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Existential Loneliness

Silveresque

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Has anyone else experienced it? It's the kind of loneliness that doesn't go away by being with other people. For me, it's the feeling that I have never, and will never, be able to connect with a single human being in any truly meaningful way. It makes friendships and social interactions seem only surface deep, unsatisfying, and ultimately meaningless. I used to think that I felt lonely because I was a recluse and didn't have enough friends, but I've found that even after making more friends and socializing daily, the loneliness hasn't gone away at all.
 

entropie

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No it wont ever go away. You have to beware not to at some point give in to your prejudices about the World. You always have to try to start with zero emotions or biases towards every new thing you do or person you meet, if you dont that feeling will eat you one day and you'll become a sarcastic, misanthropic german with 12k posts on an online forum.

If you dont give up that hope, you may one day meet someone who felt like you do all for her/his life. And tho he/she wont be able to take that bad feeling away from you, together you can make it much much easier to stand.
 

Qlip

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Well, I know the existential loneliness. For me, it doesn't go away, but I can mitigate it. Having a certain sort of comfort with myself takes the edge off. The bad feelings from loneliness tend to be intensified by uncertainty and lack of belief in one's self.
 

Tiger Owl

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I have experienced existential loneliness. It can go away if you want it to but it may take time and a lot of hard work. What you have to realize is that even though everything is flawed, broken, and temporary which of course makes the whole endeavor appear pointless, there is reason and worth in every aspect of life and relationships. What it sounds like you are describing is a struggle with mild depression. If that is the case, it is a fight worth fighting and it can be won.
 

KDude

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I've been like this all my life. Not much I've been able to do about it. And at this point, I'm not sure I care to try. I'm almost ready to accept my lot, I guess.
 

entropie

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It could very well be a natural phaenomena all individuals experience.

The only alternative could be becoming Borg
 
T

ThatGirl

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I get this on and off. I go from trying to connect superficially, to getting into my world, to feeling secluded and lonely. Over and over and over. I wish I was just a hard core I, so that at the least, I would stop trying instead of being a masochistic freak.

It comes from the idea that I think much differently than other people, and the understanding of how those differences shape our individual worlds, until I am at the point, I cant relate to anyone else. When I do connect with other people, unfortunately it is usually through them understanding me, rather than me suddenly understanding them, since I analyze differences and similarities far in advance.
 

Eckhart

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Yes, I know it. Actually it gets often worse when around other people, because it makes you just more aware. When alone you can at least sometimes push it away while doing something else.
 

Silveresque

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Yes, I know it. Actually it gets often worse when around other people, because it makes you just more aware. When alone you can at least sometimes push it away while doing something else.

Yeah, same for me. I always wondered why I seem to feel lonelier when I'm with other people than when I'm actually alone.

I just feel so distant all the time. I see people around me act all bubbly and social and I start thinking, "How do they do that? I could never be like them." And then I start to think about all the things people actually talk about, and I realize it all seems so pointless. A question that comes up all the time is "How was class?" What does it matter? Class is class. It's the same everyday, and yet people still ask everyday. I wonder if people even care to hear the answer, or if they're just asking for the sake of making conversation? Small talk like this is getting very frustrating, and yet I can never seem to get past it.
 

Coriolis

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Yeah, same for me. I always wondered why I seem to feel lonelier when I'm with other people than when I'm actually alone.

I just feel so distant all the time. I see people around me act all bubbly and social and I start thinking, "How do they do that? I could never be like them." And then I start to think about all the things people actually talk about, and I realize it all seems so pointless. A question that comes up all the time is "How was class?" What does it matter? Class is class. It's the same everyday, and yet people still ask everyday. I wonder if people even care to hear the answer, or if they're just asking for the sake of making conversation? Small talk like this is getting very frustrating, and yet I can never seem to get past it.
Same for me as well. The presence of others just highlights the disconnect, plus intrudes on my internal thoughts and reflections, usually in unproductive ways. Your thoughts here mirror mine quite closely. I have learned to treasure the few deep interactions I have, and to keep my own company the rest of the time.
 

entropie

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Small talk can be an opener to others things and new options. If someone asks you, dont bother to find an answer so much, but rather ask back. You would be surprised how much people like to talk about themselves, which makes my theory that everyon e feels lonely more likely.

To stimulate conversation, you have to ask specific questions and if you say what you are really thinking thats not to bad as well, it gives you sympathy with people ( just dont mock people ). So if someone asks "how was class", you can say "ya you know, school sucks". Bam thats like 5 words and you have nearly already made a friend. And what new and entertaining thoughts this person may have in mind, may at the same time be a solution to your boredom.
 

King sns

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Has anyone else experienced it? It's the kind of loneliness that doesn't go away by being with other people. For me, it's the feeling that I have never, and will never, be able to connect with a single human being in any truly meaningful way. It makes friendships and social interactions seem only surface deep, unsatisfying, and ultimately meaningless. I used to think that I felt lonely because I was a recluse and didn't have enough friends, but I've found that even after making more friends and socializing daily, the loneliness hasn't gone away at all.

Yeah, it can be hard, being alone in your head. I've had it, the feeling alone in a crowd mentality. I think everyone has. I can't really relate to having it be like that all the time. I seek out people who- regardless of their other qualities, have really good and positive energy to offer. A lot of the times I found that their age, stage in life, profession, and personality don't really matter as long as they have that energy that I'm looking for. It could be three year old kid, someone who doesn't speak English, or a 93 year old man with dementia. (Or your run of the mill people who are more similar to me.) Animals help, too. I have to search for it more as I get older- set groups of people don't work. This is coming from an Sx dom so you may not relate to it as much.
 

Lark

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Has anyone else experienced it? It's the kind of loneliness that doesn't go away by being with other people. For me, it's the feeling that I have never, and will never, be able to connect with a single human being in any truly meaningful way. It makes friendships and social interactions seem only surface deep, unsatisfying, and ultimately meaningless. I used to think that I felt lonely because I was a recluse and didn't have enough friends, but I've found that even after making more friends and socializing daily, the loneliness hasn't gone away at all.

Interesting topic.

As someone who stands right at the intersection of extroversion and interoversion I think I can relate, although in some way I'm really comfortable with this and dont mind it at all. It is what freedom is when you remove all the temporal or material or worldly concerns. Although because of my belief in God perhaps I dont experience it as acutely painful as others who do not have the same beliefs may.
 

KDude

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Interesting topic.

As someone who stands right at the intersection of extroversion and interoversion I think I can relate, although in some way I'm really comfortable with this and dont mind it at all. It is what freedom is when you remove all the temporal or material or worldly concerns. Although because of my belief in God perhaps I dont experience it as acutely painful as others who do not have the same beliefs may.

I don't think God has anything to do with it. Or if anything, it might make people even more depressed. I assume you've read Ecclesiastes? That might have some of the first existential grievances put to paper.. by a believer of God. And Keirkegaard is considered the father of existentialism.. and also a Christian.

Many people consider Mother Theresa a saint in her own time. Yet, in her words, she considered herself something different. "If I ever become a saint—I will surely be one of darkness."

"There is so much contradiction in my soul.—Such deep longing for God—so deep that it is painful—a suffering continual—and yet not wanted by God—repulsed—empty—no faith—no love—no zeal.—Souls hold no attraction—Heaven means nothing—to me it looks like an empty place—the thought of it means nothing to me and yet this torturing longing for God.—Pray for me please that I keep smiling at Him in spite of everything. For I am only His—so He has every right over me. I am perfectly happy to be nobody even to God."
 

Lily flower

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I don't think God has anything to do with it. Or if anything, it might make people even more depressed. I assume you've read Ecclesiastes? That might have some of the first existential grievances put to paper.. by a believer of God. And Keirkegaard is considered the father of existentialism.. and also a Christian.

Many people consider Mother Theresa a saint in her own time. Yet, in her words, she considered herself something different. "If I ever become a saint—I will surely be one of darkness."

"There is so much contradiction in my soul.—Such deep longing for God—so deep that it is painful—a suffering continual—and yet not wanted by God—repulsed—empty—no faith—no love—no zeal.—Souls hold no attraction—Heaven means nothing—to me it looks like an empty place—the thought of it means nothing to me and yet this torturing longing for God.—Pray for me please that I keep smiling at Him in spite of everything. For I am only His—so He has every right over me. I am perfectly happy to be nobody even to God."

I do think it has a lot to do with God. I feel lonely about friendships, but finding Christ took away the "lonely in the universe" feeling.
 

KDude

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I do think it has a lot to do with God. I feel lonely about friendships, but finding Christ took away the "lonely in the universe" feeling.

I think in some people's cases though (like Theresa's), she put herself so close to tragedy that it brought her down to the point of questioning the very beliefs that got her there. The more she wanted to be closer to God, the more she didn't see God's presence, and the more she longed for it.

You could even say the same for Jesus himself. His last words were "My God, why have you forsaken me?" He went to the furthest degree of service to his God, and in that moment, he felt abandoned.
 

KDude

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Horses for courses I guess.

I'm not familiar with the saying.

Anyways, if it sounds like I'm negating the worth of your beliefs, it's not that. It just seems like sadness and devotion seem to go hand in hand. The more one actually wants to know the love and nature of God, the more questions they ask, and the less answers they see. The people who think they have the answers are simply easily appeased. Not devoted. The truly religious realize they have nothing.. except their faith and hope.. they have little else to go on. They realize they do not know God, do not belong in this world, and long for something better. Until they get it, they're unhappy.
 

Lark

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I'm not familiar with the saying.

Anyways, if it sounds like I'm negating the worth of your beliefs, it's not that. It just seems like sadness and devotion seem to go hand in hand. The more one actually wants to know the love and nature of God, the more questions they ask, and the less answers they see. The people who think they have the answers are simply easily appeased. Not devoted. The truly religious realize they have nothing.. except their faith and hope.. they have little else to go on. They realize they do not know God, do not belong in this world, and long for something better. Until they get it, they're unhappy.


There are different horses for different courses.

It just means that we have different opinions.

I dont agree with either your last post or this one but its interesting to hear another point of view. Thanks.
 

OrangeAppled

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I always feel this way unless I have 1-2 special people in my life that I've really bonded with (the best friend, the boyfriend, etc). No amount of socializing & interaction removes this feeling unless I've really connected to someone & have them actively in my life. Even then, I will have bouts of this if I feel that person is distant at the moment.

It's funny, because, I know now that it is possible to make those connections, and yet, when they are absent in my life, I still feel like they're impossible or unlikely to ever achieve again. It seems others find them so much easier to make than I do, and so they disconnect much more easily also. I'm wondering, "Why are you not holding onto this for dear life? Don't you know this is rare?".


[MENTION=14216]RevlisZero[/MENTION] Are you really not typing as a 4 now? :D
I say that because the 4 often convinces themself that they are too different, too complex, etc, to ever be understood by anyone, to ever connect with anyone, and yet that is usually what they desire most. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy for them. If you want to connect with people, then you have to change your mindset; the behavioral change of getting out more is just part of it. Sure, anyone may fall into this thinking, but it's has the stamp of the 4 all over it.
 
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