Being social for it's own sake - a few questions for you and a backstory

[Ghost of the dead horse]

Enjoyable? Lucrative? Waste of time? A necessity to get on with one's life?

Do you believe that being social, connecting to people and spending time with them is an end in itself? How much of your time would you use for that if given opportunity?

Do you mind that conversation goes on the topics of shopping, bands, celebrities, food, drink, cars, people, houses and jokes?

Do you mind that conversation goes in some specialized topic that you DO know of, but it can't sidetrack?

When you think of something, i.e. a new find in science, a new building project, anything.. do you first think of
1) it's social side (i.e. how it is thought of)
2) it's factual side (i.e. what it is).

Which one of the two is inherently more important?

Backstory

Being social for it's own sake

I've gotten over it. I feel that there's only so many new experiences to be had by socializing around and being a happy preppy social animal or whatever (insert your favorite social persona there.)

I haven't been in no mood to start being unsocial, either. What I do is that I meet people with whom I share some goals, people who have similar mindsets, or people with whom I make a good combination to solve some deeper issues in life, contemplate or perhaps do some projects with.

What I mean is that I don't first see a new person and go "whoa! a new person! Im gonna befriend him and then see if anything good comes out of it!"

What I mean is that I try to use discretion in befriending people so that the friendship would be lasting and mutually enjoyable, with perhaps some financially or philosophically valuable stuff to do together. I like to see beforehand the things that would make the friendship valuable.

Social networks - it's a glorified concept of using people as tools to find more people. If it's consentual, I can't go against it.

What I mean is that then you end up with 20 intermediate people connections per one person you'd really like to know.

I don't think that online social networks are an effective way to bring talent together, ideas together, business partners together or anything like that.

Offline, I'm not so sure of that either. I really like to contact people by reputation, talent and accomplishments, and be contacted because of those qualities as well. You don't need much of a social network for that.

"Who knows me and whom I know" seems pretty lame compared to that.

Now what really sucks is that I had a good customer base a while back, and I could get new jobs just by reputation. I lost it because of my burnout and partial inability to work a few years ago.

Still, I believe that recreating my reputation by working is a better way for me, as compared to becoming everyone's pseudo friend. It feels like natural to me.

 

[entropie]

We just had lunch hour at work and I went eating with some colleagues. Today the Christmas market opened, which is a tradition in german cities and they sell hot wine punch. So we've decided to drink a wine during work, whats definitly funny. When we got back to the office a colleague said to me: sometimes it is a lot of fun to go with other colleagues and do something just to have fun together. And I told him: you make that sound as if we were only living for our work. I rather think what else do we live for than for moments of fun like these ?

I am no social animal, on the contrary, I despise twitter and everyone who has an account there. But I figured, after prolonged time of nearly complete isolation from society that people aint so bad at all and you can have a lot of fun, under one premise. And that premise is, you have colleagues that are similiar minded, who think like you and dont treat you as an outcast or a weirdo. For which is important that you dont behave like an outcast or weirdo.

From ENT to ENT I can tell you this: you do need friends, a select few and good ones, because it bugs you not having them. But you'll need to spend time and have patience until you find the right ones. For me, I found them at a workplace, even those guys at university I dont liked. I've been to other jobs in other companies, hadnt had much luck with friends. But here where I am now I have found some friends. And you'll find some too cause there are people who think like you and like the stuff you do. If you break everything thats important in life down into manageable pieces, you'll find people aint to different from each other. They like the same things, cry and laugh about the same things and most often it's especially the people your age, who are very similiar in their intrests to yours. It's only luck to find them, but you should never quit searching.

 

[IZthe411]

No man is an island. Even the most introverted of Introverts needs people contact. We were created with that codependency; lack of it drives us nuts.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

I love human interaction.

It drives me.

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

What I just meant is that grabbing every opportunity to "connect" with people results in poor quality of the connections. There's hope that some connection might be worthwhile, with nothing worthwhile coming out of it, ever - unless one has very low standards. I've experienced what it is to have girlfriends, drinking buddies, people to play different games with - I've just found out that some kinds of connections are a bit lacking, although the people might be awesome. Some people ponder issues I've resolved long in the past, some people have gone way past the problems I'm having right now, meaning that there's little chance for journey together.

Perhaps all that excess socializing is good when you've accomplished what you've set out to accomplish in life, and you don't feel the need to improve your life urgently, except to have fun and enjoy life.

Perhaps in more detail - lets say I have a life satisfaction rating of 8.1 of 10, and I think I could sustain a rating of 9. I could stop trying to improve so lot and enjoy my life for a while with a nice rating of 8.5, after which I'd got bored of it, and I would become envious of those who in my opinion enjoy a life of 9. The feeling of lost opportunity would bring my life satisfaction down to a measly 7. I know that it isn't an answer for me to just be with people indiscriminantly.

Perhaps much like with you, Entropie, my friends are good friends whom I've chosen carefully. It makes my life happy. I'm just wondering philosophically and practically about the relative merits of meeting tons of people as opposed to meeting just a few. I think I'm borderline between having tons and few friends. Different people have different opinions about whether I'm extra social or not. I'm not taking stance.

Perhaps I'm pondering this because at a time I thought I had about 200 friends, with whom I spent considerable time. I'm not completely sure what I accomplished with that. Later I learned that most of them were something that's called "friend by association", i.e. friendships that were conditional on being friends with someone particular. Moreover, I didn't get an honest, deep friendship with more than a few, and I wouldn't call all the rest of the associations "friendships" anymore.

Perhaps if they were right kind of people, I could enjoy that kind of thing right now. I just feel that the things that could keep people together have largely gone away. It's the married life, full time jobs with everyone, relatively greater autonomy with everyone as compared to time in early adulthood, etc.

Anyhow, thanks for advice. I'm really approaching this from a more philosophical fashion though. If I first decide what's good, I am sure to accomplish it. I'd rather not start doing something in the hope of it being good. So, that's why I'm philosophical with this.

 

[KDude]

In one sense, I want to be social, and in another I'm not at all. I keep to myself, unless there's something to do or something new to see. Be it active or creative. Having more people around makes some things fun.. This is actually kind of hard to find though, since some people get out of shape or busy with SO's/families or bogged down with work. Even as an introvert, I find myself frustrated not finding "activity partners", where you just go and do things with your friends, instead of acting like some "adult" all of the time.

There are parties or social gatherings to go to, but I end up turning in early. There isn't a lot to do there except mingle or get wasted.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

I have a few friends I could trust 100%.

I have many many many friendly acquaintances.

I try to see the good in every one I can and focus on that.

Life's not fun when the differences between you and others keep you from enjoying it.

 

[Reflection]

I have to say that the end goal isn't socialisation for it's own sake - it's what I can get out of it. I'm friends with people who can teach me something new, show me a new perspective, people I can bounce ideas off. I don't tolerate small talk, but I enjoy conversations about nearly anything else, as long as it's in depth and well thought out. I might be a bit uncomfortable discussing something outside my knowledge pool (such as, for instance, advanced physics or astronomy), but I don't generally shrink from it. The idea is to learn and grow through communication.

That being said, there is a very small number of people who can be this for me. I have maybe five friends. I have around 20 acquaintances whom I see more or less frequently. Each of these offers something - I may only discuss films with one, books with another, go to museums with a third person etc.

I'm just wondering philosophically and practically about the relative merits of meeting tons of people as opposed to meeting just a few.

If you're good at distinguishing between the types of people you can have a meaningful connection with and those who just aren't your cup of tea, then meeting many people is a fine idea. Not being friends with all of them, but perhaps scouting for friendships, I guess.

 

[Condor]

I don't socialize for its own sake - there needs to be a reason. General chit-chat serves no purpose IMO. I understand there is a need for humans to interact, but I do so on my terms. So the response to the OP is no, I don't see connecting with people and spending time with them is an end to itself. I see the task at hand as the end, and should I need the input of others to complete that task I will solicit it. Should others seek out my input I will share it, but I leave the conclusions to them. I don't actively avoid social contact, but I don't actively seek it out either.

 

[proximo]

It's good to know you're not alone, to know that you don't really need to struggle because whatever it is, someone's willing and able to help you. I think this is the case with most people, although many don't realise it. For example, I've met quite a few people (both I's and E's) who seem completely oblivious to how many other people actually care about them and would be willing to help them if they gave the word, and instead struggle on under false impressions that they're alone in the world. I've not made friends specifically for this purpose, but it sure is a nice by-product

I don't care what conversation comes up in a social experience... I'm happy to talk about literally anything. If I understand it, know about it, I'm delighted to share and gain other insights. If I'm not, I'm happy and curious to learn. If it's something mundane and potentially boring, I don't have difficulty finding ways to make it funny or interesting, like a sort of stand-up comedy seminar. Social interaction stimulates and energises me, so long as there's no drama (that just drains and depresses me), so I always appreciate other people giving me their time.

I don't tend to think about how things are seen or thought of by others. I'll just brave the inevitable comments until people around me get used to it and start doing it themselves; somebody has to set a precedent, and after all, it's only precedents that give something its reputation.

Social networks - on my Facebook I have currently 49 people. 45 of them are family and/or good friends; the others are long-term Internet friends that I've talked in depth with over years. I know a great many other people, but I've no intention of adding them to my FB because I like to be myself, to be very open and frank about my background, my life etc on my FB and I don't want those things seen by people I don't know well enough to be confident they'll neither abuse the info or be offended by it. It's mainly a way of keeping myself and other people in my family and friends network (which is geographically widespread) in the loop. For me, it's about not losing touch.

I don't really understand or know what the word "connect" means when I hear the NF's talking about it. It seems quite a nebulous and strange concept to me, fairly alien. So I can't comment on that. Possibly I already do it, or know it, but it just doesn't ring any bells to me when spoken about in that sorta terminology.

The "inner circle" of my closest friends is extremely diverse, but every member of it's only there cos we genuinely enjoy each other's company and we respect & value each other's opinions and advice. I've never, ever been even vaguely interested, inclined or tempted towards buttering up people I neither respect nor like, purely for what personal gain I think it might bring me.

 

[disregard]

I am currently experimenting with being social for its own sake. I am pretty good friends with the people I work with, friends enough to have become friends with them all on Facebook. It's unmarked territory for me, but we do care about each other and I've been invited to outings and such (turned down, both times), so I'm just going to face the fear.

I want to have a network. I tend to avoid socialising because I'm afraid, and I just won't let it run my life anymore.

 

[Thalassa]

Enjoyable? Lucrative? Waste of time? A necessity to get on with one's life?

If one is socializing with the people one enjoys spending time with, then it's great. But just socializing with randoms I often view as a waste of time at my age.

Do you believe that being social, connecting to people and spending time with them is an end in itself? How much of your time would you use for that if given opportunity?

Yes I believe that being social, connecting to people, and spending time with them is an end in itself. But not with JUST ANYBODY.

Do you mind that conversation goes on the topics of shopping, bands, celebrities, food, drink, cars, people, houses and jokes?

I enjoy those kinds of conversations, mostly, except for the "celebrities" part, those are all perfectly acceptable interests. I'm also not big into cars, it's just not my hobby.

Do you mind that conversation goes in some specialized topic that you DO know of, but it can't sidetrack?

Huh? Either I listen or get bored if it's something I can't participate in. Question is too vague for me to determine which reaction I'd give.

When you think of something, i.e. a new find in science, a new building project, anything.. do you first think of
1) it's social side (i.e. how it is thought of)
2) it's factual side (i.e. what it is).

Which one of the two is inherently more important?

I tend to always look at the social side first, but I think both are inherently important

 

[Such Irony]

Enjoyable? Lucrative? Waste of time? A necessity to get on with one's life?

I don't socialize that much but when I do its mostly enjoyable provided the others share similar interests. I find excessive socializing to be a waste of time but occasional socializing I enjoy.

Do you believe that being social, connecting to people and spending time with them is an end in itself? How much of your time would you use for that if given opportunity?

It can be an end in itself and it can also be a means to an another end. Ideally, I'd socialize for fun a couple of hours a week.

Do you mind that conversation goes on the topics of shopping, bands, celebrities, food, drink, cars, people, houses and jokes?

I don't mind talking about food, people, or exchanging jokes.

The other topics I don't know much about or lack interest so I feel like I wouldn't have much of use to contribute.

Sometimes I like talking about bands. It depends on if the other person shares similar music interests to me. What I dislike are heated discussions about why a certain band is superior/inferior to another band.

Do you mind that conversation goes in some specialized topic that you DO know of, but it can't sidetrack?

I'm uncomfortable with the idea that a topic can't sidetrack. On the other hand, I don't like it either when a topic constantly sidetracks so its all about balance.

When you think of something, i.e. a new find in science, a new building project, anything.. do you first think of
1) it's social side (i.e. how it is thought of)
2) it's factual side (i.e. what it is).

The factual side.

Which one of the two is inherently more important?

Well both are important but I'd say the factual side just because if you don't have a solid understanding of the factual side, then the social side doesn't mean much.

 

[Cephalonimbus]

Enjoyable? Lucrative? Waste of time? A necessity to get on with one's life?
For me, it's all of the above, except a waste of time. I tend to withdraw and isolate myself more than i should, and socializing keeps me from becoming a detached, crazy hermit. It's something i have to force myself to do every now and then.
Most of my good friends live outside of town so i don't talk to them very often, but even superficial interaction helps me keep my faith in humanity and retain my sanity... real-life interaction that is -- the internet does the exact opposite
It has a positive effect on my mood, it's a confidence boost when people respond in a way that indicates they like me and it's also a way to develop my social skills, which are underdeveloped when it comes to initiating conversations.

Do you believe that being social, connecting to people and spending time with them is an end in itself? How much of your time would you use for that if given opportunity?
I'd say that the goal is to find people i can connect with on a deeper level and subsequenty to spend time with those people. That's not going to happen without socializing. I'll always need to spend quite a lot of time alone though.

Do you mind that conversation goes on the topics of shopping, bands, celebrities, food, drink, cars, people, houses and jokes?
I mind talking about some of those things, yes. Celebrities and shopping aren't things i care about in the slightest and i wouldn't know what to say anyway... i don't even know who most celebrities are or what they're famous for. But i chat with random strangers every now and then, which pretty much always leads to meaningless smalltalk, and i actually enjoy jokes and light-hearted conversation.
It's not really the topic that matters, it's more the... energy? Just today i had a pleasant talk with a girl at the supermarket... i think it was about bread. I don't even know what we said, and it didn't matter because it was a fun little interaction.

Do you mind that conversation goes in some specialized topic that you DO know of, but it can't sidetrack?
Oh i love that, but it certainly will sidetrack. I've already left the computer twice while typing this reply because i had a brainfart and now i'm going to make a sandwich. I like goat cheese.

When you think of something, i.e. a new find in science, a new building project, anything.. do you first think of
1) it's social side (i.e. how it is thought of)
2) it's factual side (i.e. what it is).
The factual side, usually. It depends whether or not it's an idea regarding a group activity and if it is, what my role in the group is.

Which one of the two is inherently more important?
Again, it depends.

 

[animenagai]

Enjoyable? Lucrative? Waste of time? A necessity to get on with one's life?

Enjoyable. I like to express, connect and joke around. I very much like a warm social setting. So yes, I do think it's a necessity, at least for me.

Do you believe that being social, connecting to people and spending time with them is an end in itself? How much of your time would you use for that if given opportunity?

Based on my answer on the last question, yes, I do see it as an end in itself. Small talk is never boring for me, as long as we're joking around, which is pretty damn common when I'm around. I like connecting with people in a fun way. I would hope most of my day at school/work etc. would involve some sort of interaction.

Do you mind that conversation goes on the topics of shopping, bands, celebrities, food, drink, cars, people, houses and jokes?


Nope, especially not the last one. I make any topic into an opportunity to laugh. Honestly, I don't want to sound pretentious, if you can't find intrinsic value in a good laugh, there's something wrong with you.

Do you mind that conversation goes in some specialized topic that you DO know of, but it can't sidetrack?

Nope.

When you think of something, i.e. a new find in science, a new building project, anything.. do you first think of
1) it's social side (i.e. how it is thought of)
2) it's factual side (i.e. what it is).

If I had to choose I'll say it's 'factual side', but that include extraneous concepts too, such as symbolism and intermediate functional roles it'll provide. If 'the social side' only involves how something is thought of, that will come later, but if it includes the social consequences eg. if it helps develop a capitalist spirit in society, then that comes pretty much straight away too.

Which one of the two is inherently more important?

Once again, depends on what the question means.