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telling the truth

miss fortune

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I've been quite the liar for most of my life... it was the easy way not to let people down and to still get what I wanted out of any given situation. The more I practiced it the easier it was to the point where I could tell a lie without batting an eye. Lying enabled me to get what I thought I needed and covered for me so that I could be who or what I wanted to be. If I'd been a superhero, lying would have been my superpower :cool:

a while back I decided to quit and just tell the truth, no matter how bad of an idea my brain was telling me that it was. I have to set things right somehow, so why not start by being honest? :huh:

being honest with myself was probably the most painful part... there's certain things that nobody really wants to realize about themselves, though being honest with others was a challenge as well because my brain was just PROGRAMMED to lie... that was my impulse response :unsure:

I've been working on this for over a year... as I started just telling the truth I've lost the ability to lie well at all. On the bright side, I don't have to dedicate NEARLY as much mental space to keeping straight what I told who and how to keep the facade going smoothly... kind of a feeling of relief in a way, though I occasionally offend people by accident and I don't really feel like I have the same control over my life that I once did :ninja:

has anyone else tried to just tell the truth no matter what? how has it worked out? :)
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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has anyone else tried to just tell the truth no matter what? how has it worked out? :)
I try never to lie, by which I mean say something that I know to be untrue. I don't find this too difficult; in fact, I find it hard to say something false. On the other hand, I am very good at not answering, giving partial answers, or steering the conversation away from the question so it just gets forgotten. I won't lie, but I freely withhold the truth if it serves my purposes.
 

NotOfTwo

small potatoes
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I try never to lie, by which I mean say something that I know to be untrue. I don't find this too difficult; in fact, I find it hard to say something false. On the other hand, I am very good at not answering, giving partial answers, or steering the conversation away from the question so it just gets forgotten. I won't lie, but I freely withhold the truth if it serves my purposes.

+1
I do all those things too. Lying is my last choice, but I usually don't need to. I don't like lying but I can dance circles around the bush.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
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I try never to lie, by which I mean say something that I know to be untrue. I don't find this too difficult; in fact, I find it hard to say something false. On the other hand, I am very good at not answering, giving partial answers, or steering the conversation away from the question so it just gets forgotten. I won't lie, but I freely withhold the truth if it serves my purposes.
With acquaintances I have no problem withholding personal information even if it requires skewing the facts a little. This is especially true if I'm not feeling well. If I don't think the person comprehends migraines, then I just say I'm sick. I think it is not their prerogative to know the "truth" especially if it is personal or I know they won't comprehend it. In that way the "truth" ends up being false because it is perceived in a mixed up way. Sometimes when people ask pointed questions I can't think fast enough not to answer, but I end up feeling a bit irked that they got the info out of me even though i didn't really want to share it. This is especially true if they ask financial questions. I don't think people in general are entitled to all information.
 

Rail Tracer

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I try never to lie, by which I mean say something that I know to be untrue. I don't find this too difficult; in fact, I find it hard to say something false. On the other hand, I am very good at not answering, giving partial answers, or steering the conversation away from the question so it just gets forgotten. I won't lie, but I freely withhold the truth if it serves my purposes.

+1
I do all those things too. Lying is my last choice, but I usually don't need to. I don't like lying but I can dance circles around the bush.

+2

I'm generally able to keep a straight face, but not when it comes to flat-out lying about something.
 
N

NPcomplete

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I try never to lie, by which I mean say something that I know to be untrue. I don't find this too difficult; in fact, I find it hard to say something false. On the other hand, I am very good at not answering, giving partial answers, or steering the conversation away from the question so it just gets forgotten. I won't lie, but I freely withhold the truth if it serves my purposes.

Pretty much this.

Besides there are almost always loopholes that one can use.
 

Salomé

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has anyone else tried to just tell the truth no matter what? how has it worked out? :)

I am a pathological truth-teller.
It doesn't always work out so well.
But I hate liars with a passion, and I never want to become something I hate.

Plus there is this compulsion to see what happens when everything is laid bare and exposed down to the bone, which is just part of the INTP mindset, I think. Less morality than curiosity.
 

xisnotx

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I posted a similar thread some time ago and was told I had no integrity.

I don't really lie anymore...I'm just blunt with what I have to say.

"What did you buy at the store?"
"I don't want to tell you."

*blank stare*

Because I don't...it's why I used to lie in those situations. It was easier to just lie.

Also, is it a lie if you know someone will draw a conclusion that isn't true...but you don't want to go into the details of the situation?
 
T

ThatGirl

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I don't lie. This habit is so bad that if my brain accidentally mixes up a fact as I tell it, the incident haunts me for quite some time. Yet at the same time it is awkward to go back and fix the things I have said.

For instance, a while back I was speaking to someone about books we have read. I stated that I had read Anna Karenina and recommended it. The conversation had been moving pretty quickly so I didn't have the chance to go back and state that I had only read a portion of the book, then watched the movie.

For three days after the incident I tried to think of a way to re-initiate the conversation and make the correction before I finally realized, most people probably don't care about something like that, and let the idea go.

So you can see not only am I a terrible liar, but a lie also haunts me. I feel like if I tell the truth, nothing can ever come back to bite me when I am least expecting it (I already told you!). I also hate when people lie to me, because I end up having to deal with situations that don't actually exist. I think the world would be a fantastic place if people learned not only to tell the truth, but become more accepting of different people's perception as well.

Because that isn't the case, I just keep most of my thoughts to myself, and seek out people with whom I can be honest with.
 

Owlesque

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I try never to lie, by which I mean say something that I know to be untrue. I don't find this too difficult; in fact, I find it hard to say something false. On the other hand, I am very good at not answering, giving partial answers, or steering the conversation away from the question so it just gets forgotten. I won't lie, but I freely withhold the truth if it serves my purposes.

This.
 

bluestripes

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my principle right now is to tell the truth wherever possible. if i feel i can't, or am going to hurt someone where i should not, then shut up. (there are situations where one does have to mention unpleasant facts because it is going to be more useful in the long term, those are different)

i used to lie a lot as a defensive mechanism. i was afraid of someone overreacting to something i would say or do and then myself overreacting to them and feeling scarred, so i would hide, evade and tell outright lies. i've grown to be very good at that. i think this is the reason why i am so sick of it. i would rather not have to do this again if it can be helped.
 

Salomé

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I don't lie. This habit is so bad that if my brain accidentally mixes up a fact as I tell it, the incident haunts me for quite some time. Yet at the same time it is awkward to go back and fix the things I have said.

For instance, a while back I was speaking to someone about books we have read. I stated that I had read Anna Karenina and recommended it. The conversation had been moving pretty quickly so I didn't have the chance to go back and state that I had only read a portion of the book, then watched the movie.

For three days after the incident I tried to think of a way to re-initiate the conversation and make the correction before I finally realized, most people probably don't care about something like that, and let the idea go.

So you can see not only am I a terrible liar, but a lie also haunts me. I feel like if I tell the truth, nothing can ever come back to bite me when I am least expecting it (I already told you!). I also hate when people lie to me, because I end up having to deal with situations that don't actually exist. I think the world would be a fantastic place if people learned not only to tell the truth, but become more accepting of different people's perception as well.

Because that isn't the case, I just keep most of my thoughts to myself, and seek out people with whom I can be honest with.

Not that you'd care or anything, but this has changed my perception of you considerably for the better. It's kind of adorable.
 

Magic Poriferan

^He pronks, too!
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I try not to lie. Sometimes I do. The lies are almost invariably about rather important things and they just happen in the flow of conversation. Odds are it means I'm disinterested and I'm just taking perfunctory action to keep the conversation going. In some cases I will lie in response to something big, which may require may to backtrack when I realized the person just said something really important. I might tell them to back up and correct myself. It's never really a deliberate thing.

In the deliberate realm, I very rarely lie. Philosophically, I'm usually against lying, I am neurotically discomforted by lying, and I'm just a terrible liar anyway so it would be kind of pointless. One time I had a paper to turn in for my English class, it was about logic. As I usually do, I wrote beyond my page limit and then had to cut it down. Even after so much word and sentence trimming, I was still barely over, so I modified my definitions of inductive and deductive logic in a way that made them briefer but technically false. I must have spent hours looking for an alternative the day before I had to turn it in, and I was incapable of sleeping that night. I felt horrible. I almost told my professor that I was being misinformative at that part, but at that point the paper was already done, so it was kind of pointless.

I also remember telling a shop owner that I'd return to a store that I ultimately never returned to. It still makes me feel like crap. :cry:

I think I do have a bad habit of concealing information at times when I should correct people. Not lying per se, but kind of deceptive. It's just because people tend to react so badly to being corrected, but that's really no justification and I should probably get over it.
 

CashmanGreen

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Only an honest man lives without fear.... random famous quote by google it
 

Qlip

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I try not to lie. Sometimes I do. The lies are almost invariably about rather important things and they just happen in the flow of conversation. Odds are it means I'm disinterested and I'm just taking perfunctory action to keep the conversation going. In some cases I will lie in response to something big, which may require may to backtrack when I realized the person just said something really important. I might tell them to back up and correct myself. It's never really a deliberate thing.

What do you consider important? Are the lies like that you like Hugh Grant movies, or are they like you have a chronic disease?
 

EJCC

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I tell the truth by default, mostly because I was born without a bullshitting gene. :laugh: i.e. it doesn't even cross my mind to lie and/or mess with people, a lot of the time. And even if I did lie, I would not be able to think of more details to fill out the lie, quickly enough. (Which is what I mean by "I was born without a bullshitting gene" -- keeping and maintaining lies is hard for me and my brain is sluggish about it, so I don't even bother.)

Now, of course, I've built a moral code based around my inability to lie effectively :laugh: (and my resulting expectation that everyone else function that way too :doh:), and so I do tell the truth no matter what. Like [MENTION=9811]Coriolis[/MENTION] and others, I find ways around flat-out telling the truth when it could hurt my personal relationships, but I'm not that good at maneuvering around tricky questions, or redirecting conversations; what I am good at is being vague, and omitting information. (e.g. someone asks me what I did over the summer, I say that I went to visit family in the South, which is true, but I don't say that I went there to help my mom and her family deal with the loss of my grandmother, and to help them deal with selling the family home, which was their only connection to the town they grew up in.) So, a lot of my friends think they know me very, very well, because I will answer even the deepest questions -- but the thing is, I answer those deep questions in brief Te summaries, and I'm not going to bring up other deep topics of my own accord.

EDIT: I also relate to [MENTION=4384]ThatGirl[/MENTION]'s story about Anna Karenina. :yes:
 

Nales

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It takes a lot to never lie at all. Frankly, I'm skeptical about anyone who claims they never lie. After all, from the beginning society asks us to constantly use white lies whenever there's a risk of disappointing or shocking someone.

When a female friend asks you "Did I gain weight?" and you're sure she did, will you really be honest and tell that to her?
When a male friend asks you "How was I?" after doing a horrible speech before 20 people, will you really be honest and tell him he was bad?
When someone is interested in you but you are not, will you really be honest from the start instead of letting him suffer from false hope for days, weeks or months?

If you're honest even in those cases, I'm still skeptical but I admire you if it's true. :)

I've recently decided I would feel better if I never lied at all. But I've found lying has become part of my life. Besides, to me, telling the truth isn't the same as "never lying". If I feel an information I have is related to someone, and I don't tell them this information, then I'm not telling the truth.
 
G

Ginkgo

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I try never to lie, by which I mean say something that I know to be untrue. I don't find this too difficult; in fact, I find it hard to say something false. On the other hand, I am very good at not answering, giving partial answers, or steering the conversation away from the question so it just gets forgotten. I won't lie, but I freely withhold the truth if it serves my purposes.

Would you consider this sort of behavior "lying by omission"?
 

Saslou

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Have i lied? Of course. Sometimes i keep my mouth shut to avoid conflict but at other times i can be so incredibly blunt/honest.
 

Coriolis

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When a female friend asks you "Did I gain weight?" and you're sure she did, will you really be honest and tell that to her?
When a male friend asks you "How was I?" after doing a horrible speech before 20 people, will you really be honest and tell him he was bad?
When someone is interested in you but you are not, will you really be honest from the start instead of letting him suffer from false hope for days, weeks or months?

If you're honest even in those cases, I'm still skeptical but I admire you if it's true. :)

I've recently decided I would feel better if I never lied at all. But I've found lying has become part of my life. Besides, to me, telling the truth isn't the same as "never lying". If I feel an information I have is related to someone, and I don't tell them this information, then I'm not telling the truth.
I won't claim that I never lie, but I would in fact tell the truth in situations like those you describe. If I could really tell that a friend had gained weight, I would say so if asked. If I felt the need to mitigate potentially hurt feelings, I would do it in another way. As for the speech, I have been known to criticize in such cases without being asked, so if someone does ask, I take it as license to be especially thorough (though hopefully constructive).

Yes, lying and not telling the truth are not the same. One is an action, and the other is inaction. Relevance to the other person is beside the point. If you withhold information you know to be correct, you are "not telling the truth", but that is not lying, it is not saying anything. I often tread the middle ground, saying only what truths I am willing to share.

Would you consider this sort of behavior "lying by omission"?
Only if the omission implies its opposite. If the boss calls and asks who else is at work today, and I answer "Bob and Sue", this implies anyone not mentioned is not at work. If I know Anne and Jack are also in, my response would be a lie. If Bob asks what I did over the weekend and I mention going hiking, but not several other things I did, this is not a lie (assuming I really did hike). He has no expectations of what I did, and no need to know more than I want to share.
 
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