I want to run away!!!

[miss fortune]

your mother sounds like a wise lady

 

[prplchknz]

yeah, plus what's the point in traveling if you aren't going to explore. I love to travel but I need a familar place to return to. Oh sure i have the same thoughts as everyone else,"Should I miss my flight, how long can i live here before being deported?"

 

[miss fortune]

yeah, plus what's the point in traveling if you aren't going to explore. I love to travel but I need a familar place to return to. Oh sure i have the same thoughts as everyone else,"Should I miss my flight, how long can i live here before being deported?"

I have never pondered that

and traveling is all about exploring and drinking in another culture isn't it?

 

[slowriot]

My life, in general, is going quite well... I have an SO who I adore and who adores me, we have a house, I have a job that I do well at and requires little in the way of routine. Somewhere in the back of my head there's a voice that keeps saying "run away!"

I've felt the compulsion to run and keep on running since I was a kid... I used to run away from school when younger and escape for weekends while in college without telling anyone where I was going... I even got a good excuse and fled the country once for a few months. Something about perpetual motion and meeting people who don't know me and having that sort of blank slate is thrilling

Problem is though, I LIKE the life that I have... it's kind of a split there- the compulsion to run and the enjoyment of what I have. I KNOW that I can't have it both ways and I've already thrown my lot in with one of the options. Anyone else have this split going on? what do you do about it?

Yes, I hate trivial work and I have in the past run from responsibility because of this. Im highly dutiful when at work, I might be the one that worked the most beyond the bosses, but I also had a hard time motivating myself to go to work. I just dont run away, I stay away from people. Not answering the phone, the door and so on. Going out only for food. It might have been different if I didnt have a computer though. In some sense the computer is a devil for my wellbeing. I had a gaming addiction for some years. Its over now, I have no interest in it that much anymore. I do however tend to stay a little too much indoors, even in the summer.

For me its habits that have been part of my failures. Humans only do something they find pleasurable and in that comfort, security is huge. So as much as I can be a free spirit Im aware of how caught up in habits I am aswell. Even habits of running away from responsibility.

Im considering finding a new line of work since I consider my chances of getting a job with my professional past plus a long time of unemployment, slim. I try to keep myself conscious of my mistakes and hope it can be rectified in the future.

 

[prplchknz]

yes it is.

 

[miss fortune]

I have concluded that being a grownup isn't all that it's cracked up to be and I'm NOT pleased with this

 

[prplchknz]

yeah I don't want to grow up, I'm too pretty to be responsible.

 

[tinker683]

I think I'm the only one who voted "No, I like my life the way it is"

I have the exact opposite problem: I've become so comfortable in my routines that changing them, breaking my old habits, is becoming a challenge for me. I'm taking baby steps in changing my habits and it's working....but just very slowly. Diligence has become one of my watch words these days.

I think what you're feeling maybe one (or both) of two things:

1) You're a free spirit and now you're beginning to feel, shall we say, domesticated. You're starting to feel like you're being put in a box and you feel like you need to break out of it. I think it would behoove you not only to make these mini-vaca's a normal part of what you do (which I'm sure your SO will love planning around) but you may also want to find something to invest your energies into (i.e. a sport, hobby, art or craft) as I'm wondering if an outlet of some kind for all of your energy might be a good thing.

1) Mind you this is strictly speculation on my part but based on the conversations I've had with you and the post's I've read from you I've gotten the impression that you are a person that has, up and until you met your current SO, leap frogged from one chaotically bad situation to the next. I can't help but wonder now that you've found some genuine stability with a man that really loves you and gives you the support you need....you feel like this is too good to be true, like you can't accept that things are going as well as they should, that maybe you don't deserve to be so happy?

As such, I'm worried that you might be feeling like you need to sabotage your situation in someway, if only to return it to the sense of normalcy you've known for such a long time.

If any of this is true, then I would have to say that you are allowed to be this happy, that you do deserve to have someone love and believe in you irregardless of whatever (no pun) you've done and whoever you may have been.

Anywho, just my 2 cents.

 

[miss fortune]

my mind usually lurks in the "fight or flight" corner waiting for something wrong to go down so that I can squirm my way out and run to something new... it looks like you've read my blog!

and I have woken up in the morning on a lot of occasions and wondered "what the fuck did I do to deserve this? and when am I going to slip up and ruin everything?"

I am afraid of me

 

[prplchknz]

I've been reassing my life and I need a new life, lets go start our own society somewhere. we can live by our own rules and we can be a traveling society.

 

[tinker683]

my mind usually lurks in the "fight or flight" corner waiting for something wrong to go down so that I can squirm my way out and run to something new... it looks like you've read my blog!

Yes I do read your blog and what an interesting thing to to say! I usually spend my time making sure the things in my life are as solid as they can be so that if something goes wrong I'll be able to weather it out and last as long as I need too.

Still, I hope that in your pursuit of always being on guard for something wrong to happen that you don't inadvertently cause something to happen in order to justify your fears

and I have woken up in the morning on a lot of occasions and wondered "what the fuck did I do to deserve this? and when am I going to slip up and ruin everything?"

This is not a good mindset to have Ms. Whatever. You are an incredibly awesome person and you do deserve the happiness you've managed to build with your man

I am afraid of me

I know...

This is something I've noticed in a lot of ESTP women (and possibly the men too, I dunno): They've usually have gone and done so any things in their lives that, as they get older, they walk around with this great big bag of guilt for the mistakes they've made and the people they hurt and that sucks. I'm sure, much like my ESTP lady friends in real life, that you've done your time and that holding on to this guilt and shame is needless.

You're a much stronger and better person than you were back then. You'll be fine

 

[miss fortune]

hey chickens... wanna go on the amazing race as my partner?

 

[prplchknz]

I would but, if it requires any athletic ability its best if i don't.

 

[miss fortune]

Yes I do read your blog and what an interesting thing to to say! I usually spend my time making sure the things in my life are as solid as they can be so that if something goes wrong I'll be able to weather it out and last as long as I need too.

Still, I hope that in your pursuit of always being on guard for something wrong to happen that you don't inadvertently cause something to happen in order to justify your fears

I try to keep a balance between fleeing and staking my claim anymore, but I always have my eye out for when I need to cut my losses and disappear... even when things are going fine and well. I envy your stability

This is not a good mindset to have Ms. Whatever. You are an incredibly awesome person and you do deserve the happiness you've managed to build with your man

it's hard to remind yourself of that on a daily basis though... especially when people who you know, who you KNOW are better people than you are, are in worse situations

I know...

This is something I've noticed in a lot of ESTP women (and possibly the men too, I dunno): They've usually have gone and done so any things in their lives that, as they get older, they walk around with this great big bag of guilt for the mistakes they've made and the people they hurt and that sucks. I'm sure, much like my ESTP lady friends in real life, that you've done your time and that holding on to this guilt and shame is needless.

You're a much stronger and better person than you were back then. You'll be fine

it's not that I need forgiveness really... it's that I KNOW what I'm capable of and therefore I don't trust myself. How do you get past that?

sometimes me running away seems like the best thing I can do for everyone else in a way

 

[Athenian200]

I always have my eye out for when I need to cut my losses and disappear... even when things are going fine and well.

That sounds... too familiar.

it's not that I need forgiveness really... it's that I KNOW what I'm capable of and therefore I don't trust myself. How do you get past that?

sometimes me running away seems like the best thing I can do for everyone else in a way

I'll let you know as soon as I find out. I usually feel that people are better off without me, too. That's one reason why I'm so reluctant to keep in touch with people, or maintain friendships for very long.

But anyway... is that the reason you want to run away? I thought that you just wanted a new experience, I didn't think it was about guilt or not trusting yourself... no, you shouldn't run away because you feel guilty, but you also shouldn't feel guilty if you want to run away.

 

[miss fortune]

there's a lot of reasons to run... one can have more than just one

 

[chachamaru]

Dude, are you a 7?

I feel like running away more often than not. I don't like being tied down at all, despite my happiness level.

I hate commitments for this reason.

 

[Redbone]

I think it's about fear of stagnation. That you might lose the sensation of feeling "alive" if you don't go and do something that makes you feel that way.

So, whatever...where are we going?

 

[miss fortune]

I am a 7... who's involved with a 1w9. I adore him, but sometimes I would love to make him more 7ish as well... though he probably wishes that I'd be more 1ish from time to time as well

and feeling alive... I haven't done that really for a while

does attending a camel market in turkmenistan appeal to anyone?

 

[prplchknz]

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