I want to run away!!!

[tinker683]

I try to keep a balance between fleeing and staking my claim anymore, but I always have my eye out for when I need to cut my losses and disappear... even when things are going fine and well. I envy your stability

Hmm...always good to have an escape plan I suppose. That would be too much stress for me though, I wish I had your energy to keep up with something like that

it's hard to remind yourself of that on a daily basis though... especially when people who you know, who you KNOW are better people than you are, are in worse situations

I know it is. August of this year (2011) will be my 10 year anniversary of when I got out of the hospital for being suicidal and started on my own road to recovery. 10 years later, while I've made a lot of progress in terms of self-confidence, I know that it's still something I grapple with from time to time. I suppose it can't be helped, since I didn't have any for the better part of my life. Still, I think the only thing you can do is to keep reminding yourself of your own worth, acknowledging that you're doing the best you can, and to focus on the gains you have made.

As for other people.....well, that unfortunately is life. Good things happen to bad people and vice versa. So I feel like the only thing I can do is take pride in what I have accomplished, be thankful for the blessing I have, and be willing to support those who need my help. Why should you feel guilty for your accomplishments? Did you not put in the time and effort to get to where you are today? You are the one who helped to build the relationship with your man that you have today, you are the one who cleaned yourself up and changed some habits and you are the one who continues to make the choices that help to benefit your life. You've worked for it, you've earned, so why feel guilty for having it?

it's not that I need forgiveness really... it's that I KNOW what I'm capable of and therefore I don't trust myself. How do you get past that?

Balance. Being fully aware of what it is you are capable of doing is a powerful thing, I think, because then you can realize that just as you are capable of doing really horrible things to someone...so too are you capable of equally compassionate, kind hearted things as well. I'd focus on what good things you're capable of and not just the bad.

You're only a monster if you choose to be, whatever

sometimes me running away seems like the best thing I can do for everyone else in a way

I doubt your friends would agree with you. I'm sure they value the contribution you make to their lives everyday.

Unless of course it's because you just have wanderlust, then you need to get out and go somewhere. or else we'll all have to listen to you whine and complain and watch you mope around the house all depressed and stuff and that's less than fun