility that people who have never had to work for their lives will never have, which the silver-spooner in me would like to ignore but the human in me says it's a gift not to go unrecognized, a fullness of human experience.

I'm not judging your situation, because it might be very different in nature than mine, but I also think that part of this is mindset and attitude, because I've gone from feeling one way to feeling a different way, yet nothing external has changed. The only thing that has changed is me, and ever since I've felt myself changing inside, I've begun to make positive external changes, too. Previously I had kept thinking that an answer for me would come if I just waited long enough, but I guess that was wrong because why would my mind come up with something new when I wasn't causing it to think in a different way than ever before?

I've plans how I can stop wasting it, but they all include factors that will happen but I can't influence them. They can happen today or in a year, but when it does happen, I'm ready for them and I know exactly what I'm gonna do then, step-by-step, both in the worst-case and best-case scenario.

Vague and interesting. Care to elaborate? :D
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
[MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION] If the workplace can offer you something useful - a challenging position that would lead into self-development, etc., go for it indeed. It sounds like it really helped you a lot to develop, which is a great thing for your first(?) job. A job at the beginning (not exclusively) has to offer some kind of development, whether of your skill or personal growth, which was the case for you.

Well, though the thing for me is, I didn't think it would. I really just wrote it off as me taking the job to appease my parents, and that I'd quit soon enough. But then there was overturn in management, power gap, and I pushed and pushed to learn new things, constantly. I broke the rules quite a bit trying to learn and improve. Eventually I went from being lowest on the totem pole to being an assistant manager. It's not my first job, in terms of I worked while in school, but it's my first on-my-own job. My point is that I thought it was a dead-end but it wasn't, and I was surprised by that. I still wouldn't sing its praises, it can be a hellhole of a place, but I've gained from it nevertheless. Maybe that's what I'm trying to say to you... There are hidden opportunities even in dead-ends. It can be miserable but not soul-sucking if you can get at least something from it. It doesn't have to be a waste.
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
Well, I wouldn't mind talking to someone intelligent in person, in fact, I do want to do it. But I'm definitely not going to sacrifice anything for the ability to do it, especially when we're talking about a high chance of unlikeliness here. It's not a priority for me.

It's a psychological mind game that they are playing with themselves. Perhaps to some it's routine. It depends a lot on one's mentality, and this isn't the case for me. Before you say it - yes, it's been tested.

School had day-offs, I loved them. Couldn't wait the weekend and the national celebratory days. ;) Believe it or not, I've had very similar thoughts about this to yours quite recently. The situation for me, though, was a box of candy instead of something I wanted - that was awesome. Naturally, later on I stopped receiving it as I grew out of "that" age, then I started receiving money (around $20 mostly) or nothing.


[MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION] If the workplace can offer you something useful - a challenging position that would lead into self-development, etc., go for it indeed. It sounds like it really helped you a lot to develop, which is a great thing for your first(?) job. A job at the beginning (not exclusively) has to offer some kind of development, whether of your skill or personal growth, which was the case for you.

What people mistake most often for intelligence is agreement, given that you're not willing to sacrifice anything I doubt that you're going to accomplish much and that is the very definition of a wasted life to me.
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
How are you able to have food and shelter?
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
I thought someone'd ask this earlier, I hoped no one would. :mellow: Anyway, that isn't important. Don't take this as offense.
I don't. It's just that, well, at some point this is probably something you are going to want to (or have to) take care of yourself. I don't know how old you are, but most people have to take crap jobs when they are young unless they are born to a family that is somewhat well off.

Generally speaking, I only consider someone to be wasting their life when they are taking advantage of someone else or failing to fulfill their responsibilities and obligations. Nobody is obligated to do anything amazing and to work any harder than it takes to get by, but I think we are obligated to try to at least be worth our keep, so to speak.

Not that I'm particularly hard ass about this. I haven't held very many paying jobs. I have taken care of the household (at a bare minimum) and have been raising the kids at a somewhat better than bare minimum level. My oldest daughter is a college student and I told her she would either have to work or, if she couldn't find a job, volunteer to build up her resume last summer. She didn't do either and I didn't make a fuss. My younger kids are all still in school, so I consider that their jobs and we have a friend of my daughter's staying with us without paying anything because he can't afford it and he's a student.

When someone else is paying the bills, they get to call the shots. For a lot of people, it's worth it to deal with a crap job in order to have more autonomy. I felt that way when I lived at home, though, granted, my job was not horrible. I was the office girl for a carpet cleaning company, so I worked in a climate controlled environment and I was rarely treated rudely. I was paid minimum wage ($4.00/hr, if I remember right) and had to pay rent to my mother, pay the phone bill, my car insurance, gasoline, etc. My mom gave me the car, so I was lucky there. After that our financial situation deteriorated, so she needed me to contribute.

Anyway, I know I've only been poor by first world standards, but it is better to do the crap jobs when you are young and relatively healthy, so that, hopefully, you will have moved up the food chain a bit by the time you are older. When you are older, your body starts to give you problems and you may have responsibilities to other people. My husband is only in his early forties and he is starting to have health problems as a result of his job. But he has been working in his field long enough that now he earns a decent wage and we have been able to purchase a house without debt -- granted, the house was so bad the local slum lords passed it up -- but it's shelter no one can take from us.

If you don't start with something, things will never get better. And, it is often easier to get a job when you already have one than it is to get a good job when you don't have a job or much experience.
 

sprinkles

Mojibake
Joined
Jul 5, 2012
Messages
2,959
MBTI Type
INFJ
Here's the way I look at it:

Survival job here means enough money to pay the bills and buy very basic food (assuming it's not the winter, then it's not even enough to pay the heating bills). Therefore - zero monthly savings. Survival job generally means a job you do not like or even hate. Often it also means a job that won't improve you, instead it may even dumb you down. People working those jobs usually are useless (talking to a friend for a good position somewhere, etc.), and if you don't enjoy the "manly" and small-talk - they are useless as friends as well (maybe not everywhere, but over here they are, I've had a chance to interact with a lot of people working those jobs through an ex-friend).

From that I conclude that it is not productive, instead it's counter-productive and can even be harmful both physically and especially mentally.

Don't knock people who make an honest living. I don't care if they are picking up cans by the side of the road - at least they're doing a job.
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
Don't knock people who make an honest living. I don't care if they are picking up cans by the side of the road - at least they're doing a job.

I'm glad you posted that because to be honest this thread smacks of a sort of conceited arrogance, everyone is wasting their lives apart from the one who can afford, without explanation, to refuse work, very possibly any work what so ever at this point from what I've read, and engage in discussion of vaguely defined "fluid concepts" online instead.

Its disgusting and also the opposite of any lived life, any really lived life, its a complete and utter dodge out of life, which isnt all sweetness and light and suiting yourself all the time.

Even the contempt for what are commonplace topics of conversation I think tells on the attitude of the OP, those things are part of life, a big part of life, if all you have for them are disdain then you also have disdain for life. While you can, in self-congratulatory fashion, maintain that everyone else is wasting their life and yours is the superior way, I doubt its something you can do forever, hence threads like this looking for vindication, support or at least someone to give the argument in order that all the rationalisations can be poured forth and in doing so reinforced.
 

sprinkles

Mojibake
Joined
Jul 5, 2012
Messages
2,959
MBTI Type
INFJ
I'm glad you posted that because to be honest this thread smacks of a sort of conceited arrogance, everyone is wasting their lives apart from the one who can afford, without explanation, to refuse work, very possibly any work what so ever at this point from what I've read, and engage in discussion of vaguely defined "fluid concepts" online instead.

Its disgusting and also the opposite of any lived life, any really lived life, its a complete and utter dodge out of life, which isnt all sweetness and light and suiting yourself all the time.

Even the contempt for what are commonplace topics of conversation I think tells on the attitude of the OP, those things are part of life, a big part of life, if all you have for them are disdain then you also have disdain for life. While you can, in self-congratulatory fashion, maintain that everyone else is wasting their life and yours is the superior way, I doubt its something you can do forever, hence threads like this looking for vindication, support or at least someone to give the argument in order that all the rationalisations can be poured forth and in doing so reinforced.

Yes. Life lives because that is life.

I think one of the only few ways that a person can waste the life they have is through disdain for life. To deny their nature and deny their current place.

Some life is hard. Some people only make it by leeching the precious metals out of the circuit boards from electronics discarded by the well off, by melting them down in the same pan they cook in because it is the only one they have, and they breathe in all the toxic and some times radioactive fumes and die early.

They do this because a human wants to live like most things that are alive.
 

Usehername

On a mission
Joined
May 30, 2007
Messages
3,794
Anyway, that isn't important. Don't take this as offense.

How is that not important or relevant?

Barring a really wild card that I can't foresee: how could you have a long term game plan besides being a leech off of people who are doing what you're not willing to do?
 

Il Morto Che Parla

New member
Joined
Oct 9, 2012
Messages
1,260
MBTI Type
xxTP
My definition of wasting my life: not enjoying my life as in living comfortable and doing what I enjoy.

My reason is that I live in an undeveloped country and my family is poor. Which causes me to be unable to live comfortably. Also unable to make money, as making money requires an investment which I don't have. That, of course, excludes horrible ways of making money, such as horrible jobs. An anyway, those jobs only pay enough to pay for living expenses.

In short, I feel like I've wasted over 20 years of my life and I'm continuously am wasting it, AND I'm likely to continue wasting it in the near future. Which, to me, feels horrible. I've plans how I can stop wasting it, but they all include factors that will happen but I can't influence them. They can happen today or in a year, but when it does happen, I'm ready for them and I know exactly what I'm gonna do then, step-by-step, both in the worst-case and best-case scenario.

P.S. To those who're gonna look at this as in "you can do something and yet you don't," that's true. Reasons for this are stated in the second paragraph and it contains little detail, which means that you shouldn't make a strong judgement based on that. The possibilities that I'm aware of usually result in a conclusion that says "it's a waste of time, nothing good will come out of it in the long run, nor short-term."

So any of you feel like you're wasting your life? If so, describe it - how are you wasting your life? Why are you wasting it? Are you doing anything to change the situation?

I thought you said you're a programmer? That's an ok job right? If you are from an EU State, can't you find programming work in a rich country?

Anyway, hopefully your plans will come off dude. I've been in similair situations (except my family is not poor luckily), and it sucks.

Right now, I don't think I am wasting my life, because I have some pojects, I am increasing my development in my specialist areas, and most important, I have some spare money to HAVE FUN. I go to bars and clubs 2/3 times a week, I go to the gym 3/4 times a week, really that's my life outside of work.

But I used to feel I was wasting my life for a long time, and then BAM, a chance came for me from God. I'm so thankful, and I pray and give thanks every day. It can disappear tomorrow so I enjoy it now. Hopefully you will have your chance as well my friend, I can see are a clever guy and deserve it. :)
 

Il Morto Che Parla

New member
Joined
Oct 9, 2012
Messages
1,260
MBTI Type
xxTP
Don't knock people who make an honest living. I don't care if they are picking up cans by the side of the road - at least they're doing a job.

How is that not important or relevant?

Barring a really wild card that I can't foresee: how could you have a long term game plan besides being a leech off of people who are doing what you're not willing to do?



Don't knock people who make an honest living. I don't care if they are picking up cans by the side of the road - at least they're doing a job.

I'm glad you posted that because to be honest this thread smacks of a sort of conceited arrogance, everyone is wasting their lives apart from the one who can afford, without explanation, to refuse work, very possibly any work what so ever at this point from what I've read, and engage in discussion of vaguely defined "fluid concepts" online instead.

Its disgusting and also the opposite of any lived life, any really lived life, its a complete and utter dodge out of life, which isnt all sweetness and light and suiting yourself all the time.

Even the contempt for what are commonplace topics of conversation I think tells on the attitude of the OP, those things are part of life, a big part of life, if all you have for them are disdain then you also have disdain for life. While you can, in self-congratulatory fashion, maintain that everyone else is wasting their life and yours is the superior way, I doubt its something you can do forever, hence threads like this looking for vindication, support or at least someone to give the argument in order that all the rationalisations can be poured forth and in doing so reinforced.

These reactions were very strange to me, I didn't think he was insulting anyone.

There are many jobs which I would not do, because fortunately, I am not so poor that I have to. I would never be a refuse collector, or a builder, or work in a factory, or any "working class" jobs.

This doesn't mean that I look down on those people, just that being a middle class person, I need to keep the same level as my parents gave to me. I would rather spend some time learning, waiting, seeking opportunities, than kill myself doing those jobs which to me, are degrading. Though for some people they are a STEP UP, and that is good for them!

Maybe it's cultural. I'm from a Latin (NOT Latino, it's different) family and it's kind of expected that your family will support you until you are ready to have a proper career. I used to work part-time jobs for my own spending money, but I have never contributed to rent or food. For many of my pure English friends, this is really strange (and many are from ircher families than me). But for my family, it would be inconceivable to ask their son to do that.

But meh...why would I feel obliged to make my life harder than it has to be? Why would I do a horrible job when I don't need to do it to survive? It seems wierd to criticize someone for stating that fact...
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
It's not just about being generous. Volunteering, in the US, at least, can be put on your resume, job applications, and scholarship applications. Right now, the unemployment rate for 16-24 year olds is very high, so young people are having difficulty getting valuable work experience. Volunteer work can help mitigate the damage of happening to be a young adult in the middle of a crappy job market.

Volunteering also provides opportunities for social networking, which can be helpful, if not vital to getting a good job. People from the middle and upper classes volunteer and if a poor kid makes a good impression on them, they can help them get their foot in the door later on.

Ideally, volunteering is done to help others, but it can help the volunteer in very tangible and material ways if done intelligently. I do not know if it works the same way in your location, but if it does, refusing to participate in a potentially beneficial activity simply because you resented being required to do it while in school is illogical, IMO.
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Volunteering in school cannot be beneficial in any way, except some teachers may increase your grades for a month. I bet I could've gotten better grades in history class.

Anyway, we do have volunteer work outside of school. We used to have these classes in school about volunteering and volunteer work, what we can do while we're at school, during the summer and after school. There were two kinds of volunteer work - planting trees and handing out food at the entrance of various stores. I don't see any benefit in neither. You can volunteer to be a security guard in some carnivals, patrolling through the carnival area back and forth, in which I also don't see any benefit.
Are you still in school?
 
Top