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Could my friend have Asperger’s?

JoSunshine

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So I have a friend who tests ESxx whom I am certain has some sort of social/empathetic challenges. I feel for her because she doesn’t have a mean bone in her body and almost always means well, but really struggles in her relationships as well as socially. She often seems upset and confused because she knows she is different and is trying to figure out why.

I have read a bit about Asperger’s and she seems to “fit” in certain ways, but not at all in others. I know there are at least some people on this board with Asperger’s, so I was wondering if you can tell me if you think it is possible based on this description:

Intelligent and studious – she got her masters degree from a very good university and had excellent grades.

Huge gaps in her memory – forgets things quickly doesn’t remember people she has dated or even intimate encounters with.

Very social, yet socially inappropriate – she says thing people find offensive, but she has no idea she is doing it. Tends to speak quickly (almost in a manic way) and goes on at length, cuts people off when speaking, “glues” herself to people she is interested in, discloses very personal information, does a poor job of reading body language and noticing when people are disinterested in her.

Schedules every day down to the last minute and freaks if she can’t do something she planned to do.

Obsessively exercises – panics if she can’t.

Naïve and gullible – she takes everything people say at face value even if there is a pervasive pattern of behavior that suggest she shouldn’t.

“Promiscuous” (in quotes because I can’t think of a more accurate word) – Will sleep with any guy who says he likes her if he asks for sex because she takes what they say at face value.

Insistent – She tends to be very insistent about having things her way or trying to control a situation because she can’t seem to just “go with the flow”.

Anxious – She becomes very anxious when any kind of ambiguity is involved in a situation and is prone to seeming random bouts of panic.

Oddly Specific – e.g. I will be there at 10:32AM

Emotionally unaffected - e.g. works with handicap children as a physical therapist and is unaffected when one dies even if she has been working with them for years.

Is uncomfortable with non-sexual physical touch.

If she does end up dating someone, she usually breaks it off because she can’t tolerate basic things (the way he drags his fork across his teeth, the one crooked tooth, the sound he makes when he breathes).

Must be her definition of “perfect” before she can leave the house – every hair in place, make-up exactly as she likes it, etc (mind you she is not an over-done person, just must look a certain way before she is comfortable being seen in public).

Has a hard time understanding how what she says and does effects other people.

Has a pure heart and always tries really, really hard to do the right thing for people.

Thoughts? (Sorry for the long post)
 
G

Ginkgo

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Well, if she sleeps around with people so much that they only surface as featureless shapes in her memory, the memory problem speaks for itself.

It actually sounds like it may be obsessive compulsive disorder. She sounds fixated in some areas and completely ignorant in others.
 

Savage Idealist

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Could be asperger's. I'd suggest looking up a complete diagnostic sheet that describes all the symptoms in full detail, and carefully analyzing them to see if she may have it.
 

JoSunshine

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I will need to find that complete diagnostic sheet. I've been trying to get her to see a professional because clearly that would be the best thing, but she has yet to take that advice.

I thought about OCD, but the social/relationship stuff seems to suggest there is more to it.
 

Savage Idealist

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Indeed, a professional is usually the best option.

Although, if she is fine with it, perhaps you could talk with her directly concerning this matter? Especially considering that an analysis of her childhood, where symptoms could be far more abundant, could prove to be more evident of this possible condition.
 

wildcat

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The OP is a very good post.

Yes. Asperger's it is. Definitively.
Believe me, I know. I am an expert in the field.

You said that she fits in certain ways, but not at all in others.
She fits in all the ways. :)
 

Lily flower

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It definitely sounds like Asperger's. While she may also have OCD, people with OCD have perfectly normal social skills.
 

Xenon

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Diagnostic Criteria for Asperger's Disorder

The above link has two diagnostic criteria lists from two different sources.

Even if she got a professional diagnosis, I'm not sure what they can do for her. There's no specific treatment. If she's been feeling bad about her social problems, it might be a relief to be able to point to a reason for them. I'm not sure what else can be done, especially if she's just being diagnosed as an adult.

She could also check out Wrong Planet or some other online community for people with Asperger's/autism spectrum conditions. Hang around real people who have it and see if it fits.
 

JoSunshine

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The OP is a very good post.

Yes. Asperger's it is. Definitively.
Believe me, I know. I am an expert in the field.

You said that she fits in certain ways, but not at all in others.
She fits in all the ways. :)

I think the thing that really throws me off is that she is very social and has difficulty being alone. From what I have ready one of the hallmarks of Aspergers is avoidance of social situations. She wants to be around people, but she just has poor social skills. Also, she choose a profession that is a people-related field. I was wondering if other people with Asperger's Syndrome also gravitate towards people-related situations.

It definitely sounds like Asperger's. While she may also have OCD, people with OCD have perfectly normal social skills.

Yep - that was my thought, the huge memory gaps and social related issues seem to point to something more.

Diagnostic Criteria for Asperger's Disorder

The above link has two diagnostic criteria lists from two different sources.

Even if she got a professional diagnosis, I'm not sure what they can do for her. There's no specific treatment. If she's been feeling bad about her social problems, it might be a relief to be able to point to a reason for them. I'm not sure what else can be done, especially if she's just being diagnosed as an adult.

She could also check out Wrong Planet or some other online community for people with Asperger's/autism spectrum conditions. Hang around real people who have it and see if it fits.

Thanks for the link - once again a mixed bag of things that describe her and things that don't.

She spends a good bit of the time feeling "crazy" these days. For a long time she had no idea she was "different" but now that she is aware of it (and knows that people refer to her as "crazy") she is forever wondering what is different about her - especially because she doesn't seem to able to discern from situation to situation what would be "normal". Some days she calls me 10 times in one day to ask how to handle different situations. I also think she feels "unlovable" and that is sad. I'm thinking a diagnosis might help her cope and understand herself.
 

SilkRoad

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I'm wondering if she might have borderline personality disorder? I'm not sure if it explains as much as Aspergers, though.
 

JoSunshine

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I'm wondering if she might have borderline personality disorder? I'm not sure if it explains as much as Aspergers, though.

I don't think so...she is too level, if that makes sense. She is always the same, she does panic and get irritable if things aren't going as planned or if she feels like she someone she likes doesn't like her, but overall she is pretty much always the same. She can also take criticism very well (is almost matter of fact about it) and I think I have only seen her all out loose her temper maybe 3 or 4 times in 7+ years. She is also backs right down when people get upset with her. I have never know to engage in any self-harming activity or threats. That doesn't seem borderline to me although I am no expert :)
 

SilkRoad

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Yeah, it might be a mix of things. What made me think borderline was the social inappropriateness, glomming onto other people, etc...but then various other things didn't seem to fit, though I am certainly no expert either. It does sound like she needs some assistance though and I hope she can get it. It sounds like it could be quite a lot of stress for you too.
 

Xenon

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I think the thing that really throws me off is that she is very social and has difficulty being alone. From what I have ready one of the hallmarks of Aspergers is avoidance of social situations. She wants to be around people, but she just has poor social skills. Also, she choose a profession that is a people-related field. I was wondering if other people with Asperger's Syndrome also gravitate towards people-related situations.

From what I've read, what they all tend to have in common is a poor feel for how to relate to people and act in social situations. Some of them become withdrawn as a result of this, because they keep having negative responses from people and don't know why, so they begin to feel awkward or anxious in social situations. Others aren't so aware of how they come across, and end up just rubbing people the wrong way or seeming odd or inappropriate to others and not being aware of this. From what you've described, it sounds like she wasn't aware of how she came across until recently, and now she's starting to worry about it a lot.

I definitely see more reason to think it's Asperger's than OCD or borderline or any other mental disorder....especially with her being oblivious to it for so long. I have a hard time seeing someone with OCD not knowing something is wrong.


She spends a good bit of the time feeling "crazy" these days. For a long time she had no idea she was "different" but now that she is aware of it (and knows that people refer to her as "crazy") she is forever wondering what is different about her - especially because she doesn't seem to able to discern from situation to situation what would be "normal". Some days she calls me 10 times in one day to ask how to handle different situations. I also think she feels "unlovable" and that is sad. I'm thinking a diagnosis might help her cope and understand herself.

Ugh. It does sound like she could use some explanation and some advice. Has she shown any interest in reading up on it, or meeting other people with it? If she reads descriptions and personal accounts herself and identifies with them, that could tell her a lot. She might get some ideas from others about how to cope with her traits and difficulties.
 

wildcat

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I think the thing that really throws me off is that she is very social and has difficulty being alone. From what I have ready one of the hallmarks of Aspergers is avoidance of social situations. She wants to be around people, but she just has poor social skills. Also, she choose a profession that is a people-related field. I was wondering if other people with Asperger's Syndrome gravitate towards people-related situations.

Yes, they do.
I worked in a company where my job was to take care of the foreign guests. PR sector. :)

If there are autists who avoid social situations, it is only a reaction from negative reception from the environment. Avoidance is not one of the hallmarks of an AS at all, it is not an inborn trait.
Your friend is a clear-cut Asperger case.

You said that she fits in certain ways only. A misinterpretation of Asperger diagnosis.
According to your own description, she fits in all the ways. :smile:
 

JoSunshine

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Thanks guys for all of your help! I think I will encourage her (and help her) write down a list of all of the things she struggles with and go to a doctor. Hopefully, the doctor will be able to see give her a diagnosis one way or the other. Even though I strongly suspect some sort of Asperger's, I don't feel comfortable saying that because I could be wrong (that's happened once or twice) :) I will leave the diagnosis to the professionals. I think just having some answers and understanding would really be helpful.

Once again thank you! Thank you!
 

01011010

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Even if she got a professional diagnosis, I'm not sure what they can do for her. There's no specific treatment. If she's been feeling bad about her social problems, it might be a relief to be able to point to a reason for them. I'm not sure what else can be done, especially if she's just being diagnosed as an adult.

If she wants help and has the funds, there are resources available to improve her quality of life. She needs to find a team of specialists that work exclusively with developmental disorders.
 
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