Borderline Personality Disorder

[Antimony]

Does anyone here have it? Know about it? Know what to do about it?

 

[Stanton Moore]

I was close to someone who has it, but I don't have it.

 

[Antimony]

I was close to someone who has it, but I don't have it.

Was it severe?

 

[Stanton Moore]

Was it severe?

I would say so, although she didn't cut. Pretty much everything else that is typically associated, she did.

 

[Antimony]

I would say so, although she didn't cut. Pretty much everything else that is typically associated, she did.

Did she have help for it and was she easy to deal with, or difficult?

 

[Anew Leaf]

Does anyone here have it? Know about it? Know what to do about it?

My uncle's ex-wife has it... and I am 99% sure their oldest daughter has it too.

It's one of the scariest psychology disorders that I have studied and come in contact with personally.

On the surface she has always seemed very.... (fake) "nice" and "quiet" and ultra religious. My parents and I have always felt there was something off about her, but we never saw much of actual evidence to support these feelings. She made us feel crazy for thinking she was crazy because our intuition was going through the roof screaming "danger will robinson!! danger!!" and yet there wasn't much you could point to.

About five years ago, my uncle finally had enough and divorced her. What it took was her therapist calling him and telling him to leave the house because his wife had confessed that she was planning on killing him when she got home. He opened up to us about what had gone on during their 23 year marriage. Their first son was born still-born... and the likely cause was that she used to punch her stomach when she was angry with my uncle, and threaten to call the police and claim he beat her if he told anyone. They had another son a few years later, and a daughter a couple years after that. We had an ice storm in Minnesota one day when the son was 6 and she took both kids out on a drive... and wrapped their car around at telephone pole, instantly killing the son. Looking back, we are all pretty convinced that she was trying to kill all three of them. They had another daughter as a "replacement child" a few years after that. The last couple years of their marriage, they slept in separate rooms and my uncle would move a dresser in front of his door each night because he was so worried.

When they got divorced, he didn't fight for custody, so she got both daughters and home schooled them. The oldest is already starting to act like her mom with the fake outer shell, and the creepy vibe. The youngest is practically catatonic, and never smiles.

So what to do about it? Run away. Run far away. I have two friends who know someone with this and it has majorly messed up their own lives. (Real mother in one case, and husband's ex-wife in another.)

 

[Stanton Moore]

Did she have help for it and was she easy to deal with, or difficult?

Very difficult.

 

[Antimony]

Very difficult.

Is BPD the reason you are no longer close, or was it just one of those life happens things.

[MENTION=13402]Saturned[/MENTION]: thank you for your information. I sincerely appreciate it.

 

[Stanton Moore]

Is BPD the reason you are no longer close, or was it just one of those life happens things. QUOTE]

It's the reason. (It's strange that you posted this today; I was just thinking of her this morning.)
I made the decision to break off all contact with her, for my own sanity. sometimes I feel guilty about abandoning her, but I had no choice. It was like diving into a pool to rescue a drowning person, then being drown yourself.

 

[Antimony]

It's the reason. (It's strange that you posted this today; I was just thinking of her this morning.)
I made the decision to break off all contact with her, for my own sanity. sometimes I feel guilty about abandoning her, but I had no choice. It was like diving into a pool to rescue a drowning person, then being drown yourself.

I understand. That is why I am posting this thread. Something needs to be done.

I also hope this thread serves to inform others about BPD.

 

[INTP]

I got a book about psychiatry with almost 3 pages of info about it, but its in finnish and im not sure if i want to translate and write it with my phone(computer is broken).

How badly and why you need this info?

 

[Antimony]

I got a book about psychiatry with almost 3 pages of info about it, but its in finnish and im not sure if i want to translate and write it with my phone(computer is broken).

How badly and why you need this info?

I need to learn Finnish. Adding it to my list of things to do.

You don't need to translate it for me, but thanks. I have researched on the internet and found great information. I was mostly interested in personal experiences dealing with these people, because that is my most pressing problem.

 

[Stanton Moore]

I've done a lot of reading about it. the best description I read was that it's the normal emotional reactions of a child, but in an adult. It's extreme emotional developmental stunting, usually from abuse, abandonment, neglect. Marsha Linehan has done a lot with it:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/23/h...l=1&adxnnlx=1322504189-E6yvaMMafKxmUHUsMVLOWw

 

[FDG]

I had an ex-girlfriend with BPD.

Our relationship lasted 8 months. The first 2 moths were bliss. 4 months of hell, 2 months trying to get her out of my system.

It's an extremely difficult disorder. As an example, I can tell you "the facts" about our relationship:

- one month inside the relationship, she told she loved me ("ti amo" in italian, that's a big deal!)
- 2 months and a half inside the relationship, she cheated on me (I didn't know until months later)
- 3 months, she started to flip on me, periodically telling me I'm worthless, always trying to crush my self esteem in order to get the upper hand. Fortunately, I have a naturally very strong ego, so that didn't affect me much.
- 4 months, she started to randomly hit me, sometimes quite heavily. I don't have any qualms about hitting women who purpusefully hit me, but whenever I tried to counter her offenses, she would shout "I WILL CALL THE POLICE, I WILL CALL THE POLICE".
- 5 months, she stopped taking birth control and once I saw her trying to puncture a condom before giving it to me. I refused to have sex with her when I understood what she was trying to do, and she started saying I had impotence, and later said she was cheating on me, because I couldn't satisfy her sexually etc. (manipulation again)
- 6 months, I was detaching from the relationship, trying not to reply to her text messages. When she understood what was going on, she repeatedly told me she was going to kill herself, etc.
- 8 months, I decided to stop seeing her, I had no feelings for her anymore and she was poisoning my life. She stalked me for 3 months, calling my cell phone and my home phone around 30-40 times a day, and sending me 100-120 e-mails a day.

Later I learnt she was hospitalized for 3 months, some time past our break-up. Right now she seems to be living a relatively normal life, but she is extremely promiscous and very dependant on sex as approval mechanism. She is also a very shy and sensitive woman, so such behavior tendentially hurts her feelings and her self-worth.

 

[SilkRoad]

I have a young friend (almost 19) who I have suspected may have it. I've known her for about a year and a half, and she is doing better, so I'm hopeful that this isn't it. She has been in therapy but I think she has stopped going, which is not so good - at the least she's depressed and has boundary issues. I've started a few threads about her before.

Reasons I thought she may have it:

-Didn't understand why it's not ok to follow people around, hang around their building uninvited when they're not home
-Jealous of my other friends, even mutual friends. Extremely needy in general, huge mood swings etc
-Showing signs of "wanting to be me" - ie. imitating my dress and hairstyle, glomming onto all my interests, try to work her way into all my friendships, etc etc
-Showed signs of "splitting" - this is a BPD specific term, I think, which I learned about when I was looking up some info - in brief it's like the BDP sufferer places the chosen person on a complete pedestal, OR views them as a horrible, awful person who hates them - no middle ground
-Calling me 25 times in a row when I wouldn't answer the phone...

Etc. I contemplated the idea that she had/has a crush on me as well, I will tell you that. But she definitely likes men and I think it is more BPD-type behaviour or "girl crush" behaviour. However, like I said she seems to be doing better - though she is still difficult to deal with a lot of the time and I have had to limit it severely. A lot of it comes down to that, I guess (but of course that is so circumstance dependent.) There are some pretty sad and scary stories in this thread already. I have found that being extremely clear (even harsh) about boundaries helps; making myself a lot less available - ie. simply ignoring texts and phone calls or taking a lot longer to answer them, saying no and "being busy" (which I am, anyway!) A LOT, etc. However, I do care about her and have tried to be supportive - it is a serious balancing act. It wasn't working out a year ago and there was a lot of insanity. Although things are better now I keep a sharp eye on my feelings about the situation because I have realised there is a lot I can't deal with, and I wouldn't rule out her going really off the rails again, unfortunately.

Having reread this it doesn't sound nearly as severe as some of what has been described in this thread. I don't really know if there are degrees of it, or if some people just have boundary issues but don't have BPD. But I think at the very minimum, setting very very strong boundaries with any such behaviour is a must for your own sanity and self-preservation.

 

[ICUP]

I had it, but I got rid of it. I rarely harmed myself, though. Mostly just did a lot of screaming, and had a quick temper and inability to manage my emotions. My condition was mild, and I was told it should've been much worse for the shit I went through lol. I'm pretty heavy duty, hence my ability to easily deal with an 8. I lived with two sociopaths, one for 7 years. That's a common end for someone with bpd.

I have a young friend (almost 19) who I have suspected may have it. I've known her for about a year and a half, and she is doing better, so I'm hopeful that this isn't it. She has been in therapy but I think she has stopped going, which is not so good - at the least she's depressed and has boundary issues. I've started a few threads about her before.

Reasons I thought she may have it:

-Didn't understand why it's not ok to follow people around, hang around their building uninvited when they're not home
-Jealous of my other friends, even mutual friends. Extremely needy in general, huge mood swings etc
-Showing signs of "wanting to be me" - ie. imitating my dress and hairstyle, glomming onto all my interests, try to work her way into all my friendships, etc etc
-Showed signs of "splitting" - this is a BPD specific term, I think, which I learned about when I was looking up some info - in brief it's like the BDP sufferer places the chosen person on a complete pedestal, OR views them as a horrible, awful person who hates them - no middle ground
-Calling me 25 times in a row when I wouldn't answer the phone...

Sounds like a normal 17 year old girl.

 

[SilkRoad]

Sounds like a normal 17 year old girl.

Nah...I was nothing like that at 17-19 (though I was probably more of an "old soul" and a bit of a bore). Thing is, I've known other teenagers and even depressed ones...and they didn't act like she does. It's kind of sad because in some ways she really is mature and perceptive for her age but in terms of social skills and interacting with others she still comes off no older than an immature 14 year old.

I noticed one of my earlier threads about her popped up in "related threads" below - "do you think this girl has borderline personality disorder?" Have a look if you want to see how bad it was even last spring! At least things have improved since then...

 

[ICUP]

Nah...I was nothing like that at 17-19

I believe you probably weren't as you seem very calm and mature, but many of us, were. While mine led to worse circumstances, many turned out okay without any help. It can be just a "wild" phase some people go through.

 

[Glycerine]

And this is why I would be terrified to become a clinical psychologist....

 

[SilkRoad]

I believe you probably weren't as you seem very calm and mature, but many of us, were. While mine led to worse circumstances, many turned out okay without any help. It can be just a "wild" phase some people go through.

Yeah, teenage wildness I understand better...but extreme neediness and clinginess and a distorted view of reality, I dunno. In any case, I really hope it is a phase with this girl. We have mutual friends and they all agree that at the least her emotional issues are worse (at least in a more obvious way) than average. But the good thing about someone being young is they have more time to change and sort out patterns which are harmful both to themselves and to others.