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The opposite of a grudge

Do they go hand-in-hand?

  • Yes, they're often found together

    Votes: 3 23.1%
  • No, they don't correlate

    Votes: 3 23.1%
  • I disagree with the premise

    Votes: 3 23.1%
  • Option D

    Votes: 4 30.8%

  • Total voters
    13

Cimarron

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If a grudge means "holding onto hate", then is "holding onto love" (i.e., having trouble letting go of relationships) its opposite?

Do you think these two personal qualities tend to go together in a personality?
 

Mad Hatter

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I wouldn't say so.
I'm not really a confrontational person. For me, letting go is much harder than giving up a grudge be. If I've decided that I don't like somebody, I keep my distance if at all possible.
Persistent hatred is just not worth the effort.
 

Saslou

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I wouldn't necessarily say they go together.

Personally, i find it easier to let go as hatred anger requires a lot of my energy which i refuse to give to the other person. Unless i'm around the person a lot then i need to back off completely and refocus on myself. I don't like to hold grudges, life is too short.

Now, holding onto love is a different matter. I have to come to terms with things on my own accord and that may take a while. Someone recently told me that i idealise love. The person just misread my words (Again) as i was speaking of the good (and bad) during the relationship. Just because a relationship goes south and people got hurt, doesn't mean i don't smile to myself when thinking of the good times. Hmm.
 

INTP

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hate/grudge arent the opposites of love

i dont think they go together every time in personality, but ofc they can go together in some cases
 

Xenon

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Eh...I think of grudges as holding onto resentment or anger, not hate. You don't have to hate someone to resent them for some wrong they've done in the past, or for something they have that you envy, and hold a grudge because of that.

What's the opposite of resentment? Gratitude? Appreciation? I don't think holding onto past wrongs or injustices and holding onto past rights necessarily do go together, just because so many people seem to remember the wrongs a lot more.
 

Such Irony

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I voted "I disagree with the premise." I don't think they are opposites and both qualities can be found in the same person but not always. A person could hold onto relationships past the point of being healthy even if that person holds a grudge with their significant other for whatever reason. Maybe the person has a great fear of being without a relationship or is nonconfrontational.
 

Rail Tracer

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Nope, letting the hate go is the opposite.

"The opposite of love is not hate - it's apathy."


[Either way you put it
you love someone,
you hate someone,
you like someone,
you're interested in someone,
etc.]
You are attached to that person

[When you become apathetic
you don't care whether you love someone,
you don't care whether you hate someone,
you don't care whether you like someone,
you don't care whether you are interested in someone,
etc.]
That person has lost its significance. Attachment to that person through personal feelings have gone away.
 

Thalassa

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No. The opposite of a grudge is having an amiable distance. It's like...I don't hate you, I don't love, but I forgive you and see that what you did is about you and not about me, and I don't want much to do with you anymore. Have a nice day.

The opposite of a grudge is just moving on.
 

SilkRoad

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I think they can be related. I'm not sure what it stems from - intensity of emotion? Unhealthy attachment style?

In my case, normally I'm relaxed about a lot of things, even things which bother many other people, and I let them go and wouldn't really get offended over them (though sometimes I do take things too personally, but I can usually write those off if I make an effort to be logical about it.) However, if there's been a big buildup of inconsiderate behaviour or if someone has seriously hurt me emotionally, I do have a bad tendency to hold onto grudges. Sometimes for years. It's not good, it's something I need to work on, it's damaging to me, but it's there. There are situations in which I'm unlikely to ever fully forgive a person.

As well, I am a very loyal friend/relationship partner, which I think is a good quality. But I have also found that partly for that reason I have trouble leaving unhealthy relationships and friendships. I get over-attached, in a way. I feel like I should just hang in there and work at it some more (even if the other person plainly doesn't care about working at it), I don't want to be abandoned, I love/care about them too much (or my idea of them) to give it up - that sort of thing.

I do wonder if it's some kind of unhealthy attachment thing...
 

InvisibleJim

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You also missed the point regarding 'indifference' existing in the opposite end of this triangle.
 

Red Herring

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When I read the treat title, I expected this to be about gratitude or something along the line.

Meaning: grudge = leftover traces of having been wronged; gratitude= leftover traces of having received kindness
or
grudge/rudeness = gratitude/kindness

As for the question of holding on to the past, yes, that can be a common characteristic of both a grudge and warm memories or not letting go (two very different things!). It could very well bve that this is a character trait both in its negative and its positive expression. Further investigation is needed. :biggrin:
 

kyuuei

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If a grudge means "holding onto hate", then is "holding onto love" (i.e., having trouble letting go of relationships) its opposite?

Do you think these two personal qualities tend to go together in a personality?

:laugh: True to your nature the literal words do seem to resemble each other. The action of holding onto is the same.. and hate/love are often the ying/yangs protrayed.. so it seems to make sense.

I don't think they necessarily go together though.. I'm much more likely to hold a grudge than I am to hold onto love.
 
A

Anew Leaf

Guest
Nope, letting the hate go is the opposite.

"The opposite of love is not hate - it's apathy."


[Either way you put it
you love someone,
you hate someone,
you like someone,
you're interested in someone,
etc.]
You are attached to that person

[When you become apathetic
you don't care whether you love someone,
you don't care whether you hate someone,
you don't care whether you like someone,
you don't care whether you are interested in someone,
etc.]
That person has lost its significance. Attachment to that person through personal feelings have gone away.
This.
I had interesting proof of this over the weekend. My most recent Ex tried contacting me via Gmail instant chatting. He isn't on my contacts list so he had to request I chat with him. I was surprised to see the request since I thought I had made it extremely clear I never wanted to hear from him again. It was nice for me to see that other than a brief moment of surprise I had zero feelings for him contacting me. I just simply do not care. Made clicking the "No" button that much easier.

I have a far easier time letting go of a grudge against people. Hate and anger are simply not worth carrying around for very long.
 

Qlip

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Yeah, I was going to agree with that.. but Love is amazingly complex and can contain grudges within it. I believe that grudges are an expression of Love, or Hate, or whatever.
 

spleen

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If a grudge means "holding onto hate", then is "holding onto love" (i.e., having trouble letting go of relationships) its opposite?

Do you think these two personal qualities tend to go together in a personality?

Look at the ENFP personality. They love everybody, and have trouble leaving a relationship due to their propensity for love. INFPs too. I think that the opposite of Clingy behavior is, can anyone help mewith the wprd? Its like, the person that ends the relationship on a whim, that are self-reported 'bad at relationships', its whatever I am Hah, uhm, not avoidant, but, hmmm..Dispassionate? Its hard to find a word for it, because our culture regards independence as a positive trait, but independence to the point of never connecting to anyone is not good, and I dont know the word for that. Anybody know?

And the opposite of grudge is....forgiving? But I never forgive, I just forget and then cant make myself angry about it anymore. Thoughts?
 
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