Intoverts, extroverts and dependency upon social networks or friends

[Lark]

Are I or E more or less dependent upon their friends and which are more effected by breakdowns in friendships or when friends become hostile and become enemies?

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Just found your thread. It is an interesting question. My guess is that if the friendship is a significant one for the introvert, it may represent a much larger part of their socialization than for an extrovert, so the effect may be more all encompassing. The other side of the issue is that the extrovert is more invested in social relationships and so the loss is significant. Probably in both instances it is the quality of the friendship that determines the degree of loss.

I'm on the extreme end of introversion and even notice it in my forum interactions in which my posts are too long and too focused on some aspect of a thread and can end up off topic very, very easily because each topic has so many possibilities, and in some cases I think about many of them, but just post on one aspect of it. Introverts, especially if far to that end of the spectrum, can have social rhythm that is really off from the norm and so they don't end up with that many social connections. I don't think people usually become my enemy, but more just drift away or lose interest. I get disappointed about that, but don't have as strong of an expectation to connect in the first place. The downside for strongly introverted people is that when they lose a friend, the inclination is to withdraw from people rather than going out and getting another one.

 

[Redbone]

I think it goes deeper than E or I differences. Both of my sisters are extroverted and on the surface, they appear to treat friendships the same. But my oldest sister (ENTJ) has lost friends and was devastated by it. She was all bluster on the outside but on the inside, she was having a hard time being rejected. I saw it but I am the only person that would have picked that up. No way she'd let anyone know she was hurt. People that turned against her didn't live long after they did it. Revenge is in order when people turn on her.

My other sister (ESFP) will be angry, hurt, and talk about how rotten the other person was. But after she's expressed all of this, she moves on like nothing has happened. She forgets about them, collects others friends/interests, and just does her thing.

It is my ENTJ sister that is deeply affected by this. I have noticed that despite their extroversion, ENTs do not necessarily let anyone and everyone get close to them. They tend to be highly complex and slow to reveal that complexity. So, it's pretty damaging to her when she lets someone get close and call them a "friend" and then it goes sour. I would also say she is dependent on her social networks. She seems kinda lost without people to boss around and organize things. She swears that she doesn't really like people or want to be around them too much but it's more like she gets tired of people not making sense, blocking goals, or not getting things done. She wants to be around them, socialize, and accomplish things. Unhappy without it.

My other sister pretty much feels that there are always new and shiny people out there to befriend, so why be broken up about the past? She is very dependent upon how much impact (negative or positive) she has with her immediate audience so she has less attachment to her social network. I don't think she has all that many friends right now.

 

[Jaguar]

You make it sound as if "friends becoming hostile and enemies" is commonplace. That's bizarre. Regardless, I take people on a case-by-case basis. Just because Bill with a big, black, cock does X, doesn't mean anyone else will. Oh, wait. I'm confused, isn't this the racist thread? Hmm . . .

 

[Anew Leaf]

You make it sound as if "friends becoming hostile and enemies" is commonplace. That's bizarre. Regardless, I take people on a case-by-case basis. Just because Bill with a big, black, cock does X, doesn't mean anyone else will. Oh, wait. I'm confused, isn't this the racist thread? Hmm . . .

I am offended by this post.

Time to doorslam.

Are I or E more or less dependent upon their friends and which are more effected by breakdowns in friendships or when friends become hostile and become enemies?

I am not particularly dependent on my friends... for... anything. And that is a problem I have. I tend to prefer dealing with everything on my own, by myself. And when I do break down and seek help from others, I really appreciate it.

I am a friend fo life kind of gal... however, there are times when I have to cut people loose. If they get hostile towards me or get upset, I tend to ignore them and shut down emotionally and I just don't care.

 

[Jaguar]

I am offended by this post.

Time to doorslam.

I'm offended that you're offended.

Time to doorslam.

 

[Anew Leaf]

I'm offended that you're offended.

Time to doorslam.

I'm offended that you have the audacity to be offended by me being offended.

 

[Jaguar]

I'm offended that you have the audacity to be offended by me being offended.

I find this offensive. Are you I or E?

 

[Anew Leaf]

I find this offensive. Are you I or E?

I find it offensive that my I/E preference is under attack and being questioned! I am so glad I doorslammed you.

 

[KDude]

Hmm.. I can't say I have any best friends, so I wouldn't know. I might depend on them if I did. I'm not sure. I place myself in the introvert category, but without any of the solid friendships and "go to people". Lots of people kind of drift in and out. Some are cool to talk to or ask something at times, but I wouldn't say I depend on them.

 

[miss fortune]

I occasionally declare people to be Dead To Me and block their numbers on my phone and never speak of them again, but it's only after they do something to kill the friendship

otherwise, I don't really have many friends in the first place, so this really isn't much of a concern

 

[xisnotx]

Perhaps the latter questioned can be answered by individual functions? Fe, I'd imagine, more prone to being affected by people than Te. Fi less likely to be disturbed by it....Ti being more likely? Just a thought.

 

[SilkRoad]

It's an interesting question. I was going to make a couple of arguments about how this might be an I vs E thing, or more of a J vs P thing, or Fe vs Fi, etc... Then I realised that none of them particularly held up and that the opposite could probably be just as effectively argued.

I grieve a lot over any type of relationship (friendship, or more) that ends, and it affects me very badly. It affects me badly partly because it tends to be accompanied by a lot of anger on my part. Usually, there's a feeling that the person has treated me badly (anger at them), a feeling that I could have headed off the problems sooner (anger at myself)...etc. If there is a romantic element it can literally take me years to get over my hurt feelings, sadness and anger...it's pretty bad.

If friendships just drift, that's one thing. It can be sad, but it's life. In those cases I would hope that maybe we could reconnect somewhere down the line, or at least be friendly in passing at some point.

I do have a lot of people in my life. A small number of very close friends, a larger number of friends who aren't so close but I still like a lot and spend time with, a lot of acquaintances who aren't close but I have cordial feelings for them. But one person doesn't really replace another. I admit that sometimes developing a crush on a new person has helped me get over one who's out of my life, for instance. But the person who is gone is still unique and irreplaceable in my life - even if it's better for them to be gone.

There are a small number of people who I do rely a lot on. They might not even realise it. I mean, they know that I like or even love them - I make that clear enough. But I look self-sufficient - far more so than I actually am. These people probably don't know that I think of them every day (and these are just friends, or my family - not an SO) and that even the thought of them is something I lean on and that gives me comfort in a difficult world.

 

[SilkRoad]

I think it goes deeper than E or I differences. Both of my sisters are extroverted and on the surface, they appear to treat friendships the same. But my oldest sister (ENTJ) has lost friends and was devastated by it. She was all bluster on the outside but on the inside, she was having a hard time being rejected. I saw it but I am the only person that would have picked that up. No way she'd let anyone know she was hurt. People that turned against her didn't live long after they did it. Revenge is in order when people turn on her.

My other sister (ESFP) will be angry, hurt, and talk about how rotten the other person was. But after she's expressed all of this, she moves on like nothing has happened. She forgets about them, collects others friends/interests, and just does her thing.

It is my ENTJ sister that is deeply affected by this. I have noticed that despite their extroversion, ENTs do not necessarily let anyone and everyone get close to them. They tend to be highly complex and slow to reveal that complexity. So, it's pretty damaging to her when she lets someone get close and call them a "friend" and then it goes sour. I would also say she is dependent on her social networks. She seems kinda lost without people to boss around and organize things. She swears that she doesn't really like people or want to be around them too much but it's more like she gets tired of people not making sense, blocking goals, or not getting things done. She wants to be around them, socialize, and accomplish things. Unhappy without it.

My other sister pretty much feels that there are always new and shiny people out there to befriend, so why be broken up about the past? She is very dependent upon how much impact (negative or positive) she has with her immediate audience so she has less attachment to her social network. I don't think she has all that many friends right now.

I found this all really interesting. From what I've observed this seems fairly accurate about the average ESFP.

I don't know if you have the experience to say, but do you think that ESTJs are similar in this regard to how you've described your ENTJ sister? I have known a couple of ESTJs and I've wondered this about them. I don't think they would hardly admit it but I think it is possible that they are very deeply affected when they lose someone - far more than they'd show externally.

 

[Redbone]

I found this all really interesting. From what I've observed this seems fairly accurate about the average ESFP.

I don't know if you have the experience to say, but do you think that ESTJs are similar in this regard to how you've described your ENTJ sister? I have known a couple of ESTJs and I've wondered this about them. I don't think they would hardly admit it but I think it is possible that they are very deeply affected when they lose someone - far more than they'd show externally.

Yes. I have an ESTJ that I am very close to and he is the same as my sister in this. Their motto is "deny until death". Then again, they may not have to deny anything because it is unlikely that anyone will know they are affected anyway. I think if they suffer rejection in a deep relationship, it's likely to permanently affect them.

 

[Vilku]

im definately extro. the more i speak with a friend (or anyone in that case.), the quicker and more i will start speaking as i gain more energy to use for it.

but only more than too often, i avoid interacting as i dont want to create bad conversations just cause i didnt poses the energy before hand to make good conversation right from the beginning.

to this i try hard to do all kinds of things in internet to energize me but eh, it just doesnt seem to cure the stress. and quite the opposite, guess i long for quality conversations to energize myself.

a paradox, how wonderful.

or actually the reason i avoid them is, that i feel mentally crippled in the conversation unless im physically on my top condition, thus meaning well rested, which i cant really achieve without the energy to sleep with quality.

and i always know how easily i can make new friends, if only they speak english that is. but yeah, resource scarce here and thus hard to energize myself.

 

[SD45T-2]

I found this all really interesting. From what I've observed this seems fairly accurate about the average ESFP.

I don't know if you have the experience to say, but do you think that ESTJs are similar in this regard to how you've described your ENTJ sister? I have known a couple of ESTJs and I've wondered this about them. I don't think they would hardly admit it but I think it is possible that they are very deeply affected when they lose someone - far more than they'd show externally.

I related to pretty much all of this:

It is my ENTJ sister that is deeply affected by this. I have noticed that despite their extroversion, ENTs do not necessarily let anyone and everyone get close to them. They tend to be highly complex and slow to reveal that complexity. So, it's pretty damaging to her when she lets someone get close and call them a "friend" and then it goes sour. I would also say she is dependent on her social networks. She seems kinda lost without people to boss around and organize things. She swears that she doesn't really like people or want to be around them too much but it's more like she gets tired of people not making sense, blocking goals, or not getting things done. She wants to be around them, socialize, and accomplish things. Unhappy without it.

 

[Omission1234]

I have a good number of friends off the internet and "social networking sites" ....actually I don't have facebook, twitter and if I know someone from a group site(except this one) I know them in real life and they generally rock. It has to be something pretty big for me to shut down a friendship with someone. But yeah I have a solid group of like 10-15 friends which \i hang out with, and they aren't all friends with each other but they are all cool with me

But yeah Im really shy in person and spend alot of time alone doing projects. Once I get to know the new friend and we have real honest chats.. well then we talk about anything all the time and its funny and i seem really extroverted.


-Yeah in short I think its more likely Ill get frustrated with little things and then moreso frustrated with myself for that behaviour.(than say over my friends) The only friendships I've ended abruptly were when the other person insulted my lifestyle + me + family + genetics + dreams ... all in one.. and then wouldn't stop raggin' on me..

Really that's it... otherwise I'm pretty chill to get along with.




- just realised i never answered the initial question exactly..
- I don't get too involved in my friends drama's: if two of my friends are angry/in a row with eachother.. I stay clear of the topic and talk to both of them still.
- Its usually just facebook drama they seem to have with eachother which is hilarious.. because i dont have facebook, soo i never know what they are talking about, why the post was important in the first place and why they may have an anneurism from it. its all so silly. They usually need to sit chill and have a cup of tea or a drink.

 

[SilkRoad]

Thanks [MENTION=9883]Redbone[/MENTION] and [MENTION=15246]SD45T-2[/MENTION] - I suspected as much...