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What motivates hate?

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
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Sometimes I'll come across a comment from someone who feels intense hate towards another person. Sometimes the hate is towards a friend or family member who crossed a line or violated them. Sometimes it is someone who isn't even part of their life. Sometimes a poster online will say they literally hate another poster. There will be people who seem completely reasonable and kind-hearted, and then suddenly they have rage towards some person because they have passed a judgment on them of some sort. I have some people I could reasonably hate, but I'm not sure what purpose it serves beyond increasing a sense of caution.

Do you hate someone? Is it for personal reasons such as family or friends violating you? Is it based on being "rubbed the wrong way" or annoyed? Do you hate people you do not know well?

I know anger is a reaction to feeling one's rights are violated. I'd be curious for people to explain the process by which they come to hate someone. How is hate useful and what purpose does it serve?
 

InsatiableCuriosity

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I do not hate anyone - hate is such an ugly word. It was banned in my house when my children were small, particularly when used to describe how they felt about people.

As a child, by age 10, I had made conscious decisions not to hate people (one in particular) but rationalised that it was the deed that was appalling and that the person enacting those deeds deserved pity rather than hate. This was my own survival rather than be eaten up by an emotion so negative it would affect me more than the object of hatred were I to succumb to it.

I still look at even the most heinous acts in our society from that perspective, but do not hate and do not hold grudges. Life is too short to waste precious energy on something with such negative personal consequences.
 

miss fortune

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In some cases hate is what happens when love goes wrong and the person is hurt... the people who I've seen most intensely hate someone else were people who had previously loved them... at other times hate seems to be a result of someone representing everything that goes against the values of the person who hates... like genocidal tyrants... or they hate those who destroy those that they love. It seems as though in most cases hate is attached to love though :thinking:

I don't really hate anyone... it takes too much effort :cool:
 

Rebe

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^ Agreed. Nicely said.

I often dislike, but seldom hate.
 

gromit

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I think a lot of hate/anger stems from unacknowledged pain.
 

Xenon

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Helplessness. I think whenever I've felt hatred toward someone, it was someone who'd made me feel very helpless in some way. Not only did they cause me pain, but I felt powerless to do anything about it. Either I was a child and genuinely powerless against them, or I was older and they'd reminded me previous feelings of powerlessness.

As whatever said, it does seem attached to love a lot. Love can make you feel helpless when loved ones betray you or hurt you, or when someone you love is mistreated and you can't do anything about it.
 

prplchknz

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I hate everyone before I know them. Sometimes I still hate them after I know them. Always have always will hate the people I don't know. It's not like a want to kill you hate, its more of I have no clue who you are and so i don't like you.
 

Sparrow

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Its really hard for me to "hate" someone. I usually try and find good in everyone, but when someone crosses the line and is disloyal to me Its over, they are cut off. Its hard for me to hold a grudge, if they want to talk things out Im usually receptive to it, there might be a second chance for them If I feel I can trust them again.

There is one girl at work I HATE...we butt heads a lot. She criticizes me and is disrespectful to me and pretty much almost everyone. She's immature, cocky, fake, and pretty moody, one day she is best friends with you then the next day she is as cold as ice. She is the kind of person who rolls their eyes and snickers at people during meetings. I can still be cordial with her, but she is one person that really gets on my last nerve. Hope she never comes back from maternity leave, she is toxic to the team.
 

prplchknz

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There is one girl at work I HATE...we butt heads a lot. She criticizes me and is disrespectful to me and pretty much almost everyone. She's immature, cocky, fake, and pretty moody, one day she is best friends with you then the next day she is as cold as ice. She is the kind of person who rolls their eyes and snickers at people during meetings. I can still be cordial with her, but she is one person that really gets on my last nerve. Hope she never comes back from maternity leave, she is toxic to the team.

wow we both hate the same type of person.
 

Oaky

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There's a thin line between love and hate.
 

Tiltyred

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Somebody who intentionally pushes my buttons makes me hate them with a passion. I hate people who try to play a tune on me.
 

Queen Kat

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In my case hate feels much better than love. Hating makes me feel good about myself, while love ruins my self image. It also feeds my creativity, love doesn't.
 

Sparrow

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wow we both hate the same type of person.

What do you think her type is? We all did this team building personality test. You could score sympathetic (me), technical (her), expressive, and bold. God she let that test get to her head even more, it inflated her ego big time. Did more damage then good lol.
 

Quiet

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Pain and fear motivates hate.

We all take turns hurting others and being hurt by others. Often times it's inadvertant, but when it's acted out in vengence, then it's hate. It's a shame because it continues the cycle of blame. Victims victimize in the moments of hate and whatnot. I've done it before, most people have. It's normal to some extent but dangerous if one stays in that place and never learns from painful, frightenind hate provoking experiences.

I always try and look past the acts to the reasons behind the behavior. Behavior says a lot about where an individual is at, and not necessarily everything about the person. Many people don't look that far.

Also I think we tend to hate aspects of characteristics or acts in a person because something about what we witness, triggers a judgement etc within us. This is how we can learn more about ourselves so we can identify why something causes us to feel hatred. Often times, it is just speaking to us without us conciousely knowing or understanding why. It is important to look within, after we have looked outward. Also, this process converts hatred to empathy and leads to grace and forgiveness.
 

ConstantlyImagining

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Just something I generally notice with hate:

I think a lot of people use hate as something to distract them from what is hurting them. Instead of sit down there and introspect on a scenario in which the only thing left to do is move on, some people are may not be content with just moving on, and thus they hate what may have caused them pain; I think that since in most cases hate can help someone feel in control or powerful when sometimes they have much control on what goes on outside . When someone then discovers that others hate the same person, that hate can be then used as common ground to forge connections; but the hate is only validated further making only harder to divest. Also some deep down may not really want to let go of what may have hurt them and hate is a way of still being connected to that scenario or to that person that caused the pain. One of the biggest problems with hate is that someone could end up purposely opening old wounds, sometimes to the point of the process becoming habitual and almost second nature; instead of learning from the painful events of the past. Personally I think that sometimes the person hurt the most by someone's hate is themselves
 

Fidelia

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I think hate maybe has something to do with being a way to feel a strong emotion without becoming vulnerable. Often people hate those who make them feel like they have no control over their fate. Sometimes hate is a default setting because they do not trust anyone and experience has told them that when they expect the worst, they cannot be disappointed, nor can anyone surprise them. It's often a kind of insecurity - choosing to reject someone before they can be rejected by the person. When it is directed at a specific person, often I think it is a response to feelings of rejection. Nothing is worth that much emotional energy unless there is some purpose for it.
 

angell_m

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"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering." - Yoda
 

Snuggletron

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hate is good in small amounts. What a pure emotion. Unlike love, which has been faked, diluted, and shit all over by everyone since the dawn of time.
 

Thalassa

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I think pain is often the basis of hate.
 
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