when you realize that your dreams may never come true...

[miss fortune]

what do you do when you reach the point in your life when you realize that all of the things you really wanted to do when you grew up are very unlikely now... when you wonder if you sold out your goals for comfort. Do you give up? Do you still try? Do you try to find a compromise? Am I the only one who wonders if they've hit that fork in the road?

 

[Athenian200]

I'm not certain. I never really believed that my dreams were likely to come true in the first place. I just decided that if I saw an opportunity to pursue them, I would take it.

But truthfully, it's all a matter of perspective. I don't see any reason why you couldn't pursue the things in life that you want. It's not as though you're too old to keep trying. The only thing that could be stopping you, is the fear of losing what ever you have now. The unwillingness to take risks. I know that I'm the last person in the world who should be telling other people that they're too cautious, considering how I've lived my life. But to think that someone like you has become... like me. That's actually kind of depressing.

So it's possible that you did sell out your goals for comfort, yes. But that doesn't mean that you have to keep doing so. You have to make a choice... do you want to keep the comfort and give up your dreams? Could you live with that or would you regret it? Or do you want to risk losing that comfort, and starting the pursuit anew?

I think... I've always known that if I had just a little less fear, and a little more ambition, I could do anything I wanted. But that knowledge didn't make it any easier to make myself actually DO anything. You already know you have that ambition and fearlessness somewhere inside you... it's your choice whether to use it, or not use it.

 

[miss fortune]

ah no... I'm reflecting on things

I'm trying to find sneaky ways around the evil little traps that life seems to lay for people... I can't pick up and flee the country now because I have a nice SO who I don't want to leave, but I'm trying to find ways around other things, like jobs where the outcome isn't something that I've ever wanted, or things of that sort

 

[guesswho]

Compromise or nothing.

 

[Such Irony]

I'm at the age now where I can feel my biological clock ticking. I'd like to have children someday but I'm not even in a relationship right now. So realistically having children would be several years down the road. By the time I find that special someone, I fear it may be too late. On the other hand, I really enjoy the freedom that comes with being single and not having children.

I realize that I am now too old to ever aspire to be Miss America or an Olympic athlete. I never really wanted those things anyway but the thought of that is sobering as it suggests as you get older, there are doors that close in on you and possibilities that can never be realized.

What I wonder about is people who spend a great deal of their lives working towards achieving a certain dream and then realizing that its just not going to happen? Say, for example, an olympic hopeful practices 4 hours a day for years in a particular sport but then has an injury that prevents the dream from ever being realized. Or the person just simply isn't quite good enough to make the Olympics? I wonder what these people feel. Do they feel totally devastated to the point where they feel like their whole life purpose is lost? Or is it more disappointed but they can still look back on all the fun they had chasing the dream? I seriously wonder this because, you hear all these stories about people who achieved their dreams in spite of insurmountable odds but you never seem to hear about the greater number of people who tried and didn't make it.

 

[KDude]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qq78Z_TVGso]/[/youtube]

 

[Tallulah]

Yes...for some reason, this stuff has just sort of hit me this year. I'm starting to realize, like SuchIrony points out, that certain doors are likely closed to me because I'm not 25. I've always been drawn to performing in one area or another, and part of me knows there's always hope, but part of me thinks it's a young business and you're only valuable as long as you're young and hot. I'm lucky enough to be considered attractive, and I'm not old yet, but I'm also too old to make any sort of serious inroads in the music business, for instance, given that it takes a good 10 years plugging away at it consistently to get anywhere, anyway. But then I guess you're never too old to keep trying at whatever you want to be successful at. Your success might come in a different package, or it might take longer to get there, but there will likely be some sort of payoff.

I think overall I've done the best I could with the resources and reserves I've had at the time. I can't regret what I wasn't able to give at any given point. I can just go forward.

I'm glad I didn't get married and have kids in my 20s. I think I'd always have wondered what I missed out on by settling down too soon. Of course, now, I have no guarantees I will get married or have kids. It's the tradeoff, though. The unknown is the unknown, and you gamble and see what comes up. You just know what you don't want, a lot of times.

 

[ScorpioINTP]

What I wonder about is people who spend a great deal of their lives working towards achieving a certain dream and then realizing that its just not going to happen? Say, for example, an olympic hopeful practices 4 hours a day for years in a particular sport but then has an injury that prevents the dream from ever being realized. Or the person just simply isn't quite good enough to make the Olympics? I wonder what these people feel. Do they feel totally devastated to the point where they feel like their whole life purpose is lost? Or is it more disappointed but they can still look back on all the fun they had chasing the dream? I seriously wonder this because, you hear all these stories about people who achieved their dreams in spite of insurmountable odds but you never seem to hear about the greater number of people who tried and didn't make it.

Yeah I can relate to this. I was a promising pitcher in college and had a great first 3 years and a pretty crappy senior year. Its a long story, but I had aspirations of playing pro baseball (even if it was just in the minors). I still feel I had enough talent and I know worse players who made it. I know VERY talented players who got to the Majors for a game or two or played 2nd string. Even at that level they were mere mortals though. I still feel the sting that I never even got a shot at it 20 yrs later. I also feel like I took the wrong major in college and if I put in the time and had a good mentor I could have been a professional golfer or reinvented myself in some other way. I was always good at doing the best with what I had. I just don't know what I want to do now. My new "dreams" are long shots. I just know I hate working in corporate America and working a mundane 9-5 job, but not working is even tougher.

As an INTP, I feel like I should have been even more important and successful when I look at famous INTPs. I've always admired and idolized guys that were what I think are INTPs and made it on their own terms in whatever they did and stayed true to their talent/values., b

Marriage and family have probably passed me by too. That was something that was always more important to me than money and material success, but even that didn't pan out.

I recall I made a pact with a friend in college who liked me that if neither of us were married by 40, we would get together, but I have not spoke to her since college.

 

[Phantonym]

I realize that I am now too old to ever aspire to be Miss America or an Olympic athlete. I never really wanted those things anyway but the thought of that is sobering as it suggests as you get older, there are doors that close in on you and possibilities that can never be realized.

Bah humbug, there's probably some Geriatric Olympics to participate in or something like that.

As I see it, if one constantly thinks of things that he/she cannot achieve or all the doors that are closed, they're going to miss the things they can do and all the doors that are open to them.

 

[Athenian200]

If one constantly think of things that he/she cannot achieve or all the doors that are closed, they're going to miss the things they can do and all the doors that are open to them.

That's... a very good way to look at it.

Why did I not think of that before?

 

[FDG]

Generally, humanity lives in a state of lack of contentment. Otherwise, we wouldn't have created and destroyed so many buildings, cathedrals, empires all along our history. Thus, I try to keep in mind that I will not be completely satisfied with what I have, no matter what. Which means that I know my dreams will never come true, since if they came true, I would not be happier as a result.

 

[ThatGirl]

Ha! Excellent thread, the answer is, we begin to think about so what now?

Then we kick ass, more so than we ever imagined before.

 

[prplchknz]

I think me becoming an international spy/colonizing a foreign planet was never likely to come true.

 

[Qlip]

I wasn't raised in such an environment that I could have lifelong dreams. The socially agreed epitome of dreams possible for me would be living in Brooklyn and being the most cleanly dressed, spiritually pure person in existence. So I guess I started living the real dream a long time ago when I left that life.

I've had to ditch other dreams: settling down in old age with my (ex)wife, finishing my Victorian Second Empire/Queen Anne beauty. But new doors open up with new possibilities. I don't think many people's lives go how they plan it, and some people with gargantuan will power who mistake their plans for their identity complete their plans at their own personal and their loved ones' expenses.

 

[JoSunshine]

I once heard someone say:

"Growing up means realizing you're not going to set the world on fire."

Sounds bad, but I interpret it as setting challenging, yet realistic goals. I think we all had grandiose dreams and perceptions of ourselves in our youth (youthful narcissism), but once you get older you can see yourself and your capabilities more clearly. Once I got over the shock of realizing I am not nearly as perfect as I thought, life got easier.

 

[kelric]

what do you do when you reach the point in your life when you realize that all of the things you really wanted to do when you grew up are very unlikely now... when you wonder if you sold out your goals for comfort. Do you give up? Do you still try? Do you try to find a compromise? Am I the only one who wonders if they've hit that fork in the road?

I guess that my "dreams" were always simply massively unrealistic, in that it's not that I haven't achieved them, but that *nobody* in my lifetime is likely to. So I'm not so sure that I've hit that fork in the road so much as found out that the road just doesn't go where I'd optimally have wanted it to. So now I'm trying to simply enjoy the journey on that road anyway, and if a tempting path branches off somewhere in the future, reevaluate at that point. Not I'm not that good at it, but that's a different question .

The journey can still be fun and rewarding, even if the destination's not where kid-you wanted it to be. I'm not sure if that's selling out or wisdom, but if it brings some satisfaction and joy, who cares? .

 

[miss fortune]

yeah... I'll NEVER become a mob boss or an assassin those dreams were unrealistic really...

However, my wishes to learn to cook all kinds of things, drink wine, travel to other countries and speak another language have all been attained... I don't think I'll ever end up working in the diplomatic corps or travel to every country in the world though... the last of which is quite sad

Everything seems so possible when you're a kid, it's kind of sad to realize that it's not really I guess

 

[disregard]

Once I started dating my boyfriend, my daydreams of living a life of luxury and glamour disappeared and I just wanted to make enough to live happily and to start a family with him, because that dream eclipses all of the rest.

 

[Athenian200]

yeah... I'll NEVER become a mob boss or an assassin those dreams were unrealistic really...

I don't think you would enjoy it as much as you think, if you HAD managed to become one. That job is probably not as glamorous as it sounds.

However, my wishes to learn to cook all kinds of things, drink wine, travel to other countries and speak another language have all been attained... I don't think I'll ever end up working in the diplomatic corps or travel to every country in the world though... the last of which is quite sad

True, working in the diplomatic corps doing anything interesting might be unattainable. But there's still a possibility that you might one day manage to go to other countries again. I wouldn't rule it out. You might only get to stay for a short time, but people do save up money and go on short trips to other countries.

Everything seems so possible when you're a kid, it's kind of sad to realize that it's not really I guess

Well, it's not so much that those things are impossible, just that you realize what it would take to achieve them, and find that other things are more important to you.

Once I started dating my boyfriend, my daydreams of living a life of luxury and glamour disappeared and I just wanted to make enough to live happily and to start a family with him, because that dream eclipses all of the rest.

Don't ever call that a dream. What you're describing is nothing more than following your reproductive instincts and/or tradition. If it is a dream, it's a shallow and common one that shows a lack of individuality. I just wish people who sold out on their dreams for the normalcy and animal-comfort of marriage and children at least had the guts to admit that that was what they've done.

*says the asexual and infertile person for whom that was never a possibility in the first place*

LOL, but seriously, don't listen to that bitterness. You're happy, and that's all that matters.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

I decided to chase my dream instead of let it slip through my fingers.