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Psychosis

prplchknz

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do you have psychosis
what form?
How is it being treated?
Do you have a hard time in social situations?
Do you feel afraid to tell people because of the stigma?
When you've told people, how have the generally reacted?
What are you symptoms (if you don't mind sharing)
 

ilikeitlikethat

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Been there, done that - lost the Tshirt.

I had 'self induced' psychosis when I was 18 doing this drug that awake for 4 days and this girl I liked at the time was pregnant with another man's kid and she lost the baby dumped me and asked out my brother while the girl I fell in love with for ages was with her B/F and I was in her neighbourhood auditionining for this movie the director said I'd be perfect for, I'm a musician, not an actor, but I did all anyway... I ended up thinking I didn't need sleep and I could save the world, like Jesus or something. I guess I went around feeling like Jesus haha towards the end, and that was cool.
I spent like the better part of 28 days in a mental hospital in 2005, that's also when I got diagnosed as Bipolar.
I've never been back but the whole trip/ I was auditioning for this movie in July after that girl lost her baby and I was in the Mental Hospital in August and by September 2005, I was like... 'Fuck it' got myself out and about again and enrolled into Lambeth College and started in September... I guess I felt like myself again by October/November and, 2006 was cool.


When thing happened to Charlie Sheen, I was like...
Fuck Charlie Sheen, 'Bi-Winning', I was Bi-Jesus.

Also, when I went into hosptal and half the town knew me as my street name 'Slash' because, that's what I was running around calling myself, my sister at the supermarket over heard two guys talking about me saying
'Have you heard, Slash went crazy'
or, something like that.

I know 2 people who went to the same mental hospital as me after I went and, because I went, they called on me. I only went there once, other people went there like 2, 3, 4 times, and for some reason, they really need it too, I think.
I've never been back 'except to visit those people' and... I'm 25 now. But I've been over the edge and came back stronger, I think. Also, a part of me feels really old for it, like... Time meant nothing as I waited those first couple of days I was in there.
Ohwell.
 

prplchknz

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yes
schizoaffective depressive subtype
meds and talk therapy (though i've kinda quit my meds and going to therapy)
yes I do, I don't always understand the motives of normal people or why I can't do something, it seems perfectly alright to me but than someone's like WTF? also on very rare occasions especially if i'm stressed i'll experience sensory overload in a crowded place
yes I am very afraid
sympathy or what is that? never had someone run away from me, met with curiosity like what are hearing voices like, do they tell you too stuff (not since highschool)
I hear voices on occasion, sometimes I'm delusional, I have very few visual hullicinations, I have somatic symptoms like my brain shocking me (I was checked for epilespy), I sometimes feel bugs crawling on me, I smell things that aren't there, I get suicidally depressed really easily, I say things that makes sense to me but not to others, sometimes I'm confused about where I am (the other night I wasn't sure if I was here or in africa) stress makes it worse.
 

ilikeitlikethat

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Now days I just smoke Marijuana and play guitar and just... Am glad I am me. :D

I went back to college less than a month of being in the nut house, it was hard but... Fuck... Never wanna do that again; and this was all my own doing, getting back on my feet my own way. Even though I had my family there, I decided to return to the real world. I remember once, on one of my last days at the hospital, having a morning to choose between staying on and living at the nut house, where it was safe, or trying my luck back out there in the real world where... It's not so safe; was thinking then suddenly I decided not to stay on at the hospital because it dawned on me, no matter how scary the outside world was, atleast it was real and, nothing could faught that.

This hospital was like a secluded commuity, with it's own shops and green land and stuff. I spent like 24 out of 28 days there.

Also, it was like rehab, no drugs, no booze, and nothing to do but get sober and get well and take your meds. The meds was the hardest part... The side effects made me sleepy and put on weight, I hated that... I came off my meds, after being weened off them in like early 2006.
 

SoraMayhem

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I have Bipolar 2 with psychotic symptoms, which I currently treat with CBT and DBT. I also smoke marijuana to help control my anxiety, which in turn keeps me from spiraling into psychosis. I understand exactly what you mean by not really understanding other people's motives, as well as by the sensory overload - I get that a lot in crowds. I usually don't tell people, but I have before. Most of my good friends know. I've had some issues with people judging me before, but at this point I'm more likely to keep it to myself until there's already a high level of trust. For the most part, people have been supportive, but I have been fired from a job before.... It's hard to gauge a reaction. My symptoms are generally very mild; mostly delusions of grandeur and paranoia. However, I do have this issue practically every day of my life, where shadows will morph into grotesque figures and demons, or whisps of fog will look like ghosts. I don't even believe in these things, but when I see them they look so incredibly real and tangible to me. Usually it happens at night, when I'm driving. I've always wondered if that was a symptom.
 

UniqueMixture

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Not as far as I know, though in college I was on Wellbutrin for a few months and I felt like I was living Donnie Darko. That was insane. I have struggled with depression. For me, the best therapy is regulating my mood through social interaction, time outdoors, excercise, and diet.
 

King sns

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do you have psychosis
what form?
bipolar 2 with psychotic symptoms
How is it being treated?
If I can stabilize the mood I generally don't have symptoms of psychosis, though I don't mind those symptoms as much, they are kind of cool sometimes.. I especially love the dreams during psychotic nights... But anyway, mood stabilizer and lots of exercise and generally keeping myself as healthy and well rounded as possible outside of the bipolar. Paranoid symptoms tend to disappear if I can control my anxiety so I need xanax lots but also lots and lots of exercise.. And a creative outlet helps but sometimes makes the situation worse.
Do you have a hard time in social situations?
Not usually, it depends on the situation
Do you feel afraid to tell people because of the stigma?
No, there is not as much of a stigma on these things nowadays, my friends know about it and the people who are important to me.
When you've told people, how have the generally reacted?
Very open and loving and "what can I do?" and all that kinds of stuff.. It's the extreme moods I don't like.
What are you symptoms (if you don't mind sharing)

I get a lot of random symptoms, the room will swim around me or I'll become really paranoid about every little thing... a little bit delusional.. basically I just get really imaginative and lost in my own world... Sometimes my senses will be really distorted like, a small pin can drop and it will sound like a boulder fell on my house. or Satan will be talking to me.. or even better, God! or one night I heard some guy rapping under water.. During complete breaks I just talk to a lot of spirits and learn a lot of stuff and feel really afraid that I might be dying. My dreams become really lucid and vivid and some of them really fun. I see lots of clear artistic images with my eyes closed (usually when sleep deprived for that one). Ummm... and then all the other symptoms that happen with the mood swings, not eating or sleeping for days, which can further the situation. Bugs crawling all over me, (tactile hallucinations). I'll just start smacking myself all over and then I generally start laughing because it's like so stereotypical crazy person.
 

prplchknz

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I think my psychosis got me in trouble with a bar last week, I had a really bad week and i'm thinking it may have played a part into my actions. I need to apologize, but i dunno if i should mention the reason why i was getting so drunk.

read my medical record from the place i was diagnosed at apparently i had flat affect and answered some questions bizzarely. and when i first got there was noted as incapable of expressing my needs
 

Moxiest

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I wonder if there is a correlation... did you notice, everyone who has admitted having psychosis is both N and P?
 

Moxiest

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Agreed. :)

I still think it is an interesting pattern.
 

Moxiest

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do you have psychosis
what form?
bipolar 2 with psychotic symptoms
How is it being treated?
If I can stabilize the mood I generally don't have symptoms of psychosis, though I don't mind those symptoms as much, they are kind of cool sometimes.. I especially love the dreams during psychotic nights... But anyway, mood stabilizer and lots of exercise and generally keeping myself as healthy and well rounded as possible outside of the bipolar. Paranoid symptoms tend to disappear if I can control my anxiety so I need xanax lots but also lots and lots of exercise.. And a creative outlet helps but sometimes makes the situation worse.
Do you have a hard time in social situations?
Not usually, it depends on the situation
Do you feel afraid to tell people because of the stigma?
No, there is not as much of a stigma on these things nowadays, my friends know about it and the people who are important to me.
When you've told people, how have the generally reacted?
Very open and loving and "what can I do?" and all that kinds of stuff.. It's the extreme moods I don't like.
What are you symptoms (if you don't mind sharing)

I get a lot of random symptoms, the room will swim around me or I'll become really paranoid about every little thing... a little bit delusional.. basically I just get really imaginative and lost in my own world... Sometimes my senses will be really distorted like, a small pin can drop and it will sound like a boulder fell on my house. or Satan will be talking to me.. or even better, God! or one night I heard some guy rapping under water.. During complete breaks I just talk to a lot of spirits and learn a lot of stuff and feel really afraid that I might be dying. My dreams become really lucid and vivid and some of them really fun. I see lots of clear artistic images with my eyes closed (usually when sleep deprived for that one). Ummm... and then all the other symptoms that happen with the mood swings, not eating or sleeping for days, which can further the situation. Bugs crawling all over me, (tactile hallucinations). I'll just start smacking myself all over and then I generally start laughing because it's like so stereotypical crazy person.

Is it scary when this happens, or fun? I bet the artistic images are really neat. Are you an artist? (I hope you don't mind me asking these questions... I am just very intrigued about what this must feel like)
 

RaptorWizard

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Schizotypal personality disorder is a personality disorder characterized by a need for social isolation, anxiety in social situations, odd behavior and thinking, and often unconventional beliefs. People with this disorder feel extreme discomfort with maintaining close relationships with people, and therefore they often don't. They frequently misinterpret situations as being strange or having unusual meaning for them. Paranormal and superstitious beliefs are not uncommon for these people. People with this disorder seek medical attention for things such as anxiety, depression, or other symptoms.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizotypal_personality_disorder
 

Moxiest

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Schizotypal personality disorder is a personality disorder characterized by a need for social isolation, anxiety in social situations, odd behavior and thinking, and often unconventional beliefs. People with this disorder feel extreme discomfort with maintaining close relationships with people, and therefore they often don't. They frequently misinterpret situations as being strange or having unusual meaning for them. Paranormal and superstitious beliefs are not uncommon for these people. People with this disorder seek medical attention for things such as anxiety, depression, or other symptoms.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizotypal_personality_disorder

Thank you for the link. :)

I am just curious as to what it is like to experience this sort of thing firsthand, you know?
 

King sns

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Is it scary when this happens, or fun? I bet the artistic images are really neat. Are you an artist? (I hope you don't mind me asking these questions... I am just very intrigued about what this must feel like)

Umm, I started painting after I started seeing all the images, but I'm not too good at it... I just do it for a relief... Most of the time it's "uh, here we go again" and esp. for irritating symptoms like paranoia or bugs on my skin. The imagination gets a little nerve wrecking too because I never know what kind of things I'm going to see, but that's the most fun. The images are like.... "wow! cool image! where is this coming from? did someone else draw this and put it in my head?" The dreams and stuff are lucid and like watching these epic movies. In my biggest psychotic break, I was scared shitless, I was practically screaming at the psychiatrist when he got a hold of me. I've seen hell, I actually know what it's like in hell... It's a freezing cold mess of rapists and murderers and angry people chattering really really loudly.... The sense of eternity is uncanny, and you are constantly reminded of all the evil that you've done.... Everything wrong and immoral and evil in your nature, whether it manifested fairly innocently or not, is blown up into this really pervasive feeling of guilt and shame and hopelessness. . And I've never done acid, or any other hallucinogenics for that matter.

My hobbies are actually quite the opposite- jogging and eating really healthy and meditating and doing just about everything it takes to relieve the pain. And prescribed medications of course. :)

Would I change my experience? No, but would I choose to continue? Really unsure, probably not.... It's extremely uncomfortable...
 

prplchknz

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confused 30% of the time about what is and isn't real and i know people are more confused than me. I'm not scared, but it sucks because sometimes the question of where are you? I don't know the answer sometimes I don't know the year sometimes I don't know if i'm sleeping or awake, having to deal with delusions such as people reading your mind bugs crawling on you. Its fun for a night, but try it every day of your life and it gets old fast.feeling isolated because you can't seem to reach out.
 

Moxiest

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Umm, I started painting after I started seeing all the images, but I'm not too good at it... I just do it for a relief... Most of the time it's "uh, here we go again" and esp. for irritating symptoms like paranoia or bugs on my skin. The imagination gets a little nerve wrecking too because I never know what kind of things I'm going to see, but that's the most fun. The images are like.... "wow! cool image! where is this coming from? did someone else draw this and put it in my head?" The dreams and stuff are lucid and like watching these epic movies. In my biggest psychotic break, I was scared shitless, I was practically screaming at the psychiatrist when he got a hold of me. I've seen hell, I actually know what it's like in hell... It's a freezing cold mess of rapists and murderers and angry people chattering really really loudly.... The sense of eternity is uncanny, and you are constantly reminded of all the evil that you've done.... Everything wrong and immoral and evil in your nature, whether it manifested fairly innocently or not, is blown up into this really pervasive feeling of guilt and shame and hopelessness. . And I've never done acid, or any other hallucinogenics for that matter.

My hobbies are actually quite the opposite- jogging and eating really healthy and meditating and doing just about everything it takes to relieve the pain. And prescribed medications of course. :)

Would I change my experience? No, but would I choose to continue? Really unsure, probably not.... It's extremely uncomfortable...

I think it is really neat that you are, kindof taking control of the situation by using the images as inspiration for your art :) I would love to see some of your work!
 

Moxiest

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confused 30% of the time about what is and isn't real and i know people are more confused than me. I'm not scared, but it sucks because sometimes the question of where are you? I don't know the answer sometimes I don't know the year sometimes I don't know if i'm sleeping or awake, having to deal with delusions such as people reading your mind bugs crawling on you. Its fun for a night, but try it every day of your life and it gets old fast.feeling isolated because you can't seem to reach out.

Do you take medicine for it? Do you find the medicine makes this better, or worse?

The reason I ask, is someone I know was given Haldol, long story as to why, and states the "medicine" made them "see things" something that has not happened before, or since the administration of this drug. (which causes me to wonder whether antipsychotics are beneficial or not)
 
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