Memory and emotions

[Quiet]

I have often wondered if there was something wrong or different with me because I have a difficult time with recalling my memories. Much of the time I seem be consciously unaware of my past. Most days seem to feel like they are the start to my exsistence, and what is set before me is my only focus.

The other thing that I find strange about myself, is my lack of emotion around things that I do actually recall. Either recallections of the recent or not so recent past. It's as though I find myself looking at past experiences as though they actually happened to somebody else, rather than to me. The things I do recall, I view them as simply facts that hold no relivance, because they are irrelavent to my present and future life. Does this actually make any sense???

I have been talking lately with someone who often delves into the past to look at their present state. And they rarely look at the future. I have noticed that many if not most people I have encountered, operate similarly, and rarely do I end up finding someone that relates with me. So I am actually wondering if this is a function issue, or just one of my oddities.

Any thoughts? Thanks for reading.

 

[Mole]

Survive and Thrive

I have often wondered if there was something wrong or different with me because I have a difficult time with recalling my memories. Much of the time I seem be consciously unaware of my past. Most days seem to feel like they are the start to my exsistence, and what is set before me is my only focus.

The other thing that I find strange about myself, is my lack of emotion around things that I do actually recall. Either recallections of the recent or not so recent past. It's as though I find myself looking at past experiences as though they actually happened to somebody else, rather than to me. The things I do recall, I view them as simply facts that hold no relivance, because they are irrelavent to my present and future life. Does this actually make any sense???

I have been talking lately with someone who often delves into the past to look at their present state. And they rarely look at the future. I have noticed that many if not most people I have encountered, operate similarly, and rarely do I end up finding someone that relates with me. So I am actually wondering if this is a function issue, or just one of my oddities.

Any thoughts? Thanks for reading.

Sounds like dissociation where we are dissociated from our emotions, and in your case, from your emotions in the past.

Trauma can cause dissociation. And abuse can cause dissociation. And it may only be emotional abuse. It's as though we distance ourself from emotional pain.

I'm the opposite. The dictum that poetry is emotion recollected in tranquillity rings real bells for me. So I have a rich emotional life of recall.

I have noticed with some people I have loved that they regard this as odd and disturbing for they themselves routinely disassociate from past emotions. In my eyes this leaves them as half creatures, cut off from their own past and cut off from their own emotions and those close to them, and so unable to move confidently into the future with those they love.

But most interesting they are unaware they are disassociating and do it automatically because it somehow makes them feel better.

And dissociating does help us cope but at the price of cutting us off from ourselves and others.

Disassociation does help us survive, but fails to help us thrive.

 

[Quiet]

Thanks Victor. You used the term "disassociation" and I think that you're probably right. When I first read your post, I felt a bit defeated in a sense because I didn't like to think that I had an issue such as this. But as I have wondered many times if there was really something "wrong" with me, I was able to agree with you non the less. I'm sure though that I would put full faith in that being truth, if I was professionally diagnosed. I'm reluctant at this point in doing that. Right now, I'm more curious if anyone else on the forum experiences this too, and to discover if it's function related in any way. (Or not).

If you are correct though, (which I strongly suspect that you are), then I believe I would need to work on this issue. I don't want to be a half person. I want to constantly grow and develope myself to be the best person that I can be. But at the same time, I know that I have many fears, and that I have tended to avoid emotionally painful issues because feeling emotions around situations, didn't change or improve on anything. So I'm definitely needing to explore this part of myself and my life. Thanks again.

 

[Mole]

Thanks Victor. You used the term "disassociation and I think that you're probably right. When I first read your post, I felt a bit defeated in a sense because I didn't like to think that I had an issue such as this. But as I have wondered many times if there was really something "wrong" with me, I was able to agree with you non the less. I'm sure though that I would put full faith in that being truth, if I was professionally diagnosed. I'm reluctant at this point in doing that. Right now, I'm more curious if anyone else on the forum experiences this too, and to discover if it's function related in any way. (Or not).

If you are correct though, (which I strongly suspect that you are), then I believe I would need to work on this issue. I don't want to be a half person. I want to constantly grow and develope myself to be the best person that I can be. But at the same time, I know that I have many fears, and that I have tended to avoid emotionally painful issues because feeling emotions around situations, didn't change or improve on anything. So I'm definitely needing to explore this part of myself and my life. Thanks again.

Thanks for your reply.

I would like to clarify a little.

I am sorry you were deflated.

And dissociation is not a diagnosis. Dissociation is not a mental illness. Rather dissociation is a successful way of coping.

So it is important to reflate and realise you are successful and whole.

However, now you are successful, you may wish to explore your emotions further and share them with others.

Not all emotions are pleasurable and positive, but sometimes our pleasurable and positive emotions are just waiting to be discovered.

 

[Quiet]

Thanks for your reply.

I would like to clarify a little.

I am sorry you were deflated.

And dissociation is not a diagnosis. Dissociation is not a mental illness. Rather dissociation is a successful way of coping.

So it is important to reflate and realise you are successful and whole.

However, now you are successful, you may wish to explore your emotions further and share them with others.

Not all emotions are pleasurable and positive, but sometimes our pleasurable and positive emotions are just waiting to be discovered.

Oh it's no problem Victor. I was actually ok and appreciative with everything you wrote. I actually like how you worded that it was just a coping mechanism, and reinforced that it was not mental illness. I'm sorry if my last post caused you to worry that you might have made me feel bad. You didn't.

Also thank you for affirming that I am being successful. I am truly trying to be open, and my blog has been a good place to share how I have been feeling. I have been making a conscious effort to recognize and experience my feelings these last couple of weeks. I think this is probably the reason why this issue has been in my conscious mind at the moment. To be honest with you, I am actually quite enjoying my new adventure. I am sort of overly eager to start jumping out on a limb and baring my soul, haha.

 

[Arclight]

I was just discussing with someone almost the opposite.(coincidence? it's why this thread totally caught my eye)
That certain places where events happened or where you were during a particularly bad emotional experience not only invokes a memory but also seems to invoke an emotional flash back. Enough so that it can actually alter your head space and mood.

The other person is someone who personifies emotional detaching as described by type 5.

So it's curious and interesting the difference in emotional response to memories between like types.