Do you think this girl has borderline personality disorder?

[Engineer]

Both, if you feel like it! I have to admit that I am kind of split over this whole situation. Part of me feels this girl's pain to a certain extent and realises she is probably going through an awful personal hell. Part of me is like "get me away from this crazy girl." Part of me is just a bit fascinated on a psychological/clinical level.

I thought it was supposed to be something you never entirely recover from or free yourself from if you have the condition? Is it just that there are varying degrees or you have to unlearn certain destructive attitudes and behaviours?

It's something of a yes and no answer. When I go down these days (which is very few and far between), I usually still have dark and deep thoughts of suicide, but I've learned to control my desire to act upon those thoughts in a harmful way. Instead, I've learned to channel it into something productive. If I want to hurt myself, I'll go out and run until my legs ache and my lungs burn.
I did not possess such a strong degree of the condition as it appears your friend did, but I recovered without resorting to medication and with very minimal therapy... I don't know how I did it, but I just found the will to live down there and climbed out of the hole I'd been digging.

Unfortunately, I've got to run to my next class, so I'll be back later with a more detailed response to your questions...

 

[Vie]

I understand your dilemma.

I have a fairly good friend who I've known since I was in elementary school, so about eleven years or so. Throughout middle school and high school we maintained a friendship, but towards the last couple years of high school (since she is older) she moved out with her boyfriend and I lost contact for a bit. However within the past three years or so, we've certainly come friends again and see each other often. It was when I began hanging out with her again that I became aware of the changes with her and she informed me that she has been talking to a therapist. The therapist began to discuss BPD with her when she decided that she no longer wanted therapy. She has a lot of the same characteristics as your friend, but there are two in particular I see most often. One being that she fluctuates between love and hatred within MINUTES. This happens fairly often especially when someone is perceived to fail her. For instance, I go to college an hour and a half away so I am able to come home quite often to see my friends and family and boyfriend. She goes further away, so she is unable to see her family and boyfriend as often. There has been several occasions of where we will be hanging out after she demands it, where I begin to discuss coming home etc. This angers her instantly to the point of rage and she says that she hates me, even to the point of once slapping me. The next day, always without fail, everything is fine between me and her again on her end. This is also seen with her boyfriend who she will hate one minute to the point of slapping, punching, dropping off on side of road, but at the next hour is planning their wedding (I wish that I could say I am joking. ]

The second point is that she is extremely clingy and constantly pulling her depression like a dark cloud onto our friendship, constantly needing affection or attention.
My words of advice? Fade away!! I know that it may seem awful to do to a person, but there really is only so much you can do for another person. I understand how you feel with her saying all those terrible things about you and beginning to believe it. This often happens with me. I'd kick her to the curb, but I've been one of her good friends for so long now and...well, underneath all her crazy I know that she is trying really hard to be a good friend and that is enough to keep me around.

 

[Seymour]

I thought it was supposed to be something you never entirely recover from or free yourself from if you have the condition? Is it just that there are varying degrees or you have to unlearn certain destructive attitudes and behaviours?

Historically, I think that BPD was considered fairly intractable and difficult to treat. More recently, therapies like Dialectical Behavior Therapy have shown promise in being more effective at treating BPD. A lot of the treatment revolves around learning to identify and manage one's emotions, and developing a conception of one's identity and self worth.

Certainly, individuals have gone from having fairly severe BPD to maintaining healthy relationships. It's not hopeless, but it is a long slog for the person suffering form BPD and everyone else involved.

Also, it sounds like your friend is younger. She may not really have BPD (even though her symptoms sound awfully consistent with BPD). Even if she does, she may be more flexible and capable of learning mature coping strategies at her age.

 

[SilkRoad]

Historically, I think that BPD was considered fairly intractable and difficult to treat. More recently, therapies like Dialectical Behavior Therapy have shown promise in being more effective at treating BPD. A lot of the treatment revolves around learning to identify and manage one's emotions, and developing a conception of one's identity and self worth.

Certainly, individuals have gone from having fairly severe BPD to maintaining healthy relationships. It's not hopeless, but it is a long slog for the person suffering form BPD and everyone else involved.

Also, it sounds like your friend is younger. She may not really have BPD (even though her symptoms sound awfully consistent with BPD). Even if she does, she may be more flexible and capable of learning mature coping strategies at her age.

I really hope so. Well, first I hope it is something easier to cope with even though it fits the profile, and if it is BPD, I hope they catch it early enough to make a difference.

Well, I've done one thing already (kind of wish I had long ago!) - blocked her from seeing my FB wall. Honestly, I do not think it is remotely healthy for her. She's even told me before that she thinks FB is bad for her, in those lucid moments. It's a bit less drastic than removing her, and maybe she will think I've blocked it from everyone for the time being, though I doubt it... Maybe all hell will break loose, but honestly, the best thing I think I can do is put more distance/some walls up and start the fade, and try to get her useless parents a bit more involved! At least if they are more aware (though they should be more aware already) I will have done the responsible thing - the best thing I can do for her as a friend, really - and will also cover myself in case something really bad happens.

 

[Little_Sticks]

You can't talk rationally with the irrational.

Oh, the rational card; the most used of the human mind.

Now we just need her to come post here and say the same thing about you. That'll seal for the joke for me. That would make my day just a little bit gayer.