My biggest fear…………something happening to the kids. It used to be that one of them would get terminally ill, and I’d have to watch them suffer.
But I found out about a little boy who was murdered in the UK and have been having nightmares ever since. That’s my worst fear now.
I don’t want to die; this is a new thing for me, its never worried me before. But since I’ve had kids I am worrying about.
However, if I look at it closely the thing that worries me most is not being here for my children should they need me.
Having said that, I had complications with my second pregnancy and there was a real chance I could lose her and die myself………….this didn’t worry me. I told the other half that should the need arise, they were to do EVERYTHING they could to save the baby, if that meant cutting me open with out anaesthetic and leaving me to bleed to death, then that’s what they should do. Sounds dramatic, but I would die happy knowing that my baby had survived, heck I’d have died happy knowing that they had tried their hardest to save her.
Pain doesn’t worry me, I’d take everything they did to that murdered little boy and more to save one of mine going through it, tbh I’d probably have taken it to save him it, even though he wasn’t mine.
I think about the little boy often, it probably doesn’t help that I have a boy the same age. But (had I been his mother) if its possible to die of a broken heart I’d have died as they told what had been done to him, and if I didn’t die then I would have shortly after. The thought that my child had gone through that and that I hadn’t been there, to protect & comfort, heck just to help end his suffering if that’s all I could do, fills me with dread.
When you have kids everything pales into insignificance, because nothing is as important as protecting, providing and letting them know they are loved. So now I live a life full of fear, from the big things, like the state of the world, world war, to them being kidnapped and murdered to the thought that when they grow up they might not know that I love them and would do anything for them. I even worry about the little things, whether someone will be mean to them at school, or their favourite toy might get broken.
Sum it up in a sentence………My worst fear is failing my children.
