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Misery loves company

Giggly

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Are you miserable? And do you love company? Why or why not?

Feel free to make comments about yourself or others you observe/interact with or just about the topic of 'misery loves company' in general (even if your happy).
 

strychnine

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I have observed that misery likes isolation, which then feeds the misery --> isolation --> misery --> isolation --> ... cycle, even though the misery was initially caused by something else.
 
R

Riva

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Misery to the best of my knowledge is always internally focused as opposed to motivations which is externally focused.

So one could fall easily out of motivation if one fails to realize what one dreams of.

Misery will not fall out of misery as misery like I said is internal.

One will not feel not-miserable if one fails to realize the dreams (or misery).

And misery therefore do not need company and needs only misery to feel miserable.
 

ceecee

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I think miserable people, the ones who seem to enjoy it, want as many people as possible to feel as bad as they do. Maybe that is what makes them happy, I don't know. I'm not miserable and I like company but not a lot and not for long amounts of time.
 

Giggly

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I think miserable people, the ones who seem to enjoy it, want as many people as possible to feel as bad as they do. Maybe that is what makes them happy, I don't know. I'm not miserable and I like company but not a lot and not for long amounts of time.

The bolded is what inspired me to make this thread. It seems like people like this don't want anyone to be happy if they aren't happy, but I question if that's what's really going on? Like perhaps they're just defending and protecting their belief system that brings them comfort instead, which has the side effect of making others miserable. Maybe it's not deliberate.
 

LadyJaye

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The bolded is what inspired me to make this thread. It seems like people like this don't want anyone to be happy if they aren't happy, but I question if that's what's really going on? Like perhaps they're just defending and protecting their belief system that brings them comfort instead, which has the side effect of making others miserable. Maybe it's not deliberate.

They're feeling victimized, and they want you to sit in the hole they're in, instead of trying to climb out. Whether they don'tknow any better, or are completely aware and doing it anyway, the result is the same. It's a very toxic attitude. I treat it like an attempted hijacking.
 

ceecee

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The bolded is what inspired me to make this thread. It seems like people like this don't want anyone to be happy if they aren't happy, but I question if that's what's really going on? Like perhaps they're just defending and protecting their belief system that brings them comfort instead, which has the side effect of making others miserable. Maybe it's not deliberate.

I have a very hard time believing it's not deliberate.
 

iwakar

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I have observed that misery likes isolation, which then feeds the misery --> isolation --> misery --> isolation --> ... cycle, even though the misery was initially caused by something else.

This is definitely my personal misery cycle. I think public misery is an entirely different can of worms and less dangerous.

Clarification: I should clarify that by 'less dangerous', I mean less dangerous to themselves. Their toxic impact on others is probably not helpful.
 

skylights

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i do think it's deliberate sometimes, but i also think there's a significant component of it that's just a subconscious attempt at self-preservation. i think that often people who are miserable don't know how to escape their misery, and will pull people to them unconsciously as lifelines to try to ease the misery - at the very least they can dump some of their emotional burden on the other person. it may also result from a feeling of "why don't you see things are as bad as i see that they are?", and trying to get others to see that too, so then people will want to change whatever is so bad.

personally i know that when i am feeling down to the point of miserable i feel very lost, and i search for someone stable to cling to, who can help me get beyond the misery. unfortunately that means dragging them somewhat into my misery first. :(
 

CrystalViolet

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I can't see what possible satisfication could be had, say for example, by watching an excited child become crestfallen. It breaks my heart a tiny bit. I can't imagine what it would be like for a parent to see that. Yet I've seen a couple of my friends parent's to do to thier grand children over something they've set their heart on. I'm talking small kids. I don't care how crappy your life is or has been, how can you crush a wee kid like that.
I hope I never become bitter like that. I do isolate myself when unhappy, when I feel ready though, I like to be round happy people. Maybe it's Fi thang and empathy thing, happy people make me feel happy. Why spoil it by sucking the oxygen out of the room with meaness.
 

ceecee

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I can't see what possible satisfication could be had, say for example, by watching an excited child become crestfallen. It breaks my heart a tiny bit. I can't imagine what it would be like for a parent to see that. Yet I've seen a couple of my friends parent's to do to thier grand children over something they've set their heart on. I'm talking small kids. I don't care how crappy your life is or has been, how can you crush a wee kid like that.

My step kids mother is like this, she has always been like this. It takes every bit of willpower I can summon to keep from punching her in the face. The bad part is the kids don't know any different from her. She is miserable and she wants everyone around her to be miserable but the outside world, no. She is a completely different person and everything is done for appearance. We simply minimize her ability to wound the kids this way by not giving her the opportunity.
 

prplchknz

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it's not that i want others to be miserable, I just want to punch the overly friendly people in the mouth
 

TenebrousReflection

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The bolded is what inspired me to make this thread. It seems like people like this don't want anyone to be happy if they aren't happy, but I question if that's what's really going on? Like perhaps they're just defending and protecting their belief system that brings them comfort instead, which has the side effect of making others miserable. Maybe it's not deliberate.

When I feel miserable, seeing happy people heightens my misery because it reminds me of the things missing from my life that put me in a state of misery to begin with.

When I am miserable, I don't want to make others feel the same, but I also have a tendency to want to talk about it which can leave me feeling a bit conflicted as to how much of my misery experience to share. I also want to find others that already feel that way (or have felt that way) so I feel less alone in my misery - there is comfort in knowing that others are or have gone through what you are going through. I don't know if I would say that people that feel this way "enjoy being miserable", but its more that they have accepted it as a part of themselves and as a part of life and part of being alive (when you have felt the depths of misery, then you also can have greater appreciation of joy and happiness through knowing the contrast and the phrase "I'd rather feel pain than feel nothing" may also apply in the case of emotional misery) and they may try to express their oneness with misery through some form of art such as music or poetry (this seems fairly common in gothic music and poetry).

As you mention, there are those that want to inflict their misery on others, but I don't think those people actually enjoy being miserable, but they may enjoy bringing other people down. I think anger and bitterness are the factors at work there, and doing so may make them feel good (I can understand it if they actually blame that person for their misery, but when its a third party, I think its a case of lashing out at those that they can because they feel powerless regarding the source of their misery - they may or may not want others to share their misery, but more often than not (in my observations, but it also depends on how unhealthy the person doing it is) they are simply having a natural lack of self control due to stress and are "not themselves"). A person doing that could just be a highly stressed individual, or they could be a bitter sadistic person, but in either case, unless they are also a masochist, I highly doubt they enjoy misery (or even have reached a point of misery acceptance as described above).

That is different than those that want to share/express their misery either as a form of expression or as a way of crying out for help and support.

There is another category that I forgot to address initially as well. There are those that feel they deserve it, so they embrace it as a form of penance for their perceived wrongs. I don't think such persons would want to bring others down to their level of misery, but they want to show they are suffering so others see them as repenting.
 

miss fortune

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when I'm unhappy I tend to try and hide from humanity :ninja:

when I catch someone else being unhappy I try to cheer them up and receive evil looks from them for doing so most of the time :unsure:
 

rav3n

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When unhappy, I usually withdraw from people. Not much into public whining.
 

Halla74

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They're feeling victimized, and they want you to sit in the hole they're in, instead of trying to climb out.

EXACTLY. Well stated! :nice:

Whether they don'tknow any better, or are completely aware and doing it anyway, the result is the same. It's a very toxic attitude. I treat it like an attempted hijacking.

Spot on, once again.

If They Don't Know They are Doing It = "Victim Complex" or "Wallowing in their Own Self Pity"

If They DO Know They are Doing It = "Manipulative Behavior" of "Baby Manifestation of Sociopathy/Control Freakism"

I have no patience for people like this.
 
T

ThatGirl

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When I am unhappy I do enjoy company. Not so they can sit and wallow with me. It is because frequently I can't think my way out of it, until I have had a break from focusing on it. Then I can view the situation from a fresh perspective.

If I am suffering (any kind of pain) I prefer to be completely alone. There is no reason someone would need to watch that since I am clumsy in figuring out how to deal, not to mention impatient and angry.

The absolute LAST thing I want to do is be around other miserable people. I am way too irritated to deal with that shit.
 
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