I deserved that...

[miss fortune]

somehow any time something bad happens in my life I feel like I probably truly deserve it for something that's happened before that... for an example, one of my team members ran into some personal difficulties and I felt really guilty about it as his supervisor, even though it isn't my fault- I still feel seriously guilty, so when my house was robbed that evening I felt like it was deserved

For that matter, I still feel bad for things I did as a child all the way to the present... some things which aren't even my fault by any rational reasoning, but I still somehow feel guilty to the point where bad things that happen just feel like they SHOULD happen

I don't know whether that's just a personal quirk or a sign that I'm even crazier than I thought that I am, but I'm wondering if that's normal... and if there is any way to get past that?

 

[Stigmata]

Apply the resolution from the emotional ending scene of Good Will Hunting to your own situation.

 

[miss fortune]

I would probably have to hit someone if they repeated the same phrase at me that many times, even if it WAS Robin Williams!

 

[Saslou]

I used to think along the same lines but i know it was down to me having low self esteem.

Nowadays i've prioritised whats important and what isn't. I did read somewhere on Stumble the other day that all people operate from the same 2 motivations: to fulfil their desire and escape their suffering.
The above was the icing on the cake for me, for essentially noone is good or evil, only wise or foolish.

I'm not sure if any of this makes sense.

 

[miss fortune]

what about those who desire suffering?

 

[tinker683]

somehow any time something bad happens in my life I feel like I probably truly deserve it for something that's happened before that...

But why? Why do you keep a balance sheet constantly going in your life for the things you have done in the past? When do you reach a point to where you have paid your dues?

for an example, one of my team members ran into some personal difficulties and I felt really guilty about it as his supervisor, even though it isn't my fault- I still feel seriously guilty

That's just empathy, I feel it all the time. When something bad happens to someone I somehow feel the strong need to say, "I'm sorry!" to that person. It isn't because I was somehow responsible and therefore must offer penance for it, but rather it's because I understand their suffering and don't wish it on them.

so when my house was robbed that evening I felt like it was deserved

But again, at what point can you finally tell karma that you've paid your dues? I don't know the extent of whatever it is you did (no pun), I doubt it calls for you to constantly have to pay for this imaginary debt the rest of your life.

Honest question: Do you believe you deserve to happy, that you have the right to be happy?

For that matter, I still feel bad for things I did as a child all the way to the present... some things which aren't even my fault by any rational reasoning, but I still somehow feel guilty to the point where bad things that happen just feel like they SHOULD happen

I sometimes feel this way for things that I've done but I discovered that this isn't anyway to live. I can only be the best person that I can be and if I am called to task for the things that I have done then I will do my time, if I haven't done so already.

I refuse, however, to live another day under the belief that happiness isn't something that I'm allowed to have. I firmly believe that to live otherwise isn't really living but rather is just waiting around to die.

And I know that you are waaaay too awesome of a person to let something like that keep you down

Chin up, whatever! You didn't deserve getting robbed. Sometimes bad things happen to good people . I wish they didn't but they do

You're not crazy, just unbelievably human