how do you react when someone yells at you

[Coriolis]

This happens so seldom to me that when it does, I am momentarily taken aback, but that reaction is fleeting. Remaining distanced and in control of my own reactions is second nature, so I can usually switch right away to listening to the tirade to see whether there is any actual content in it, as opposed to venting or insults. One of my favorite questions for testy people, yelling or not, is "what would you like to do about it?" This usually stops them in their tracks because I am taking them seriously and not just yelling back, and challenging them to describe what they want, and not just rant about something they don't like.

 

[Orangey]

If it's random yelling and I feel under pressure or in danger I usually have a flight reaction. If it's someone I know screaming and yelling in a normal situation, I either get angry and yell back reactively, or I get angry and leave in protest. I mean, who has the nerve to be such a fucking spazz? It's entitled behavior to think that anybody should give a shit about you stomping and screaming like a child, and I think it's most insulting and invalidating to deprive them of an audience, so that's my favored response.

 

[Red Herring]

It rarely ever happens, the last time was a Spanish friend yelling at me on the phone almost two years ago for having talked with his girlfried about things that supposedly didn't concern her and that he thought I shouldn't bother her with (he likes to keep his life very, very private, even from his gf). At first I tend to be under shock more than anything else. The rest depends on whether they have a point or not, i.e. do I feel guilty.

If they yell without a justified reason I will try to deescalate the situation, reason with them and calm them down. I try not to take it personally.
If I did mess up and they have good reason to be angry, I will feel like total and absolute shit for a while, but basically also apply the deescalation strategy. That means conceding fault. apologizing and trying to calm them down.

 

[Jaguar]

It's mutual yelling with my brother and I.
It comes on quickly, gets loud as hell, then it's over.
I usually end up laughing at some point. (I think anger is funny.)

 

[Lady_X]

It's really funny when you're not in any way emotionally invested. Like someone at work coming in to have their lil public tantrum in hopes of getting their way like a child.

It's beyond ridiculous to see a grown man behave in such a way.

 

[Lark]

do you freeze, do you yell back, what do you do?


I freeze, unable to do anything, and than I cry- I wish i would stop this, but no matter how hard i try this is what happens.

It depends on a lot of things like if I've been having a bad day or not, who they are, if I've had any sleep but I dont freeze and I dont generally mirror any aggression towards me right away.

I will generally go into professional mode, take breath, relax myself physically if I can, use some verbal de-escalation techniques if I can, keep the person in the same space as me if I can and its safe to do so, sit down and see if I can bring them back to baseline, if its going to escalate out of control I'm either going to remove myself, remove any weapons/manage the environment as best I can, put distance between myself and them, all the good personal safety stuff. If its going to be totally unavoidable and I'm going to get attacked I'll consider whether I have to really fight for it or not.

 

[Lark]

I should have said with awesomeness. Although that's pretty much how I react to anything.

When I'm king I'll just have them sent to America to live in one of the capitalist communes see how they like that.

 

[Within]

do you freeze, do you yell back, what do you do?

I was raised in a rather spartan environment; Ten-hut!, but like disco said in the beginning of the thread, it depends on which loudmouth it is. I really don't like it when people yell at me in response to my usually logical arguments.

Edit; I try to avoid getting trampled on.

 

[Mia.]

My ESTJ can be a bit yell-happy. I tend to freeze. Their vision is based on movement.

 

[midnightstar]

I freeze like a rabbit in headlights

 

[miss fortune]

I simply sit and stare at the person with a blank expression... It tends to piss them off further that I'm NOT reacting... This amuses me much more than it should...

 

[Lark]

I simply sit and stare at the person with a blank expression... It tends to piss them off further that I'm NOT reacting... This amuses me much more than it should...

 

[Such Irony]

I don't do well with people yelling at me.

My natural instinct is to get all defensive and yell back which rarely produces good results.

Sometimes, I'll get hyper reasonable and tell them they are making a big deal out of nothing and try to rationalize things. This usually just makes things worse.

Sometimes I just walk away and tell them I'll talk when you're more calm. Mixed results on this strategy.

 

[Fluffywolf]

Although it depends on the situation.

If it is about a non-immidiate issue. I'd let them calm down before taking any action. So avoidance most likely.

If it's about a situation that is immidiate however, I focus on fixing that situation to the best of my ability, preferably without the shouter present in the same room. I am likely to kindly but sternly ask them to leave and let me take care of it.

If the shouter is essential for participation in the solving of the issue. I will try my best to diffuse the situation at first, but suppose even that fails, I would show frustration and try to point out the immidiate nature of the issue.

However, if the shouter is a known 'shouter' for any and every reason. Issues might be left to rot as I might not care enough to focus on the issue alltogether and leave the shouter with the pieces.

Hmm. I think that's about it.

 

[Thalassa]

It depends on who it is and what they're yelling about. I can yell back, but other times I just look at them and am like "um okay, what's this about." Sometimes my ESFJ ex would start yelling and because I learned over time he had severe emotional problems, I'd just be like "oh christ what now" and I wouldn't even engage.

I used to get upset and freeze or cry when I was younger, but I grew out of that, because it feels too much like giving up to me, I'm too much of a fighter to allow someone to overpower me that way.

I'm in the process now of trying to learn not to yell back, unless it's necessary to put the person in their place. I've come to the conclusion that reacting is warranted in some cases for putting certain people in their places (bullies) ...but in other cases, like with a friend or acquaintance you know isn't going to harm you, that it's best to literally disengage - not cry, not yell, just think "this isn't about me, this is about the person yelling" and fight fire with water, so to speak.

It's a completely different place than either crying or freezing or yelling, because it's not about giving up or being a victim, but about realizing that sometimes seeming passive is control, and the difference is how you feel on the inside and what you do subsequently.

 

[Thalassa]

I simply sit and stare at the person with a blank expression... It tends to piss them off further that I'm NOT reacting... This amuses me much more than it should...

WHAT A THINKER RESPONSE!!!

 

[Lark]

WHAT A THINKER RESPONSE!!!

 

[Thalassa]

I keep telling you I'm not a redhead.

 

[Thalassa]

We should all take siestas. For real the world needs to relax.

I believe in serving the world by taking naps;
Many people have concurred
That this is the best way I can be of help.
In my opinion, most people who try to do good
Probably ought to be taking naps, too.

~ The Tao of Meow

 

[Lady_X]

That's some philosophy I can get down with.