• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

What do you wish your parents had done for you as a child?

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
Joined
Mar 4, 2009
Messages
3,900
MBTI Type
INFP
My parents were worn out from parenting my older siblings by the time I was born (I'm 8 years younger than my sister). That and my father's severe case of PTSD made them...not really present when I was a kid. I guess I'm saying that they were neglectful in a number of ways.
 

mmhmm

meinmeinmein!
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
2,280
What do you wish your parents had done for you as a child?
didn't spoil me so much. and perhaps a little less freedom in my mid-teens.

What did they do which really stands out as significant?
they provided me with an amazing childhood. i saw the world.
they gave me the best opportunities so i could do something
spectacular---without ever defining what that 'spectacular'
would be, it was always up to me to choose.
i never doubted their love. ever.
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
What did they do which really stands out as significant?

Mom was really supportive but not too mothering. That was nice. Nowadays she is kinda friend and a mother at the same time but in a way that I don't feel no pressure to contact her at all, then go there and talk the whole day with her. She's cool.

What do you wish your parents had done for you as a child?

Dad could have been there more. He is too shut up in his own world, I haven't got the slightest idea of what that world is about. If I ever get a glimpse, it is in form of criticism. I only know the things he doesn't like... Well, usually the things he likes are the things expected of men by the society. Quite boring to me.

But overall, I am pretty ok with everything. I used to be angry about some things, but what does that change..? I accept that there is no way I could have the kind of relationship with my father that would like. I'm not saying this with a sad tone, by the way. It just is as it is.

One thing, actually, which would have been nice. They could have put me on piano lessons or such. I would love to be able to play something. I've been toying around with a piano some bit but my hands seem to not be able to co-operate too well...
 

Redbone

Orisha
Joined
Apr 27, 2010
Messages
2,882
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
What do you wish your parents had done for you as a child?

Respected the strange, different, but nice daughter they had. That they had my back no matter what. That my father wouldn't have looked right through me like I wasn't there. That my mother wouldn't have been a self-pitying alcoholic. That they would have raised me to be a mature, responsible adult instead of neglecting me and let me do it the very hard and fucked up way.


What did they do which really stands out as significant?

Shown me exactly how not to be with my own kids and partner.

They were both highly intelligent and they exposed us to a lot of things that people in my family and neighborhood did know about or get to do.

My mother also let me help in the kitchen a lot and that has paid off very well.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I've been toying around with a piano some bit but my hands seem to not be able to co-operate too well...

oh yay don't give up!! it takes a little while and a lot of feeling like your hands are uncooperative and then all of a sudden CLICK and you're playing.

my recommendation would be go and buy a beginner's lesson book if you haven't already and practice for a set time each day, you'll be playing in no time :hug:
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
oh yay don't give up!! it takes a little while and a lot of feeling like your hands are uncooperative and then all of a sudden CLICK and you're playing.

my recommendation would be go and buy a beginner's lesson book if you haven't already and practice for a set time each day, you'll be playing in no time :hug:

No, I'm not giving up. Actually I don't do it in order to learn how to play. I can never learn anything by "forcing" myself to learn, and I consider an objective or a schedule in some ways forcing. I am composing a song for fun and learn as a side effect. I have a book that has images of the different combinations of keys, so I can step up on a different level by applying my one-key-at-a-time melody to some combination of the harder stuff. It's fun and relaxed, so I am actually drawn to the piano almost every day. The thing that's bugging me at the moment is that I can't have two hands playing at the same time. I am hoping for the "click".... :yes::headphne:
 

Mole

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 20, 2008
Messages
20,284
Creepy

I already am acquainted with Ratty and Mole and Toad and like them very well. However, I find it odd that you have been on this kick for at least a year. Surely you've already gotten it read. And if everyone's turned you down for it, perhaps it is worth investigating why. Your very insistence makes them less likely to want to. The invitation in this thread seems sort of extraneous and unrelated. And you don't respond to normal back and forth exchange, which makes me want to distance myself. I also notice that your invitations tend to be made almost exclusively towards women, which makes them feel uncomfortable as well. Notice that Rebe already responded and said that the invitation was creepy. Not saying that to be unkind, but if you haven't considered these factors, perhaps it is time.

In fact two members have been kind enough to respond to my invitation. One a man and one a woman.

And it worked very well. We read Wind in the Willows aloud to one another over the phone.

Of course I realise this is a creative invitation open to misinterpretation by adolescents and authoritarian adults obsessed with sex.

However the overall tenor of reading aloud over the telephone is meditative. It quietens the spirit and opens the eyes.

I quite understand you feel this is creepy, but perhaps this is more of a reflection of yourself than reality.
 

Mole

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 20, 2008
Messages
20,284
I can hardly breathe with excitement.

Tonight at 5.30 I am attending a workshop to give me something I wish my parents had given me as a child.

The workshop is in a beautiful old house in a lovely part of town quite close to me.

Yes, tonight I am learning to compose on the piano.

I am not learning to play the piano, I am learning to compose, to create music on the piano for my delight and pleasure.

I really want to do this so I am a little nervous, but my teacher is well known and a wonderful person. But most of all, she understands creativity and can teach it.

I have discovered that not only is creativity rare but the ability to teach it is rarer still. In fact most creative writing teachers will tell you straight out that they can't teach creativity - admitting their impotence from the very beginning.

However those that can teach creativity have a special charisma. And strangely enough they are irresistibly loveable.

They do share this quality with mystics such as Simone Weil (pronounced Vey) - they seem to be irresistibly loveable. Often this quality is so strong it is perceived as a perfume that envelops the person.

And just think - in five hours I will be sitting on the same stool as this adorable and loveable person. I can hardly breathe with excitement.
 

Pixelholic

New member
Joined
Jun 20, 2010
Messages
550
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
8w7
NOT made me a neurotic wreck, that would have been nice...
 

MacGuffin

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
10,710
MBTI Type
xkcd
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Tonight at 5.30 I am attending a workshop to give me something I wish my parents had given me as a child.

The workshop is in a beautiful old house in a lovely part of town quite close to me.

Yes, tonight I am learning to compose on the piano.

I am not learning to play the piano, I am learning to compose, to create music on the piano for my delight and pleasure.

I really want to do this so I am a little nervous, but my teacher is well known and a wonderful person. But most of all, she understands creativity and can teach it.

I have discovered that not only is creativity rare but the ability to teach it is rarer still. In fact most creative writing teachers will tell you straight out that they can't teach creativity - admitting their impotence from the very beginning.

However those that can teach creativity have a special charisma. And strangely enough they are irresistibly loveable.

They do share this quality with mystics such as Simone Weil (pronounced Vey) - they seem to be irresistibly loveable. Often this quality is so strong it is perceived as a perfume that envelops the person.

And just think - in five hours I will be sitting on the same stool as this adorable and loveable person. I can hardly breathe with excitement.
The teacher sounds ENFJ.
 
E

Epiphany

Guest
Took me to Disney World or Universal Studios, damnit! I'm scarred for life.
 

Oeufa

New member
Joined
Jan 5, 2010
Messages
694
MBTI Type
INTP
I wish I'd been able to discuss problems with them. Any time I tried to talk about something that was really bothering me (and it would have to be something fairly serious for me to want to talk) I felt I was being dismissed. I don't bother anymore.

Something that stands out? They encouraged me to pick up music when I was eleven and paid for lessons etc. I don't know what I'd be doing today without that first step they gave me.
 

Zoom

Self sustaining supernova
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
1,045
Enneagram
9w8
Not left me with a bipolar former Marine who owned at least two guns, had very high skills in a couple of different martial arts, and who was emotionally manipulative and unstable. Nothing else comes to mind, really. That's the only one that actually angers me as I look back.

Stands out? I went to fairly high quality schools and was always expected to do quite well academically.
 

Pixelholic

New member
Joined
Jun 20, 2010
Messages
550
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
8w7
I wish I'd been able to discuss problems with them. Any time I tried to talk about something that was really bothering me (and it would have to be something fairly serious for me to want to talk) I felt I was being dismissed. I don't bother anymore.

Eh, my parents actively dismissed me and told me to deal with problems myself. So I did, and then they were curious as to why I was getting into fights and not talking to them anymore :doh:
 

kelric

Feline Member
Joined
Sep 8, 2007
Messages
2,169
MBTI Type
INtP
All in all, I think my parents did a good job -- far better than most, and if I ever have kids, I'll consider myself fortunate if I can do as good a job as they did. They loved us, took good care of us, gave us a stable upbringing and always placed our welfare first.

As weird as it sounds, I wish my SJ parents had pushed me harder. As long as I was "on track" (grades, playing well with others, church), then everything was okay.

I doubt they'd have opened up an alternative life so I ended up being an artist in a basement hole in NYC or anything, but there were a lot of things out in the world that I had no idea existed. If they had pushed, maybe I would've reached higher, further.

Other than that, they were pretty good parents. A bit bossy about the little details of day-to-day life, but I can't complain much at all. They were so sensible I had a hard time rebelling. Maybe rebelling is what I really needed.

Mac and I've talked some before about this sort of thing, so it's not too surprising that I agree with him here. School, chores, and behavior was *everything* to my parents. If I did that (and excelled in the standardized metrics by which such things are officially measured), things were fine. But there was always the stress of expectations that seemed at once too much and at the same time lacking resonance.

If I could change anything (realizing that I had it darned good, don't get me wrong), I'd say to push a little more in some areas, particularly in fostering an outlook that life wasn't about much more than work and money. Those are lessons that have served me well in a lot of ways, but for example, I was surprised reading this thread and seeing that people *did stuff* like sports, museums, talk about current events, etc. with their parents. With me that happened maybe once a year... tops (less as I got older). Things like art, travel, history, etc. really had no place -- except of course, that I was expected to get good grades if I encountered such topics in school -- but although they never said it, my understanding was always that I was to take elective courses that would serve to get into college, etc.

- I wish they taught me to experience life and find challenges and be strong and courageous instead of teaching me to be afraid/anxious of everything.
.

I can see some of this in my childhood too. Risks were anathema (often under the umbrella of "you could get me sued"), and safety and certainty were valued, almost above all.

Enough on that -- I had it relatively good, all things considered. Differences in outlook were there, but I can't complain about the results. Any failures are my own.
 

highlander

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2009
Messages
26,562
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
What do you wish your parents had done for you as a child?

What did they do which really stands out as significant?

I suppose that I don't really have any significant complaints about my upbringing. I was a pretty independent and driven child and both parents allowed me to be that way.

I always felt loved, encouraged and supported by my mom. It was definitely unconditional. She could be a bit volatile though and sometimes not the most rational/reasonable person which could be difficult. My dad was the ultimate in responsibility, level headed and reasonable. He provided very little advice but when he did, it was extremely valuable (to this day). If there is a complaint - he didn't do much with us and was never verbally supportive or encouraging. So, in retrospect, each was very good at things that the other was not good at.
 

streetlightfancy

New member
Joined
Jul 22, 2010
Messages
26
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
My parents never pushed me to do anything. It sounds weird, because I feel that many people have the opposite complaint, but it upsets me that my parents never made an effort to get me to DO things as a child. I never played any sports, never did dance, never went to camp, didn't have a lot of friends to talk to. Maybe it was because of money, but it sucked to miss out on so many quintessential childhood experiences.
 
Top