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Becoming quickly attached to (certain) people

Aquarelle

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I'm an INFJ and most of the time, I find it really difficult to open up to new people on a personal level. Sometimes it takes me literally years. But every now and then, I meet someone I just "click" with... and by "click" I mean I immediately feel comfortable interacting with them on a personal level.

When I meet people like this, it affects me deeply, and what might be a superficial connection for them is very profound for me. I also tend to want to stay in touch with them, and once or twice have creepily found them and friended them on Facebook because I just can't stand to lose that connection (if it's not someone I'd see frequently again, which usually it isn't because, well... the only people I see often are my family, coworkers, and already-close friends).

Does anyone else experience this? If not, but you found yourself on the receiving end of this strange, premature, possibly one-sided profound attachment, how would you react?
 

Qlip

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I have a lot of one way 'creepy' relationships with people. :) I imagine I'd probably weird a lot of people out if they knew the way I thought of them. I don't formalize it with FB, though, I'm usually content to have felt a connection. So, it stands to reason getting this from somebody else wouldn't bother me at all.
 

Quay

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lol yes. Not to trivialize what you talking about but I read this and guffawed because I do the same thing. I have frightened people off because of it. It's why I post randomly too because a lot of times I have to make myself not contact people I feel connected to.

Recently I had to go to the ER and have a small procedure done, and I was so distraught, the doctor put both hands on the side of my face and looked me deeply in the eyes and said, "Honey, you are going to be okay." I keep thinking about the color of his eyes and the intensity of the gaze between us, and it is taking everything in my power to not go into full research/sly contact mode. Odd thing is it is not hardly anything sexual about this. I am very weird about extreme connections I make with someone..like the inception of some magnetic pole or something. I don't know how else to describe it.

If not, but you found yourself on the receiving end of this strange, premature, possibly one-sided profound attachment, how would you react?

It wouldn't (and doesn't) bother me. Not sure why it doesn't. Maybe because I consider myself harmless when I do it, and I (maybe naively) expect the same from another.
 

Patches

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I've had this happen to me once or twice. I, like you, take a VERY long time to open up to people - if I ever do at all. In the occasions where this has happened, I've gotten very clingy. I really, really HATE clingy people. I do my best to restrain myself so that I don't appear clingy to the person. I usually fail.
 

Thalassa

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Yes, and it's awesome when they reciprocate, because those relationships tend to be some of the most important of my life.

When they don't, it's embarrassing.

I think it's also why I'm not freaked out by much when it comes to people.
 

jimrckhnd

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Yes, and it's awesome when they reciprocate, because those relationships tend to be some of the most important of my life.

.

It doesn't happen often to me but when it does... I have to look out. The connection is very intense, it happens fast and it’s emotionally overwhelming – pretty close to irresistible. And I never know when or with whom it will happen. I met somebody about six months ago with whom I had an instantaneous connection with and after hanging out for about three hours was actually kind of dazed afterwards. Fortunately the other person felt the same thing: at this point we can often look at each other and know what the other is thinking and perhaps even more oddly be thinking the same or very similar things simultaneously. Aside from finishing each other’s sentences we can often communicate instantly and nonverbally on a reasonably sophisticated level. It was a bit uncanny at first but I really enjoy the relationship a great deal.

This has happened to me oh, four or five times in the past. Interestingly enough with only one male – the rest have been female. Of course the sample size is pretty small so it’s difficult to draw conclusions. But as you say –these are some of the most important relationships in my life and I treasure them.
 

Thalassa

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It doesn't happen often to me but when it does... I have to look out. The connection is very intense, it happens fast and it’s emotionally overwhelming – pretty close to irresistible. And I never know when or with whom it will happen. I met somebody about six months ago with whom I had an instantaneous connection with and after hanging out for about three hours was actually kind of dazed afterwards. Fortunately the other person felt the same thing: at this point we can often look at each other and know what the other is thinking and perhaps even more oddly be thinking the same or very similar things simultaneously. Aside from finishing each other’s sentences we can often communicate instantly and nonverbally on a reasonably sophisticated level. It was a bit uncanny at first but I really enjoy the relationship a great deal.

This has happened to me oh, four or five times in the past. Interestingly enough with only one male – the rest have been female. Of course the sample size is pretty small so it’s difficult to draw conclusions. But as you say –these are some of the most important relationships in my life and I treasure them.

I had that kind of instant connection with my two best friends from high school, and I'm still very close with one, and lost closeness with the second one because our relationship evolved into kind of a girlfriend/girlfriend relationship, which messed things up...we're friends again now, but I've consistently remained much closer to the one who is like a sister to me. Of course I had more short term intensity with the other woman, but like I said, we stopped speaking for almost ten years and just recently started being friendly again and we were SUPER SUPER CLOSE for several years in our late teens, like the closest I think I'd ever been to anyone at that age.

It happened pretty quickly with my ESFJ ex, and I bonded pretty intensely with the ISTJ guy I talk to a lot now in a fairly expedient manner.

There have been other guys I felt that way about, but in those cases sometimes it turned out to be one-sided, and that is embarrassing, to mistake someone's enthusiasm in the beginning for something deeper or more lasting.
 

Saslou

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Yes, i do find it hard to open up and develop friendships but as you said, when you have that 'click' then it can be pretty intense. I don't start stalking but i do ensure i reply to emails, lol.

If i were on the receiving end i may slightly freak out as i value my 'Sas time' pretty much all the time.
 

Lark

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This is something which resonates with me, I have experienced it from others too and dont mind it but usually act in a way which causes people to "ease up" if I feel they have to and make it clear, without it being in anyway injurious to the relationship or embarrassing to the person involved, that they've not engaged in sort of affronting social faux pas or anything. That's important because occasionally I have come on too strongly with people I feel an especial bond with, even admitting to crushes on them, once or twice this has been in person and we've gone on to be friends, I really appreciated that they didnt freak out and that they even made it clear enough to me that this was the case.

My T and J functions are strongest but I have that out going E too, especially when I'm in really good moods, so I tend to do this, even with people I dont feel that strength of a bond or attraction to (attraction in more than simply the physical attraction or animal magnetism way you understand), where I'll try to hop, skip and jump the relationship to the familiarity of someone whose known someone years. Sometimes that creeps people out, other people find it mesmerising, there's been comment on how I can accidentially or unintentionally "chat up" other people and the attendent problems with that. I dont mean to do that (ironically if I did it would not work). On one occasion at least I had someone respond with "I think I'm falling in love with you" which was surprising, at the time I felt nothing special for them, then I did, which was shit because by then they didnt feel anything special anymore, disappointly we're not even good friends, but that's life too.

Life is not a rehearsal, friendship is more important than treasure, at least when you've taken care of yourself to a reasonable comfort and perhaps even before that.
 

Sunny Ghost

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yes! not with all people, but i definitely come across people that i'll suddenly be very curious about. male and female. not always romantic. sometimes i pursue finding out more. and other times i sort of run in the opposite direction. depends on the person i guess. like if someone has an intense personality, it sort of scares me as well as attracts, all at the same time.

at the moment, there is a male i work with (but on opposite shifts. he's usually coming in as i'm on my way out.) that i'm highly attracted to. it began as a curiosity. and because, honestly, it seems as though he noticed me in the same way we're talking about here. i was on the receiving end at first. but it scared me. uuuugh. so much, i told other coworkers that i thought him a cocky bastard, as opposed to fessing up to my own attraction. so childish. thing is, i also can't tell if his attraction towards me is in my head or real. maybe that's what really scares me.
 

Thalassa

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uuuugh. so much, i told other coworkers that i thought him a cocky bastard, as opposed to fessing up to my own attraction. so childish. thing is, i also can't tell if his attraction towards me is in my head or real. maybe that's what really scares me.

This reminds me of when I first encountered JTG. I was telling him the other night because he was like "you were so mean to me, I never forget the things you did or said blah blah blah" and I had to tell him why.

I'm like, look bro, I did not trust you. Your hair was just too cool.

(Okay, that last part is a joke.)
 

Magic Poriferan

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I became more attached to my English professor than anyone else I've known. Unfortunately I didn't really know how to keep myself in touch with her, and I've been kind of afraid to try.

Anyhow, the time of your interaction with people follows the old cliche that quality is more important than quantity. If I take a really long time to open up to someone, that's normal, and they are probably unremarkable.
 

Sunny Ghost

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This reminds me of when I first encountered JTG. I was telling him the other night because he was like "you were so mean to me, I never forget the things you did or said blah blah blah" and I had to tell him why.

I'm like, look bro, I did not trust you. Your hair was just too cool.

(Okay, that last part is a joke.)

hahahaha!

well, i appreciate you making me feel better over this.
 

EJCC

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During the times that I've become very close to people very quickly (e.g. on two separate occasions where I went on service trips with other students and was actually required to open up to them), it hasn't ended well. Usually I've been too intimidated by the person's pre-existing group of friends to try and approach them again. Or I've seen how that person acts with other people and realized that what I thought was closeness may have just been how he acts with most people. Usually I end up detaching myself from them mentally and accepting the fact that I won't ever be close with them. (Of course I still Facebook stalk them, though -- but then again, I Facebook stalk the people who made me cry in middle school, so... yeah.)

The quickest period of time in which I've become close with someone and had the friendship remain close was probably six months. But then again, I have very few friends that I would consider close, and I've known most of them for a long time.

EDIT: I think this explains this post's content pretty well.
 

Tallulah

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Totally, and it always freaks me out because I don't know how to go from my usual state of detachment to actively pursuant. It feels out of control. If it's mutual, all is fab. If not, it just feels weird, and then I start inwardly freaking and thinking, "Probably everyone is attached to this individual because of their ability to make everyone feel special, and they are just humoring me."
 

jimrckhnd

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Totally, and it always freaks me out because I don't know how to go from my usual state of detachment to actively pursuant. It feels out of control.

It totally freaks me out because without conscious thought I lose my detachment and actively seek contact with these people and I KNOW I'm out of control. There is nothing more unsettling to me than Fe run amok. :horor:
 

Aquarelle

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Totally, and it always freaks me out because I don't know how to go from my usual state of detachment to actively pursuant. It feels out of control. If it's mutual, all is fab. If not, it just feels weird, and then I start inwardly freaking and thinking, "Probably everyone is attached to this individual because of their ability to make everyone feel special, and they are just humoring me."

Ahh, sometimes I freak out like that too! But usually in my experience, we don't really become friends, or at least not close friends. More like friendly acquaintances, and that is usually fine with me. I don't need to feel the deep, intense connection constantly. I just don't want to lose touch with them. It's weird.

But I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who gets these weird attachments... maybe I'm not as creepy as I thought, hehe. :)
 

entropie

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I experience that all the time, except for the stalking part. Normally when people are no more in an immediate physical connection with me in my vicinity I tend to forget and to do other things... oh look there rabbit.. *wanders off chasing the rabbit* ...
 
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