Figuring out what you want out of life...

[miss fortune]

I actually DID read that book a long time ago to help my mom out with a project that she was working on in one of her continuing education classes to keep her license certified... read it in high school...

 

[ScorpioINTP]

I kinda came here looking for the same reasons earlier this week. I too struggle with decisions of all sorts, esp when there are multiple equally good options. You always wonder "what if?". I kinda empathize with you, but I do find it hard to believe you don't envy or admire ANYONE?

Not a singer/artist/musician/athlete/relative...anything? It's good you are happy with who you are and if that is true you are better off than most and good for you. No harm in becoming better though right?

Do you NEED to work? You have a SO, so you have love and support, so you are already ahead of me.

I feel like a failure because I think I too the wrong major in college and made a few poor decisions and some bad luck in jobs/relationships over the years. I feel like I should have done/should do something extraordinary in life. Working a 9-5 job is totally unsatisfying, especially when people I work with are nothing like me and not to be arrogant, but often much less intelligent or ignorant (but they are happy). I haven't worked in two years because I got laid off and relocated halfway through and have had no luck finding a job (though a job will be a band aid for my longer term problem).


There is nothing wrong with just being happy with you. Be happy for your health, good looks, your lover, family, pets, etc?
Society judges people based on wealth/job/status..and that is something wrong we have to ignore. I never really wanted to be identified with any of my jobs (accounting/waiter)..maybe if I did something I felt proud of, I would feel differently and not shy away from talking about it, because that is always the first thing people ask you at parties/social events...and when I tell them I was doing what I did, I never identified with it and negative assumptions come from it (most notably that I am boring). I am much more than that. I have lots of hobbies and interests. I am different, but I am not boring (other than at parties).

Make a list of your best qualities and the ones you would want to change. My Dad wanted me to be in sales like him, but I resisted because I felt I am not an actor or phony and not a people person/extravert. It would be stressful and exhausting for me. That said, if you sell a good product, there is nothing inherently wrong with that. You are serving/satisfying a need (and being paid handsomely in many cases). That's a big difference from selling a shoddy product, just to earn a paycheck. But if it is not you, it's not you. Do something else.

DO you have any particular interests that you could do sales or something related in? Like real estate or something if you like homes? (just an example). I know I could sell something I was passionate about and knew about like cameras if I had the chance.

I don't know your type or your criminal background, so I can't help you with limitations.

 

[miss fortune]

I work because a little extra income for the household never hurt anything... and wasting my education would be a shame (lib arts and languages)... AND it gives me something to do during the day as well! I know that my SO is willing to cover for me if I don't work, but I've already done that and don't want to make him be the sole breadwinner again

ugh... the college major thing! I studied what I loved and there's not that many job options available for that unfortunatly... I'm a triple liberal arts degree holder, and two of those are in social sciences! for some reason the most interesting things there are to study have the fewest career options it seems...

I never lie in sales, I just keep feeling that there's a lot more beneficial things I could be doing with my time than selling things, unfortunatly for me I have the personality for it- I AM outgoing and pleasant and good at convincing people of things most of the time

I love food and cooking, I love the outdoors and I adore people... unfortunatly, I had to go to college instead of pursuing any of those things. And being unemployed isn't any fun

I'm an ESTP with the most interesting driving record known to humankind

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

I'm supposing that you don't remember the story about the donkey and two equally tasty looking thistles do you?

when either choice is just as appealing or unappealing, the choice is difficult... when you genuinely don't CARE because either option will make you just as happy or unhappy... you're overcomplicating it... I'm not being difficult, it's just not a choice that appeals!

And I shouldn't have to envy anyone else- ME is my concern, and NOW is the time of concern.

On top of that, YOU try broadening hiring options with a criminal record... it's not an easy task

Totally fucking weak, especially the ME is my concern crap.

If you want to get out of your rut, genuinely, do the exercises. If you want people to tell you that you're wonderful just the way you are and enable your addiction to options, go for it. I gave you some tools for locating your preferences. Use them if you want. I don't think I have anything else to add. Good luck.

 

[ScorpioINTP]

I
I'm an ESTP with the most interesting driving record known to humankind

I had a roommate./coworker (female) who had 15 accidents by the time she was like 23. At least 8-9 were her fault. Her insurance was like $225 a month, which for NC at the time was at least 4x average. I saved her from #16 and vowed never to ride with her again!

What about teaching? or working at a non-profit that supports a mutual cause? Just thinking aloud.
I love to cook too. I was considering working at farmers markets in the area after talking to a guy here who sells pound cakes, but most of what I cook is hot food, so I sorta felt like it wouldn't work consistently and logistically. But he said he was doing $500-1000 on avg for a 4 hr day 3-4 days a week.
You can work for yourself, when you want, with no pressure to make a "certain income" and interact with people too, while sharing something you love.

I'm great at generating ideas and analyzing, but not following through.

 

[miss fortune]

Totally fucking weak, especially the ME is my concern crap.

If you want to get out of your rut, genuinely, do the exercises. If you want people to tell you that you're wonderful just the way you are and enable your addiction to options, go for it. I gave you some tools for locating your preferences. Use them if you want. I don't think I have anything else to add. Good luck.

I've never liked you and your trite advice, and your demands of "me me me" here aren't helping you seem any more genuine and concerned with anything other than your dream of becoming some sort of life guru or something... please, take it elsewhere, I'd prefer another approach that isn't utterly repugnant to me.

 

[miss fortune]

I had a roommate./coworker (female) who had 15 accidents by the time she was like 23. At least 8-9 were her fault. Her insurance was like $225 a month, which for NC at the time was at least 4x average. I saved her from #16 and vowed never to ride with her again!

What about teaching? or working at a non-profit that supports a mutual cause? Just thinking aloud.
I love to cook too. I was considering working at farmers markets in the area after talking to a guy here who sells pound cakes, but most of what I cook is hot food, so I sorta felt like it wouldn't work consistently and logistically. But he said he was doing $500-1000 on avg for a 4 hr day 3-4 days a week.
You can work for yourself, when you want, with no pressure to make a "certain income" and interact with people too, while sharing something you love.

I'm great at generating ideas and analyzing, but not following through.

nice to know that I'm not the worst driver out there!

yeah... I adore the teaching aspect of the job that I have now, but am not allowed to just do that for pay with the way that the business is set up... unfortunatly I don't have a degree in it, so taking it on as a profession would be rather difficult. And baking is awesome... I always wanted to be a baker

I hate actually planning the details of stuff though... that's why I tend to work for others, it saves me the horrors of all the stuff I hate

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

I've never liked you and your trite advice, and your demands of "me me me" here aren't helping you seem any more genuine and concerned with anything other than your dream of becoming some sort of life guru or something... please, take it elsewhere, I'd prefer another approach that isn't utterly repugnant to me.

No offense, but you prefer to be coddled so you don't have to change anything you're doing. Honestly, you can insult me all you want, I don't really care. Peace out.

 

[tinker683]

I know this is going to sound very SJ of me...but I pretty much have my life plan outlined right now I'm just looking to fill in the bullet points with specific details. Right now my plans looks as follows

1) Find a woman that I can fall madly in love with and will love me just as much
2) Go out and do stuff with said woman: Go traveling, go dancing, do stuff together
3) Get married to said woman and have kids (I'd like a little girl I can spoil rotten. My future daughter is definitely going to be Daddy's princess )
4) Raise kids and go on family trips and stuff like my parents took me on.
5) Watch kids grow up, move away, have kids of there own. Buy a retirement home in Florida and live out the rest of my days with the woman I love and spend my days dancing, tending to a garden, and yelling at youngsters to get off my lawn.
6) I would prefer to die before or with her but if she dies before I do, then I will surrender myself to a home somewhere where I can have a laptop (or whatever the hell the equivalent will be in the future) and an internet connection

I guess the fact that my life plan revolves around a wife and kids is very ISFJ of me but there you have it.

Personally, I think the idea that you have to have some meaning to your life is a bit misunderstood as we often measure ourselves but what we're doing on a GRAND scale and not on a micro-level. One of the reasons I plunged so deeply into my depression is because I was convinced I was worthless. I'm not a great artist, I don't have very many skills, I'm not particularly good looking, and I tend to spend most of my time alone even though I do love being around people which I saw as a huge fault of mine.

The truth is though is that I define my life by the contributions that I make to people every day. It doesn't have to be something big either, it can just be something as simple as telling a truly amazing woman on some internet message board that very likely she's far more important to the people in her life than she realizes and needs to stop being so hard on herself!

If it's your job you're not happy with, might I suggest perhaps working in public relations for a large charity or aid organization? That would put your "people skills" to good work while at the same time providing some sort of service that really is making a difference in other people's lives (which you said you wanted). Just an idea I had

I kind of fell into what I do myself. I went and graduated from college as a computer major, did that for a year and realized I hated it, then moved into property management of all things. I have no doubt that at some point in time later in life I'll discover that I want to commit my time to something else. I like doing what I do (most of the time anyway) and I know I can support a family doing what I'm doing, so it fits in snuggly with my own life plan. Both of my parents were CAMs/rental property managers and my brothers and I had a very good life. We weren't rich but we certainty weren't poor.

My point? Not very many people find what they are going to be doing for the rest of their lives very early on in their life. The fact that you are running into the same brick wall makes you heinously normal

Take care amazing lady, you're doing fine

 

[ThatGirl]

Only read the op.

For your situation I would recommend choosing activities that are well rounded bases for anything you may later set your mind to. Get to know yourself on at least a fundamental basis. What types of things hold your interest, then pursue them. By the time you figure out what you want, you will be ready to jump on it.

When I say what types of things hold your interest, I don't mean in detail either. You can pick humanities, sciences, etc. Just go with what it is you are drawn to, then make something practical of it later.

Don't waste time on finding the perfect thing, only to realize once you know it, you have a long way to get there.

 

[Rail Tracer]

they're not me

I really don't WANT that much, when it all comes down to it... to be happy, that's really it

I'm in the same situation as you. Been there, done that, and I'm younger then you >.<. People have been telling me that what I want to do will come in time...like...when?

Probably the only thing I can tell you is to fight until you get that "sweet spot."

Take my anecdote for example, I thought that it would be cool to be able to be a part of the process in making cartoons and video games (for kids, teens, etc. Would be cool to be able to help make a Disney/Pixar film and find that kids really love the film) based on my personal experiences with such. Not to mention I also love cartoons and video games. From there, I found a few choices. It was either art (there are a couple choices that also relate a bit with technology that I am getting into,) or technology (like Computer Science and programming.)

Back then, I went the Computer Science route because I told myself that it was probably more reliable. A year later, found out it was ok, but I hated the fact that I was always extremely frustrated with programming. So now, I'm trying the art side of it to see if I can get a breakthrough. I did tend to like drawing more than I did programming. Found out that I can stay up all night getting a drawing right versus programming the whole night.

You sort of... have to keep trying is really all I can say until you eventually find one that you are ok with. If you know people in the field, get their perspective, I was pushed by Computer Science professors that I might be more into the art side of making cartoons and video games and not the IT side of it. Who knows, the outcome may be completely different in a few years.

 

[Synapse]

When people tell you it will come, that you will learn what you want given time then they are referring to that event that transpires between your experiences and your dreams of what it is that you are assigned or are in wanting to achieve. the closer you move towards that which you want to do the happier you will start to feel the further away you move from that which you enjoy the more stress accumulates in your life.

and in that way we are bringing into awareness that what we want from our dreams when we were very young and that is why people say that it will happen give it time. because with time attitude changes, maturity and growth precipitate towards that aspect of your life, the calling that is tugging at you on a subconscious level towards that which you want to do in life.

and that is like a puzzle piece on a board of many puzzle pieces. that when placed in accordance to your will you are putting a puzzle a year onto the puzzle board of your life towards that which becomes in sync to your awareness of being or rather becomes most influential, needed, wanted, desired, expected and decided upon having the best outcome and value in you life towards your dreams of what it is that you do want to do.

This may start happening early in life, tomorrow or it might happen in your fifties who knows Whatever. Whatever it is that you are meant to be doing your spirit approved.

Cryptic much. lol
I have no idea and I'm older!

 

[FDG]

You might want to start this way: think about a list of things you might like (not job-related) and you already have a "base experience" about - now, it could be a problem if you don't know what you like, but I'm not sure this is the case. Then, try to associate each one with a certain type of job, still keeping it fuzzy. Then, try to look at what's in high demand (relatively: I'm not saying you need to shoot for something high-income, but at least something which gives easy employability). The whole process is relatively simple, I'm not talking about a lengthy and detailed research.
Anyway, when you've identified something you might like and you know it does have a decent level of demand, you could try to find a short course / training on the matter, obviously checking out that it does have a certain probability of landing you a related job. Something you need to pay attention to: avoid falling in love (figuratively) with the "idea" of doing something, it's more important that you know you will like the nitty-gritty everyday routine of your job.

 

[Donna Cecilia]

I love food and cooking, I love the outdoors and I adore people... unfortunatly, I had to go to college instead of pursuing any of those things. And being unemployed isn't any fun

If you knew the salary of chef working in a five-star hotel of a tourist hot spot, you'd surely change your mind.

It's never too late to quit when you are in an unpleasant situation. The only good thing about being unemployed is the free time you have to pursue your interests. I wish I had some right now.

I was in the same situation when I was 23, and I decided to make a career switch (from IT to Marketing). It wasn't easy at first, I had a strong discussion with my mother, who had been without talking to me for weeks after I told her; and some of my friends questioned me for a long time.

Now, looking at where I am, I don't regret it at all, since I could prove everybody that I made the right decision.

 

[gromit]

Hey there whatever! :hi:

I seem to recall that for awhile you were toying with the idea of becoming an ESL tutor or helping immigrants with a path to citizenship or something like that. Is that idea or anything like it still on your radar?

It's never too late to quit when you are in an unpleasant situation.

Good advice from DC.

 

[guesswho]

Will I end up like my dad, who at the age of 68 still doesn't know what he really wants with the exception of my mom?

Interesting, I also fear ending up like my mom

The questions you ask yourself have no immediate answer, it takes time to answer them.

Make a journal with lists of stuff in order to define yourself, and what you want. That's the answer I got in cognitive behavioural therapy when I asked the same question
What is constant in your life? What do you like and stays constant? What fulfills you? What did you want to be when you were growing up? etc.

Apparently it worked.

I have defined myself, and found a job, to which I aspire now.

 

[funkadelik]

I'm not a natural decision maker, but sometimes I'll make a decision just so that I never have to make a decision in that area ever again.

I spent a while agonizing over what I wanted out of life. I analysed the question so much that it essentially lost all meaning and I ended up having a rather crucial existential crisis. I managed to work my way out of it by, to make a long story short, deciding that if I couldn't decide what the purpose to my life was, then my purpose would be to:

a. learn as much as I possibly can about the universe and
b. to help out people as much as possible and work on being a genuinely compassionate human being

And that's been it. If I ever start questioning my existence again or start going in those mental circles again, then I just go back to that decision. It's a huge load off my mind. I can move on to other things. And I've been way happier since I made that decision, because I can keep looking back to it if I ever realise "oh shit, I'm lost!" It's like a trusty, easy-to-read road map.