Jealousy: It shows you care

[King sns]

YLJ stance on jealousy is curious to me:



What say yee on the subject of jealousy in a romantic relationship?

Is it a negative thing, a positive thing?

Is it an indication of faltering self esteem or insecurity?

Does it show they truly care about you?

Does it show that they don't trust you to be faithful?

What does jealousy in a partner say to you?

Well, in my own case, I get jealous because of my own insecurities, (or if I have a reason to be.) I often assume jealousy in other people is the same thing, so would prefer someone who is not jealous. It shows trust when my partner is not jealous, and it also shows me that I have nothing to worry about. I feel that if they are not jealous, then they are secure with the relationship, and secure with themselves, and likely that they are also faithful to me because of these things. I like a reasonable amount of jealousy- if some guy is being overly flirtatious then I want my boyfriend to respond.

 

[Snuggletron]

I'm not over experiencing jealousy. I don't think it is appropriate most of the time but there's no shame in admitting to experiencing a wide range of human emotions, including the "bad" ones. Only have experienced it rarely though.

As long as it's identified and rationalized, I don't see it as a red flag for being a complete wreck and insecure. Unless you are actually going through their text messages and bags and whatnot.

 

[Mole]

I think it's cute when a girl punches another girl in the face for flirting with first girl's man. that just turns me on so much.....maybe because I've always loved ghettos.

A good reason to leave.

 

[Lethe]

YLJ stance on jealousy is curious to me:

What say yee on the subject of jealousy in a romantic relationship?

Is it a negative thing, a positive thing?

Is it an indication of faltering self esteem or insecurity?

Does it show they truly care about you?

Does it show that they don't trust you to be faithful?

What does jealousy in a partner say to you?

I wouldn't say Jealousy is inherently positive or negative, but from my perception, it's usually a warning sign of mistrust.

Jealousy makes me less likely to take my partner's word without suspicion, and one of the pinnacle aspects of any interpersonal connections is to show faith in the other person's judgment. I really don't want to ask them if they're going to remain faithful --- I prefer 'knowing' that my partner will choose the right decision when the time arrives. If they don't, I'm sure they'll find a way to fix the problem. And that, I can respect from anyone regardless of their "player" status.

Otherwise, I would cut back in drastic measures, or ask him to be a friend first then a lover. I'm not comfortable with being intimate if I can't believe in my partner. I always feel that deep, deep intimacy should come after trust, not before it. (Open communication is a must.)

The way I run relationships is completely different from how I run my work-related life. It's much more based on faith, and I find it very refreshing to experience life from another standpoint.

Does it show they truly care about you?

Not exactly. It shows that they're more interested in what they feel, than how I might respond to their micro-managing behaviour. And vice-versa. This isn't how it may play out in other relationships, but it certainly does in mine.

Now, telling me that they're afraid of loosing me, then asking for suggestions and brainstorming sessions, is something I'd appreciate more. Really, I'm open to negotiation and compromises, but I don't take kindly to people limiting my freedom without my consent.

Does it show that they don't trust you to be faithful?

What does jealousy in a partner say to you?

Yikes! Then we're being too intimate too fast.

 

[LEGERdeMAIN]

Punch? Really? A good verbal smackdown has always been my cup of tea.

good verbal smackdown???? You just don't know what love is.

 

[Mole]

one of the pinnacle aspects of any interpersonal connections is to show faith in the other person's judgment. I really don't want to ask them if they're going to remain faithful --- I prefer 'knowing' that my partner will choose the right decision when the time arrives.

The reality is that enormous numbers of men and women are unfaithful every day. But we like to think our partner will remain faithful to us, even as we are being unfaithful.

It's a comedy and a tragedy that nature plays on us.

 

[Lethe]

The reality is that enormous numbers of men and women are unfaithful every day. But we like to think our partner will remain faithful to us, even as we are being unfaithful.

It's a comedy and a tragedy that nature plays on us.

True, and so is the case in many other departments. People take the easy way out (which may not always be the right one) all the time. However, I'm more curious to know what the individual will do when they're faced with that temptation, and how they'll continue to act in subsequent scenarios. If they don't show any indication of change, then perhaps I'm not fit to be the ideal person for them at this time.

 

[Mole]

True, and so is the case in many other departments. People take the easy way out (which may not always be the right one) all the time. However, I'm more curious to know what the individual will do when they're faced with that temptation, and how they'll continue to act in subsequent scenarios. If they don't show any indication of change, then perhaps I'm not fit to be the ideal person for them at this time.

So if I understand you, you are saying you are not like other people and you are faithful.

And even more interesting, you are interested in policing the faithfulness of your partner.

It seems to be an enormous paradox.

 

[Lethe]

So if I understand you, you are saying you are not like other people and you are faithful.

And even more interesting, you are interested in policing the faithfulness of your partner.

It seems to be an enormous paradox.

Ah, that's quite a different interpretation of my post. Policing anyone is my worst nightmare in relationships. This is why I like to build up trust through long-term friendships, and discuss the hardest topics early so I can keep it to a minimum. [[*By the way, if someone loves dating multiple people, then it's ok. It would be more reasonable for them to engage in open relationships, but the trust and open communication are still important factors. If this doesn't work, then we'll go for flings. There's no need to push people into something they're uncomfortable doing.]]

So, to be more straight-forward, what a person does with their "negative" side is more valuable to me than how much of it they had in the first place. It's easy to be nice when you don't have to struggle between right or wrong. That's not what I'm looking for. How they respond when under (internal or external) pressure is telling of their character.

I hold myself to the equivalent (though often higher) standards I have for a partner. If I am incapable of acting responsibly, then I'd have the urge to leave, or take a break from the relationship. No person should be forced to put up with my burden and baggage, if they choose not to. And honestly, it makes me feel insecure and incompetent knowing anyone is inclined to babysit me. I allow only the closest of close friends to do that. Even then, I can't help but apologize every two seconds.

On the other hand, if you're looking for my own vices specifically, then sure, I have loads of them.

-----------------

[*PS: Let's continue this through visitor messages, shall we? Clogging up the thread with a side-topic does little to contribute to the OP's question. It may be interesting for us, but not for others.]

 

[Saslou]

It's 4am .. I'm sleep deprived at the mo and i am not sure if i have replied to this subject already .. Oh well.

I do get jealous and usually it is my own insecurities. Strange thing is i don't have a problem with my man talking to some seriously hot woman on the street .. I have got jealous in the past with the internet and women .. You can share more and it's more intimate so emotions can be stirred.

I'm only human.

 

[Pixelholic]

I wonder if those who get jealous easy are selfish in regards to relationships. I have a friend who comments every time my open relationship gets brought up that she couldn't possibly be in an open relationship since she'd be too jealous. She is also a big proponent of fairly conventional relationship dynamics (she's submissive and deferential to her boyfriend, he treats her like she's owned by him and she's okay with that, etc.) and I wonder if jealousy kind of stems from that sort of thinking. I feel like I couldn't possibly be jealous of my girlfriend since I don't feel like it's my place to put any kind of power dynamic over her in our relationship. We consider each other's feelings in everything we do and it works out well and jealousy never enters into it at all. I feel like that's kind of hard to explain and that I'm rambling a bit so I'll stop here.

 

[Thalassa]

Well, some people see open relationships as selfish - like wanting your cake and eating it too, wanting the comfort of a relationship without having to make a real commitment to another person.

It's really a matter of perception. You have your way. Other people have theirs.

 

[Pixelholic]

Well, some people see open relationships as selfish - like wanting your cake and eating it too, wanting the comfort of a relationship without having to make a real commitment to another person.

It's really a matter of perception. You have your way. Other people have theirs.

True enough. I've been accused of being selfish enough that I should have considered that.

 

[Kasper]

I wonder if those who get jealous easy are selfish in regards to relationships. I have a friend who comments every time my open relationship gets brought up that she couldn't possibly be in an open relationship since she'd be too jealous.

I don't do jealousy, but I'm also not interested in an open relationship (or a conventional relationship like your friend). So no

 

[wolfy]

I wonder if those who get jealous easy are selfish in regards to relationships.

I don't really see it as selfish. More as an over reaction to a desire to protect a dynamic.

 

[Tallulah]

I don't really see it as selfish. More as an over reaction to a desire to protect a dynamic.

+1

 

[Ivy]

Well, some people see open relationships as selfish - like wanting your cake and eating it too, wanting the comfort of a relationship without having to make a real commitment to another person.

It's really a matter of perception. You have your way. Other people have theirs.

word.

 

[wildcat]

YLJ stance on jealousy is curious to me:



What say yee on the subject of jealousy in a romantic relationship?

Is it a negative thing, a positive thing?

Is it an indication of faltering self esteem or insecurity?

Does it show they truly care about you?

Does it show that they don't trust you to be faithful?

What does jealousy in a partner say to you?

The cattle owner is concerned about the welfare of the cattle.
Prior to slaughter.

 

[Mole]

The cattle owner is concerned about the welfare of the cattle.
Prior to slaughter.

And my God is a jealous God.
Prior to blood sacrifice.

 

[INTP]

jealousy is a sign of weakness