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Your ideal self.

King sns

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Everyone's had issues from childhood- the one's that seem to hold them back, make them human, imperfect, unable to become the rich, famous, most authentic (fill in the blank) person that they have potential for.

What were your core issues associated with type/enneagram/ situations that have been holding you back? Has anyone here claimed to achieve true self-actualization, and if so, how? What's an ideal example, (real or made up) of someone that you think you can be with your type-related (or non type related) qualities? /How does someone of xxxx type go about reaching those ideals?
 

Silveresque

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Good question! My issue is that I'm far too worried about what others think of me. I'm so afraid of looking like an idiot or being weird that I can't just be my true self. Whenever I make even the slightest mistake (real or imagined), I can't help feeling like a complete idiot, and every time I look back and remember one of those moments, the feeling comes back just as strong. So I guess my issue is shame--I ashamed of myself because I'm not perfect. I recognize that it's impossible to be perfect and I shouldn't beat myself up over little things, but somehow I'm still unable to let go. That said, I'm confident that someday I'll get to the point where I can let go of my mistakes and don't have to hide my true self anymore. As a 4, that's what I strive for, to be my authentic self.
 
G

Glycerine

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My hypersensitivity holds me back. To combat the sensitivity, I go the opposite direction. For example, I have always been hypersensitive to emotion, outside stimulation so I try to go to the extreme and tune out emotions, my surroundings. That's why I think eNFJ and e5 seems to fit me the best. It's not the most effective.
 

Saslou

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What were your core issues associated with type/enneagram/ situations that have been holding you back?

I think there is nothing like a good crisis to allow one to take a step back and start unpeeling the layers to get to the core issues. I know what has held me back is my emotions. If my emotions are not on show 24/7 then i think people may think i am passionless but on the contrary just beacuse i don't show them all the time doesn't mean i don't have them. I don't care so much these days what other people think of me and it is such a relief to have removed that burden from myself.

Has anyone here claimed to achieve true self-actualization, and if so, how?

I think it's always a work in progress and in different situations, certain external/internal factors may come forth which may be against ones very core being. I hope to get there but i guess it won't be until i'm on my death bed, at which point i probably realise that i've spent my whole life trying to obtain something which was essentially within me and staring me in the face my whole life, hehe. I do know a lot more about myself than i did 10 years ago.

What's an ideal example, (real or made up) of someone that you think you can be with your type-related (or non type related) qualities?

We live in a world where everyone is categorised and pigeon holed. It's not what i think about myself but what everyone thinks of me, be it the interviewer, the date, the sales assistant, the bank manager, the stranger in the street. The way i'm dressed, my choice of words, my lack of specific knowledge so my way to compensate for this is to fade into the walls and become a chameleon so i am adaptable to may situations, while not worrying about what other people think.

For example, you've repped previously me saying i'm an ESFJ with high Ne, others have thought i am an ENTJ, ENFP and ENFJ .. I don't know what i am but others have an opinion.

How does someone of xxxx type go about reaching those ideals?


I think if one takes the 4 letters out of the equation and really starts peeling away the layers, the years of procrastinating and the rest of whatever it is and objectively feels what needs to be felt and thinks about what needs to be thought and addresses those issues (thus owns them without blame etc) then possibly their ideals can take hold and blossom into reality. Potential within is always within reach if we believe.


I am on some weird tangent this evening so hopefully this makes some sense :D
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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@ the OP: what do you mean by self-actualization?
 

Mole

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Sancho Panza

I am an idealist mugged by reality. So I have been set back on my heels.

On the one hand I have been misled by my ideals, but on the other hand, my ideals have given me something irreplacable - a certain purity of heart - the same purity of heart shared with the Ingenious Gentleman, Don Quixote of La Mancha.

Indeed, Don Quixote is an idealist mugged by reality who tilted at windmills. Don Quixote is found in our first novel - our first novel which speaks to us today.

Our print society still produces Don Quixotes, and I am an example. Still, print produces idealists who are mugged by windmills.

And still we fall in love with Dulcinea, a homely peasant, who we see as the most beautiful of all women.

And by Don Quixote's side rides Sancho Panza, who is both in touch with Don Quixote's ideal world and the world of reality.

So God and the Devil help me, my new ideal is Sancho Panza.
 

King sns

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@ the OP: what do you mean by self-actualization?

I was wondering the same thing.

Pretty much the OP already describes it- it's the achievement of your ideal self- and for the Webster version:

self-ac·tu·al·i·za·tion

noun 
self-actualisations, plural; self-actualizations, plural

The realization or fulfillment of one's talents and potentialities, esp. considered as a drive or need present in everyone

There are lots of ways and theories to describe it, but that's the gist.

Kind of open-ended, you can interpret it however you think fits.

Edit: It doesn't mean perfectionism.
 

Qlip

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Self actualization is something I'm always aiming for, and I occasionally achieve moments of something that feels like that. My core issues were/are a knot of all kinds of things, self-confidence, ideals that are at odds with my nature, childhood trauma. As far as my ideal self, I don't have one, setting one would cause a problem for me. I would try to hard to achieve it and then be at square one again.
 

King sns

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Self actualization is something I'm always aiming for, and I occasionally achieve moments of something that feels like that. My core issues were/are a knot of all kinds of things, self-confidence, ideals that are at odds with my nature, childhood trauma. As far as my ideal self, I don't have one, setting one would cause a problem for me. I would try to hard to achieve it and then be at square one again.

I can relate to this a lot- like, the need for self actualization and authenticity without really realizing what that is or how it could possibly be. Seems like to attain that I would have to become 3 or 4 separate people.
 

Qlip

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I can relate to this a lot- like, the need for self actualization and authenticity without really realizing what that is or how it could possibly be. Seems like to attain that I would have to become 3 or 4 separate people.

Yeah, I like to focus on me feeling at ease with myself and eliminating the causes of fears by addressing them as a means to improve myself as opposed to trying to be a certain person who behaves a certain way. And, even though I said that I don't have an 'ideal' me and that my guage of mental health is internal, MBTI did in a way function as an ideal. The ENFP profile isn't something that I aspire to be, just a very useful map that corresponds well to my internal dynamics and is very helpful for me in figuring myself out.
 

King sns

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Yeah, I like to focus on me feeling at ease with myself and eliminating the causes of fears by addressing them as a means to improve myself as opposed to trying to be a certain person who behaves a certain way. And, even though I said that I don't have an 'ideal' me and that my guage of mental health is internal, MBTI did in a way function as an ideal. The ENFP profile isn't something that I aspire to be, just a very useful map that corresponds well to my internal dynamics and is very helpful for me in figuring myself out.

:yes:

Very true, it tends to take all that confusion and put it into one general idea about how an ENFP can grow into their natural talents, it makes things a little easier.
 

Santosha

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This isn't exactly what your looking for, but I was reading something interesting about the enneagram and self actualization last night. Apparently, those that get closer to self actualization have much greater difficulty finding their E-type. Now, to clarify, there are many other reasons you could struggle with your e-type.. lack of self understanding or awareness ofcourse.. but since the enneagram is intended to be a system that identifies ones fixations and patterns, ego transference.. once people begin to self actualize and break through the fixations and defense mechanisms, hammering away and overcoming those problems, you begin to identify less and less with one core type downfall and more with the good qualities of various types.
 

King sns

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This isn't exactly what your looking for, but I was reading something interesting about the enneagram and self actualization last night. Apparently, those that get closer to self actualization have much greater difficulty finding their E-type. Now, to clarify, there are many other reasons you could struggle with your e-type.. lack of self understanding or awareness ofcourse.. but since the enneagram is intended to be a system that identifies ones fixations and patterns, ego transference.. once people begin to self actualize and break through the fixations and defense mechanisms, hammering away and overcoming those problems, you begin to identify less and less with one core type downfall and more with the good qualities of various types.

Yes! Close enough to what I'm looking for. I've always thought this, the closer you are to whole, the more you can relate to other enneagrams/ or come away from enneagram. It seems like growth could bring along a whole host of other issues though. I know that a lot of times enneagram shows that a growth area will make a person look like a different one- (a healthy this will be like an average that) it makes sense- but then you could be presented with a whole new set of enneagram problems to undertake. To be completely unrealistic, it would be interesting to think of someone who was an original enneatype, grew into a healthy one- making them another enneatype, and then did that through the entire enneagram through their whole life- they would see the whole/a lot of the human spectrum and therefore be some kind of a God. (I know that doesn't happen, but..... interesting to think about anyway.)
 

Santosha

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Exactly! And I've even considered how some of these ideas might play into buddhism, reincarnation, etc. as what your trying to do when you break out of those fixations is understand your true essence and not the egos distortion.. so it's possible that we continually incarnate into areas of the enneagram until the entire spectrum, like you mentioned, is actualized and all ego distortion is shed. It is hard for me to imagine one doing this in one life, not even looking at the limitations of the soul, but the limitations we endure operating in a human shell generally. And some new age material suggests that the soul chooses the body it will be born to, some kind of process where that particular genetic code, brain wiring, etc. will be compatible with the essence. I'm not sure if I buy into these ideas but do find them interesting. The pineal gland is often said to be the gateway to the spirit world, oddly the Tibetan Book of the Dead mentions that the spirit enters the fetus at 49 days, recent research shows that the pineal gland is detected in the fetus at 49 days. I've also considered that some people who experience things like schizophrenia, bi-polar one, and many other psychological problems could very well be an essence that was not entirely compatible, integrated into the human shell and brain as well is it could or should have been. All this is fluff ofcourse, FLUFF. But it is interesting to think about.
 

Mole

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The Flow

When I lose track ot time passing...I'm actualizing my true self.

Yes, time disappears when we are in the flow.

When we are flowing, we are oblivious to time.

And so how interesting that as we communicate here at the speed of light, both time and space are abolished.

When we are creative, we are in the flow and time disappears. And when we are on Central, time disappears, the seasons disappear and distance disappears.

Where do they go? And what is left? Only the etribe of Central in the global village, flowing together.
 

nanook

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i've lost all track on passing time. but that's probably just early dementia. /jk/

for me the search is mostly about seeing things as they are.
by things I mean both self and worldview, it's the same, it's the calibration of the same subject.

i don't care about becoming anything by means of "living" aka acting, nor do i focus much on life in relationship.

i am pretty much a determinist.
i feel that i can't allow myself (or my self won't allow me) to act before i have 1) a rather complete vision and 2) a rather complete awareness of how this vision came together in myself ...
I don't necessarily mean to spoil the whole big mystery of how exactly a human being comes into existence (albeit i will have a peek),
it seems that originally I just wanted to rule out public manifestation of shadows/bad karma or just things that are forbidden.
actually stuff that would have bad/scary/threatening consequences in this world.
whatever made me so controlled in terms of perception and experience: getting to know myself by acting out is not in my cards. or not yet.
i would at least need a rough overview over my complete self, before i can allow myself to mate with the external world by being uninhibited.
by rough overview, i mean abroad general abstract understanding of self and world.
some estimation of how bad the marriage will be and how much blood will flow during the first night.
and i have come a far way in achieving that general understanding, so i feel a little closer to making the jump.
yeah, i get the drama of it.
it seems unnecessarily complicated. no one gets how anyone can be so hard on himself. (their choice of words)
but it's not as unusual as it seems.
it's just more obvious in me. and i like that.
it makes me aware of the human/egoic drama.
"the fool who insists on his folly becomes wise."
it works.
other people are inhibited too, but they inhibit and act out in superficial fast paced intervals, so it never becomes obvious how much (depth) the have inhibited/prevented from manifestation. they just have this huge something of a life as a seeming proof of being uninhibited creators. winners.
i have nothing.
just a room. and crazy ideas.
but i just play the same game with a different order and pace.
or so i like to believe.
i take in huge chunks of my self into my virtual reality, years of my self, whole developmental stages of my self, knowing them mostly through mental projection.
then eventually i might act the whole chunks out in one simple but complete move. that's the general plan, anyway.
i have been struggling hard with my destiny, meaning my pace of inhibition and acting out, but i have come to accept it as my natural individuality.
that's what i meant initially by being a determinist. fighting this nature has only slowed the process of seeing myself, of understanding of the vision.
it has absolutely never directly enhanced the vision or caused any meaningful manifestation. my inhibition might be okay, my attempts at inhibiting my inhibition have been much worse for sure.

Self-consciousness has such a bad rap. wikipedia says:
"Unpleasant feelings of self-consciousness are sometimes associated with shyness or paranoia.
According to Schopenhauer, man can, through self-consciousness, make a choice between affirming or denying the will"
 
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