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Thread: Selfishness

  1. #1
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
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    Jun 2010

    Default Selfishness

    When is selfishness a good thing and when is it a hindrance? Is it like self-esteem/self-worth to be selfish when a situation calls for it and borderline narcissism when a situation doesn't call it for?

    Say I want to be selfish because I want to hang out with someone (meaning I am keeping that person for me) on a particular day. I can see that that person may also have others he may want to hang out with on a certain day. But I see that day or surrounding day to be special for us (that day is of a particular significance to us both.) Not only is it a special day, but because we haven't been talkative with each other for a long time now and that day has special meanings to both of us. So in other words, I want to use that day to break the ice. And since we have something in common that day, I want to use it as catalyst to get us talking together again.

    However, I can also see that some others may want to spend that special day with that person.

    Would you, in this case, go ahead and be selfish?

  2. #2


    I guess you'd have to judge whether or not selfishness would help or hinder the relationship... does the person want to spend that day with only you? Or are they open to having others tag along? Another question is whether or not you harbor romantic feelings for this person... you didn't say this so I won't assume, but if so then you need to find a way to take the relationship to that level so the other person knows... but if not, then you can try having the person to yourself and see how it goes, but if you become overwhelming or too possessive you could drive the person away. But of course I don't know either one of you, so this is somewhat abstract...
    Ed Womack
    Get Milked

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2008


    If your so doesnt want to hang out with you no more, she's fired

  4. #4
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Jul 2010
    6w7 so/sx
    EII Ne


    well it all sort of hinges on whether or not he's willing to spend the whole day with you, which is his personal choice, so i think to propose that you spend the day together is not out of appropriate bounds.

    if it's a special day between you two then it's a special day between you two. he can hang out with others on the other 365.25 days of the year.

    so basically yes.

  5. #5
    Let Go Of Your Team Zarathustra's Avatar
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    Oct 2009


    Reading the op made me want to

    INFJs can be so needy...

    "I trust what you are doing though…I just see it a little differently.
    I don’t see it as you stepping away from the fire. I see it as the fire directing your course.
    No matter how airy or earthy or watery you become... to many of us you will always be...a super nova."

    "Behind these gates of seeming warmth sits, loosely chained, a fierce attack dog. Perhaps not crazy, but dangerous"

  6. #6
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    May 2007


    Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
    — Mark Twain

  7. #7
    The Bat Man highlander's Avatar
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    Dec 2009
    6w5 sx/sp
    ILI Ni


    Quote Originally Posted by Rail Tracer View Post

    Would you, in this case, go ahead and be selfish?

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    Tri-type 639

  8. #8
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Jun 2008
    2 sx/so



    Make your wants be known and let them make their own decision.

  9. #9
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    Oct 2008
    5w4 sx/sp


    Na, that's not selfish...sort of, but ask any way. That's kinda sweet. If it were me, being asked, I'd say the other people can wait, because if it's a day of siginifcance that we share I'd want to spend it with you, and have you (figurtively)all to myself. I'm selfish like that though.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.


  10. #10
    Senior Member
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    Jun 2009


    There's always extreme opinions about selfishness, its either all bad (self-sacrificing ideologies or religious teachings) or all good (objectivists, randists, capitalists) instead of there being a middle ground which sees that it could be good or bad depending on a lot of variables besides just the individual's, possibly legitimate, self interest.

    The socialist Erich Fromm wrote a book on ethics and psychology about how self interest is actually the cornerstone of valid altruism, ie love others as you would love yourself first requires you to love yourself and excludes more simple self-sacrificing.
    All for ourselves, and nothing for other people, seems, in every age of the world, to have been the vile maxim of the masters of mankind.
    Chapter IV, p. 448. - Adam Smith, Book 3, The Wealth of Nations

    whether or not you credit psychoanalysis itself, the fact remains that we all must, to the greatest extent possible, understand one another's minds as our own; the very survival of humanity has always depended on it. - Open Culture

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