Don't Trust People?

[Mole]

Loneliness and Trust

We can't overcome loneliness by ourselves. We need someone else to overcome our loneliness. And we need to trust someone else to overcome our loneliness.

Unfortunately when we are lonely, we start to loose our social skills, and so meeting and greeting becomes a negative experience. And so in our loneliness we start to avoid social occasions. But worse, we start to think we can overcome the pain of our loneliness by ourselves, but it only makes it worse.

We think that by being in control we will be OK, but trusting someone else means letting go of control to a significant degree.

Also finding a friend to trust is also a matter of luck. So the more we meet and greet, the more we increase our chances of meeting someone to trust and so end our loneliness.

 

[King sns]

For me, there is no rhyme or reason attached to it. It is just completely ingrained. I've been that way for as long as I can remember. I can make logical arguments either way, it doesn't matter, it's part of my DNA.

 

[Chloe]

For me, there is no rhyme or reason attached to it. It is just completely ingrained. I've been that way for as long as I can remember. I can make logical arguments either way, it doesn't matter, it's part of my DNA.

I used to think like this, but then again, how can you know you were "born" tat way ? I seriously doubt small babies are born without trust in people. it is learned, I guess. Expecting that someone will backstab you or something doesnt come out of your DNA, it is from experiences - how you interpreted the world


thats at least my optimistic approach.


many people mix being naive with being too trusting, i think those are 2 totally different things

 

[Chloe]

We think that by being in control we will be OK, but trusting someone else means letting go of control to a significant degree.

is being in control only a perceived thing ? can you really lose control if you trust someone ? i think it is just perception, rudiments from survival fears. when you were kid you would literally get hurt if you trusted someone who is dangerous. now, rarely trusting is really letal. people fear stuff like intimacy and gossip, which aren't letal, but we still fear them as if they are.

 

[King sns]

I used to think like this, but then again, how can you know you were "born" tat way ? I seriously doubt small babies are born without trust in people. it is learned, I guess. Expecting that someone will backstab you or something doesnt come out of your DNA, it is from experiences - how you interpreted the world


thats at least my optimistic approach.


many people mix being naive with being too trusting, i think those are 2 totally different things

Maybe- I don't know what experiences taught me that, though. I know that I always expected that people were untrustworthy and the few occurrences that it was true, the lack of trust grew way out of proportion to the times that I've trusted. I understand the reasons to trust but don't physically trust people, can not incorporate trust into my heart.

 

[Chloe]

Maybe- I don't know what experiences taught me that, though. I know that I always expected that people were untrustworthy and the few occurrences that it was true, the lack of trust grew way out of proportion to the times that I've trusted. I understand the reasons to trust but don't physically trust people, can not incorporate trust into my heart.

All people, more or less, grew up in some unfrendly enviorment, but not all think "you shouldnt trust people", it's what you interpreted as truth. this is why i liked the method i posted in my thread, about eliminating beliefs, it can literally eliminate stuff like "i dont trust people" and "people aren't trustworthy" in an hour. because it goes back to where you formed it and when you thought that is the only reality. if it was, nobody would trust people.

 

[King sns]

All people, more or less, grew up in some unfrendly enviorment, but not all think "you shouldnt trust people", it's what you interpreted as truth. this is why i liked the method i posted in my thread, about eliminating beliefs, it can literally eliminate stuff like "i dont trust people" and "people aren't trustworthy" in an hour. because it goes back to where you formed it and when you thought that is the only reality. if it was, nobody would trust people.

I said "I grew up in an unfriendly environment"?
(Some people grew up in a friendly environment and think "you shouldn't trust people" I suppose.)

Edit: I don't even know that it is a bad or negative thing. I think there are pros and cons to trusting and pros and cons to untrusting.

 

[Chloe]

I said "I grew up in an unfriendly environment"?
(Some people grew up in a friendly environment and think "you shouldn't trust people" I suppose.)

no. i am saying that most people have some experiences in childhood out of which they can conclude that people shouldnt be trusted, and they dont, so it's how you interpret them. i wasnt talking about you.

 

[ceecee]

I just tend to feel that many (most?) people are basically unreliable and lack self-awareness, and therefore unlikely to act in everyone's best interests. And people seem to be very selfish these days, too. I think society is conditioning us in that direction. Certainly I've realised lately that sometimes I actually need to be a bit more selfish and self-protective - but you can do that and still be a basically unselfish person. I don't always succeed but I more or less work in that direction. But it seems as though "unselfish" is such a foreign concept to a lot of people that they will look at you bug-eyed if you raise it. And I don't really trust people like that.

Unreliable, no. Completely incapable of fulfilling basic adult behavior. That's why when someone actually is reliable and responsible, it's a shocker. It's uncommon. The reason for this, I think, is because it isn't expected of anyone. There is always a reason or a circumstance or something I just don't understand blah blah blah more noise. I'm sick to death of hearing the why. I. Don't. Care why. There is no acceptable reason for being a fuck up/semi fuck up on an everyday basis, fuck ups choose to be this way. I didn't set the bar this low but society does. There is no incentive for them to change, well, not one that requires little to no effort anyway.

 

[Southern Kross]

Trust is a complicated concept - there is much more to it than simply being trusting or not.

I'm not at all a naturally suspicious person however I'm not exactly going to give my credit card details to strangers. I give people the benefit of the doubt and think most people are basically decent but on the other hand, I keep a great deal about myself hidden from almost everyone because I don't trust anyone with such details.

There are different layers of trust. Personally, I'm liberal with the top layers and extremely circumspect with the deeper ones - most people seem to be more consistent than that.

 

[Mole]

is being in control only a perceived thing ? can you really lose control if you trust someone ? i think it is just perception, rudiments from survival fears. when you were kid you would literally get hurt if you trusted someone who is dangerous. now, rarely trusting is really letal. people fear stuff like intimacy and gossip, which aren't letal, but we still fear them as if they are.

To overcome our loneliness we need to trust another person. So with due diligence and prudence we start to enter a trusting relationship.

At this point the danger is that we think one of us can control the relationship, when the relationship is bigger than either person and is out of the control of a single person.

And being out of control of a single person, the relationship can only work on the basis of trust.

And is it simply by entering a relationship bigger than ourselves, we overcome our loneliness.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I can relate to the OP....I wouldn't call myself suspicious of people, and I'm generally on the trusting side. On the other hand, in addition to giving people the benefit of the doubt, I am understanding of human nature. I don't expect people to be infallibly trustworthy. It's not a negative suspicion, just an acceptance of people. I accept this of myself too - I am not perfectly loyal or honest, even if I intend the best. So by keeping a realistic view of what people are & aren't capable of, I am not too naive, but also not cynical. When I have cynical moments, it's mostly an emotional bitterness coming out, not a true mistrust of people that extends past those moments.

I am guarded with deeper feelings, and I suppose that is a matter of trust, but it's less that I suspect people of bad then I remain unsure of them. I haven't made any assumption, rather I prefer to wait & see.

 

[Mole]

I can relate to the OP....I wouldn't call myself suspicious of people, and I'm generally on the trusting side. On the other hand, in addition to giving people the benefit of the doubt, I am understanding of human nature. I don't expect people to be infallibly trustworthy. It's not a negative suspicion, just an acceptance of people. I accept this of myself too - I am not perfectly loyal or honest, even if I intend the best. So by keeping a realistic view of what people are & aren't capable of, I am not too naive, but also not cynical. When I have cynical moments, it's mostly an emotional bitterness coming out, not a true mistrust of people that extends past those moments.

I am guarded with deeper feelings, and I suppose that is a matter of trust, but it's less that I suspect people of bad then I remain unsure of them. I haven't made any assumption, rather I prefer to wait & see.

Some are more trustworhy than others. And some situations engender trust and some don't.

So we need to approach others and situations with prudence and due diligence, looking for the trustworthy, and finding situations where it is safe to trust.

And if we ourselves are trustworthy, we will attract those looking for trust.