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Does your partner's love language dovetail with your temperament?

chatoyer

New member
Joined
May 1, 2007
Messages
122
MBTI Type
eNfP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Ok, let's review the five love languages:
Words of Affirmation
Gifts
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

I just realized that my partner's love languages are quality time & acts of service, & in the spirit of the theory, that's how he likes to be shown love. Mine are words of affirmation & gifts, I'm very NF that way, I love to point out people's unique traits that I find appealing, & get goofy little symbolic gifts that make me think of them.

I suck at Acts of Service! If I had an SJ bone in my body, I'd be set. I need to seriously work on loving my guy with those chores!

Anyone in the same dilemma? It seems like acts of service favors SJs or Js, words of affirmation & gifts favors Fs, while quality time & physical touch could transcend temperament type.
 

lbloom

New member
Joined
Jun 15, 2007
Messages
83
MBTI Type
INTP
Mine are physical touch and quality time. I have had trouble with the words of affirmation and gifts part. I have squeezed out some of the former when relaxed, but it shuts down completely in times of stress, when it's probably most needed. Whatever little Fe I have, it is not at all verbal.

The gift-giving is much worse. It's too impersonal. I could pull off something special once in ten years, but I'd go nuts if I had to find something that seemed worth giving each time some event came along.

I can do the acts of service thing, but it's hardly a love language for me.

It creates problems. Especially with SF types, who don't feel validated by the level of affection that they perceive.

I highly value affection returned in kind, but it's not much of an issue. I guess Ne fills in the missing gaps for me.
 

wedekit

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2007
Messages
694
MBTI Type
INFJ
Gifts
Acts of Service


Hmm... Mine would most likely be Gifts and Acts of Service. Words are cheap to me. I prefer to show how I feel and to be shown how they feel. Touch, Quality Time, and Affirmations make me feel awkward. I am famous for picking out the perfect gifts for people, and for also doing random things for people. I never pull that "you owe me one" stuff. I expect nothing in return. I did it because I wanted to.
 

Jae Rae

Free-Rangin' Librarian
Joined
Nov 19, 2007
Messages
979
MBTI Type
INFJ
Ok, let's review the five love languages:
Words of Affirmation
Gifts
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

I just realized that my partner's love languages are quality time & acts of service, & in the spirit of the theory, that's how he likes to be shown love. Mine are words of affirmation & gifts, I'm very NF that way, I love to point out people's unique traits that I find appealing, & get goofy little symbolic gifts that make me think of them.

I suck at Acts of Service! If I had an SJ bone in my body, I'd be set. I need to seriously work on loving my guy with those chores!

Anyone in the same dilemma? It seems like acts of service favors SJs or Js, words of affirmation & gifts favors Fs, while quality time & physical touch could transcend temperament type.

My husband is an NT not an SJ, but he's very much an Act of Service and Quality Time person. If he consults with my daughter, he does well with gifts, otherwise a flower is a flower. I get a lot of gift certificates, which is fine with me. I appreciate Words of Affirmation, also being "known" by active listening.

I'm very much a "perfect gift" person and often get that feedback from friends. My husband likes gifts of technology, most of which he'd rather choose himself. He doesn't care about present occasions and doesn't make a big deal about his birthday, Christmas, anniversary, etc., but if I make reservations, he's happy to go. The one birthday party I arranged for him bombed. He likes Words of Affirmation in terms of his cooking. He also likes Physical Touch.

Jae Rae
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
My husband is a self-proclaimed touch junkie. He loves having his back scratched, his hair played with, his skin picked at, anything like that. He also appreciates acts of service, but to him that means bringing a plate of food to his desk. It could be frozen pizza for all he cares. He just likes being doted on.

I'm fortunate he isn't demanding in the acts of service department and that he doesn't need gifts to feel loved because then we'd have problems. I'm pretty slothful and I never know what to get him.

I like quality time and words of affirmation. He (contrary to the INTP stereo-type) does pretty well with those.
 

INTJMom

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2007
Messages
5,413
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
Ok, let's review the five love languages:
Words of Affirmation
Gifts
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

I just realized that my partner's love languages are quality time & acts of service, & in the spirit of the theory, that's how he likes to be shown love. Mine are words of affirmation & gifts, I'm very NF that way, I love to point out people's unique traits that I find appealing, & get goofy little symbolic gifts that make me think of them.

I suck at Acts of Service! If I had an SJ bone in my body, I'd be set. I need to seriously work on loving my guy with those chores!

Anyone in the same dilemma? It seems like acts of service favors SJs or Js, words of affirmation & gifts favors Fs, while quality time & physical touch could transcend temperament type.
NO!
My husband's love language is acts of service which I hate to do :steam:
and which do not mean "love" to me, yet this is how he most frequently shows "love" to me. :doh:
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,192
MBTI Type
BELF
Enneagram
594
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I never felt like I matched up with any of the love languages.

I need a deep, in-sync connection and access to the inner core, expressed through speaking or writing/reading with each other. The closest thing to it on the list is "quality time," but I don't consider that nearly the same thing.
 

Carebear

will make your day
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
1,449
MBTI Type
INFP
I'm a touch junkie as well, but quality time by Jennifer's definition is close. Strong emphasis on quality. I don't need that much time really. In fact I need my time alone more. But if that still counts as quality time, it's definitely up there.

Edit: And I don't think temperament plays an important part in the love languages.
 

kelric

Feline Member
Joined
Sep 8, 2007
Messages
2,169
MBTI Type
INtP
Ok, let's review the five love languages:
Words of Affirmation
Gifts
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

Only semi on-topic, as there's currently no partner, but I'm much more of a quality time/physical touch, with a bit of affirmation thrown in type-o-guy. Acts of service would be okay occasionally, but that and especially gifts often just make me feel guilty. More often than not I feel worse after receiving a gift, not better.
 

Sandy

New member
Joined
Oct 10, 2007
Messages
552
MBTI Type
INFP
My husband is a self-proclaimed touch junkie. He loves having his back scratched, his hair played with, his skin picked at, anything like that. He also appreciates acts of service, but to him that means bringing a plate of food to his desk. It could be frozen pizza for all he cares. He just likes being doted on.

I'm fortunate he isn't demanding in the acts of service department and that he doesn't need gifts to feel loved because then we'd have problems. I'm pretty slothful and I never know what to get him.

I like quality time and words of affirmation. He (contrary to the INTP stereo-type) does pretty well with those.

This sounds like "us"! :yes:

I should add that I love to heal those that I love through massage (this is one of my gifts - I've been doing this all of my life), so he accepts any and all of my massaging with gusto. I also help my boys, family and friends (and church family) if the need is there.
 

Gen

New member
Joined
Apr 26, 2007
Messages
319
MBTI Type
INTP
I believe he's a quality time, words of affirmation guy. I'd say physical touch but I think I'm more a physical touch person than him; I'm like cafe's husband. I think we match up pretty well though, both having the same top three.
 
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