• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

Introversion and Hatred

Mole

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 20, 2008
Messages
20,284
I was hated in high school and it had a big effect on me and I wondered what was wrong with me. But as time passed I realised it was because I was introverted. It seems so simple now but at the time it was inexplicable and debilitating.

A funny thing happened to me not so long ago - I would see a middle-aged to elderly man in the city and on the bus who I took to be schizophrenic. I would be friendly and talk to him whenever I saw him. And this went on for years until one day he fixed me with his eye and said, meaningfully, "You've made it". And he was right, I had made it, I had learnt to share my inner life in my daily life, as I walked around and interacted. But this was the last thing he was to say to me, for he disappeared from the streets as though his schizophrenic inner life had overcome him - and he had not made it. It was as though he gave me his last blessing before he was swallowed up. And his last words had the ring of truth.

And although I was hated in high school I am left with some hatred myself for extroverts who are deaf to the inner life. On the othe hand I am deeply pleased to be able to share my rich inner life with those around me.

Victor Felix.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
It's like a spectrum, Victor. Extroverts who have no inner life at all are imbalanced, and same for Introverts who cannot extrovert at all. Most healthy people fall somewhere in the middle, but lean to one side or the other.
 

Jaguar

Active member
Joined
May 5, 2007
Messages
20,647
My time alone is a must, and interacting with others is a must. (You can imagine my test answers. Lol.)
I need a balance and I make sure I get it.
 

ajblaise

Minister of Propagandhi
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
7,914
MBTI Type
INTP
I was hated in high school...

Never would have guessed!

It's more than introversion though. Am I the only one who thinks you really need a few more degrees of 'different' to be ostracized?

Extroverts can easily be hated in high school, sometimes much easier... who doesn't remember the annoying kids that were smaller than everyone else who got beat up on all day? And they liked the attention so went with it, if it was the only way they could get it, and they're not brooding so no one thinks they're sad. Zero guilt beat downs!
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
I don't know perhaps some introverts don't bear it as well? However, I agree with you that introverts aren't univerally hated in high school. Pretty sure lots of ISFJ females were considered "nice girls" who wore the same clothes as the wildly popular girls, so socially fit in quietly, without any undue attention to themselves.

I think it's possible for extroverts to just go find another group. You know, hey I don't fit in this group, I'll go find people like me to hang out with. That kind of thing.

But yeah...you could be hated either way, for different reasons, and I don't think it's as simple as introvert or extrovert.

I was very blessed for the most part in my high school experience, but that's largely because I abandoned the "popular kids" my freshman year and went to hang out with all the skaters, punks, drama kids, musicians and art fags. I found my niche and I was happy there. I would have been miserable had I tried to fit a mold that didn't suit me.

Also, I used to defend one of those dudes who got beat up every day. Poor guy. Me and a small group of girls had his back.
 
G

Ginkgo

Guest
I was hated in high school and it had a big effect on me and I wondered what was wrong with me. But as time passed I realised it was because I was introverted. It seems so simple now but at the time it was inexplicable and debilitating.

A funny thing happened to me not so long ago - I would see a middle-aged to elderly man in the city and on the bus who I took to be schizophrenic. I would be friendly and talk to him whenever I saw him. And this went on for years until one day he fixed me with his eye and said, meaningfully, "You've made it". And he was right, I had made it, I had learnt to share my inner life in my daily life, as I walked around and interacted. But this was the last thing he was to say to me, for he disappeared from the streets as though his schizophrenic inner life had overcome him - and he had not made it. It was as though he gave me his last blessing before he was swallowed up. And his last words had the ring of truth.

And although I was hated in high school I am left with some hatred myself for extroverts who are deaf to the inner life. On the othe hand I am deeply pleased to be able to share my rich inner life with those around me.

Victor Felix.

Do you feel like you've received message from the outer world from those around you as you have shared in kind?

If everyone is their own island, then no one fits in like they expect to in high school. And, in that sense, everyone can be rounded into the same group of outcasts. I'm comfortable with that, but I enjoy company; while I do not anticipate anyone will truly understand me, or me them, I can still develop my own hunch about them as far as it will take me.

In high school, the differences between me and others were painfully obvious, but I believe I created that layer between me and them with a tint of resentment, like you did Victor. At this point, my attention is drawn to when I fear or hate others, because I can dispel it if I am willing.
 

Mal12345

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 19, 2011
Messages
14,532
MBTI Type
IxTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I too fail to see the connection between introversion and being hated. But perhaps it was just part of your school's culture, mine wasn't like that. I wasn't hated for being introverted; I was ignored for being introverted. And my class wasn't full of haters. I don't think we had any reason to be haters. If I was hated for being introverted, my response might have been something like, "Hey, this isn't working!"
 
A

Anew Leaf

Guest
We are all hated by others for different reasons. This is simply victors reason, and perhaps does not need to be extrapolated upon for others' lives.

I was hated for a variety of reasons. It definitely affected me going into my 20's; now not at all. Such is the beauty of growing older. :)
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
I don't think I was ever hated. I don't think bullying is about hating people, really.
 

Luv Deluxe

Step into my office.
Joined
Jun 25, 2011
Messages
441
MBTI Type
NiSe
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Elementary school messed with me long before I made it to high school. I was an unusual kid who spent much of my time reading and daydreaming. There weren't any other children like me in elementary school because the student body, although it spanned several grades, was very small. And kids of a certain age tend to pick on things they don't understand. Relentlessly. By the time I got to high school, the feeling of hatred was mutual.

I'd say there were more factors at play besides my introversion, though. I just had different interests and was accelerated a few grades in certain classes, which marked me as an oddball. Many people, and kids especially, dislike or distance themselves from that which they don't understand or aren't familiar with. Familiarity = comfort.

Time helps, a little. I like what Saturned says about the beauty of growing older!
 

Mal12345

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 19, 2011
Messages
14,532
MBTI Type
IxTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I don't think I was ever hated. I don't think bullying is about hating people, really.

I'm sure these kids had no real concept of introversion. And I agree that bullying isn't necessarily about hating people. So perhaps Victor was bullied for being different.

My brother told me that he had the urge to beat up other kids just because of their looks. I asked him what it was he hated about their looks and he said, "I don't know."
 

guesswho

Active member
Joined
Jul 9, 2010
Messages
1,977
MBTI Type
ENTP
I was hated in high school and it had a big effect on me and I wondered what was wrong with me. But as time passed I realised it was because I was introverted.

I think it's because others may have perceived you as "different", not because you're introverted.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
Elementary school messed with me long before I made it to high school. I was an unusual kid who spent much of my time reading and daydreaming. There weren't any other children like me in elementary school because the student body, although it spanned several grades, was very small. And kids of a certain age tend to pick on things they don't understand. Relentlessly. By the time I got to high school, the feeling of hatred was mutual.

I'd say there were more factors at play besides my introversion, though. I just had different interests and was accelerated a few grades in certain classes, which marked me as an oddball. Many people, and kids especially, dislike or distance themselves from that which they don't understand or aren't familiar with. Familiarity = comfort.

Time helps, a little. I like what Saturned says about the beauty of growing older!

Yeah my hardest years were actually 5th - first half of 7th grade, for similiar reasons, also because I read a lot and daydreamed a bunch, so was socially awkward at that age. It had something to do with moving, too. I lived in WV up until summber before 5th grade, where I had a group of girl friends that I had slumber parties with and hung out with at school, plus a few male friends, I wasn't having such a hard time, but then when we moved I felt like I didn't fit in at all, like I was totally weird. I transferred to a different school between 1st and 2nd semester of 7th grade and suddenly had friends again.
 

Lien

New member
Joined
Feb 8, 2009
Messages
82
the edge of 12

i was always a quiet child. but i was sunny and always very, very excitable. though my parents mostly left me alone as a child, i was very good at entertaining myself.

but towards the end of 6th grade, there was something that triggered a series of events. my family used that something so i could be their physical and emotional scapegoat, for their unresolved anxieties.
while blaming it all on my over-sensitive, introverted personality.

and ever since then i've been physically and emotionally stunted at the edge of 12.

but i just tell everyone i've found the fountain to everlasting youth, just like in tuck everlasting.
 

Mole

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 20, 2008
Messages
20,284
Are you sure it wasn't just your stop?

Actually it was my graduation. Most graduations have flowing gowns, ritual, a keynote speaker and proud parents. My graduation had a schizophrenic old man who could see into my heart and gave me his blessing.
 

Mole

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 20, 2008
Messages
20,284
I don't think I was ever hated. I don't think bullying is about hating people, really.

Being hated for me was a wake up call. It was a decided slap in the face. So I went on a quest to find out why. I attended an encounter group, a laingian group, a reichian group and a gestalt group and personal psychotherapy. I joined the sailing club, the poetry club, the Chinese Student's society, the Australasian Union of Jewish Students, the Students' Union and the Residents' Association. But what made the difference was honouring my inner life and learning to express it in everyday life.
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
Joined
Jun 12, 2008
Messages
9,661
MBTI Type
iSFj
Enneagram
2
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I'm hard pressed to think that introverts are hated. I think it's more like introverts are often ignored or overlooked. As they say, the squeaky wheel gets the oil.
 

Luv Deluxe

Step into my office.
Joined
Jun 25, 2011
Messages
441
MBTI Type
NiSe
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
i was always a quiet child. but i was sunny and always very, very excitable. though my parents mostly left me alone as a child, i was very good at entertaining myself.

but towards the end of 6th grade, there was something that triggered a series of events. my family used that something so i could be their physical and emotional scapegoat, for their unresolved anxieties.
while blaming it all on my over-sensitive, introverted personality.

and ever since then i've been physically and emotionally stunted at the edge of 12.

That sounds familiar. Something similar happened to me. I spent my childhood essentially feeling invalidated and blamed for my own sensitivity, to the point where I developed a defense mechanism apparently called "splitting." It's essentially being emotionally stunted as a kid, so that you never quite grow out of the polarized way children view and process the world. Makes for absolute hell in personal relationships, but I haven't quite figured out how to manage it yet.
 

Mole

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 20, 2008
Messages
20,284
i was always a quiet child. but i was sunny and always very, very excitable. though my parents mostly left me alone as a child, i was very good at entertaining myself.

but towards the end of 6th grade, there was something that triggered a series of events. my family used that something so i could be their physical and emotional scapegoat, for their unresolved anxieties.
while blaming it all on my over-sensitive, introverted personality.

and ever since then i've been physically and emotionally stunted at the edge of 12.

but i just tell everyone i've found the fountain to everlasting youth, just like in tuck everlasting.

ai-lien or aileen.

Dear Lien, are you able to find someone to talk to? If you are highly excitable, it may mean you are gifted. So perhaps talking to a counsellor and perhaps having your IQ measured may be a way to go.

You are plainly a person of delightful sensitivity with much to offer the world.

Victor.
 
Top