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how do you react when someone yells at you

prplchknz

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do you freeze, do you yell back, what do you do?


I freeze, unable to do anything, and than I cry- I wish i would stop this, but no matter how hard i try this is what happens.
 

Qlip

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People often don't have a lot of control over their default reactions in high stress. Don't kick yourself about it, it tends to make it worse.

If I'm being yelled at, I'll either yell back or totally shrug it off just to annoy them. I think there's really no reason to yell at anybody, there are better and more effective ways of communicating. Unless of course, you're commnicating that you are about to hit somebody. In that case yelling is entirely apropriate.
 

Lightyear

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I honestly can't remember the last time someone has yelled at me. (mabye its a 9 Peacemaker thing)

I would probably just close off and go into polite mode and try to defuse the situation, I don't think I would yell back.
 

King sns

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Depends on the reasoning/ person, but my body just generally goes into sympathetic mode and have all these crazy internal body changes and just freeze and stare at them wide eyed. And then my first reaction is usually "I totally understand" because it usually placates the yeller in two seconds and kind of makes them look a little dumb.
 

Qlip

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I had a boss who was a bit of a bully. The only way to get him off your back was to yell at him back, then by some strange jungle ruleset, he'd respect you. If not, you were eternal prey. Unless you were a girl, then crying was effective. The world sucks.
 

Lexicon

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I tend to emotionally detach as a protective response, likely from my upbringing. I see someone losing control over their behavior due to their own emotional responses, and I know nothing will get solved if everyone's losing their shit. Or, depending on the situation, the person [this has only happened with unhealthy people, though] might be yelling in an attempt to draw out an emotional response from me, to feel a sense of control over the situation, because, as noted above- when someone's already yelling, they've lost control-- some people NEED you to react in a similar, volatile way in order to feel emotionally validated. That said, I can't allow myself to give them the satisfaction of upsetting me, nor can I in good conscience feed into an unhealthy dynamic like that. The behaviors people resort to, when expressing their anger, on some level, ARE a choice, and over the years I've made it my choice not to allow their problem to become mine on that basic level, and create needless stress.

I mean, sure, if it's someone I'm close to, of course I am anxious and stressed because they're angry with me-- I can't stand that--- but I still tend to shut off emotionally until things are calm. Kind of figure if they've gotten that upset, communication has already broken down, or it's not possible to attempt to communicate when they're that revved up in the first place, though I may stand there and ''actively'' listen, til they get it out of their system-- depending on the situation. I'm more than happy to discuss & hopefully clear up whatever upset them when they can remain calm; I don't hold their initial reactions against them, per se- I just don't allow it to upset me in the moment. Some people may disagree with me on this, but in everyday situations, I seriously see no reason to YELL about anything. It's just an assault on everyone around you, and in of itself resolves nothing.
 

Amargith

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I try to understand what caused this reaction, and what other factors are at play. Unless they manage to trigger my own stress response due to the sensitive nature of the topic they're yelling at me for...then I either yell back in defensive response if what they're yelling about is outrageous or if it really hit home, retreat in shame.
 

Lexicon

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I try to understand what caused this reaction, and what other factors are at play.

:yes: That's what I do when I emotionally detach from the situation- evaluate factors, potential triggers for the intense response- [for me it's sort of how I use Ti in those scenarios]. Taking it apart alleviates the stress I would otherwise have, soaking in the anger/conflict, etc- seems to make the most sense, for me, in terms of solving the problem.
 

1487610420

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I had a boss who was a bit of a bully. The only way to get him off your back was to yell at him back, then by some strange jungle ruleset, he'd respect you. If not, you were eternal prey. Unless you were a girl, then crying was effective. The world sucks.

This seems to be a default with Te/Fi users, as if you need to show some degree of emotion for them to take you seriously.
 

entropie

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Nobody ever yelled at me. :( Could be the huge knife I am carrieing. So often I am hoping someone would start to yell in an arguement, to give me a reason. I'ld like to cut something else except tomatoes with my knife :)
 

funkadelik

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I would probably just close off and go into polite mode and try to defuse the situation, I don't think I would yell back.

I tend to emotionally detach as a protective response, likely from my upbringing. I see someone losing control over their behavior due to their own emotional responses, and I know nothing will get solved if everyone's losing their shit....I seriously see no reason to YELL about anything. It's just an assault on everyone around you, and in of itself resolves nothing.

That's my general response. My ENTJ step-father would yell at me all the time in an attempt to assert his dominance/get me to do shit back in the day and I simply had no patience for that kind of thing. Still don't. If you want to get your point across to me, there is no good reason to yell.
 

funkadelik

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Nobody ever yelled at me. :( Could be the huge knife I am carrieing. So often I am hoping someone would start to yell in an arguement, to give me a reason. I'ld like to cut something else except tomatoes with my knife :)

Hehe...we've got ourselves a regular Teddy Roosevelt over here. :D
 

Lady_X

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Depends on if all their yelling pissed me off. I might yell back but most likely I would tell them to shut the fuck up and talk to me like a normal person or get the fuck out of my face. :)

At work I wouldn't yell back... I've had this happen at work and I just had to tell them to stop yelling if they wanted me to listen. And then explain to them how ridiculous their reaction was. And this one guy was yelling at me so loud it caused such a scene and he had his little boy with him!! I made sure to embarrass him for behaving that way in front of his son and for reacting that way at all about something as minor as photography. Every time he would begin yelling again. I'd calmly say you're yelling again. Okay stop yelling. I will call security if you don't control yourself. Sir you are embrassing yourself. If youll stop yelling for a min. I would be happy to resolve this for you but If you can't I will have you escorted out.

People got serious issues. I can't imagine flipping my shit over such petty things.

We should all take siestas. For real the world needs to relax.
 

Lexicon

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Hehe...we've got ourselves a regular Teddy Roosevelt over here. :D

Something Frank Sinatra once said, immediately popped into my mind when reading [MENTION=4109]entropie[/MENTION]'s post, & your response-

''Oh, I just wish someone would try to hurt you so I could kill them for you.''
 

1487610420

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Depends on if all their yelling pissed me off. I might yell back but most likely I would tell them to shut the fuck up and talk to me like a normal person or get the fuck out of my face. :)

At work I wouldn't yell back... I've had this happen at work and I just had to tell them to stop yelling if they wanted me to listen. And then explain to them how ridiculous their reaction was. And this one guy was yelling at me so loud it caused such a scene and he had his little boy with him!! I made sure to embarrass him for behaving that way in front of his son and for reacting that way at all about something as minor as photography. Every time he would begin yelling again. I'd calmly say you're yelling again. Okay stop yelling. I will call security if you don't control yourself. Sir you are embrassing yourself. If youll stop yelling for a min. I would be happy to resolve this for you but If you can't I will have you escorted out.

People got serious issues. I can't imagine flipping my shit over such petty things.

We should all take siestas. For real the world needs to relax.
[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsIZ69msvOQ"]Relevant[/YOUTUBE]
 

Lady_X

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[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsIZ69msvOQ"]Relevant[/YOUTUBE]

That was so long!? Why!!!??

I kinda liked it tho :)
 

Silveresque

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I emotionally detach as well. All my energy goes into trying not to cry or show how affected I am--I bottle up and suppress my emotions so I can deal with them later when it's safe to do so, when I'm alone. I might be so busy with that that I don't have enough mental processing power available to react or interpret what's happening. The whole situation somehow doesn't feel real to me, like it's some lost chapter of my life that doesn't seem to belong with the rest of the book.
 

ceecee

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I don't like yelling - doing it or hearing it. It gives me a headache. That said, I would likely ignore everything they were yelling about unless they got in my personal space.
 

Elfboy

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do you freeze, do you yell back, what do you do?
I freeze, unable to do anything, and than I cry- I wish i would stop this, but no matter how hard i try this is what happens.

I give them an amused look like "are you serious? you have the self control of an angry teenager" and do a cocky, James Bond-esque chuckle. if they persist, I will go more stern and reprimanding of their childish and belligerent behavior. my parents tell me I am extremely patronizing if they ever attempt to scream at me
 
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