I'm not in love with myself anymore

[Chloe]

Myself. Me being ordinary. In that case I could possibly create more distance with my family, who wanted me to change. Or I could also hook up with a black guy, because I have a few very racist cousins. Or I could steal their boyfriends.

You'll change yourself, hook up with a black guy...... only to prove something to your family?

How about living for yourself and not for them?

 

[Queen Kat]

You'll change yourself, hook up with a black guy...... only to prove something to your family?

How about living for yourself and not for them?

Well, like I said: I like myself the non-ordinary way, because I also prefer other people that way. Like how some people who prefer nice people try being nice themselves too. But it's also a good way to cut the family ties, I've had enough of them. They've been telling me how to live my life and how to think for too long and they've never appreciated me. My aunt even went living next to a doctor who didn't want to treat me when I nearly died from dehydration when I was a baby and she even invites him for every family party she's giving. They nearly make me convert to islam with their behaviour (they hate muslims).

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

This thread became very frustrating, very quickly. It doesn't really sound like you're trying to solve this, but trying to deflect every solution. A game of Why don't you / Yes but?

 

[Queen Kat]

This thread became very frustrating, very quickly. It doesn't really sound like you're trying to solve this, but trying to deflect every solution. A game of Why don't you / Yes but?

Yeah, I'm sorry. That's because I always forget to mention things. When I start my OP I usually forget a lot of what I'd like to say and then I have to tell these things later on in other posts. There are also things brought up in this thread which make me think like "okay, what the hell does that have to do with this?", probably because of the lacking information. I have a reallu short attention span. This post already took a lot of mental effort to write.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Yeah, I'm sorry. That's because I always forget to mention things. When I start my OP I usually forget a lot of what I'd like to say and then I have to tell these things later on in other posts. There are also things brought up in this thread which make me think like "okay, what the hell does that have to do with this?", probably because of the lacking information. I have a reallu short attention span. This post already took a lot of mental effort to write.

It would be awesome if you could make a synopsis of the issue.

 

[Queen Kat]

It would be awesome if you could make a synopsis of the issue.

Without needing to put my whole life story in it and only the relevant things?

 

[prplchknz]

most people are more normal than they realize, including myself. its not a big deal get over it.so fucking what your not as brilliant as you thought so fucking what you're not weird its pointless in the long run to dwell on these realizations.I've never loved myself, infact i don't see myself as great or brilliant yet some how my life continues on.

can you relate to this song?[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ud-pdJh8S8"]the eels-hey man (now you're really living)[/YOUTUBE]

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Without needing to put my whole life story in it and only the relevant things?

Yeah. It would give me closure, lol.

 

[Moiety]

It's at once nice and disappointing to blend in. I partially relate.

I'm contrarian by nature...my mind goes numb when everyone agrees with everybody...it's like there is nothing more to learn.

 

[Queen Kat]

Synopsis

Yeah. It would give me closure, lol.

Thank God, we're all talking about things that have absolutely nothing to do with it. I don't want to talk about how my aunt just befriended a doctor who nearly killed me, I just want to love myself again and change back to who I was.

Let's try the synopsis of what I think is relevant:

• Just graduated, almost going to college, having a decent vacation job, taking driving lessons
• See myself turning more ordinary and as I see being ordinary as something negative, I'm experiencing more stress than normally. Changes are noticeable: don't have the urge to spontaneously say random things, dress normally, handwriting becomes readable, getting tidy just for the sake of it, not protesting when needing to get up very early
• Stress causes nightmares and weight gain
• Seeing other traits I like about myself disappear because of the stress over getting more ordinary, this causes even more stress and a lower self esteem
• Feeling down, not liking myself anymore
• Had amazing self esteem and confidence before
• Probably had nothing to do with high school being over, as that was a horrible time
• This has nothing to do with me being strange, because that wasn't even noticed by my peers, who were more busy with being nerdy and being childish over my attitude towards school, teachers and homework
• This has nothing to do with my parents, they're leaving me more alone since I graduated
• This has nothing to do with the rest of my family, I might dislike them strongly and they've never treated me right, but I rarely see them
• Just want my self esteem and self love back, I don't want explanations of how it came this way because there is no clear reason for me changing, I just want to like myself again and be who I was when I still liked myself

 

[Queen Kat]

most people are more normal than they realize, including myself. its not a big deal get over it.so fucking what your not as brilliant as you thought so fucking what you're not weird its pointless in the long run to dwell on these realizations.I've never loved myself, infact i don't see myself as great or brilliant yet some how my life continues on.

can you relate to this song?[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ud-pdJh8S8"]the eels-hey man (now you're really living)[/YOUTUBE]

I don't get the song.

 

[Lexicon]

Purplechickens has a point, here..

Mh, I see this as a typical phase in growth/development, overall. Sometimes it's more intense for others. Aside from your sense of self, or your formerly perceived absolute sense of self worth, how many concepts of your world have you noticed yourself beginning to question as you've grown older? Our perceptual horizon lines can ever expand; inward, outward. It's not always pleasant or comfortable, growing. Just because you're seeing new facets of reality and yourself that aren't the idyllic, static picture you carried in your mind for so long, it doesn't suddenly reduce your worth or potential as a human being. Simply factor these in, and don't think in all-or-nothing absolutes, and keep moving forward. The most beautifully simple concept one can grasp, is that things are rarely that complicated, or simple, or certain and compartmentalized. It's all a mixed bag, intertwined and everchanging.. so placing value on certain aspects of the self moreso than others to the point of feeling overwhelmed and hopeless, well, it's not realistic. Perfection isn't real, and nothing is forever. Embrace uncertainty and fear and move forward.

 

[Chloe]

yeah, Saint Kat, I'd love to help you but you seem like you dont want to solve problems. For now

[*]Just want my self esteem and self love back, I don't want explanations of how it came this way because there is no clear reason for me changing, I just want to like myself again and be who I was when I still liked myself
[/LIST]

Everybody will tell you that you cant just lose self love that way, it's more likely you never loved yourself.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Thank God, we're all talking about things that have absolutely nothing to do with it. I don't want to talk about how my aunt just befriended a doctor who nearly killed me, I just want to love myself again and change back to who I was.

Let's try the synopsis of what I think is relevant:

• Just graduated, almost going to college, having a decent vacation job, taking driving lessons
• See myself turning more ordinary and as I see being ordinary as something negative, I'm experiencing more stress than normally
• Stress causes nightmares and weight gain
• Seeing other traits I like about myself disappear because of the stress over getting more ordinary, this causes even more stress and a lower self esteem
• Feeling down, not liking myself anymore
• Had amazing self esteem and confidence before
• Probably had nothing to do with high school being over, as that was a horrible time
• This has nothing to do with me being strange, because that wasn't even noticed by my peers, who were more busy with being nerdy and being childish over my attitude towards school, teachers and homework
• This has nothing to do with my parents, they're leaving me more alone since I graduated
• This has nothing to do with the rest of my family, I might dislike them strongly and they've never treated me right, but I rarely see them
• Just want my self esteem and self love back, I don't want explanations of how it came this way because there is no clear reason for me changing, I just want to like myself again and be who I was when I still liked myself

Thank you for this. It helps immensely.

How about taking this weekend and getting back to some of the stuff you used to like? The thing is, you have to anticipate that your interests may have drifted over time. Example: I used to be obsessed with reading about UFOs and paranormal stuff. Obsessed. Then I went to college, then grad school, and realized that I had lost touch with the stuff I really valued. I went back to the library and went to the paranormal section, looked around and picked up a few books (I think I checked out 15 or so, which was the max). I browsed through them and it felt familiar, although I wasn't as passionate about it anymore. I found some other stuff (old journals by Abraham Maslow) and was fascinated in the same way I used to be fascinated with the paranormal. The point is, aliens are real! your quirky self can take many shapes. You don't have to return to what it looked like in high school (though it may be good to refresh your memory). You might find that your quirky self is now interested in art, is calmer, is more reflective, is whatever.

I'd say forget about trying to love yourself and just see what piques your interest these days and explore that more in depth. You don't have to make it into your identity, it can just be an ornament. The love will follow naturally.

Hugz

 

[Queen Kat]

yeah, Saint Kat, I'd love to help you but you seem like you dont want to solve problems. For now





Everybody will tell you that you cant just lose self love that way, it's more likely you never loved yourself.

I do want to solve the problems, but I have to explain them again and again and again. I'm turning into a kind of person I've always disliked very much, that's bad for my self esteem, I want to change back but I don't know how to begin.

 

[Queen Kat]

Thank you for this. It helps immensely.

How about taking this weekend and getting back to some of the stuff you used to like? The thing is, you have to anticipate that your interests may have drifted over time. Example: I used to be obsessed with reading about UFOs and paranormal stuff. Obsessed. Then I went to college, then grad school, and realized that I had lost touch with the stuff I really valued. I went back to the library and went to the paranormal section, looked around and picked up a few books (I think I checked out 15 or so, which was the max). I browsed through them and it felt familiar, although I wasn't as passionate about it anymore. I found some other stuff (old journals by Abraham Maslow) and was fascinated in the same way I used to be fascinated with the paranormal. The point is, aliens are real! your quirky self can take many shapes. You don't have to return to what it looked like in high school (though it may be good to refresh your memory). You might find that your quirky self is now interested in art, is calmer, is more reflective, is whatever.

I'd say forget about trying to love yourself and just see what piques your interest these days and explore that more in depth. You don't have to make it into your identity, it can just be an ornament. The love will follow naturally.

Hugz

Well, I'm trying to do all kinds of things I always used to like doing. Like now I'm watching all Harry Potter movies, because I used to be a huge fan. I gave up on theater a while ago even though I always enjoyed it (have a hard time remembering my lines, even when I wrote them myself, that's why). Unfortunately you can't do theater anywhere during summer, so that's a shame. I could try finding a new hobby, an eccentric one this time.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Well, I'm trying to do all kinds of things I always used to like doing. Like now I'm watching all Harry Potter movies, because I used to be a huge fan. I gave up on theater a while ago even though I always enjoyed it (have a hard time remembering my lines, even when I wrote them myself, that's why). Unfortunately you can't do theater anywhere during summer, so that's a shame. I could try finding a new hobby, an eccentric one this time.

I think you're on the right path.

 

[Lethe]

Well, I'm trying to do all kinds of things I always used to like doing. Like now I'm watching all Harry Potter movies, because I used to be a huge fan. I gave up on theater a while ago even though I always enjoyed it (have a hard time remembering my lines, even when I wrote them myself, that's why). Unfortunately you can't do theater anywhere during summer, so that's a shame. I could try finding a new hobby, an eccentric one this time.

I agree with Edahn. I also think you're doubting yourself more than you should. Let that personality come when it feels inspired, and remember judging it before it has a chance to develop could stop the creative flow process. Capturing that level of passion before wasn't something you had to think hard about, but once you're in a different transition state (thus, with different choices), it could require a lot more effort. Think about writers, artists, musicians, etc. and what they have to do to maintain their spark. You too can train yourself to capture the ideals you were once in love in -- it just takes time, practice, brainstorming and exploration.

 

[INTP]

No, I haven't exaggerated it. It just seems like he feels like he's done now I graduated in high school. He's leaving me more alone right now, but I still can't move out until I'm in my twenties, for example. He did always want to push me in a certain way, but of some things he started to realize they will never become reality, like me becoming a lab worker. So now he's also trying to focus more on the outside things, like not letting me move out until I reached an "acceptable" age, pushing me to get a tan, trying to make me dress like everyone else and saying things that will make me go on a diet or train to get a supermodel body. But I can only pity him lately.

but you see he has already done the damage. imo you would need to kind of reset the situation totally and try to let go of everything he has made you and find yourself. by letting go of those things i dont mean that you should reject his every opinion and everything he has thought you, but try to free yourself from those things and look which of them are necessary to you besides of your own desires and needs.

dont you get enough financial support from your government there to live on your own when you are studying on university there to live on your own? or at least with a small student loan or working one or two evenings a week.

sorry if i sound bit pessimistic, but i think these things are somewhere really deep inside you and something like trying to tell yourself that you are a good person wont be able to get you 100% fine, but those small tricks will definitely help you a bit.

i think i would need alot of more info about you to be more helpful with this

 

[Ratsimoan]

i think your problem is your dad, hes forcing you to head to the real world too much in his way and his way is totally unnatural for an enfp. you should really try to get your dad understand what he is doing you and that his way of doing stuff is not for you and its only making you miserable.

I have noticed that if enfp is forced to do anything they will go into defensive mode where they start resisting everything that the person is forcing them to do even something they only suggest, even if they would enjoy it if they would have made the same decision by themselves. it seems that your dad forcing you to live your life in certain way is making you to go in this kind mode. But since he is making you(not just trying to make you) go his way(atleast in some degree) you do as he says, but you cant enjoy it(your life).

you should really start doing things your way, but you shouldnt go from one extreme to another, finding the balance is the key to everything. you should think about it like this, your dad is trying to push you in one way too much and you are losing the balance causing you to fall, now if you start doing exactly like you would feel at the moment you would go too far on the other way and you would just fall in the other direction. like your dad is trying to get you live your life in certain way that you cant enjoy, his way isnt the wrong way when you look at it objectively(because you get things done and your life in order(the Te way)), but its not your way because your way is going how you feel is the right way. but if you go purely on how you feel about things and rebel against everything your dad says, you might feel its fun for a while, but you will fall in the end because you have to maintain some sort of order in your life and having realistic goals etc. What you need to do is to maintain this Te, but manage it thru your Fi. try to find things that you enjoy doing that are good for getting your life together. dont do things with your life just because your dad tells you to do them, but dont refuse them instantly, try to see if it fits to you and do they take your life where you want it to go.

your dad should support you to find your own way instead of making you to go his way. you should tell him that, and that you wont compromise on that. you should refuse his way, but you should also tell him that if you go doing things purely on your way there is greater chance that you will fail without him supporting you. since he is an istj he thinks that your way will automatically make you fail in life, he just cant see that there can be another way where you can accomplish things.

you arent kid anymore even tho your dad keeps telling you that. you just seem like a kid to him because you cant do things properly exactly his way.

its not going to help if you just start yelling at your dad that he cant do things right because he would just see you as immature brat who just wont get what you should do, instead you should try to reason with him or he wont get you. you should also try to speak to your mom about this and tell her and your dad how serious this thing is and that this is a huge deal to you.

someone told my mom once that the most important thing parents to do is make themselves useless. i think this is very true and your dad is not doing this because he is not really teaching you to get our life together

if you can see that this is the problem i can try to help you find ways how you could reason these things with him or try to guide you in some other things related.

This is so so true!