how do you react when someone yells at you

[kyuuei]

I either freeze up and can't say anything.. Or I go crazy... Yelling back, arguing, I've been in more than one scuffle.. I think it depends on if I think I can take the person yelling or not--or if I'm simply too angry to care.

When I freeze up.. I think.. I think it is out of not wanting to regret doing something. I freeze up, like it is my intial "Holy shit, don't flip out and get fired over this. Think about it."

 

[mrcockburn]

I will get away from them ASAP, no matter how impractical. I was once boarding a plane with one of my exes, and he decided to cause a scene and start yelling at me for walking too quickly ahead of him the whole time in the airport. (I was rushing and didn't want to miss the fucking plane)

First, I whispered to him quietly to knock it the fuck off or I'd ensure his departure to Guantanamo Bay. When he wouldn't STFU, I turned around and went back home, missing my flight and thereby canceling my trip. While trying to exit the airport, he tried to follow me, yelling at me some more, so I had security personnel called on him, escorting us our separate ways.

Sounds extreme? I don't like being addressed in such a manner that is "yelling". Nor will I tolerate being embarrassed in public.

Thank god we weren't on a plane. If so, I assure you, he wouldn't be on it for long. At least, I'd sit on the pilot's lap instead.

 

[Betty Blue]

I either freeze up and can't say anything.. Or I go crazy... Yelling back, arguing, I've been in more than one scuffle.. I think it depends on if I think I can take the person yelling or not--or if I'm simply too angry to care.

When I freeze up.. I think.. I think it is out of not wanting to regret doing something. I freeze up, like it is my intial "Holy shit, don't flip out and get fired over this. Think about it."

I have a similar response to this.

Sometimes i freeze up and am just wondering what the hell happened...till i work it out...then will either respond with the same or walk away.

 

[INTP]

depends, people dont usually yell at me, but if they do most the time im just , which makes them realize that yelling is not necessary and that they are just overreacting, which creates a ground for more rational discussion.

 

[Philosorapteuse]

Depends. Either I yell back, or I detach and get very cold, sarcastic and nasty. When I yell back, I'm angry and want to relieve my feelings without actually committing assault. When I go into cold mode I'm aiming to hurt, and while I'm in that mode I want them to remember every single thing I say, for the rest of their lives. To the death vs to the pain.

If I'm really not in a position to do either - say, it's my employer, or I really am in the wrong and deserve to be yelled at - then I just detach completely and mollify. Then I'll cry later. I hate being in that position.

 

[Jon Snow]

I work as a cashier/phone order in a restaurant, in general people are really nice and polite, but on the very rare occasions someone blames me for their woes and yells at me i freeze and feel crushed for the rest of the day.

 

[Totenkindly]

do you freeze, do you yell back, what do you do?

I freeze, unable to do anything, and than I cry- I wish i would stop this, but no matter how hard i try this is what happens.

I had that issue a LONG time ago, but I basically broke myself of it because I hated responded that way. (I'm talking when I was still in middle school.)

I just had a temp boss snap at me crossly on Tuesday for something that was entirely unfair, in front of another coworker. Then the meeting started. I basically inside was down on myself for a few minutes, chose not to look at her for the rest of the meeting (all while keeping a poker face and acting "normal") and by meeting's end, I basically had decided she was the one being a jerk (not me), that she had a legitimate side issue that I reflect and fix if I could, but overall it wasn't my fault she was so rude and had a crappy attitude. Meanwhile, I also strove to not let that drive me to respond negatively to her in turn, I had to operate "business as usual" if I was truly dealing with it correctly, aside from working out what to do about any legitimate aspects of her criticism.

But I don't like it when someone thinks poorly of me; typically my approach is to stoneface it and clamp down any emotions, mentally sift through them, then decide how to respond and go from there.

 

[WALMART]

if they have reason, i get tough and tackle what they were yelling at me for

if they do not have reason, i'm very, very good at ignoring people

 

[Tiltyred]

I ignore the volume and focus on the content and only address the content.

Or, y'know, yell back and tell them to stfu and leave me alone...depends on who's yelling at me.

 

[xisnotx]

usually, I'll just look at them.

My brother annoys me because he'll yell right back and then, after a point, he'll just say "I'm done"...and will completely ignore you.
It's a good tactic...you're pissed off but you might as well be screaming at a wall.

I'll be looking to adopt that tactic, I guess. Though, no one really yells at me anymore..

 

[Giggly]

do you freeze, do you yell back, what do you do?


I freeze, unable to do anything, and than I cry- I wish i would stop this, but no matter how hard i try this is what happens.

It depends on who's yelling at me. If it's someone I really care about and respect I will freeze, go silent and more than likely end up crying (I try to wait until I'm alone though). If it's someone I don't care about or respect, I will do the same thing but without the crying and probably just avoid them after that.

 

[Winds of Thor]

People have different life experiences. And those, unfortunately if bad and hurtful, tend to form us to some degree. The difference one can make is in choosing an attitude that allows them to live healthy. And that can make all the difference because we can't help how others treat us.

When someone yells at me I realize that as some sort of problem the person yelling is having.

 

[Quay]

I look at them like this:

cuz I know there is no way this person could be talking to me with such elevated tones. I ignore yelling. Easiest way to get disregarded.

 

[disregard]

If it's someone close to me, I do met tolerate yelling. I will get stone-faced and remove myself from their vicinity. Yelling is rude.

 

[EcK]

Depends on context.

I usually get angry at underlying assumptions (like: if he says that then he must be assuming at some level that a and b and that pisses me off).
So that tends to mean I have less capacity at getting angry at strangers (not knowing them as well) with which I'll be 'colder' in case of conflict.

Some ppl are quite emotionally unrelatable to me and then it's just confusing. For example people with strong psychopathic traits.

I get angry when people lack respect towards me/ don't respect my space, when people bullshit me, negative people as I feel it's infectious and I don't want that crap on me.

about the respect thing It's quite hard to define in words for me (NT. ), I don't really care about most things.

I guess it gravitates around competency (treat me as if i was incompetent without very solid justification and we're going to have a problem).
For example, I won't get upset enough to 'yell' in most traditional conflict situations but I can tell someone to fuck off pretty loudly if they give forced/unwanted advice in an area where I am competent and they are not. The trigger is not the fact people want to 'discuss' the topic which I am more than fine with, it's related to disregarding my input (weak trigger) or Si-judging me to death, stating things as absolute without solid backing (strong trigger). It usually takes multiple instances of such situations to get me 'angry'. I have to reach a point where I don't see the conversation as fruitful and simply a waste of time in addition to being patronizing to me (ie: if u think ur right give me solid reasons, if u just judge me because of some external frame that has nothing to do with ur knowledge of my decision making which I have previously demonstrated to be coherent and explained then please go away - if reason and polite requests fail, i will yell)

Example of a situation:
I make it very clear I don't need input on the purchase of a new computer. The computer is already purchased and I'm easily in the top 10% of the population in computer-related-matters-fluency. I also had the best information on my factors in selecting said purchase, which I did not disclose with that individual.

The person communicates in a way that implies doubting my decision (offering alternatives without having the technical know-how, and ignoring the fact that the purchase is already done, makes statements questioning the financial-sense of the purchase etc.) - such unwanted/baseless inputs have been provided many times before and my input doesn't seem to have 'convinced that person' that I can indeed make my own decisions without getting unwanted advice.

After a first and second warning where I make it clear I do not wish to have this conversation I will start raising my voice
Until, usually around the 3rd / 5th time I say 'no thx' I will start yelling loud enough for them to go away.

I'm not very proud of it but I don't find other ways to help getting rid of this type of nuisance.

I often get into conflict with my father (alpha male extj) who has alot of knowledge and is a very smart man, however the lack of flexibility and habit of passing judgment before hearing me out on any and all topics + repeated such interactions tend to drive me nuts. I however enjoy interacting with him in other instances (as stated previously, very knowledgable)

Which makes me think - I think I 'm more likely to get angry at people whose competency I recognize in some field or another. I seem to be triggered by people's actions that seem to indicate that , whatever their reason is, they question my own 'competency'. For example if someone tells me I'm good at something yet keep trying to micro manage me. To me the action of trying to micro manage me and ignoring my input makes the first statement hypocritical/insulting/condescending (all strong 'yelling' triggers)

My main drive in 'cold' anger (staring at you like I'm going to slap you and explaining politely how and why you should learn some manners) is to correct disrespectful behavior towards me, my main drive behind 'snapping at people' (hot anger) seems to be me wanting to 'get them off my back' at which point I am usually fed up enough not to care if it doesn't really solve the issue as I'm just trying to dissuade them from interacting with me in the same fashion again)

I'm a 7w8 so I guess it makes sense (yelling/most upset at attacks on my core values - my ability to think logically/my ability to remain positive minded. and secondary drive for status / respect - for example I have a history of putting rude waiters 'in their place' (just an idiomatic expression, i don't mean anything superiorish by that) and have them eat out of my hand the next time i go to that cafe/restaurant )

 

[Destiny]

Depends on who is yelling at me.

If it's someone I like and respect and care about, I will freeze for a minute and then after that I will start defending myself (I won't yell back at them but I will speak up for myself and try to explain myself).

If it's someone whom I don't respect and don't like, I will freeze, and then I started getting angry at myself for not yelling back at that person, then I started mentally putting that person into my 'shit list' and remind myself to avoid that person in future.

 

[Evee]

I hate it. It's the worst feeling ever when someone yells at me.

I usually just shut down.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

I try to calmly talk them down to a less emotional state. If that doesn't work, I leave. If they follow me and continue yelling, I might explode.

Ultimately my reaction will depend on why they are yelling/what they are yelling about. Usually the first thing I say is, "why are you yelling? I don't understand the need to yell to make whatever point you want to make. Can we talk about it like rational people?"

 

[Cellmold]

I hate it. It's the worst feeling ever when someone yells at me.

I usually just shut down.

I'm sort of similar although sometimes I just get angry and bite back, which isn't the best reaction.

 

[Ingrid in grids]

A lot like this kid, or inert.