is this what growing up is all about?

[miss fortune]

I'm sure that some of you know what I'm talking about when I say this... have you ever reached a point in your life when you realize that you're probably never going to get out of life what you thought that you were going to get? I mean, everything is good, you really have nothing to complain about but it's not like you thought it would be- everything is almost- like in a dream where you know that it's not reality because everything is a little bit off.

you've committed yourself to somebody great, but there are some things you sacrificed for the relationship to make it work... you have a good job that you are successful at and it's not boring... it's just not what you thought that you'd be doing. You're already through your teens where you did the obligatory after school activities, hung out with friends and got accepted into a good college. You're through your early twenties, where you learned that the early 20s dream of working a cool job, living in a cool apartment in the bad part of town because it's cheap and going out after work every day is more like the early 20s nightmare. Now you're supposed to be a grown up. Is this what you've been working for all of these years?!?

Is wisdom the art of compromising? is that what we're supposed to learn in life? Are we supposed to be content with what we have because so many others don't have that much? what else is there to strive for when you have what most people want but still don't feel fulfilled? God's out of the question... I've tried to believe and it just doesn't click... at this point most people have kids to fill up the space but what if kids aren't desired? Is life really this purposeless?

 

[RDF]

I'm sure that some of you know what I'm talking about when I say this... have you ever reached a point in your life when you realize that you're probably never going to get out of life what you thought that you were going to get? I mean, everything is good, you really have nothing to complain about but it's not like you thought it would be- everything is almost- like in a dream where you know that it's not reality because everything is a little bit off.

you've committed yourself to somebody great, but there are some things you sacrificed for the relationship to make it work... you have a good job that you are successful at and it's not boring... it's just not what you thought that you'd be doing. You're already through your teens where you did the obligatory after school activities, hung out with friends and got accepted into a good college. You're through your early twenties, where you learned that the early 20s dream of working a cool job, living in a cool apartment in the bad part of town because it's cheap and going out after work every day is more like the early 20s nightmare. Now you're supposed to be a grown up. Is this what you've been working for all of these years?!?

Is wisdom the art of compromising? is that what we're supposed to learn in life? Are we supposed to be content with what we have because so many others don't have that much? what else is there to strive for when you have what most people want but still don't feel fulfilled? God's out of the question... I've tried to believe and it just doesn't click... at this point most people have kids to fill up the space but what if kids aren't desired? Is life really this purposeless?

Lol. Once upon a time you would have killed for this kind of independence, freedom, and security. Now you have it, and it turns out to be the same as the rest of life: Shabby and bumped and dented and unimpressive. You’re asking, “What next? Have I reached the end?”

Of course, there are other things to explore. You can throw yourself into work and conquer new heights there. You can throw yourself into society and become a diva, a maven, a queen of your milieu. You can have children and hothouse them into little super-geniuses. You can buy an RV and spend your summers checking out exotic locales: The desert, the mountains, the far north and the far south. But watch out: When you hit the end of the road, it’s always like the rest of life: Shabby and bumped and dented and unimpressive. I mean really, if you think about it, what else did you expect?

Enjoy your early mid-life crisis. The next one will be even worse. The closer you get to old age, the louder your cry of “Is this as good as it gets?!?!?”

 

[A window to the soul]

what else is there to strive for when you have what most people want but still don't feel fulfilled? God's out of the question... I've tried to believe and it just doesn't click... at this point most people have kids to fill up the space but what if kids aren't desired? Is life really this purposeless?

Come on, there is so much more to this life than that and it starts by letting go of your inhibitions about God and relationships. Life is what *you* make it. If you settle for complacency and set unnecessary limitations, then that's probably all you'll get. Get out and explore the unknown. Start a social group in your local area on Meetup.com.

As for your thoughts on God, one can't just "try to believe" in God or they'll fail, it's a heart relationship. If you truly want to find God, then start by praying and have faith that he hears you. God Listens.

 

[King sns]

I don't know. For me, being grown up has been better than being young. There were my good years and there were my bad years. But I just feel like things were tougher than they needed to be. Now that I'm through all that, I feel freed mentally and financially. I'm also surrounded by a lot of people who are much older than me, and still don't have an issue with going back to school, changing careers, travelling out of the country, moving if they need to. They are married, with kids. They just don't have settled, old person mindsets. They still have wants and often can get what they want and just make it work. They are very positive forces in my life. So, no, at 26, I still feel as though I have this big long beautiful exciting life ahead.

Edit: I do have moments where I say, "when did all this happen????" though. The other day I was running with a good friend, (43 y/o ENTJ female), we were running through a really beautiful part of town and talking about work and something about someone's mortgage being really expensive. And then I suddenly thought, "gee whiz, what happened to my childhood???"

Edit again: I recently befriended a beautiful 40 year old woman from Africa. She has a bunch of kids back home, and given that Africa has a different view on child rearing, was in a position to come over here, and go to a really good school, to study international development. She's also getting her nurses assistant. I think stories like these are extremely motivating to me. Adult people from impoverished countries, (she thinks by act of God), came to America to do that. It's such a boundless way to think. The woman is boundless. I thought she was in her 20's based on appearance, I don't think she will ever get old.

 

[Sparrow]

If you want more go and get it! Anything is possible if you put your mind to it! You don't have to settle .

 

[RDF]

BTW, here's a somewhat more serious response than my last one:

If you feel dissatisfied with life, always seeking something better, always on the run, and so on, then take some time and explore your own head. Do some meditation, go on some retreats. Figure out your own motivations, learn why you see things a certain way and not another way. Do a little depth psychology if you want.

If you feel like you've done everything else in life, then a path like this one can be rewarding. Increased self-knowledge is an eye-opener.

 

[miss fortune]

introspecting... ... I've always been HORRIBLE at that! I'm not even sure that I'd know how to start!

but yeah... I've always feared that life runs on routine and that I'd end up becoming disappointed. I suppose having been wild and crazy for about 7 years when younger doesn't help the fact that it feels like I've already DONE most things that I can around here The man would not be for doing much socializing outside of work since he finds that he sees enough people at work that he doesn't need any more in his life... he's kind of antisocial... and he usually whines when I go out in the evening and leave him at home as well Most of what I know as far as "social life" involves includes drinking as a major component as well, so I'm really not sure what normal people DO when they go out

 

[King sns]

introspecting... ... I've always been HORRIBLE at that! I'm not even sure that I'd know how to start!

but yeah... I've always feared that life runs on routine and that I'd end up becoming disappointed. I suppose having been wild and crazy for about 7 years when younger doesn't help the fact that it feels like I've already DONE most things that I can around here The man would not be for doing much socializing outside of work since he finds that he sees enough people at work that he doesn't need any more in his life... he's kind of antisocial... and he usually whines when I go out in the evening and leave him at home as well Most of what I know as far as "social life" involves includes drinking as a major component as well, so I'm really not sure what normal people DO when they go out

I think that you would benefit from the introspection, (anybody would). To me, you seem like a very high energy, positive young person- you don't seem old or settled. Knowing yourself even beyond that could help lead you in the right direction.

 

[miss fortune]

I think that you would benefit from the introspection, (anybody would). To me, you seem like a very high energy, positive young person- you don't seem old or settled. Knowing yourself even beyond that could help lead you in the right direction.

yeah, but I've never BEEN the introspective type of person... I tend to look at everything related to the outside and even judge myself on bases like that... plus... there's WAY too many distractions out there

 

[RDF]

but yeah... I've always feared that life runs on routine and that I'd end up becoming disappointed. I suppose having been wild and crazy for about 7 years when younger doesn't help the fact that it feels like I've already DONE most things that I can around here The man would not be for doing much socializing outside of work since he finds that he sees enough people at work that he doesn't need any more in his life... he's kind of antisocial... and he usually whines when I go out in the evening and leave him at home as well Most of what I know as far as "social life" involves includes drinking as a major component as well, so I'm really not sure what normal people DO when they go out

Naturally it would be difficult for an INFP like me to tell an ESTP how to spend her evenings. ESTPs have that crazy high energy.

But FWIW I belong to Mensa; I’ve been talking about it in another thread*. I know a couple ESTPs in Mensa, and the organization suits them well. If they live in the vicinity of a large chapter, then they can drift from event to event--sometimes multiple events in a single night--and it’s no big deal. People are glad to see them, and they come and go as they please depending on what’s available.

Anyway, you could hunt down a similar social organization where you live, something big with multiple social venues on weekends. A church group, a social lodge. And your SO probably wouldn’t mind you making the rounds within that social organization: it provides a measures of respectability. It sounds better than just going out to random bars and drinking with friends. And the SO can even come with you if something sounds interesting.

Even if there's no convenient big social organization, you can still put something together yourself: a bowling league on weekends and a pottery class on Wednesday nights and a membership at a shooting range. It gives you more respectability to do things within the framework of memberships and classes--the SO will probably be more willing to cut you loose for a day or for an evening that way.

* http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/academics-careers/49787-why-join-mensa.html

 

[William K]

To paraphrase a quote from Churchill "It's not the end, it's not even the beginning of the end, but it's the end of the beginning"

There comes a stage in life where it seems like you've reached the peak and you can't go up any further and that the only way remaining is down. But that's not really true. You may not move up in the current mountain, but there's nothing stopping you from hopping to another mountain to scale.

Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life. Make the most of it

Ok, so not practical advice but wth, I'm looking for answers too...

 

[William K]

Ok, after reading my last post it felt too empty so here's a thought.

What legacy do you intend to leave behind after you are no longer in this world? What do you wish people to remember you by? Is it by passing your genes to your children? Or do you want to create a life work that will help others?

 

[xisnotx]

^ lol I said the exact thing in another thread.

I'm young, so perhaps it really isn't my place, but...

I've had nights where I didn't think I was going to make it. I've had nights where I didn't even want to make it. I was done, I had figured it out, life was pointless, slipping away to "eternal nothingness" seemed the better option. I was willing to go. However, I've never had a morning where I wasn't glad that I woke up.

Thankfully, I'm past all that (I hope)..and now I'm at the stage where "What now?" is constantly on my mind. "Where do I go from here?". The honest answer is "I don't know" but while before that would have led me into some really undesirable situations (subjectively speaking, of course) these days I find I am better able to use that energy to actually go somewhere.

So, while I don't have an answer to "What now?", I do have an answer for "What not now?".

Perhaps finding your answers to "What not now?" will help you? Just a suggestion...

Is this what you've been working for all of these years?!?

I think a good piece of advice would be to work towards being able to say "yes" to such questions on your death bed.