The Shadow/The Switch

[violaine]

What are your thoughts on switching into shadow mode, i.e. behaviors and attitudes ordinarily associated with an opposite type? Has such a switch happened to you? Were there any particular circumstances that led up to it? Did you experience it as a positive or negative thing? Did you switch back?

Lots of questions!

I'm INFJ but as I get older, I find myself increasingly moving away from the way I've always been. That is, I've tended to be super conscientious about everything and I find that I've moved into a more free kind of existence. It may be due to leaving the extremely conservative religion I was raised in. (Though I was always myself in that context and felt different from most everyone else in the religion. I didn't find the rules hard to live by in the day to day though, in hindsight, it required a great deal of discipline on my part.)

Perhaps this is just part of the balancing that I've read happens naturally as people get older but I feel so far from myself of just a few years ago. I'm starting to wonder where I will end up. I've always been very curious and always wanted an interesting life, full of adventure and exploration (even if just on a cerebral plane). My concern for others has often stopped me from really doing what I want to do, lest they be hurt or disappointed. I still care very much about the people I'm close to and not hurting others in general... I think that's the only thing that stops me from being extremely impulsive.

^Sound familiar to anyone?

 

[Thalassa]

I am the opposite. I was a crazy, impulsive trainwreck when I was younger and had all sorts of naive, preposterous beliefs and become more conscientious as I grow older. I used to be so nice to the most undeserving people...I don't know if there is a God who watched over me because my intentions were good, or just that I am lucky. I also think I go INFJ under stress, possibly, as it would cause me to introvert into myself and also become more conscious of what I was saying and doing and how that would impact others.

One of the reasons why it has been so hard for me to figure out my type is because I think I have been consistently ENFP over the course of my life, but have suffered from social anxiety, and also have become more conscientious as I've grown older, so this caused confusion, made INFJ seem plausible until I was finally enlightened by some insights about the type that didn't quite resonate.

 

[Sniffles]

Yeah I can relate to much of what you're saying Violaine. It certainly gets more intense the older I get. :-/

 

[violaine]

^Do you think this means we will be out-ESXPing the ESXPs when we are older?

 

[violaine]

I am the opposite. I was a crazy, impulsive trainwreck when I was younger and had all sorts of naive, preposterous beliefs and become more conscientious as I grow older. I used to be so nice to the most undeserving people...I don't know if there is a God who watched over me because my intentions were good, or just that I am lucky. I also think I go INFJ under stress, possibly, as it would cause me to introvert into myself and also become more conscious of what I was saying and doing and how that would impact others.

One of the reasons why it has been so hard for me to figure out my type is because I think I have been consistently ENFP over the course of my life, but have suffered from social anxiety, and also have become more conscientious as I've grown older, so this caused confusion, made INFJ seem plausible until I was finally enlightened by some insights about the type that didn't quite resonate.

Interesting. I am very curious as to how Extroverts act when in shadow mode...

 

[Sniffles]

^Do you think this means we will be out-ESXPing the ESXPs when we are older?

In small bursts perhaps.

 

[Arclight]

Interesting. I am very curious as to how Extroverts act when in shadow mode...

We become Introverted and withdrawn..

Never able to completely trust our own perceptions from the start, and no longer trusting the perceptions of others.. we slowly and/or sometimes dramatically, break down.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

these shadow functions... i keep hearing about them lately. will someone enlighten me?

 

[miss fortune]

oh... like the fact that I am becoming so damned Fe heavy the older I get?

it's not fair in the least, I'm becoming so damned nice that my past self would slap me silly

 

[KDude]

I would recommend Naomi Quenk's book "Was That Really Me?"

 

[EJCC]

I've had those experiences, though not very often. The most intense one I can think of was a service trip I took a year ago, which effectively made me become INFx/enneagram 4, for days at a time. I withdrew into myself, feeling everything very strongly, but whenever I would try to verbally express it my words sounded dead and cold compared to what I was trying to convey. I was so overwhelmed that my extroversion completely shut down. People described me afterwards as "Sweet and quiet and nice to everyone"...

 

[highlander]

these shadow functions... i keep hearing about them lately. will someone enlighten me?

I created a thread about it six months ago.

http://www.typologycentral.com/foru...matrices/32373-shadow-seeds-our-downfall.html

 

[Synarch]

Interesting. I am very curious as to how Extroverts act when in shadow mode...

When I go into shadow mode, which seems pretty often since I've been flying without a net, I try to lock my life down. I become very detail and people oriented. I obsess over everything. My thoughts which normally range very wide and fanciful narrow and concretize in a way that feels very deadening yet completely necessary. It's like the sun goes down and until it comes back up I spin a web in a dark little hole. I go reclusive and paranoid about other people. I feel like my normal inflated balloon self deflates and gathers into raisin form. A bitter, small, scared little raisin. A raisin who obsesses over his health and appearance, to the degree that I am capable. Usually it's about nitpicking my flaws. Even a bit hypochondriacal. My writing becomes smaller and smaller. More controlled. Normally my handwriting is fairly large and chaotic.

In his overall description of the self, Jung describes the shadow as all the tendencies that normally fail to emerge through the threshold of consciousness as they are directly suppressed by the dominant functions and dominant tendencies. As a result, the shadow expresses itself with a characteristically negative quality as the negative aspects have the power to break through when the normal consciousness is weakened by stress, etc. So, in my case the concrete thinking and introversion take on negative qualities. Obsession and hypochondria. In other types, the hedonism of the shadow can express itself in a risk-taking nihilistic way. The normally considered person can become reckless and solipsistic. Freed from the burdens felt but not expressed by the dominant ego.

There is a book I read while in London called "Owning Your Own Shadow". You might find it interesting.

 

[Synarch]

We become Introverted and withdrawn..

Never able to completely trust our own perceptions from the start, and no longer trusting the perceptions of others.. we slowly and/or sometimes dramatically, break down.

Extraverts seem to have particular trouble confronting the Self. Yet, if we can maintain faith, which is trust in the universe, and try to face down the parts of ourselves that we normally turn away from, it can be a fruitful and worthwhile enterprise. Though, still a bit scary like stumbling in the dark. I find for myself that I become more spiritual the more I turn inward. This scares the shit out of me because for so long I have turned away from myself. Always believing that I was in control of the world and that I could sneak through it and get what I needed on my own terms. But then after thinking on it, I am scared because I fear the submission of the Self to the spiritual. The surrender of the Self to the rules of the universe. Both the natural order of things and the rules and codes that govern human relationships. But, once I acknowledge my own limits and the messes I have caused by doing things "my way" I feel more ready to learn. And, I think that is the saving grace, the desire and readiness to learn, to change, to let go of the illusion of control.

 

[Such Irony]

In spite of an insanely low Fe score on the functions test, I do see myself growing more interested in the Fe function. I see myself wanting to be more emotionally expressive and more connected to others and not so distant. I care more about the proper things to say or not say in different social situations and care about a harmonious emotional atmosphere.

 

[Tallulah]

I can very much relate to the OP, violaine. I don't know if it's shadow, though, or if it's just that as we get older, we start to realize what we need to really be ourselves and be comfortable. We start worrying less about what is expected and what people think. Some of the wilder ones settle down, though. I guess maybe it's just seeing what's important to us, and having a lifetime behind us of the stuff we've tried and discarded?

 

[violaine]

I can very much relate to the OP, violaine. I don't know if it's shadow, though, or if it's just that as we get older, we start to realize what we need to really be ourselves and be comfortable. We start worrying less about what is expected and what people think. Some of the wilder ones settle down, though. I guess maybe it's just seeing what's important to us, and having a lifetime behind us of the stuff we've tried and discarded?

That does feel like what I'm going through at the moment, it feels chaotic but positive. A nice spin on it too, thanks Tallulah.

I've appreciated everyone's contribution to this thread, interesting (and funny) stuff. Becoming Fe heavy later in life must feel pretty bizarre. *tangent* That is just what happened to my ESTP father though and it is completely bizarre/entertaining to see him "Fe-ing" out.

 

[Athenian200]

I very rarely switch to full ESTP mode. In fact, I'd say the pattern looks like more like this:

INFJ > INTJ > INTP > ENTP > ESTP

Basically, F and J are weaker preferences than I and N.

I've seen so many ESTPs I don't care for, that I actively do not want to become that way.