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Being more decisive without becoming an asshole

entropie

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What do you think, how is that possible ? Any tricks, hints, excersises welcome.

I have the problem, I am decisive and know what I want with big things. But I am basically oblivious to most small things. I figured one main step to take to become more decisive means caring a lot more about things. it means to even care if lets say the wall is painted blue or yellow, cause then if later someone asks you what your decision on that is you can be more decisive.

or do you think that is the wrong way. Because if you are like that you are just trieing to make every decision in advance and then when push would came to show, you'ld fail at making a quick decision.

So what does it take to be able to make quick and good decisions ? :shrug:
 

rav3n

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If you don't care about something, why do you need to make any decisions? Instead of hemming and hawing about it, why not just say, "It's your choice since it honestly doesn't matter to me what colour the walls are painted"? Your partner should be able to respect that it's not a big deal for you.

Having said the above, there are individuals who say they don't care and then get critical about other people's selections. If so, then that's more an issue to be concerned about, than appearing indecisive.
 

entropie

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Nono, it's not about any of that.

I mean when it comes to making decisions at work. I have a huge field I need to overlook at work now. The amount of information I am bombarded with on a daily level is getting so increasingly high that I cant cope with it all. So I am leaving some decisions like which color a paper should have to other people. Yet somehow some other people cant cope with so much freedom and rather need clear rules to work in. I am tho not really feeling ready to issue commands, because this all came a bit fast for me and I dont like to be in a position like that. Yet I am in it now and if I dont want the whole work to go down the river, I need to become a bit more bossy.

The thing is, I get convinced quite easy from a better idea and that's a problem. For example a colleague comes and presents me with 15 ideas how to do a totally unimportant thing. In that time 3 hours of very valuable lifetime are wasted and after it I have a headache and still no decision. Yet when I shut the colleague out in the first place it would be very very unfriendly and I cant do that. So I need to find the right balance between being decisive and still being open and friendly. I know there's a fine balance between the two, a fine line to walk and you learn that with experience and the years in a job, yet I was hoping that maybe some more experienced people could say a thing on that.

How to be a good leader ?
 

Totenkindly

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I have the problem, I am decisive and know what I want with big things. But I am basically oblivious to most small things. I figured one main step to take to become more decisive means caring a lot more about things. it means to even care if lets say the wall is painted blue or yellow, cause then if later someone asks you what your decision on that is you can be more decisive.

If you don't care what color the wall is, then leave that power in the hands of your underlings.

Why?
You need to empower the people under you so that they can feel they can make investments in your vision.
If you micromanage all details, no one will have an investment, and they'll want to leave eventually (unless they're complete drudges).

And really, in anything beyond basic plans and goals, for you to make EVERY pointless decision is a HUGE energy drain. Save your energy for the big stuff; farm out the stuff you don't need to decide.
 

entropie

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If you don't care what color the wall is, then leave that power in the hands of your underlings.

Why?
You need to empower the people under you so that they can feel they can make investments in your vision.
If you micromanage all details, no one will have an investment, and they'll want to leave eventually (unless they're complete drudges).

And really, in anything beyond basic plans and goals, for you to make EVERY pointless decision is a HUGE energy drain. Save your energy for the big stuff; farm out the stuff you don't need to decide.

Thanks for the advice. I start to think that the issues I have with that girl at the moment are a somewhat special situation and need to be excluded fro9m the big picture. You know, I am huge when it comes to encouraging others and motivating them, never been a problem of mine, but this girl calls me 15 times a day and asks me mundane details. She is building a booth for our company for a fair at the moment and I'll be at this booth when the fair will happen. If you divide a task like that, it's natural that there will be a difference between all participants regarding personal taste and what could have been different for the booth, but I have to take that risk because I lack time to deal with the booth myself at the moment. Problem is that girl doesnt do it alone and wants to make it exactly according to my taste. I tho have no clear imagination of a booth at the moment, because I have left the task into her hands and am not thinking about it.

Well, well I think because this my first time I need to have a serious talk with someone and cant be the goofy fun guy to be around, this is probably my problem.
 

rav3n

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If you put someone in a role of responsibility, they have to be self-starters. She might not have been the best fit for the job.
 

Totenkindly

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Thanks for the advice. I start to think that the issues I have with that girl at the moment are a somewhat special situation and need to be excluded fro9m the big picture. You know, I am huge when it comes to encouraging others and motivating them, never been a problem of mine, but this girl calls me 15 times a day and asks me mundane details. She is building a booth for our company for a fair at the moment and I'll be at this booth when the fair will happen. If you divide a task like that, it's natural that there will be a difference between all participants regarding personal taste and what could have been different for the booth, but I have to take that risk because I lack time to deal with the booth myself at the moment. Problem is that girl doesnt do it alone and wants to make it exactly according to my taste. I tho have no clear imagination of a booth at the moment, because I have left the task into her hands and am not thinking about it.

If you put someone in a role of responsibility, they have to be self-starters. She might not have been the best fit for the job.

Likely. But too late now?

Well, to help:

1. Have her compile her list throughout the day and just give it to you once, at day's end, whereupon you will respond, instead of her nickel-and-diming your time every 30 minutes. (for example)

2. Assign her a co-leader for that project, someone with some common sense and self-starting, and have them work together. Or delegate someone else (not you) as her point of contact.

3. Brainstorm and give her ANY rules that she HAS to follow... then tell her that the rest is her own and she needs to stop calling you about every little detail.... that you are going to be happy with whatever she does. (Then, of course, you need to be happy with whatever she does even if you hate it.)
 

rav3n

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Likely. But too late now?

Well, to help:

1. Have her compile her list throughout the day and just give it to you once, at day's end, whereupon you will respond, instead of her nickel-and-diming your time every 30 minutes. (for example)

2. Assign her a co-leader for that project, someone with some common sense and self-starting, and have them work together. Or delegate someone else (not you) as her point of contact.

3. Brainstorm and give her ANY rules that she HAS to follow... then tell her that the rest is her own and she needs to stop calling you about every little detail.... that you are going to be happy with whatever she does. (Then, of course, you need to be happy with whatever she does even if you hate it.)
Good list. But I probably wouldn't bother with #1. This is a booth which shouldn't require decisions by a superior. Set guidelines, then if she still can't handle it, put someone else in charge.
 

Totenkindly

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Good list. But I probably wouldn't bother with #1. This is a booth which shouldn't require decisions by a superior. Set guidelines, then if she still can't handle it, put someone else in charge.

That's why you're an ENTJ and entropie is not. :smile:

But in general, yes, a booth is a lesser responsibility and should have been given to someone who feels comfortable making decisions on their own about a booth (or setting up tables at conferences, or setting up get-togethers/parties, etc.)

Realistically, after you give that person a set of parameters (so they understand what you hope to accomplish with the booth), they should feel comfortable enough just to take that baby and run with it... and only check in if something bad happens, or there's a money issue, etc.
 

rav3n

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That's why you're an ENTJ and entropie is not. :smile:

But in general, yes, a booth is a lesser responsibility and should have been given to someone who feels comfortable making decisions on their own about a booth (or setting up tables at conferences, or setting up get-togethers/parties, etc.)

Realistically, after you give that person a set of parameters (so they understand what you hope to accomplish with the booth), they should feel comfortable enough just to take that baby and run with it... and only check in if something bad happens, or there's a money issue, etc.
:laugh:

ENTJ or not, micromanagement has got to be the worst way to manage for both sides of the equation! :tongue:
 
G

garbage

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It just sounds like she lacks experience in coordinating these sorts of things. She needs to feel empowered yet supported, but of course you've also got your own set of time constraints and so you need to deal with this in an efficient way.

There's an intermediate step between "getting barraged with lists of questions" and "leaving her completely alone and defenseless." Perhaps, for each question she has, she should come up with an answer herself and simply ask you whether you agree with it--rather than asking for an answer from you.

Next time, then, she might feel more comfortable just taking the baby and running with it.

If you're a small organization, it pays to invest in people at her level.
 

entropie

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Thanks for your advice, both of you the three of you :). Well you're of course right, if she cant do her job she'ld need to be replaced, but it's not that serious yet. She's actually quite good at her job, she just has issues to decide things for her own, but I think it's a thing she can learn and I'ld try to help her with that. The idea to have her make a list and to give her a clear deadline or outline for when work has to be finished I find great. Assigning a co-leader would be a waste of ressources in this unimportant case and we lack personel anyways. Especially to "the making of a deadlines list" I think I should get used too. If people have a bit more pressure I think decisions like "red" or "brown" will be easier :).

The whole reason to this thread and why I am doing this is that. I've been thinking lately, even a bit philosophical; you have to know I have one of the best school educations you can get around here and my University degree has high reputation with people. That brings people to make me a leader somehow automatically. Yet tho I learnt how to build a combustion engine or nuclear bomb, I still never learnt how to lead, never really thought about that. I think I have a natural tendancy to be a good advisor for people, cause I've been so far in my life, yet I'ld never assume I am a good leader cause I lack the proper training. The funny thing I learn now tho is, there is really no proper training. There is practical work, you can learn a thing from, but nobody really entitles you to be a leade rnow. You just become it by taking on responsibilities.

Maybe that insight was easy for everybody else, to me it wasnt so much. I am just learning that and tho I am not showing my insecurities towards the outside world, I am stiull learning a lot of things and I will always learn for all my life.

Maybe you do understand what I mean and can empathise. That'ld make me feel a little less crazy :)
 

Totenkindly

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That's another good approach.

A "here is what I've done / progress" list sent periodically, and you only intervene if you see her going way off track.
 

Jaguar

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What do you think, how is that possible ? Any tricks, hints, excersises welcome.
So what does it take to be able to make quick and good decisions ? :shrug:

I couldn't teach someone to make decisions as fast as I can, if I tried. It's how your brain is wired.
Someone could present me with 10 options and this is what you'll hear from me:

No.
No.
No.
No.
Yes.
No.
No.
Yes.
No.
No.



Let's run with 5 and 8. Next?
Not only does that not offend anyone, it's why people come to me in the first place.
 
G

garbage

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Maybe you do understand what I mean and can empathise. That'ld make me feel a little less crazy :)

I can assure you that this is a pretty big problem almost everywhere.. organizations often promote their best technical people into leadership positions without providing them many opportunities for beneficial leadership/business/psychology/management training. The same happens when technical people get into teaching positions as well.

Many fail to realize that this is a problem. However, people who are smart enough to fare well in the technical game are often also smart enough to be effective leaders; they simply need to realize that the problems they face in leadership positions are different than those they face in the technical realm. They also need to be equipped with the best tools and training available to do the job effectively.


Again, she might be just as new to her game as you are to yours. You'd want the people above you to work with you and provide direction, yet also provide you some autonomy.

:cheers:
 

rav3n

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Communicating your vision isn't something that requires a lot of training. In your situation entropie, how do you want the end product to appear? Express it here including cost guidelines (make a figure up for the sake of anonymity or not).
 

entropie

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I can assure you that this is a pretty big problem almost everywhere.. organizations often promote their best technical people into leadership positions without providing them many opportunities for beneficial leadership/business/psychology/management training. The same happens when technical people get into teaching positions as well.

Many fail to realize that this is a problem. However, people who are smart enough to fare well in the technical game are often also smart enough to be effective leaders; they simply need to realize that the problems they face in leadership positions are different than those they face in the technical realm. They also need to be equipped with the best tools and training available to do the job effectively.


Again, she might be just as new to her game as you are to yours. You'd want the people above you to work with you and provide direction, yet also provide you some autonomy.

:cheers:

I see, yea that is valueable shared experience. Maybe I can prevent my authority from putting me into authority put drawing out some complex algorithms of process improvement :D. Bet they gonna crack at the first integral :D.

What was very weird was that I tended to think after the first week she bombarded me with questions that she has a crush on me, because it's so rare woman talk with me that much that if they do I tend to start imagining something :D. Kinda awkward for me :)
 

entropie

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Communicating your vision isn't something that requires a lot of training. In your situation entropie, how do you want the end product to appear? Express it here including cost guidelines (make a figure up for the sake of anonymity or not).

Well it's no vision really. We have a fixed set of equimpement in the company for fairs and I told her that I need a table with two chairs, the portable counter and the foldable wall. The wall and the counter need a new design you can put on a paper with magnets on it. I send her our company logo and she knows our companys CI + colours. She already did a fine image but then she started asking me question if the chairs should be in a 90 degree angle at the table or should be at the opposing ends of the table. :) This of course important, but I can see that on the day of the event for myself. And it all went too far from there. I admit I probably let it come too far too easily, but as I said, there's much to learn :)
 

rav3n

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Well it's no vision really. We have a fixed set of equimpement in the company for fairs and I told her that I need a table with two chairs, the portable counter and the foldable wall. The wall and the counter need a new design you can put on a paper with magnets on it. I send her our company logo and she knows our companys CI + colours. She already did a fine image but then she started asking me question if the chairs should be in a 90 degree angle at the table or should be at the opposing ends of the table. :) This of course important, but I can see that on the day of the event for myself. And it all went too far from there. I admit I probably let it come too far too easily, but as I said, there's much to learn :)
Based on the simplicity of the guidelines expressed, sounds like she's the wrong person for the job. She should be able to handle that in her sleep.
 

rav3n

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Thinking about this more, a different and wide open way to approach this in future, is to set up a staff bid. Throw the job open to your staff with similar guidelines with a caveat of "looking for a self-starter, one who's familiar with trade show setups" where the best person will get the job based on the submission of their ideas within a particular cost ceiling. And if you get no takers or none with the above very minimal qualifications, your fall back plan will be to delegate this role.
 
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