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Accept your flaws

Cimarron

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How do you balance "self-improvement" vs. "accepting who you are"? Is there a point past which either of these is counterproductive/destructive, and you just should do each one to a moderate but not extreme degree?

How do the two not contradict each other?
 

1487610420

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How do you balance "self-improvement" vs. "accepting who you are"? Is there a point past which either of these is counterproductive/destructive, and you just should do each one to a moderate but not extreme degree?

How do the two not contradict each other?

When accepting who you are becomes a mentally reasoned excuse for avoiding improvement, out of fear.
 

wolfy

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How do you balance "self-improvement" vs. "accepting who you are"? Is there a point past which either of these is counterproductive/destructive, and you just should do each one to a moderate but not extreme degree?

How do the two not contradict each other?

It is like blame and responsibility. Responsibility looks forward and blame looks back. In the same vein, accepting who you are is honest evaluation, self improvement looks forward to who you could become.
 
R

RDF

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How do you balance "self-improvement" vs. "accepting who you are"? Is there a point past which either of these is counterproductive/destructive, and you just should do each one to a moderate but not extreme degree?

How do the two not contradict each other?

Take the example of a house:

I bought a little cottage on the lake. I would have preferred something bigger, but it was the only decent house in my price range. It is what it is. I guess I’ll just have to accept it as it is.

But because I saved money on the purchase, I have some money left over to at least make some improvements. I think I’ll have the bathroom remodeled.
 

Salomé

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From here:
Someone on a site I post at recently asked what people would choose between self-acceptance and self-improvement. It's a bad question because real self-acceptance is self-improvement. They are not separate things. The problem is when people don't really understand what self-acceptance is all about.

Some people take self-acceptance to mean "if I have an urge to say asshole things, I should let myself be an asshole and embrace my assholery in full." That's a very shallow understanding of self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is a psychological shift that happens when you forgive yourself for all the way you fail to measure up to your own--and others'--expectations.

Most of our expectations are held in secret. They're so subtle that you don't even realize how pervasive they are. It's like air: it's everywhere, so you don't notice it unless someone points it out. Expectations drive all of our self-improvement efforts, and all our self-management efforts. When you meditate because you don't like some aspect of your current experience or think there's something missing, you're dealing with self-acceptance. You're rejecting the part of your experience (and the part of you) you can't look at. It's what Jung meant when he was talking about the Shadow as a personality construct.

When you accept the way you feel and the chaos and confusion in your life and all the ways this moment might be missing something, you lose the urge to fight. You lose the urge to be an asshole. You see how it is and you figure out, very immediately, what's valuable in life and what you need to do--your mission. In other words, you take a big leap towards self-improvement.
Sounds like bollocks to me but you might find it helpful.
 

Elfa

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I try to accept myself as a person who aims self-improvement, but one who may make mistakes in the way. I accept my mistakes as a way to learning how to be better. I couldn't learn without experimenting, and mistakes are part of experimenting. And I accept that, trying not to blame myself and trying not to feel bad for missing sometimes. I don't see it as contradictory. :]
 

Rail Tracer

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How do you balance "self-improvement" vs. "accepting who you are"? Is there a point past which either of these is counterproductive/destructive, and you just should do each one to a moderate but not extreme degree?

How do the two not contradict each other?

When one is not helping the given situation.

When "accepting who you are" becomes an excuse to justify your actions or when "self-improvement" fails to allow you to see what is in front of you is really all you need.

Basically, when you fail to see what is in front of you.
 

Fluffywolf

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Rather then accepting your flaws, you should focus on understanding the limitations you have through those flaws. If you can accept those limitations, then you could accept the flaw.
 

Orangey

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I think simply using honesty as an heuristic would be better than "self-improvement" or "self-acceptance." If you can be honest with yourself about your flaws and how it's affecting your life/others, then you don't need to pursue any sort of silly self-improvement or acceptance regiments in order to arrive at a course of action that is situationally appropriate and helpful to you.
 

William K

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If it is only about your own expectations of life, then it's easy to just accept yourself as you are. However, there are also the expectations of your family, friends, colleagues and society in general and unless you want to live as a hermit, you'll need to make constant adjustments. It often becomes not only "accepting your flaws" but also getting others to understand and accept it.

I prefer to think of it as limitations rather than flaws as we can't be good at everything and just because we aren't good at something doesn't make us defective. The key is knowing where your limits are and where you are in relation to those limits. If you have not reached the limit yet, there is space for improvement. Think of it like a high jumper. There is a certain height that you won't be able to overcome regardless of what training you do or steroids you take. But that doesn't mean you can't improve on your current personal best until you reach that limit.

In the end it comes down to prioritization. We may not have the resources (time, money, knowledge, etc) to improve everything we are weak at. So a judgment call has to be made as to which areas we want to improve and which we just have to learn to accept (and adapt) to.
 

Coriolis

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Take the example of a house:

I bought a little cottage on the lake. I would have preferred something bigger, but it was the only decent house in my price range. It is what it is. I guess I’ll just have to accept it as it is.

But because I saved money on the purchase, I have some money left over to at least make some improvements. I think I’ll have the bathroom remodeled.
I also like the example of a job. I don't refuse to do my current job or to cash my paychecks because I hope to get a better job with a higher salary in another year or two.

The balance is accepting who you are today, while becoming a better you for tomorrow. A big part of this self-acceptance is accepting your past since, however you feel about it, there is no way you can change it. You can only change from today forward. It's when you won't change what you can change that you have given up.
 

EJCC

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It is like blame and responsibility. Responsibility looks forward and blame looks back. In the same vein, accepting who you are is honest evaluation, self improvement looks forward to who you could become.
^ This.

I would also add that sometimes what you might initially see as a curse is actually a blessing. There comes a point, after realizing what your flaws are, when you realize that some of them are actually things that you personally value, and that you take pride in (in moderation). For example, if you're brutally honest, you may want to rein yourself in a little to avoid offending people, but if you stopped telling it like you see it, that would be sad, and you would probably hate it.
 

INTP

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accepting your flaws doesent mean that you cant work on them.
 

raindancing

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How can you decide what you want to improve or change if you don't have an honest view of yourself?
 
G

garbage

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A mentality of "Everyone's fucked up in some way, and we all manage to get by. So, flaws ain't so bad."

It's trite but true, and it's easier and easier to internalize over time.

Your boss lets stress get to him and lashes out at people. People walking down the street are insecure and think that you and others are actually paying attention to them. Your parents aren't as all-knowing as you once thought. .. so on and so forth.
 

INTP

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How can you decide what you want to improve or change if you don't have an honest view of yourself?

introspect and listen to the feedback you get from external world, but dont think the feedback is the ultimate truth, since people dont know always whats the reason behind your actions etc. so their view on you is flawed. knowing this, you should only use the feedback as comparison and guide on your introspection.
 

onemoretime

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Seems like it's all about the mindset. You start by accepting yourself for who you are. Then, you set goals for yourself, with specific time limits. If you accomplish those goals in that time period, then that's fantastic. If you don't, then just modify the time period. If you get to the point that you no longer think it's worth the effort, then don't do it anymore. At no point during this process, though, does your accomplishment or non-accomplishment have any bearing on your self-worth. It's just something you're doing.
 

raindancing

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introspect and listen to the feedback you get from external world, but dont think the feedback is the ultimate truth, since people dont know always whats the reason behind your actions etc. so their view on you is flawed. knowing this, you should only use the feedback as comparison and guide on your introspection.

Exactly, exactly. And don't think you know the ultimate truth either. (Question, strive, analyze. At least that's what I do. ;))
 

INTP

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Exactly, exactly. And don't think you know the ultimate truth either. (Question, strive, analyze. At least that's what I do. ;))

well, i dont think you need to know the ultimate truth(as in analyzed thoroughly by INTP standards) to notice stuff like you tend to start arguing too easily or correct people too much. oh and dream analyzing can be really helpful thing as part of the introspection
 

raindancing

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well, i dont think you need to know the ultimate truth(as in analyzed thoroughly by INTP standards) to notice stuff like you tend to start arguing too easily or correct people too much. oh and dream analyzing can be really helpful thing as part of the introspection

I don't know if it would be even possible to know the ultimate truth... or even if you did, how would you know you know it?
Did I just claim there was an ultimate truth? :angry:

I don't know about need. I am thinking about intellectual honesty. "a virtuous disposition to eschew deception when given an incentive for deception."
Self deception, in this instance. In many ways, the most tempting thing.
Perhaps to me this is a need. Not much makes me more sick than to find I've been laboring under self deception.

I have only tried dream analyzing in a very superficial way, but it is intriguing. Are there any resources you'd recommend?
 
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