• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

What do you wish your parents had done for you as a child?

JAVO

.
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
9,178
MBTI Type
eNTP
What do you wish your parents had done for you as a child?

What did they do which really stands out as significant?
 
P

Phantonym

Guest
What do you wish your parents had done for you as a child?

More quality time spent together and emotional closeness, really getting to know and support me as an individual. That was lacking. And also, encouragement with...anything really...could have been nice.

What did they do which really stands out as significant?

They took care of me as best as they could and stuck around, so I can't really complain, considering that some kids don't even have that.
 

Sparrow

New member
Joined
May 28, 2010
Messages
2,366
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
What do you wish your parents had done for you as a child?

-I wish they would have forced me to be a tennis pro!

-I wish my mom didn't tell me about ALL her problems, it was hard to deal with (emotionally) as a young teenager.

-Wish I could've hung out with my Dad more, he worked the graveyard shift.

What did they do which really stands out as significant?

-They let me be independent and encouraged me to make my own decisions.

-They truly cared and would always let me know, great parents overall!

-My mom taught me how to manage money well, and about good work ethic.
 

InTheFlesh

New member
Joined
Jun 9, 2010
Messages
276
Enneagram
CFV
I wish they would have treated me like I was an important part of their life instead of just investing all their time in work and drugs.
 

Arthur Schopenhauer

What is, is.
Joined
May 1, 2010
Messages
1,158
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5
I'm not complaining, not in the slightest...

A harsher and higher quality education at a younger age.

Oh, and they taught me lots of... Stuff. To be honest, I pretty much disregard everything they've taught me... But those teachings were the foundation to another step. Anyways, I'm pretty sure they taught me something of value and I'm pretty sure I listened. Maybe.
 
Joined
Jul 8, 2010
Messages
450
MBTI Type
ESFJ
What do you wish your parents had done for you as a child?
I wish they would have encouraged my intellectual growth in both academics and life. Maybe even harnessed my talents or given me a bit of knowledge.

What did they do which really stands out as significant?
What stands out the most is what they didn't do, what they failed to do.
 

Spamtar

Ghost Monkey Soul
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
4,468
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Would have liked to go camping more. My dads idea of camping was a two star hotel. Playing sports with my Dad would have been nice. Mom was pretty perfect but it would have been nice if she did more (occasional) elaborate spending on me and involved herself in lobbying for me in school instead of simply allowing me to get the default treatment from those institutions.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,187
MBTI Type
BELF
Enneagram
594
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
More quality time spent together and emotional closeness, really getting to know and support me as an individual. That was lacking.

That. I never really felt understood, accepted, or supported by my parent when I was a child; and I often felt as if I had to be parenting them... and instead of being concerned, they were oblivious. They were also inaccessible -- my mom, because of her inability to stop trying to make people feel better, and my dad, because he always had to be right and was a poor listener.

This is all still the case, pretty much, too, and we have a large rift in our relationship nowadays because of it. I never could just be me, I always had to change myself to accommodate them somehow in order for the relationship to work, where I can't perceive they have really ever changed anything, and when I've been me, I've been slapped down in some way.

They took care of me as best as they could and stuck around, so I can't really complain, considering that some kids don't even have that.

Both of my parents made sure I knew how to read and faithfully took me to the libraries and book fairs.

My dad allowed me to go to church and explore faith and other similar things, although he hated the church. He would even drive me in and drop me off.

My mom always made sure my basic needs were taken care of -- food, clothes, home. She also made sure I had a car and paid insurance to drive where I needed to go, when I was old enough, and she paid off my college loan for me as best as she could so that I could focus on my limited resources on my family. (I wasn't a "child-child" then, but I was still her child and it was a sign of love.)
 

wolfy

awsm
Joined
Jun 30, 2008
Messages
12,251
I wish they'd grown a money bearing cash tree in the backyard. Other than that I think they did a great job overall. I mean...look at me. I was really lucky.

I do wish mum had given me a backpack on that camping trip. The suitcase was kind of embarrassing. Bless her sweet heart.
 

KDude

New member
Joined
Jan 26, 2010
Messages
8,243
my mom coulda been less like the landlady in kung fu hustle. probably could have had more friends around.

my dad could have not made me get crew cuts and stuff (kind of a stiff military guy)

otherwise, they did their best..
 

21%

You have a choice!
Joined
May 15, 2009
Messages
3,224
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
This might sound weird, but I sometimes wish my parents had messed up a bit when raising me, so that I wouldn't get so stressed out about NOT being perfect.
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
I dont think they failed me in anyway, I do wish that I'd grown up in a dry household or one in which my parents if they took a drink recognised a very clear, clear trade off, ie if I take a drink I will not converse with anyone, there where far, far too many arguments between siblings or between parents which where badly mediated, escalated or caused which where forgotten just the next day which could have and should have been avoided altogether.

I think that I've been fine but then I'm aware that I relied on uncles too for a good bit, became an avid reader, with a particular interest from as early as eleven, in analytical perspectives, mainly politics and sociology, while it was pretty blinkered and authoritarian to begin with it effectively meant that I developed some insights, appreciation and gratitude for what I had warts and all, and I mean that in a much more than materialist sense.

My siblings have perhaps different experiences, I know that one of them closely mirrored the behaviour, expectations and travils which his friends or popular culture represented to him.

The third child, my sister, is pretty much lost, she's a self-absorbed adult who I think had a crisis and started drinking really early, like not left school and possibly around about sixteen or there abouts.

The very youngest is very responsible, very organised, very out going and pretty resilient in the sense that he does not get stressed by challenges, unfamiliar situations or new tasks. He's undertaken long trips in my mum's car without anyone else who is a driver (I dont believe that you can be a useful co-pilot or give directions unless you are)which I would have been concerned about (although perhaps not shown).
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
i wish dad hadn't had such a difficult childhood. he has some really sad and annoying behaviorisms because of it (for example, eating pretty much as fast as he can because if he didn't, he wouldn't get any food). he's very critical too. i wish he'd have lightened up a bit on me as a teenager.

i wish my mom would stop making me feel bad for her. she's an amazing person and very capable, but she uses guilt tripping as a tool sometimes. it doesn't make me feel guilty about anything i've done, just sad for her. and it never works with me, i just get annoyed.

i also reallyyyy wish i could have talked to my grandpa more, when i was older like this. he died when i was 17. i think we were on the same page in life in general, and he just was an awesome person.

otherwise, they sacrificed so much for me. i suspect they would have been pretty damn rich if it hadn't been for my medical bills. not that we're struggling to get by or anything, i just kinda wonder sometimes if they would have had to work less hard.
 

Randomnity

insert random title here
Joined
May 8, 2007
Messages
9,485
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I wish they'd stopped having children when they realized they couldn't afford the first one instead of continuing on to 4. :steam: I always had food, shelter and clothing so I can't complain I guess, but I wish the quality was a little higher so I wasn't ruthlessly mocked and froze my ass off every winter because I didn't have real winter clothes.

I wish we'd ever had the inclination/money to do anything as a family beyond visiting extended family and grocery shopping.

The lack of money also made things like sports and music lessons impossible, though I'm not sure if I even would have been interested since it was always clearly not a possibility so I didn't waste time thinking about it. But looking back, it would have been nice.

I wish they'd backed off from shoving religion down my throat and maybe I'd have a more favourable opinon of it (then again maybe this is for the best).

I wish they'd divorced earlier instead of have huge screaming fights every night (often with things flying around)

On the plus side my mom taught me to read at a young age so I knew how to read when I started kindergarden, and dad taught me to be financially conscious. And I've learned a LOT from them about what not to do in relationships and life, lol...
 

Synapse

New member
Joined
Dec 29, 2007
Messages
3,359
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4
What do you wish your parents had done for you as a child?
Divorced each other! That would of been the best thing they could have done for me and themselves.
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
What did they do which really stands out as significant?

They thought all of us [I'm oldest of 5] were special, and they showed that we were valued. Now, I realize how important and rare that is and it's the one thing I will make sure to take with me if I have kids.

What do you wish your parents had done for you as a child?

They gave me a bit too much freedom. I had intelligence but I didn't have perspective. Unfortunately, I don't know if I would have let them force me into gaining any.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
i wish they would've moved somewhere cool...or at least traveled with us a lot more...i wish they weren't so afraid of my accident prone self and encouraged me to be more physical...learning to ski or ice skate...whatever...things like that..or pushed me to learn to ride a bike ffs...anyway...besides that sort of stuff they did really well...my house was full of love and laughs...all of us very close. :)
 

RiderOnTheStorm

E. N.. T... :P
Joined
Aug 25, 2008
Messages
792
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
What do you wish your parents had done for you as a child?

Not done drugs. Encourage my interests more.

What did they do which really stands out as significant?

We moved around a lot. Things were always changing. Its a blessing and a curse.
 

gromit

likes this
Joined
Mar 3, 2010
Messages
6,508
More quality time spent together and emotional closeness, really getting to know and support me as an individual. That was lacking. They took care of me as best as they could and stuck around, so I can't really complain, considering that some kids don't even have that.

There's not really much more I could ask of from my parents. If I really had to say one thing I wish I'd had, that would be it: emotional closeness. Perhaps it has to do with there being so many children (SIX!), and me being on the older end. But I kind of felt like there wasn't enough parent energy to go around in some ways. I pretty much had to take care of myself by the time I was 11 or so, felt like the best thing I could do was not cause/have any problems, or if I did have any problems or feel sad or frustrated about anything to just deal with it myself.

But the way I see it, each generation almost has this obligation to the next not only to pass along the good that they received from the previous generation, but also what they wished they'd had as children, to the best of their abilities.

I know where my parents came from, and they worked really hard to be better parents and give their children more than they had growing up (nothing against my grandparents - great people, they just struggled with things like alcoholism on one side and poverty on the other side). My parents provided us with stability; we never had to worry about food, though we always wore hand-me-down clothes from kind friends or shopped at thrift stores and had to eat some weird stuff on occasion. But they taught us to have inquiring minds, to love and enjoy life, to value kindness, to take care of ourselves financially and physically. I really, really appreciate that.

So hopefully I (with a loving partner) can offer the next generation financial stability, a generally supportive home environment, AND the kind of emotional closeness that I wanted as a child.



WOW that post became longer than I expected.
 
Top