What we admire in others...

[gromit]

In this enneagram book I have, it was talking about how we often idealize other people, see qualities in others that we wish we had. Then it said that the characteristics we admire in others are in fact characteristics we already posses but don’t recognize in ourselves.

What do you think of this? Have you noticed it in your life or noticed it in other people? I don't know if I believe it/agree with it or not based on my own experience...

 

[ThatGirl]

Assuming it is not an extreme personal talent (I'll probably never be a savant), I would agree.

 

[syndatha]

I agree with the OP
If you have no contact with the specific qualities in yourself, you wouldn't be able to recognise them in others

 

[Stanton Moore]

In this enneagram book I have, it was talking about how we often idealize other people, see qualities in others that we wish we had. Then it said that the characteristics we admire in others are in fact characteristics we already posses but don’t recognize in ourselves.

What do you think of this? Have you noticed it in your life or noticed it in other people? I don't know if I believe it/agree with it or not based on my own experience...

I don't think it's always true. I admire lots of people whose talents took a lifetime to develop. It's too late for me to develop to that extent, but I still admire what they accomplished.
Having said that, I do believe that friendships are based on something like what you describe.

 

[King sns]

In this enneagram book I have, it was talking about how we often idealize other people, see qualities in others that we wish we had. Then it said that the characteristics we admire in others are in fact characteristics we already posses but don’t recognize in ourselves.

What do you think of this? Have you noticed it in your life or noticed it in other people? I don't know if I believe it/agree with it or not based on my own experience...

I agree partially. Qualities that I admire in others are ones that I at least feel like I can strive for. I had mentioned in the thread about "looking like another type" that the types of people I admire have qualities that I see in myself, that just aren't as developed as I want them to be. It's more exciting to look up to someone when you think that perhaps someday, you can achieve whatever they have achieved.

Though sometimes I've noticed myself admiring qualities that I don't have much of a capability for at all.

 

[funkadelik]

I agree partially. Qualities that I admire in others are ones that I at least feel like I can strive for. I had mentioned in the thread about "looking like another type" that the types of people I admire have qualities that I see in myself, that just aren't as developed as I want them to be. It's more exciting to look up to someone when you think that perhaps someday, you can achieve whatever they have achieved.

Though sometimes I've noticed myself admiring qualities that I don't have much of a capability for at all.

This.

I tend to admire the opposite type's strengths and also the strengths of my own type. But I know the two go hand in hand. And to embody just the strengths of one and not the strengths of the other will lead to an overall weakness of character.

However, this is often easier said than done.

 

[Such Irony]

In this enneagram book I have, it was talking about how we often idealize other people, see qualities in others that we wish we had. Then it said that the characteristics we admire in others are in fact characteristics we already posses but don’t recognize in ourselves.

What do you think of this? Have you noticed it in your life or noticed it in other people? I don't know if I believe it/agree with it or not based on my own experience...

Partially agree/disagree.

I tend to admire people who are go-getters, who are exceptionally resilient, who are true to themselves regardless of what others have to say about it, who are very ingenious and creative, and who are charismatic and entertaining.

I think all of these qualities I have to some degree but probably not to the degree of the people I admire. For example, I don't know if I'd ever have the degree of self-discipline or intense focus to accomplish things to a degree that the go-getters I admire do.

I'm resilient to some degree but there are limits. At some point I'm apt to get discouraged and give up. It's about raising the threshold to a higher level so I don't get discouraged or tempted to give up quite so soon.

Regarding ingenuity/creativity, I have good ideas sometimes but I don't see them as exceptionally original. I welcome out of the box thinking and admire such thinkers but I don't know if my thinking is all that out of the box. I'm not creative in the artistic sense and probably won't ever be talented in certain artistic realms but I still greatly admire creators of such artistic works.

I care too much what others think so to some extent I put up a front when around certain people. I try to do it in a way though, so I can preserve as much authenticity as possible and so I don't completely have to act like someone I'm not. Hope that made sense.

Regarding charisma, I think I may underestimate myself in this area. I'm not charismatic to the degree that Bill Clinton or someone like that is and probably never will be but I have been told on occasion that I do have my own brand of personal charm that comes out once someone gets to know me.

As far as being entertaining goes, I'm not an entertainer in the literal sense of the word but I am capable of being entertaining in terms of just being fun to be with or being a good conversationalist. Again, it's probably an area I underestimate myself in. I think I see myself as less interesting than others see me sometimes.

 

[King sns]

Partially agree/disagree.

I tend to admire people who are go-getters, who are exceptionally resilient, who are true to themselves regardless of what others have to say about it, who are very ingenious and creative, and who are charismatic and entertaining.

This is the type of person I admire as well! I notice these qualities in myself but it's more of a stretch to reach them, like a second language. I can go a full day with applying to schools, planning smart and inventive uses for my money studying, reading, planning my next move (maybe even actually attending meetings at work which I normally skip...) and genuinely becoming a better person. I feel these qualities in myself and it's an exciting challenge when I can reach them. And even more exciting to see people who access these qualities every morning when they wake up.

But in my natural state of being I'm more likely to spend the day hanging around on the beach, going shopping, talking on the phone, tanning, bringing my dog to the nursing home, joking around and giggling and wasting time getting caught up in frivolous conversations, taking pictures and scrapbooking... I like anyone with good qualities that I personally possess (caring, artistically inclined, entertaining, laid back, spontaneous, and fun, and contented with things), but they aren't qualities that I immediately "admire" per se.

So though the people that I truly admire may appear very different from me on the outside, they have qualities that I feel that I can access deep within me... if I find that I truly don't have certain qualities that other people have, it's hard to really admire them since it's hard to see where they could ever be useful.

I do notice that I tend to admire very curious people- people with lots of interest and want knowledge for the sake of knowledge.. (Ne people, if you will.) These are qualities that I just don't possess at all. I'm a knowledge for the sake of advancement type of person. However, I don't admire these qualities nearly as much as I do the others mentioned above. It's more just a quality that I find interesting.

Edit: Thanks, Gromit, for making a thread that reminds me about who I want to be. Now I'm motivated to get off this darn computer for the day finally!

 

[Chloe]

In this enneagram book I have, it was talking about how we often idealize other people, see qualities in others that we wish we had. Then it said that the characteristics we admire in others are in fact characteristics we already posses but don’t recognize in ourselves.

What do you think of this? Have you noticed it in your life or noticed it in other people? I don't know if I believe it/agree with it or not based on my own experience...

I didnt notice it tbh.

I mean, I admire both; characteristics I dont have and I have but I dont express enough, in others. Most times I admire what I have but have hard time expressing (haha, this is the same like your book says, but not always), for example, i admire when people are not image-consciuos and whose mood doesnt depend on how successfull they are, bc my mood is totally related to that. but enneagram says whats your biggest blind spot is your potenital strenght. so, my strenght would be to overcome my success-obsession and be totally above it...

 

[Such Irony]

I like anyone with good qualities that I personally possess (caring, artistically inclined, entertaining, laid back, spontaneous, and fun, and contented with things), but they aren't qualities that I immediately "admire" per se.

Same here. I don't immediately admire 'kind' people for example. This is an example of a quality I know I possess to a good degree. I guess its one of those qualities I take for granted and sometimes feel like anybody could be kind so what's special about it?

So though the people that I truly admire may appear very different from me on the outside, they have qualities that I feel that I can access deep within me... if I find that I truly don't have certain qualities that other people have, it's hard to really admire them since it's hard to see where they could ever be useful.

Interesting. I've never thought about it like that but you may be right. I'm trying to find examples of traits that I know I completely lack, yet admire in others and I can't think of any examples. I can think of qualities I lack that I don't admire in others far more easily.

I do notice that I tend to admire very curious people- people with lots of interest and want knowledge for the sake of knowledge.. (Ne people, if you will.) These are qualities that I just don't possess at all. I'm a knowledge for the sake of advancement type of person. However, I don't admire these qualities nearly as much as I do the others mentioned above. It's more just a quality that I find interesting.

It's interesting to see the ESFP perspective because I would never think to admire curiosity. For me, its always been a quality I've had in spades, that I take for granted. I used to wrongly assume others would possess it to the level I did and disappointed to find they didn't.

 

[rav3n]

Not sure I agree with it. I admire opera singers but there's no way in hell, developed or not, I could ever hope to match the depth and breath of their vocal abilities and sheer lung capacity. Not a singer by any stretch of the imagination.

 

[Thalassa]

Well IRL I think I *am* actually more restrained and diplomatic than I appear here (like waaaaaay more) ...but I'm still pretty emotional, and I really admire people who have a strong grip over their emotions...and I don't necessarily mean Ts when I say that...I've seen ENTJs and INTPs who seem a bit impulsive to jump on somebody just like I am....INTJs and INFJs and ISFJs seem MUCH less likely to do so...not that they don't, but I admire the appearance of it all the same.

I really don't think I have that trait. I'm too inclined to be expressive and fear repression, or "enabling."

 

[Greta]

I lack and admire ascetic self-discipline.
I lack and admire the capacity to approach events in life with ZERO plan yet without anxiety.
I lack and sometimes admire the ability to suffer fools gladly.

 

[King sns]

Same here. I don't immediately admire 'kind' people for example. This is an example of a quality I know I possess to a good degree. I guess its one of those qualities I take for granted and sometimes feel like anybody could be kind so what's special about it?



Interesting. I've never thought about it like that but you may be right. I'm trying to find examples of traits that I know I completely lack, yet admire in others and I can't think of any examples. I can think of qualities I lack that I don't admire in others far more easily.



It's interesting to see the ESFP perspective because I would never think to admire curiosity. For me, its always been a quality I've had in spades, that I take for granted. I used to wrongly assume others would possess it to the level I did and disappointed to find they didn't.

Yea, you wouldn't think to admire anything that is so easy for you. It's like admiring someone who speaks English. For me, I can only be truly interested and curious in a topic if there's been a goal given to me. (Career, money, grade, or even some internal goal that I've set.) Then, curiosity actually comes along naturally. Since there are actually a wide variety of topics that you can learn with a "goal", I can actually become interested in a wide variety of topics. But it's always fascinating to me when I hear an xNTP talking about something absolutely random in great detail, and had gone deeply into the topic without any apparent reason. Even then, I'm less inclined to actually hear what they're saying and more inclined to sit there thinking. "That's interesting. What planet is this person from?"

Edit: But then if someone was to come up to me and say, learn as much as you can about Hinduism in 24 hours and then you're going to get a timed, graded essay test on it, and you're up against an INTP- well then, all of a sudden I'd be interested in learning.

 

[Thalassa]

I lack and sometimes admire the ability to suffer fools gladly.

Yeah, I think this is kind of what I was getting at, as well as people who have a stronger grip on their feelings.

I've always loved the line, "It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile"" in "Englishman in New York" by Sting.

It always makes me think, I need to marry that man he's describing.

 

[Greta]

It is very attractive.
*says serenity prayer*
*is a non-believer*
/fail

 

[gromit]

I agree partially. Qualities that I admire in others are ones that I at least feel like I can strive for. I had mentioned in the thread about "looking like another type" that the types of people I admire have qualities that I see in myself, that just aren't as developed as I want them to be. It's more exciting to look up to someone when you think that perhaps someday, you can achieve whatever they have achieved.

Yeah I can definitely relate to admiring traits in others which aren't as developed in ourselves. Hm.

 

[lunalum]

the characteristics we admire in others are in fact characteristics we already posses but don’t recognize in ourselves.

What do you think of this? Have you noticed it in your life or noticed it in other people? I don't know if I believe it/agree with it or not based on my own experience...

I have noticed this. I think that the best indication of who we are is what we admire combined with how we forsee ourselves to be. We don't become a different person with age, we simply develop already-existing preferences and skills. At least, that's how it seems to work... I would like to hear some more about this.

 

[Kasper]

I tend to most admire traits that I myself do not wish to obtain, at least not in any grand capacity. I admire things like kindness and altruism, actually I tend to admire a lot of INFJ traits, sure don't wanna be one tho.

 

[CrystalViolet]

I'm trying to think who I do admire atm....I tend to admire people with strong leadership skills, who remain unshakble (not a quality I think I'll ever have...but I think I'm getting closer.) People who know who they are...I think this is more of an untapped quality of mine, and personal strength, a quality I think I'm learning to grasp, although I'm told I have this in spades. Don't see it.
I also totally admire people who follow through on thier personal convictions and don't kow tow to the mob, admittedly. This is a very rare trait though...I'm talking about people who run off to save orangutangs, or change a law or something like that. People who pick a real battle and make a difference, or die trying.
I also admire people who say, are scientists who are exhibiting thier lastest paintings in a gallery, or accountants that become writers, or a young solo mother who becomes a high powered excutive etc....people who step out of the box.
Maybe those are untapped qualities of mine? I wouldn't know.