• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

how do you react when someone yells at you

magpie

Permabanned
Joined
Jan 21, 2010
Messages
3,428
Enneagram
614
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I antagonize with caustic comments. If it gets to be too much I tell them I am done and go away. Nothing bothers me more than when people who are shouting at me try to follow me when I'm trying to leave the situation. When I'm by myself I cry. This is with people I'm close to.

If I'm not close to them I just ridicule them, brush it off, and then avoid them in the future.
 

geedoenfj

The more you know..
Joined
Oct 6, 2015
Messages
3,347
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I freeze and wait for him to calm down, but if he insist that I should talk to him I just tell him what he wants to hear or tell him to stop yelling be quite..
I'm very emotional that's why I get in a dark place and just cry because it hurts
 

Codex

Member
Joined
Jun 11, 2014
Messages
820
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Depends on the situation, and as one user said, "the yeller".
Yelling for help etc is different than yelling because you're angry.

I deal with awkward situations very badly.
My instinct is always to laugh, so I usually end up trying to smother my smile/smirk.
I can't help it. I just think it's ridiculous when people yell at each other. I, myself, am very guilty of doing it frequently, and I usually feel like an idiot after; I, too, deserve to be laughed at in such moments.

It's rare for me to react to yelling seriously. If anything, I'll wait until it's over to giggle---so long as my head is not on the chopping block.
 

danseen

New member
Joined
Oct 30, 2013
Messages
781
MBTI Type
INTP
if it's deserved, meh. responsibility for self is part of life...

if it's not deserved, calmly say i believe why.

though dependent on the scenario, i may yell at them back or hit them.
 

Sil

This is a test.
Joined
Aug 31, 2014
Messages
362
Assuming it's someone I know decently well (colleague or close) in a setting that doesn't merit or justify it...freeze in surprise, then respond in full force. I don't yell, I steamroller. When it comes to fight versus flight mode in sudden situations, I go to fight mode automatically.

Assuming it's a stranger...react if it's a command, ignore if it's a comment.
 

wolfnara

New member
Joined
Jul 22, 2015
Messages
508
MBTI Type
ISFJ
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
feel really uncomfortable or humiliated. outwardly I probably glare at them or look away and dont say anything.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
14,037
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
496
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I freeze because it takes a while to figure out what is happening. When younger I could end up crying, but I tend more to distance myself now.

I have a really good getting yelled at story. In my 20's I was on jury duty for a month-long case where two energy companies were in a lawsuit over 14 millions dollars that was lost. The evidence was mostly over our heads, but we had to make a decision, and I couldn't. By the end of the jury deliberations everyone in the group started pressuring me to choose a side, and a couple of the people started yelling at me with bright red angry faces. The angriest ones were the dumbest of the group, and the reasoning of the july as a whole was really low-level. It was a closed room, timeframe pressure, and I was required to make a decision for which I did not have enough information or expertise. I started crying. It was so horrible it's kinda funny now.
 
Joined
Nov 6, 2015
Messages
27
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
If someone yells at me I immediately tear up lol. I suck. I just feel belittled. I try not to cry and then usually a hour after I get really pissed instead of being sad. It may be my perfectionism that makes me really emotional when I mess up. Plus, I don't like being yelled at. Unless people have no logical reason to yell at me, then I don't care.
 

Firebird 8118

DJ Phoenix
Joined
Sep 22, 2012
Messages
3,134
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
279
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Oh god, where to begin... I don't take kindly to being yelled at. :( I will either burst into tears, or take a defensive stand and yell back.
 

Lady Lazarus

Permabanned
Joined
Jun 30, 2014
Messages
2,148
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
It depends so wholly upon my mood in the moment I cannot say with certainty.
 

Mole

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 20, 2008
Messages
20,284
When someone yells at me my first response is restraint. I restrain my immediate response to give myself time to assess the situation.

Surprisingly restraint gives me power in the situation. And often I can see the yeller is distressed but too emotionally weak to contain their own distress, but rather they hysterically seek to put their distress on me, to make me distressed.

Once I realise this my next response is to laugh.

I am laughing at an emotionally weak person acting as though they are strong.

And more interestingly, I can see the yeller is trying to get inside my head and so control me. But by restraining my first response, I keep them out of my head, and so give myself a safe space to act.
 
Joined
May 31, 2015
Messages
181
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I accept a very diverse set of behavior from people but I think this one (somebody yelling at me) is unacceptable. At this point I can't imagine a situation where it could be reasonable. It happened to me only a few times in my life (within family when I was younger). The reaction from the current me would be as follows (regardless whether it is a boss, or anything else):
  1. Optionally an internationally recognized signalling with my middle fingers with one or two hands
  2. Optionally some subtle face expressions (wrinkles on forehead or subtle smile depending on the situation) to communicate when I don't give a shit and/or when I want him/her to deal with his on shit without me
  3. Not saying a word, not giving a shit, turning and walking away to have some fun
 

ChocolateMoose123

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2008
Messages
5,278
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
It doesn't really bother me. I seem to regard the level of someone's voice to not be that important. Mainly, what are they saying? Why?

I react to what they are saying rather than how they say it.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
It doesn't really bother me. I seem to regard the level of someone's voice to not be that important. Mainly, what are they saying? Why?

I react to what they are saying rather than how they say it.

um not sure, i wrote the op a long while a go

but lets assume it's something not true that could ruin something important to you like lose of your job or SO or child (if you have a child i dunno if you do, if you don't have any of the things think of something really really really really really important to you, that you'd be devasted to have taken away)
 

ChocolateMoose123

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2008
Messages
5,278
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
um not sure, i wrote the op a long while a go

but lets assume it's something not true that could ruin something important to you like lose of your job or SO or child (if you have a child i dunno if you do, if you don't have any of the things think of something really really really really really important to you, that you'd be devasted to have taken away)

I'm not sure I understand. Someone is yelling at you (me) things that are not true? Are you asking how I would respond to that?
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
I'm not sure I understand. Someone is yelling at you things that are not true? Are you asking how I would respond to that?

yes that if people think are true could ruin you in some capacity that's important to you
 

ChocolateMoose123

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2008
Messages
5,278
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
yes that if people think are true could ruin you in some capacity that's important to you

Well, if it isn't true then I wouldn't be worried. I would be pretty calm. If it is an accusation that is so negative then I would remain calm but gather evidence that proves the other party as a liar. I would make sure that the other party does not have any credibility - even if it is just me being above reproach.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
Well, if it isn't true then I wouldn't be worried. I would be pretty calm. If it is an accusation that is so negative then I would remain calm but gather evidence that proves the other party as a liar. I would make sure that the other party does not have any credibility.

what if you can't prove them not having credibility?
 

ChocolateMoose123

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2008
Messages
5,278
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
what if you can't prove them not having credibility?

Well, (a specific example would be best here) but since it is vague - I would show a lot of transparency. Meaning: make my actions public or have someone trusted verify or witness the way I'm doing things. Im thinking if someone is accusing me of stealing - I would ask someone to double check me, as a witness.

Once others start to see that I'm being above board and the other party doesn't stop their accusations- they start to lose credibility and you can then turn tables.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
Well, (a specific example would be best here) but since it is vague - I would show a lot of transparency. Meaning: make my actions public or have someone trusted verify or witness the way I'm doing things. Im thinking if someone is accusing me of stealing - I would ask someone to double check me, as a witness.

Once others start to see that I'm being above board and the other party doesn't stop their accusations- they start to lose credibility and you can then turn tables.

yeah i yell back at first

but the rest is how i am in such situations, and as a result people end up trusting me more in the long run

i've never been accused of stealing but whenever something is stolen and i'm the room/building and it's annouced my instinct is they're gonna accuse me, even though i had no clue until they annouced it.
 
Top