1. My girlfriend mixed up the phone number for her dentist with the number for her gynecologist. Now her vagina has teeth and her breath smells like fish.
2. Next time someone asks you how youre doing say "I was better before the murders. Who knew anger management was so unreliable when I skip my meds. Oh well. Did you want to get together in that abandoned warehouse on 5th and 81st? I go there after dark sometimes. If your free, then please, come alone, dont tell anyone, and NO COPS
3. Having sex once a week can improve your immune function by 30 percent. I told my wife "My immune system's low. Assume the position." She said "Youre sick" I said "No but I could be. Bend please. Quick. The sniffles must be stopped"
4. Having a bottomless pit can make you hungry. Having a topless fruit can get you arrested.
5. I got a dog for my grandmother. That seems like a fair trade.
6. I asked my wife "Are you free tonite?" She said "No its gonna cost you"
7. I am trying to teach my dog some tricks but she keeps dropping the cards
8. My watchdog just watched a burgler take the stereo.
9. My wife said "I love you" I thought that was sweet. Turns out I was right. She was talking to the chocolate cake.
10. Hey did you get her number? Yes I did. Well what is it? Six. What is six? How many times she sad no !
11. I had a minor accident in the car that left skid marks. What on the road? No in my shorts!
12. You might be lonely if you travel just for the airport pat down
13. Indian girl asks the chief "how do you come up with our indian names?" Chief says when you're born we run out of the tee pee and the first thing we see, thats your name. She says "thank you chief buffalo chip" He says "No problem two dogs humping"
14. My buddy told me he got kicked out of of the hotel for peeing in the pool. I said "whats the big deal, lots of kids pee in the pool." He said "from the fourteenth floor?"
15. You might be lonely if you ever played leap frog with a unicorn and hoped for an accident
16. My dentist asked me if I wanted my cavity filled. I say yes of course. So he spun me around and shoved a dildo in my ass.
2. Next time someone asks you how youre doing say "I was better before the murders. Who knew anger management was so unreliable when I skip my meds. Oh well. Did you want to get together in that abandoned warehouse on 5th and 81st? I go there after dark sometimes. If your free, then please, come alone, dont tell anyone, and NO COPS
3. Having sex once a week can improve your immune function by 30 percent. I told my wife "My immune system's low. Assume the position." She said "Youre sick" I said "No but I could be. Bend please. Quick. The sniffles must be stopped"
4. Having a bottomless pit can make you hungry. Having a topless fruit can get you arrested.
5. I got a dog for my grandmother. That seems like a fair trade.
6. I asked my wife "Are you free tonite?" She said "No its gonna cost you"
7. I am trying to teach my dog some tricks but she keeps dropping the cards
8. My watchdog just watched a burgler take the stereo.
9. My wife said "I love you" I thought that was sweet. Turns out I was right. She was talking to the chocolate cake.
10. Hey did you get her number? Yes I did. Well what is it? Six. What is six? How many times she sad no !
11. I had a minor accident in the car that left skid marks. What on the road? No in my shorts!
12. You might be lonely if you travel just for the airport pat down
13. Indian girl asks the chief "how do you come up with our indian names?" Chief says when you're born we run out of the tee pee and the first thing we see, thats your name. She says "thank you chief buffalo chip" He says "No problem two dogs humping"
14. My buddy told me he got kicked out of of the hotel for peeing in the pool. I said "whats the big deal, lots of kids pee in the pool." He said "from the fourteenth floor?"
15. You might be lonely if you ever played leap frog with a unicorn and hoped for an accident
16. My dentist asked me if I wanted my cavity filled. I say yes of course. So he spun me around and shoved a dildo in my ass.
