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How regularly do you expect your friends to have time with you?

Ghost of the dead horse

filling some space
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Suppose some friend of yours has invited you for a beer or whatever activity on a semi-regular basis, say about once or twice a week, on average. There's a change in his patterns; he doesn't contact you for two weeks or so. What you feeling?

Is he a traitor, cold-hearted bastard, has he abondoned you, etc.

Is it just normal thing with the time - sometimes time allows for stuff, sometimes it doesn't.

On a scale of 0 to 100, how much drama would you expect to be involved?

How about the responsibility? Would you make an estimate of his responsibility on based on the patterns?

Other thoughts?

How about some other scenarios where regularity of time together comes as an important factor?

Edit: if this is a more intricate matter, depending on circumstances, please explain.
 

JivinJeffJones

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I probably wouldn't notice, but when I did I like to think I'd call him up and ask if everything's ok. Could be that he's going through a rough patch, or that I'd inadvertently offended him. Maybe he just got sick of initiating and wanted to see if you'd notice if he stopped? Maybe it's none of these, but he'd probably still appreciate the call.
 

mmhmm

meinmeinmein!
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people get busy.
i understand that.
i can go off the radar for months at a time.

i don't mind absence.
 

Hopelandic

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me
I wouldn't think anything of it, to be honest. I'm not used to people routinely inviting me to things, or engaging me.

On the drama scale <10/100.

What would make me question their feelings towards me as a friend, would be how they treat me altogether.

If this was a significant other, i'd ask what's going on for clarification, but I wouldn't be too phased about it. I like spending quality time with people I like, but i'd only appreciate our time spent together if they were into it. If they haven't felt themselves for a few weeks, or need to get away, I completely understand that.
 

KDude

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I don't really notice either.

Unless they owe me money (not that I'm a materialist really... that just bothers me, and the only time I'll go out of my way to see what's up).
 

Ghost of the dead horse

filling some space
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What if someone doubled or tripled their frequency of contacts with you? Instead of once per month, they would invite you for some activity two or three times a month?

Would they come of as needy? What's their reason to be so much with you? What do they want of you?

Would it be strange? You're not that close, why all the sudden interest in you? Have they lost interest in their closest friends for a while, so they are seeking for backup friends?

Would it be because they understood your value and they like you? Is it freaky or is it good?

Now what's the level of drama involved?

If it's situational, then what does it depend on?

(I'm not searching for advice, I want to know where people stand on these issues.)
 

KDude

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I appreciate it if people want to hang out. I don't think it's freaky or needy. I'm not sure what my threshold is.. The only times I thought it was freaky is a few times when I was young and someone would start copying me, and being really.. shadow like and mimicing.. I don't like that. That doesn't happen as we get older though (I think?).
 

theadoor

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Whenever and how often they want. They are friends therefore for them I have no schedule.
 

Pixelholic

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I think it just ebbs and flows for me. I used to be a lot more paranoid about it (but I had psychotic narcissistic friends at the time, go figure.) I usually hear from most of my friends every week or so and see a lot of them in class so it hasn't been as big of a deal as it used to be for me.
 

CuriousFeeling

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I usually don't expect people have the time for me at all, given work/school schedules, so I just do my own thing. So to answer the OP, I'd say that I'd assume that they've gotten involved with a project and didn't have time to go out. Yeah, it would feel sucky initially, but I'd have to just deal with it.
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
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Suppose some friend of yours has invited you for a beer or whatever activity on a semi-regular basis, say about once or twice a week, on average. There's a change in his patterns; he doesn't contact you for two weeks or so. What you feeling?

I see nobody that often. Except the people in my commune.
 

skylights

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i think usually there's a give and take of it. like, it becomes both of our activity instead of something they're inviting me to. so i come to expect it, and i'd give them a call to see what's up if they didn't contact me first.

or if they wanted to go more often, it'd depend on the activity. if i was bored of it maybe i'd suggest somewhere else. i might be a P but i actually love weekly ritual stuff. i like knowing i'll see people i enjoy and have a good time with them regularly. the routine is comfortable, as long as it's something i really want to do. if not... haha i'll take off.

but i don't really think about these patterns being related to much in particular, unless they become really obvious. life is chaotic. for someone to randomly have a busy week or a more social week seems very normal. not to mention that it's related to what life is like at the time. things are much more random during the summer, for instance. both more and less social at holidays. whether you're in school and/or working, what job schedules are, etc.

Would it be strange? You're not that close, why all the sudden interest in you? Have they lost interest in their closest friends for a while, so they are seeking for backup friends?

this i do take notice of, when someone distant suddenly wants to hang out a lot. i usually just indirectly probe until i find out why. :laugh:
 

Kasper

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In regards to the questions in the OP, I'd be the friend not contacting others most of the time. Someone else doing the same to me wouldn't bother me.

In regards to the follow up questions, if I liked the person then they could invite me out every day if they wanted and it wouldn't bother me, I mean I wouldn't hang out every day but their invites wouldn't annoy me. If I wasn't too keen on them it'd be a very different story.
 

Such Irony

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A few times a year is sufficient for me.
 

Totenkindly

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I think it's best to just ask them what is up, rather than trying to guess.

Realistically, there's a lot in life to keep any of us busy... including lots of various friendships and family... and that's not even considering the times when we're sick, exhausted, or just need some space without any demands jerking us around.
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

Guest
I love hanging out with friends, but I need at least a compliation of what resembles 2 to 3 days of rest.
 

Lady_X

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i rarely expect things from people...but i can't remember ever wanting to hang out with someone and they couldn't or wouldn't so i'm guessing i don't notice too much when people get busy...maybe i get busy too.
 
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