Gratitude

[Mole]

Victor, the next time you might want to be more careful with your choice of metaphor or people might feel they have been taken for a ride.

Just out of curiosity, what is this experiment based on?

It's based on Wave Theory which is best illustrated by the readout of our vital signs such as we see in an intensive care ward.

As you remember, the readouts are all waves moving across a screen, and as the amplitude of the waves decreases so does our vital signs until the amplitude is zero and we are flat-lining.

And all things being equal, the bigger the amplitude of the metabolic waves, the healthier we are.

The idea is that we have many waves moving through our body and psyche at any time and they are all related, so if we can influence the amplitude of any one wave, we can influence the amplitude of the others.

This idea is also well illustrated in Interval Training where the metabolic rate is influenced in a wave like manner. And Interval Training is considered a powerful and successful exercise for athletes.

However I am very interested in the effects on my psyche. Already I notice that as my metabolic rate rises on the wave, I become euphoric; and as my metabolic rate falls on the wave, my relaxation response kicks in and I enter the meditative state.

So far I have been able to do this now and then and found it to be very powerful. So now I want to make it into a daily habit and I think this will take three weeks. So I will need to be consciously forming this habit for three weeks, after which, like all habits, it becomes second nature.

I expect the three weeks will bring big changes in me that may be difficult for me to manage alone and that is why I ask for your support.

 

[Mole]

First Flight

I am standing on the edge. I look down. It's a long way down but I don't feel dizzy for space stretches to infinity above the green jungle below. I stand on my tiptoes ready to launch myself into space, but then I settle back on my heels, enjoying the sunshine and waiting for another day.

What if, like Icarus, I fly too high and fall into the jungle below? What if I lose my nerve or worse procratinate, and put it off, and put it off. What will you think of me? Are you thinking of me as I stand on the edge of the abyss or will you see me fly into the blue sky?

Will you hold a party for me as I loop into the blue sky and return to my eyrie? Or will you encourage me to take another loop, and another, until I am flying in the wild, blue yonder? You look so small down there, and the jungle looks so far below. But here I stand, comfortably on the edge, a fledgling ready to take his first flight, standing on his toes, almost flying but with his toes still grasping terra firma, stretching out his arms to catch the breeze, imagining what it will be like to fly.

And here you stand, just behind me, tempted to give me a push, but forebearing, allowing me to experience the ecstatic moment of first flight.

 

[Lien]

hope

i admit that i didn't want to watch, because i was scared if you would fall. if you would vanish into the treetops forever. but i ran over to the ends of the earth anyways, eyes wide and heart fluttering, and waited.

 

[Giggly]

Good luck, Victor. You have my support in love.

 

[Little Linguist]

***lots of hugs***

 

[Mole]

i admit that i didn't want to watch, because i was scared if you would fall. if you would vanish into the treetops forever. but i ran over to the ends of the earth anyways, eyes wide and heart fluttering, and waited.

Yes, having looked over the edge yesterday, today I am feeling stronger. My breath is getting deeper, and my shoulders are feeling stronger, strong enough to carry me up and up.

And how wonderful you wait for me. You give me the time to look and feel and even imagine what it is like to fly - all necessary preparation for lift-off.

I am hoping not to blast off like the space schuttle but to lift off elegantly like a large, golden hot-air balloon, fuelled, as Herring would have it, by metaphor.

And as only a metaphor can kill another metaphor, I am on the look out for the arrows of Cupid lest I fall.

 

[Aquarelle]

So Days 1 and 2 down? Good job! I look forward to hearing how the next few days go!

 

[Mole]

So Days 1 and 2 down? Good job! I look forward to hearing how the next few days go!

Oh no, I haven't started yet. I have been preparing myself. Readying myself for an effort of three weeks.

Each day I will report with the headline, " Day # of 21 Days". So you will be able to follow me along, day by day, the ups and the downs, and encourage me when I am down and be happy when I am up.

Three weeks is a short time but they say it takes three weeks to form a habit, then it becomes second nature.

I know you will be there beside me.

Victor.

 

[Mole]

Savouring the Preparation

Still preparing. Feeling good. I like to take a long preparation. I like to savour the preparation until I am ripe for the picking.

 

[Mole]

Feeling uncomfortable.

I am starting to think my preparation has gone on for too long and has become avoidant.

So I am caught between the old Victor and the new Victor. I am like a moth trapped in his crysalis. I can see the light filtering through, but I am comfortable where I am.

I want to break out of the crysalis and I don't. I am caught between the two. I am in hiatus. And I am starting to feel uncomfortable.

 

[Mole]

A Mole, a Mole, a Mole!

Have you ever stood on the edge of a cliff and felt the urge to throw yourself over? Have you ever looked into the abyss and found the abyss looking back? Then you know how I feel.

I am starting to feel a sense of inevitability, that same sense of inevitability we feel just before an orgasm that we not only don't want to stop but we can't stop.

I am coming not to the end, but the end of the end.

I have tried to psyche myself in; I have allowed myself to fall back; I have prepared myself internally; I have even become a little bored. But now the moment is upon me. I remember Mole, the moment upon him, as he rushed at the weasels and the stoats, wielding his cudgel, and uttering his blood-curdling war cry, "A Mole, a Mole, a Mole!".

 

[Mole]

Jump, you fool!

I have finally reached crisis point. And my crisis has been noticed by others, for the Crisis Response Team (CRT) has been called in.

Teetering on the edge, I first noticed them when they addressed me through a megaphone. Don't panic, they said, don't worry, we have your mother here.

And so they did. They gave Mum the megaphone and she said, Jump, you fool, jump!

 

[Mole]

Day 1 of 21 Days

Yes, I have made a start. A slow start, for instad of five repetitions, I started with three. But even three have had a profound effect.

It's hard to describe the effect to you for my mind is still catching up with the cascading effects I have initiated in my metabolism and my psyche.

I do feel stronger and more in charge of myself. I do feel happy I have made a start after so much preparation. And I see no reason I can't complete the 21 days needed to form a new habit.

Of course the daily habit I will be forming over the next 20 days consists of dancing for five minutes, sitting for five minutes and doing this five times. It takes fifty minutes a day. And is called 5X5X5.

I am very pleased you are coming along with me. I appreciate your company.

 

[Lien]

under the moonlight of the summer night

congratulations on your safe return! i was certain you could do it. we will have a party just for you. or do you want a picnic? or even, a festival.

no rigid etiquette. everyone's invited.

we'll all dance to the festival music, dancing freely to our heart's content.

forget everything, let's dance!

dance honestly until we die.

 

[Mole]

Day 2 of 21 Days

On day 2 I moved up to five repetitions. I found it physically easy, and as I dance I become euphoric, and as I sit I become serene. So I set up a wave in my psyche of euphoria and serenity.

Usually we pursue either euphoria or serenity, whereas with 5X5X5, or alternance, we pursue both euphoria and serenity, alternatively.

But I remember what I am doing - I am forming a habit over 21 days. So I need to focus my attention on the practice of alternance over 21 days, so that the habit will form and then I can take it for granted.

So together we have done 2 days out of 21 and everything seems to be going smoothly.

 

[Mole]

Being so rudely interrupted by the hacker I never got to day 3 of 21 days. So I am going to have to psyche myself up again to focus my attention on the next 19 days in order to form the habit of euphoria and serenty.

Thanks for hanging around.

 

[011235813]

I hope your journey is going well, Victor. Don't let these disrupters rain on your parade!

 

[Mole]

I hope your journey is going well, Victor. Don't let these disrupters rain on your parade!

My problem is getting started again after the interruption. I think I have a natural resistance to forming a new habit, but on the other hand, once I form a new habit, the resistance works in my favour.

But in a moment I will begin day 3 of 21 days. And it is an immense help to come here every day and report and tick off the days.

 

[Giggly]

Are you unhappy with your current metabolism and psyche?

 

[Mole]

Are you unhappy with your current metabolism and psyche?

My current habit is that I eat and write and walk and socialise. And although this works I think I would be better off by practising dancing and relaxing every day.

And although I am generally speaking happy, I would like to extend myself to euphoria and serenity.

Also I am inclined to allay my anxiety by eating and this works OK, but perhaps I can circumvent my anxiety completely by practising 5X5X5 every day.

So I want to turn my happiness into euphoria and serenity, and change the rhythms of my life from anxiety and food to dancing and meditation. And I think this exercise every day will do it. And all I need to do is form the habit, with your help.