bluestripes
curiouser and curiouser
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2011
- Messages
- 180
- MBTI Type
- Fi
- Enneagram
- 4
re: anger -
i am divided about that. on one hand, i would be inclined to agree with [MENTION=5489]shortnsweet[/MENTION] about anger not (normally) being catharthic. for one, it is difficult to get rid of completely - the more i try to express it, the more appears to remain. when it does subside, it leaves me exhausted and feeling as if i had dirtied myself somehow. perhaps it is the guilt that comes from knowing that i'd taken it out on someone else - when this does happen - or from the anger itself being potentially self-destructive.
during my angry spells, i try to stay in a peaceful environment whenever possible, because this helps me calm down sooner, and limit my contact with others to a minimum (unless i know the person's presence is going to have a soothing influence on me - i have a few friends like that). this reduces the chances of letting off steam at the expense of someone who has nothing to do with my mood. i have seen too much of this while growing up and i know from first-hand experience how devastating this can be for all the parties involved, so i try as much as i can to avoid doing the same to others.
on the other hand, i agree with [MENTION=4945]EJCC[/MENTION]'s distinction between unproductive anger, which can permanently sour or ruin one's relationships with other people and doesn't lead to any constructive solutions, and productive anger, which causes one to emerge from one's shell and do something, change the situation one is in.
as unpleasant as my angry moods are, i think they are a positive sign. when somebody is stepping on one's throat and making one feel threatened, anger is a natural response, but i felt none for years. my reaction to having my privacy invaded or being pressured into doing something that did not agree with me was to retreat into myself. i felt hurt, sometimes severely so, but i would bottle it up. the only means i knew of resisting the outside pressure was to be passive and refuse to do, well, anything - both that which i wanted, and what was wanted from me. the fact that i actually feel angry now indicates that i am developing a normal urge to protect myself, at least on a very primal level. true, i and my mom have already resolved our conflict (for the most part), so it feels as if my emotional response was delayed, at best, by three or four years, and, as such, rather pointless. as they say in lithuanian, "like having a spoon handed to you after dinner is over". but i think it is good that it is showing at all. the anger does have to find some way out. and at least i am no longer directing it inward and destroying myself in the process.
the problem for me is that i haven't reached the stage where the anger turns into action. this does not happen automatically with me. so i'm still in a state of inner semi-paralysis - waiting for the anger to spill over the edge, i suppose, and force me to act more autonomous almost against my will. for someone who is naturally more active it could be very different.
i am divided about that. on one hand, i would be inclined to agree with [MENTION=5489]shortnsweet[/MENTION] about anger not (normally) being catharthic. for one, it is difficult to get rid of completely - the more i try to express it, the more appears to remain. when it does subside, it leaves me exhausted and feeling as if i had dirtied myself somehow. perhaps it is the guilt that comes from knowing that i'd taken it out on someone else - when this does happen - or from the anger itself being potentially self-destructive.
during my angry spells, i try to stay in a peaceful environment whenever possible, because this helps me calm down sooner, and limit my contact with others to a minimum (unless i know the person's presence is going to have a soothing influence on me - i have a few friends like that). this reduces the chances of letting off steam at the expense of someone who has nothing to do with my mood. i have seen too much of this while growing up and i know from first-hand experience how devastating this can be for all the parties involved, so i try as much as i can to avoid doing the same to others.
on the other hand, i agree with [MENTION=4945]EJCC[/MENTION]'s distinction between unproductive anger, which can permanently sour or ruin one's relationships with other people and doesn't lead to any constructive solutions, and productive anger, which causes one to emerge from one's shell and do something, change the situation one is in.
as unpleasant as my angry moods are, i think they are a positive sign. when somebody is stepping on one's throat and making one feel threatened, anger is a natural response, but i felt none for years. my reaction to having my privacy invaded or being pressured into doing something that did not agree with me was to retreat into myself. i felt hurt, sometimes severely so, but i would bottle it up. the only means i knew of resisting the outside pressure was to be passive and refuse to do, well, anything - both that which i wanted, and what was wanted from me. the fact that i actually feel angry now indicates that i am developing a normal urge to protect myself, at least on a very primal level. true, i and my mom have already resolved our conflict (for the most part), so it feels as if my emotional response was delayed, at best, by three or four years, and, as such, rather pointless. as they say in lithuanian, "like having a spoon handed to you after dinner is over". but i think it is good that it is showing at all. the anger does have to find some way out. and at least i am no longer directing it inward and destroying myself in the process.
the problem for me is that i haven't reached the stage where the anger turns into action. this does not happen automatically with me. so i'm still in a state of inner semi-paralysis - waiting for the anger to spill over the edge, i suppose, and force me to act more autonomous almost against my will. for someone who is naturally more active it could be very different.
